Realize
by RaeSl88
Summary: What happens when widower Edward Cullen and pregnant prostitute Bella cross paths? He kidnaps her, with good intentions of course. Will Edward help Bella realize she is worthy of happiness, or will it be too late? BxE AH
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: Hello Everyone! This is my first story on this site and I am pretty excited. I'm not new to writing but I am new to writing this kind of fanfiction. I know I will probably encounter some haters along the way who will have something to say about the way I write or whatever, let's not get our panties in a bunch. It's just fanfiction...Anywho I've been working on this for a while now. If you like it, leave a comment, if you don't, well you can leave a comment too but don't be nasty. Again, it's just fanfiction people.

**Warning**: This story mentions physical and sexual abuse of a minor. If that is a sore spot for you then I apologize. It should not be too bad but if it bothers you then you may not want to read. Also, this story deals with prostitution. I know absolutely nothing about prostitution, I made all of this stuff up. I know nothing of that kind of lifestyle, everything in this story has been made up from my own mind.

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters! I repeat, I do not own Twilight or its characters! I just like to make up stories about them :) _

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><p>Chapter 1<p>

BPOV

It's hot!

The heat is pretty abnormal for a night just into the month of September. I would give anything to go back to the motel and lay in bed, butt naked with a pint of ice cream and the air conditioner up as high as it will go. Actually, I could do that but new clothes don't buy themselves. I look ridiculous squeezing into my old slutty wardrobe that so obviously won't fit my new pudgy figure these days. These fucking booty shorts I have on right now are sticking to me like a second skin. Let's not get started on my peach dress that now doubles as a tank top. Yeah, it's that bad.

I push my hair from my face, cursing myself for not grabbing a hair tie before I left this morning. There was a nice breeze earlier so I figured I wouldn't need one. Shit, if I had known it would be such a hot sticky night I would have kept my ass inside. I'm sure I look like a frizzy, hot mess.

Tonight has been pretty slow with all the fucking cops on patrol. They do a good job scaring off the other girls with their flashing lights and threatening glances. That's probably why I'm the only one on this block. The fucking cops don't scare me. They think they run shit because they wear a badge but the minute they're off the clock they're paying me to give them a blowjob.

I pace back and forth in front of the Okey Dokey corner store that has been my rest stop for much of the day. I try not to be in the same area more than twice a week, since I don't have a pimp I can do that. Nobody tells me where to go or what to do. I don't answer to anyone but myself.

A car pulled up to the curb just as my feet protest in my cheap, second hand heels.

"Hey baby."

_Finally!_ I thought I was going to be out here all night. My new limit is five guys a day since I don't quite have the energy to perform like I use to. This asshole is lucky number five.

"Hey. You looking for some company?" I lean into the window, flashing my _innocent girl_ smile.

"How much?" He tried to wink but it came off pretty awkward. This must be his first time. He's an amateur, I can tell.

He looks pretty clean. Blonde hair, blue eyes, baby face, he doesn't look a day over twenty-four but in this business looks can be deceiving. I've had run-ins with some psychos.

The most clean-cut, white collar businessmen are the ones to be weary of. They have some of the strangest fetishes...And some of them are rapists. I've unfortunately encountered both. I think I can handle this guy though.

"Depends on what you want sexy."

He smiles at my obvious attempt to butter him up. "Hop in."

Hop in, I do.

"What's your name?" Blondie asks looking away from the road to gawk at my legs. Really, like I would give this douche my real name. The last thing I need is a stalker. "Rachael."

"I'm Mike."

"Well it's nice to meet you, Mike. Do you have somewhere in mind for us to go?"

"I was hoping you knew of a place."

I was right. He's an amateur and a cheap bastard too! So, what? If I don't tell him to take me to a motel then he won't even think to mention it himself? I mean, it's the least he could do since he wants to bang my brains out.

_Bella, when is the last time that's actually happened?_

_Well..._

_Exactly!_

What the fuck ever. I'm tired and ready for this to be over. I direct him to a deserted parking lot behind an abandoned building that's pretty popular amongst us prostitutes. It's so dark, most cops just drive past it without taking a second glance. Judging by the petrified look on this Mike guy, this won't take long. He parked the car and killed the engine. I turn myself in his direction to do my usual rundown on what's acceptable and what's not when I notice he's already unbuckling his pants.

_O-kay_…

I can't help but notice he's shaking and sweating profusely. _Gross!_

"Uhh, umm, if you want head it's fifty. You want to fuck it's one-fifty." His nervous energy is starting to rub off on me, and let's face it; I'm the last one who should be feeling nervous.

He stopped trying to take his pants off and instead opened his wallet and took out three crisp fifty dollar bills. _Great!_ It looks like I'll be putting in way more effort than I have energy for. Most guys just want head, apparently not him. I pocket the money quickly.

"Where do you want to do this?" I ask.

"Backseat?" Although, he doesn't look too sure himself.

"Okay."

_I guess it will work._

Since this shit hole he calls a car is only a two door, and Mike here doesn't look like he's going to make the first move, I take the initiative and climb to the backseat first. He awkwardly followed seconds later and practically fell all over me.

_Geez, it's fucking hot in here! _

"Can we turn on the air?" I feel like I'm in an oven. Who the fuck drives a two door anymore? Also, who the fuck drives around with their windows up in almost ninety degree weather?

_You picked a real winner here Bella._

"Sorry, I don't have air. We can roll down the windows though, if you want."

_Why aren't they down in the first place? I'm entirely too irritated for this shit!_

I mean, not only does he want to fuck me in the back of this small ass, whatever it is, but he obviously hasn't done this before, and he doesn't have air? My patience is running thin and I'm two seconds away from saying fuck it and having him drive me back to where he found me.

_You need the money..._

_Suck it up and get it done!_

He tried to kiss me but I quickly dodge him reminding him kissing a hooker isn't what he's paying me for...He didn't try it again. Once he's completely naked I start pulling each article of clothing from my body; shoes, booty shorts (no need for panties), and my shirt. I leave my bra on because well, my nipples hurt and I don't need this asshole thinking he can have his way with them too.

I pull a condom from my pocket and move to straddle him. His mouth is gaping and his eyes are fixed on my midsection.

_What the hell is looking at?_

"Uh...Are you...Are you pregnant?"

I look down at the roundness of my stomach, "Does that bother you?"

_Should it bother him?_ He's paying me to fuck him, not to be a fucking swimsuit model.

"No, no it's just kind of...strange."

Strange? That's all I get is strange? He's not exactly the most upstanding citizen either.

"Fuck man, are we going to do this or not because I can go." All he has to do is say the word.

"No, don't go. I'm sorry it's just," his eyes travel to my stomach,"...how far along are you?"

Ladies and gentlemen, I think my patience has just run out.

"Why?" I hiss.

"Just a question."

I'm sick of this guy and his fucking questions. I open the condom and slide it down his inadequate length. His baby dick is pointed toward the sky and I can tell by the way he's practically vibrating that as I said before, this won't take long.

I position myself over his cock and slowly slide down onto it. He squealed, fucking squealed like a pig in a barnyard as I start to move my hips up and down. The seconds turn into minutes as I start to bounce on his dick, getting absolutely no pleasure from it. He's moaning and thrashing beneath me like a virgin. His hands grip my hips urging me to move faster. I hold on to the headrest to accommodate him because as they say, the customer is always right.

"OH SHIT!" He screamed and before I know anything I'm toppling backwards. I hit my fucking head against the window

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

"It moved!" He pointed

"What are you talking about _it moved_? Are you high?" I can't believe he pushed me like that.

"Your fucking stomach moved!"

_You have got to be kidding me!_

"So what it moves all the fucking time asshole! I should make you pay me extra for hitting my fucking head!"

"This isn't right. We shouldn't be doing this." He tried to sit up. I push him back down probably too hard because he hit the side of his car with a loud _bang_. _Oh fuck this!_

"Look Mikey Boy, suck it up! Either you fuck me or you can take me back." I straddle him once more and slide back onto his baby cock. I start to move my hips again hoping to sway his eyes away from my protruding belly.

It worked for a little while. I had him squealing until my stomach so called _moved_ again. Mike freaked out, again!

"I'm sorry I can't do this with you. I feel so dirty." He cried, this time succeeding in pushing me all the way off of him.

"So, you feel dirty not because you're fucking a prostitute, but because you're fucking a pregnant prostitute?"

"Yes! This is wrong Rachael, I can't do it!" He's a blubbering mess and I am very pissed.

_It makes no sense and I don't think I want to even try to understand it._

"Get out! Keep the money but get the hell out of my car! I never should have done this. Jessica is going to kill me!" He threw my clothes at me.

Seething, I start putting them back on. He thinks this Jessica chick is going to kill him. If I don't get out of this car I'll do it for her.

"Get out Rachael!" He urged me back up into the front of the car. Well, now he's just being plain rude. "You're a fucking asshole! And just so you know, you might want to consider getting an implant for your pencil dick, you pussy!"

"Get out!" He opened the door and literally pushed me out, slamming it back when my ass hit the ground. I kick his car as he speeds away leaving me stranded...

Great! Now I have to walk all the way back to the motel in these fucking heels...Fuck, that's got to be a good seven blocks from here.

_Well, you never get anywhere by pussy footing around, _Gran always said. I start my long trek home.

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><p><strong>AN**: So, what do you think? Bella is pretty intense in the story, but she's been through a lot of shit. Many of her choices will tick some of you off. It's a heavy topic, I know. I plan to finish this story. So far I have about 17 chapters already finished. It is a rollercoaster for sure, but then again I like writing stories like that. If you like it, go ahead and leave a comment. Those that do not like it so far, I hope you will stick with it. Life isn't always sunshine and roses and this story reflects that. Remember...It's just fanfiction people :)


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: Well I'm back with the second chapter. We start to get a little more into Bella's story. Many disturbing things have happened to her so again if physical and sexual abuse bother you, it may be wise to skip this story all together. Again, I know nothing about prostitution. Everything in this story I have made up. It is not meant to offend anyone.

I hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I own absolutely nothing!

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

BPOV

The streetlights do very little to illuminate my path as I walk in the direction of the shitty motel that has been my home for the past few months. It may royally suck ass, but it's ten times better than staying in an overcrowded homeless shelter. I don't care how many dicks I have to suck, I'm never going back to a shelter. I would rather sleep out on the sidewalk with a cardboard box cover. Thing is, you have absolutely no privacy in those places. People want to know your story and don't respect the idea of personal space. They smile in your face but the moment you turn your back they steal your shit.

I like to lay low. If no one knows me then it's easier to skip out unnoticed. Over the years I've mastered the disappearing act pretty well. It comes in handy when you're running from the cops, or sneaking out of a john's house so he won't notice that I've taken more money than we originally agreed on. It's not my fault these assholes leave their wallets out. I see it as I have provided them a service, and if they're stupid enough to leave money out, well, why not take a little more.

_Oh_, if only a cab would magically appear to sweep me off my aching feet. You can't find too many in this area at two o'clock in the morning. If you do then they're probably picking up drugs, and I really don't have the patience to deal with that shit.

This is exactly why I hate the quiet. When I'm fucking at least I have something to focus my attention on. It's so dark on this block, but at least in the darkness no one can see me. I can blend in and become invisible. But, in the quiet I start to think about shit, remember the times of the horrible life I once lived. I try to focus on the _click clack_ of my heels and the screaming pain in my feet…It's not enough. I can literally see it right before my eyes.

Whenever things were quiet, the monsters came out to play. They opened my bedroom door when they thought I was sleeping at night. Hiding in the shadows, just waiting to grab me and make me scream.

"_Hold her down boy. I'll go first."_

"_But you said I could go first this time."_

"_Do what I say! We have to hurry up, Renee will be home soon."_

"_That crazy bitch will want to watch."_

_**WHACK!**_

"_Don't talk about your mother like that! Now do as I say and hold her down! I'm not in the mood for her screaming tonight."_

_I'm on my stomach, this way they don't see my face. Hands push my head and shoulders down further into the mattress. I struggle, but really it's hopeless. They'll have their way with my body before Renee gets home, and maybe even while she's here. She'll stand at the door and watch, puffing on a cigarette and drinking from a whiskey bottle. I can't cry out to her…She'll only turn away. _

_I hate her!_

"_Be a good girl Isabella and make your daddy and brother feel good."_

"_No, no, no, NO! Let me go! LET ME GO! IT HURTS, PLEASE IT HURTS!"_

"_SHUT HER UP PETER!"_

_He clamped a hand over my mouth._

"_Take it. Take it like the little slut that you are!" _

Get out of my head…Get out of my head. _Stop!_ Stop thinking about it because it's not real. _Stop it!_

Finally, I snap out of it. Looking around I realize I have no idea where I am. I feel something wet on my face, its tears and they're pouring from my eyes. My body is tense with fear, my breathing is uneven. My feet are no longer carrying me down the street, but have planted themselves on the dirty sidewalk next to what I can only assume is a crack house. I've been standing here for I don't know how long…Fuck.

I need to keep going. If I allow my mind to revisit that dark place I will never make it home.

_Keep it together. You can fall apart once you're safe inside the room._

I'm moving again and soon find myself in a familiar neighborhood. The stench of drugs, sex, and blood are in the air. Yeah, I know this place well. I keep my head down hoping no one will recognize me. Nothing good will come from it.

"Well, well, well. Look what we have here." A voice from the shadows stopped me dead in my tracks. _Fuck, just what I need_. The familiar slime stepped out into my path.

_James. _

"I can't believe you were dumb enough to get yourself knocked up." His sinister chuckle makes me uneasy, what else is new. He's always been a creep. Nothing much about him has changed since the last time we crossed paths. His greasy hair is tied back in a ponytail; he's still wearing that fucking leather jacket that he never takes off. He smells like a liquor store. _Yep, same old James._

"Where are you headed at this time of night, darling?" Another voice came from behind me. I'd know that slick Jamaican accent anywhere. So, James is still running around with Laurent, his sleazy sidekick. I've known them for years and on occasion have fucked them both, not because I wanted to. I haven't seen them around much though since I left Alec, my ex-pimp.

"What the fuck do you want?" I find my voice although it doesn't sound very confident.

They circle me like two vultures stalking a dead carcass and I involuntarily shiver under their stare. "You know we miss you. No other bitch out here has a pussy like yours." Laurent moved the hair from my face.

_Red flag, you need to get the fuck out of here, NOW!_

"Leave me alone."

_Yeah, you sound so convincing. They'll really leave you alone now._

The last thing I need is sarcasm from this bitch in my head.

"You turning down our money?" James jumped in front of me.

"You wish you had enough money for me. Both of you leave me the fuck alone before I-"

"Before you what?" Laurent grabbed my arm and pulled me into his chest. "You think just because you don't belong to Alec anymore that you all of a sudden call the shots? Bitch, you should be jumping at the chance to suck my dick."

And just to make sure they get their point across, James grabbed my face. "Listen bitch, all you're good for is a good fuck. Now, we're willing to give you a few hundred bucks to show us a good time. If I were you, I would cooperate."

"Or what? You're going to force me? Been there, done that. You assholes don't scare me." I spat back at them.

This is a lose/lose situation I've gotten myself in. I know they'll force me and I can't fight them back. I can't do anything to stop it.

"It looks like somebody here grew some balls. It must be the hormones because I don't ever remember you being so feisty." James gripped my breasts through my shirt. Laurent palmed my ass from the back.

"You actually look fucking sexy pregnant." James nipped at my ear. "Yeah I heard chicks are horny as fuck when they're knocked up. You were good before, I bet you're better now."

The stench of his breath, old cigarettes and alcohol, turn my stomach. I close my eyes to prepare for the worst. I should be used to this by now, being raped. Like they said, the only thing I'm good at is fucking...

...Just let it happen quick...

"I think you two should leave her alone!" A voice as smooth as velvet froze us all in place. More so me than the two fuckers pulling me down the street.

"Who the fuck are you?" James dropped his hands from my body and moved around Laurent to approach the person. I can't get a good look at him because we're shrouded in darkness, but whoever he is he better pray he makes it away alive.

"Leave the lady alone and you won't get hurt." I swear the sound of his voice sent shivers down my spine.

_Who is he?_

"Who is this dumbass? Laurent, get rid of him." James began walking back to me just as Laurent let me go.

Sorry Mr. Sexy voice. His efforts were admirable, but trying to save me has just cost him his life.

Laurent stepped up to the mysterious stranger ready to pounce. Before I can even blink punches are thrown and Laurent is on the ground. James turned around only to be socked in the face. He stumbled backwards but regained himself enough to charge at the man.

My brain is screaming at me to run, but my legs won't move.

In mere seconds James is dropped like a sack of potatoes, he's out cold and the mysterious man is standing under the dim streetlight. I see him for the first time.

_Oh...He's...Beautiful._

"Are you alright ma'am?"

_He can't be real._

_This can't be happening._

_Pick your jaw and find your voice Bella!_

"...Y...Yes."

"Are you sure? Are you sure they didn't hurt you?"

_I don't even know where I am anymore. All I feel is tingly...This man has managed to make me forget all other bodily functions and replaced them with tingles. Tingles!_

"Listen, if you're hurt I can take you to the hospital."

_I'm more worried about if he's hurt._

"...I...I'm fine."

"You're sure?" This time he took a step forward. By the look in his eyes I can see that he's genuinely concerned. Why the hell would he care about me? He doesn't know me, and why should he? He's the kind of guy a girl only dreams about.

Tall...

Beautiful...

Strong...

Sexy...

He must be a Greek god because there is no way a man as gorgeous as him can be real.

_Stop ogling!_

"Yes I'm sure...Thank you." I feel stupid even saying that. I've never thanked anyone unless they were paying me for sex...This is a first.

"Please, let me give you a ride home."

He can give me more than a ride home. A ride into orgasm heaven is more like it.

"Oh, you don't have to go out of your way."

Yes, I'm playing hard to get, shoot me. A girl has to do what a girl has to do.

"Please. You shouldn't be out here roaming this area at this time of night. I have no problem taking you home. As a matter of fact, I will not be able to rest until I know you're safe."

...Wow!

_If I were wearing panties they would be drenched._

To pass this opportunity up would be one of the dumbest decisions I've ever made. I don't know why, but I want to trust this guy. I want to be near him.

"Okay." I agree.

He ushered me to his fucking nice car. Oh, I hope he's not one of those rich dudes with a kinky fetish. I don't think I have enough energy left in me for that shit. "Where do you live?"

"...At the Starlite Motel on West Street."

He helped me into the passenger seat and took a few seconds to make sure I was securely fastened in before jogging around to join me in the driver's seat. His seatbelt fastened, he started the dream car and we began our journey.

Is this luck?

Have I, Bella Swan, managed to beat the odds and meet the perfect guy? Well, perfect for someone else who actually deserves him...Hell, I don't even know his name.

He saved my life.

_He even smells like a dream...I'm in trouble. _

We ride in complete silence. From time to time I can feel his eyes roaming over me. Should I proposition him? Let him in on the secret that I'm a prostitute and I would really like to show him a good time? He's obviously rich. I wonder how much I could get out of him.

My eye lids start to droop. It's been a long, tiring, hot day. I hope Mr. Sexy wouldn't mind me catching a few z's in this fuckawesome car. So what if he does? I'm about to pass out. For the first time since I woke up this morning, I rest.

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><p><strong>AN:** So, Bella has met her knight in shining armor. Things are not quite as they seem…Hmmm, we'll let Edward talk in the next chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Here's Chapter 3. I think I am going to slow down a little on the adding just because I do not want to post everything that I have right away and then have to take long breaks in between future chapters in order to finish them. Anywho, this is the first time we're meeting Edward. He's a little different from other Edward's in the fanfiction world. I wanted to put everything out there about his life so that in the coming chapters we can focus on building the story between him and Bella.

Thank you for those that have looked at the story, read a little bit, and even commented. It means a lot to me.

**Disclaimer:** I wish I owned Twilight but I don't. It belongs to Stephanie Meyer!

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><p>Chapter 3<p>

EPOV

I love coming out here. Not a cloud in the sky, it's so peaceful and easy to get caught up in your own thoughts. The sun reflects off of the black granite as I lean down in front of the headstone, setting her favorite pink roses beside it.

_Jane Cecilia Cullen_

_January 28__th__, 1980 - April 12__th__, 2009_

_The love of my life..._

_Gone too soon..._

I wish I could say that she had succumb to a debilitating illness, or had been killed in some kind of accident...Those things although terrible would help lessen the guilt I feel for the way I lost her. I know that I could have done something; at least that's what I kept telling myself after she died. It's been two years now...I've come to accept that I couldn't save her, because she didn't want to be saved.

I try to dwell on the happy times, when I could look at her and see my whole world. Before things got bad.

Five years of marriage doesn't seem like a long time and maybe it isn't, but she was my life so even when we were dating it felt as if we had already taken the plunge. I admired her for her strength, her kindness, her selfless nature...We had our lives planned out. Marriage first, career second and family third. We were young, Jane was in her junior year of college and I was in my senior when we met and fell in love. We didn't want to wait for our careers to take off before we got married, we wanted to be together and everything else could wait.

So, we got married.

We started our careers soon after...Jane, an aspiring school teacher. Me, well I wanted to be a great physician like my father. And even with our busy schedules all we had left to do was start our family.

We wanted a big family. Three beautiful girls who would look just like her and three strapping young men to carry on the Cullen legacy.

That was all Jane could hope for.

When we found out she was pregnant nothing in this entire world could bring me more happiness than the thought of us finally getting everything we wanted.

...But it didn't happen that way. Jane got into a major car accident that caused her to lose the baby as well as the ability to ever get pregnant again. She had to have an emergency hysterectomy because of all the damage...Everything seemed to spiral out of control after that. After a lengthy recovery in the hospital she became distant. Once home she started drinking excessively and the guilt of losing our child consumed her so much that she wanted nothing else to do with me. She felt I blamed her.

I never blamed her.

Those were the toughest three years of my life. But nothing could prepare me for what happened next. I came home one morning to find her in the bathtub, both of her wrists slashed and an empty bottle of pills at her feet.

...I don't cry as much as I use to...I'm slowly moving forward.

"Bye beautiful. I love you." I bend down to rub her headstone one last time before I turn to leave her behind.

It's getting easier.

I head back to my car with no real destination in mind. It's hot today. It's been hot all week. Probably one of the worst heat waves we've had in Seattle in a long time. Emmett and Rose have invited me to their pool party this afternoon...Honestly I don't know if I want to go. My brother means well but I'm tired of him always trying to hook me up with one of Rose's friends. It took me years to even acknowledge Rosalie as being more than a bitch, ask me why I would want to date one of her friends with the same kind of attitude.

I don't want to date. Being alone is something I'm used to now. It's easier to be alone than pretending I'm interested in someone when I have no desire to be in a relationship. Dating requires patience. You meet a girl, take her out to dinner that she may or may not eat, participate in meaningless conversation because you think she might be interesting, but you can't get past the fact that she talks about her dog for forty-five minutes.

I think I would rather go shopping with Alice...Both scenarios make me want to bash my brains in.

Driving through the streets of Seattle I realize I've never really taken the time to notice any of it. I grew up in Forks, Washington. Home of constant rain and cloud cover. Most of the time it's quite a depressing place to be, but its home. When I graduated from high school I said goodbye to my hometown and all the small minded people who reside there. I could never live in Forks again, but I go back to visit on occasion with my family; mostly on holidays when we all want to get away from the city. My parents decided to keep our childhood home because according to mom, too many memories are in that house to ever sale it. Like my house here in Seattle that was built by my great grandfather some ninety years ago, I could never put it on the market; Carlise and Esme would have my throat.

After successfully sending Emmett, myself, and Alice off to college in Seattle mom couldn't take being separated from us. So, as my father would claim she forced him to uproot their lives and move to this god forsaken city. I know dad is just saying that because he doesn't want to let on that he missed us too.

Emmett, Alice, and I had a good life growing up. We have our parents to thank for that.

I make a quick stop at a corner convenience store to grab a bottled water and a package of peanut M&Ms. It seems practical, well the water part, especially on a hot day like this. Eating my favorite candy will be the challenge. I'll probably look like a toddler with my face and hands all smudged with chocolate and various colors when I'm finished, but it will be totally worth it.

"That will be $3.50, sir." The woman at the register eyed me with a wistful smile. I hand her a five and wait for my change.

I bid her _good day_ and I swear I heard "nice ass" before I walk out the door.

With my half empty bag of M&Ms in hand I unscrew the top off my water as I jog back across the street to my car. Something catches my eye. I look toward the store and I'm stunned by what I see. It's a girl...She's beautiful. Long brown hair, fair skin, and a great body from behind from what I can tell._ Oh man_, she's wearing a pair of shorts that would put Daisy Duke to shame. And those heels,_ fuck me! _I stand by my car, obnoxiously eyeing this woman's backside, that is until she turned around. I almost spit out the M&M in my mouth.

There right in front of her is her rounded belly. The beauty is smiling at something; I immediately notice the blush in her cheeks as she ran a hand over her stomach.

_Wow..._

She's just a girl. An obviously pregnant girl with perfect legs and a smile that could melt even the coldest of hearts. I watch as she disappears inside the store.

_Get in the car Edward. All this gawking will draw attention. You're staring at the girl like she's a piece of meat...Get yourself together, man!_

I listen to my brain and get into the car; however I make no attempt to leave. My eyes are glued to the entrance of the store...I want to see her again. This is weird. No woman since Jane has ever made me stop and stare. It's something about her. Something mysterious that I can't help wanting to know.

_What's her name?_

_Where is she from?_

_Is she single?_

_Is she married?_

I hope not.

_This is a new low...Fuck, I don't know why but I have to know her. _

She reappeared and the natural glow around her is beautiful. She scanned her surroundings before taking a seat on a ledge not too far from the store's entrance. She must be waiting for someone.

Her boyfriend?

A man approached her. They talk for several seconds before she took his hand and they begin walking. _Damn!_ That must be her boyfriend. I watch the beauty disappear with him down what looks to be an alley between two buildings with no exit.

I wonder what's going on?

Maybe they're just talking.

_Or minding their business like you should be doing._

I don't know…That guy looks too suspicious for my liking. The longer I wait the more worried I become. Ten minutes pass and she hasn't come back yet. What if he hurt her and she can't cry for help? Or worse, what if he killed her...

With that horrible thought I jump out of my car.

I slowly creep up to the alley to see if I can catch a glimpse of her. It shouldn't be hard as she is probably the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I mean, blondes are usually my thing but just one glimpse of this beauty has changed me forever...I can hear muffled sounds as I approach. I see her, but what she's doing catches me by surprise. Like super-duper surprise! She's squatting down with the guy's dick in her mouth bobbing her head up and down, slurping and deep throating with expert precision. As much as I am appalled by her blatant disregard of her surroundings I can't look away.

She's good...Really good.

He's a damn lucky guy to have someone like her. A woman not afraid to give him pleasure even in public and the fact that she's pregnant and possibly tired solidifies how great she really is.

Well, I guess this answers the question of if she's single.

What the hell am I talking about? She's pregnant and even if she was single she's probably not interested in dating. And why am I so obsessed with the idea of wanting to be with her?

I swear I'm not a psycho...

I just feel, I don't know, this invisible pull to her that I can't shake. Even now as she's getting this guy off I can't help but want her. Have I officially succumbed to depression? Has the death of my wife driven me mad and I'm just realizing it for the first time.

"Oh shit...Oh shit!" I'm drawn back to the scene as the guy is reaching the inevitable peak. I divert my eyes back to beauty. Her delicate hands tuck him safely back into his jeans.

"Did you enjoy that?" Her voice is deep and sultry.

My pants just got extremely tight.

"Fuck yeah." He exclaimed leaning against the brick wall behind him.

Hell, I enjoyed it too. If only I was in his place then I would convince her to come home with me. When the guy starts to situate his pants I move quickly from the alley so as not to be seen. Great! I'm the fucking perv of the century. Their voices move closer and I pretend to be looking for something when she saunters out of the alley.

"Thanks a lot Jim. I had a good time."

"Thank you, baby. I'll be seeing you next week right?"

"Of course."

They part ways and she slips a few dollar bills into the pocket of her shorts. Her heels click away in the opposite direction...That's odd. If he's not her boyfriend then why was she just giving him head in an alley, in broad daylight?

Whatever the case I follow her, far enough behind that she wouldn't notice. A few people stop her but she only speaks for a couple of seconds before continuing back to the corner store. I think it will be a good idea to go back to my car now, just to be on the safe side. I would hate for her to feel that I'm stalking her.

_You are stalking her!_

No, I'm just curious.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** So…Edward has been following Bella. He doesn't know what she is just yet; the poor guy is a little naïve. Anyway this story is very different and a lot of you may think it's weird…Stay with it, things will start to fall in place. Another EPOV coming up next chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Here is Chapter 4. Hope you guys enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

* * *

><p>Chapter 4<p>

EPOV

I slip back into the sweltering heat of my Volvo, and wait...

The afternoon passed slowly but I never lost sight of beauty. She's sitting on the ledge again, stationed by the same corner store she's been at for hours. The same one I got my now hot water and melted M&Ms. I've watched her eat, pace, sit down, eat again, and pace some more.

What is she waiting for?

I receive my answer in the form of a car pulling up to the curb. I watch her make her way to the passenger side and lean into the window to speak to a man. Soon she's getting in with him.

Where the fuck is she going now? Does she even know him?

I start up my car to follow.

_...Fuck it! I'm in too deep now to turn away. I have to make sure she's safe._

The car is just turning the corner when I catch up. I follow closely for a few blocks until the car made a sudden turn into a parking lot. At the last moment I turn in to, but park further down so they don't notice.

I never take my eyes off of the car though. Beauty appeared first, followed by the thug looking guy behind her. He looks pretty unsafe, or maybe it's just the fact that he's covered in tattoos and wearing a bandana around his head that's making me uneasy. He may just be a nice, respectable guy.

_Edward, really man? What is wrong with you?_

They walk toward the furthest covered shed at the back of the park. It takes me a moment to figure out that we're at the public park on the eastside of town. It's deserted most likely because of the heat. Maybe this is her boyfriend...I wonder what he would think of his girl giving head to some guy right before he picked her up.

I find myself shifting uncomfortably in my seat with the urge of wanting to know what's going on.

This isn't a good idea.

I should go home.

_No, I can't._

When I feel the coast is clear I quietly make my way over to the covered shed I saw them disappear into...I can hear moaning. Again, I'm shocked by what I see. There she is in all of her glory hanging onto the edge of a table while the guy pumps into her from behind. Her eyes are shut tightly and she's taking everything he's giving her.

I hope they aren't too rough; she's in a delicate condition.

When he yelled out his release I run back to my car in time to watch them walk back. Soon, they're speeding back to the block where I first saw her with me right on they're tail. I park and watch as she gets out of the guy's car and he disappears.

Who the fuck is this girl? Does she do this all the time? How many boyfriends does she have?

She stands outside of the store and for the next however many hours I watch her walk around, sit down, pace the sidewalk, sit down, and eat.

Before long the sun is setting and she hasn't moved from that spot.

_You should go talk to her_.

No I shouldn't. She'll probably think I'm a creep, or better yet she may think I want something from her.

I just want to get to know her. Get some answers to the questions I have. I've been sitting here all this time, following her around like a lost puppy and watched her be intimate with two guys.

That kind of makes me a creep, right?

I'm oddly enough craving a thick juicy T-bone steak with all the fixings. I know just the place but it's so late I doubt their still open, although leaving at this moment isn't exactly what I want to do. A part of me, the insane part, wants to walk across the street and ask beauty out to dinner. She's been sitting there for hours. She must be hungry. All I've seen her eat is a candy bar and that was hours ago.

I bet if I approached her right now she would take one look at me and think I'm the craziest mother fucker in Seattle.

As I contemplate what to do a car pulled up to the curb. Beauty walked over.

_Please don't get into the car. Please don't get into the car._

Fuck, she got into the car.

Who is this girl?

She has to know this guy because there is no way she's getting into another car with a stranger. Why would she do that?

Wait a minute!

Oh...

...Oh no, it can't be. She can't be what I think she is that I'm hoping she's not because that would be wrong! She's pregnant for fucks sake!

Maybe the heat is finally getting to me because there is no way that beautiful girl can be such a despicable thing. No, I won't believe it.

_That doesn't mean that I won't follow to make absolutely sure. _

I end up a good fifty feet away from where Beauty is doing only God knows what in the small two door Toyota with another mysterious stranger. The deserted parking lot has absolutely no lighting so I can't see anything, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know what she's doing in there. It's taking everything within me not to go pull her from that car.

It's not long before I see her getting out, falling to the ground. She's yelling at the guy, what she's saying I cannot hear. The guy in the car speeds out of the parking lot going in the opposite direction. The least that asshole could do is take her back to where he found her, can't he see she's pregnant. Beauty is walking so fast I'm surprised she hasn't fallen in those heels. I start up the car and follow at a safe distance.

Should I ask her if she needs a ride?

_Fuck no! Why do you care so much about a woman who obviously doesn't care about herself? She's a fucking prostitute! Give it the fuck up man!_

If only my conscience wasn't such an asshole he might realize that my need to make sure this girl is safe overshadows the fact that I have spent my entire day following her around on her conquests for money. My heart won't allow me to be disgusted at what she does, she must have a reason.

We're on a rough side of town. At this time of night there is no telling what kind of people are lurking around. They'll be ready to pounce on a vulnerable girl like her in seconds. That notion proves to be true as I spot two guys with their dirty hands all over her.

This is not happening.

_Alright Superman put on your cape. It's time to save the damsel in distress._

I just hope these two thugs don't have a gun. Slamming quickly on the brake I put my car in park and jump out. I jog over to them as they begin pulling her down the street. "I think you two should leave her alone!"

Oh fuck, I don't even recognize my own voice. It sounds threatening, maybe even a little scary.

"Who the fuck are you?" A dirty blonde guy looked me up and down with a sneer.

"Leave the lady alone and you won't get hurt." I can see the fear in her eyes, but there's something else there as well. I hope I'm not scaring her too much.

"Who is this dumbass? Laurent, get rid of him."

The dirty blonde sends the guy with the dreads to do his dirty work. It's pretty easy to drop the sorry fucker with a one-two-punch combo. He was down for the count. I didn't give the other guy a chance to turn around before I socked him in the face. He stumbled but regained himself enough to charge right at me. A swift upper cut to his chin and he joined his friend on the ground.

I turn back to look at beauty...For lack of a better word I would say she's stunned. She's breathing hard and her hand is clutched to her chest as if she can't believe what she has seen even though it happened right before her very eyes.

I step into the light so that she can see I mean her no harm. "Are you alright ma'am?"

"...Y...Yes."

"Are you sure? Are you sure they didn't hurt you?"

She doesn't answer.

"Listen, if you're hurt I can take you to the hospital."

"...I...I'm fine."

"You're sure?" I take a step forward.

"Yes I'm sure...Thank you."

She's beautiful. The glow from her pregnancy is radiant even now in the darkness surrounding us.

"Please, let me give you a ride home."

"Oh, you don't have to go out of your way." She smiles coyly.

"Please. You shouldn't be out here roaming this area at this time of night. I have no problem taking you home. As a matter of fact, I will not be able to rest until I know you're safe"

"Okay." She agreed and I couldn't help but feel giddy.

I usher her to my car. "Where do you live?"

"...At the Starlite Motel on West Street."

The fucking Starlite, yuck! The only way I would ever stay at the Starlite Motel is if I willingly wanted to catch an STD. I mean, she doesn't have an apartment obviously, but what does she expect to do when the baby gets here? I help her into the passenger seat making sure she was securely fastened before jogging around to join her in the driver's seat. Seatbelt fastened we begin our journey.

Is this luck?

Have I, Edward Cullen, completely lost my mind and have somehow developed feelings for a pregnant prostitute?

We ride in complete silence. From time to time my eyes are drawn in her direction. If someone had told me yesterday that I would spend today chasing a woman around I would say _"you have me mistaken because Edward Cullen does not need to chase women, they chase me" _before slapping myself in the head to admit, _"that sounds like something I would do". _

When I look back over to beauty she's sleeping peacefully. It must have been a really tiring day..._Fuck!_ I can't let her go back to this life. She needs someone to care about her well-being...I care.

Passing West Street I can only hope she understands that I'm doing this for her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** OK, so Edward finds out what Bella is. He's about to do something that will change both of their lives forever. Will Bella be happy about it? Well, you have to stay tuned to find out. Thanks for reading.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Here is Chapter 5. Hope you guys enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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><p>Chapter 5<p>

BPOV

I'm floating on a cloud, like literally. Since when did this lumpy ass motel bed get so comfortable? Normally the springs are digging so hard in my back I'm tossing and turning all night. No lumps, no springs, no searching for a comfortable spot to lie in...I open my eyes from one of the most restful sleeps in my life and, _shit_.

The walls look different. They're blue instead of the normal shitty green. Okay, so the bed feels different, the walls are different, it even smells different...Fuck everything is different!

Where the hell am I?

As I sit up I vaguely remember getting into the car with someone.

A guy…

A fucking sexy guy...

So this must be his place? I hope so or I'm screwed.

"Good morning." That voice, the one that gives me the tingles. I gaze toward the bedroom door where I'm awarded with the sight of the sexiest thing on legs, holding a tray of the best looking food I've seen in a long time.

He's bringing me breakfast? Well, I must have fucked him pretty good to make the man cook and bring it to me in bed.

"I hope you slept well." In a matter of seconds I have a plate of pancakes, eggs, bacon and toast with a glass of orange juice sitting in front of me. This is like a fat kids dream.

But, first things first.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Edward." He smiled.

_Edward_. The beautiful man who saved me from getting fucked by Dumb and Dumber... I hope he broke their jaws.

"That's an old man name." I blurt out.

His smile lit up his face and I have to clench my legs together. He's so hot!

"I was named after my mother's father. I hope you like the food. I uh, haven't cooked much lately but I can make you something else if-"

Why does he seem so nervous?

"No this is fine. It's great actually." I take a bite of the pancakes and I'm in heaven. I practically start to inhale everything on my plate.

"So, you're Bella?" He sat in a decorative chair next to the rather large window and watched me pig out. Very unlady like behavior, but then again I wouldn't constitute myself as a lady.

"How do you know my name?"

I know I didn't tell him. **Rule Numero Uno**: Never tell the assholes who you really are. If they're the stalking kind then they think it is okay to ask questions.

"I heard one of those guys say it last night. By the way, how do you feel?"

He wants to know how I feel?

This is different.

"Like a peach. My head kind of hurts though."

"Does your doctor allow you to take Tylenol?"

_Uhhh, what?_

"I don't have a doctor." I'm met with shocked green eyes.

"You've never been to the doctor?"

"No."

He sat forward and stared at me as if I had a third tit growing out of the middle of my forehead. "Well, how do you know anything about the baby?"

"...I don't." I shrug. This earns me a scowl.

"Do you even know how far along you are?"

Why do I feel my perfect breakfast is about to come to an abrupt end?

"I figure I'm about five months." I say, pushing what was left of my food around the plate.

His scowl only intensified. "Bella that's not good. You should have gone to the doctor. What the hell is wrong with you? Something could be wrong with your baby and you're just sitting there like you don't give a shit! We need to get you checked out." He spoke frantically.

He's scolding me like a child, and I absolutely hate that shit. No one treats me like that unless they want to be on the receiving end of my bitch fit. Oh yeah, I have a little bit of an authority issue.

"Hey, look I don't know you. Who the fuck do you think you are telling me what to do? I know what the fuck I should have done but I didn't so back the fuck off!" I throw down my fork.

He seems to calm down, but just a little. "You're right, it's your body but you're carrying a child inside of you that requires you to be responsible."

"Don't you think I know that? Why does it matter anyway I don't want it so when it's born the hospital can take it." I snap and I swear I can read every expression on his face now. Sadness, disgust, pain...My revelation wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear.

Tough tittie.

"How could you be so cold?" The anger dripped off his words.

Yeah, I think it's time to go.

"I don't have to answer to you. I'd like to go home now so either you take me or I call a cab." I throw the cover off of my legs.

He stood then. "You're not going anywhere."

"Excuse me?" I jump to my feet as well; my bare feet. Where the hell are my shoes? He towered over my small frame and as I look up into his eyes to challenge him I notice they have lost their brilliant shade of green. They're dark now, almost frightening.

"You heard me, Bella. For as long as you're pregnant I will be keeping you here with me."

_The hell he is!_

"You can't do that!"

"I can and you know why? You sell your body to countless men and for what, a few hundred dollars?"

"That's my fucking business!" I yell and I can feel the panic setting in.

"Well now you're business is mine!" In two steps he's so close that I cower back down to the bed, mildly afraid of what he might do. I've been in this situation before where the guy seems nice but then he rapes me while I scream and beg for him to stop. Once he gets his rocks off he kicks me to the curb and I'm left more fucked up than before.

"I can't sit back knowing what you're doing to yourself and this child and allow it to continue. Now, either you stay here voluntarily, or I'll lock you in this room involuntarily."

_He's giving me an ultimatum now! Well, fuck thank you kind sir!_

_This is not the time for sarcasm Bella!_

I can't let this douche scare me with his threats. He doesn't want to protect me as he claimed, he wants to keep me here so he can use me...But, something tells me just by the look in his eyes that I'm just scratching the surface. "You can't do this to me. This is kidnapping."

He stepped forward until his legs were touching my knees. "Call it whatever you want Bella. And just so you know, calling the police would not work in your favor so don't try to get any ideas. Finish your food, I'll be back later."

He stormed out so fast I didn't realize he was gone until I heard the door slam.

Who the fuck does this psycho think he is? Well, I've got news for him; if he thinks he's going to keep me here against my will, he's got another thing coming.

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><p><strong>AN:** What do you think? Things are going to be rocky between these two. More will be revealed very soon. Leave me a review to show me what you think. Much Love, Rae


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Here is Chapter 6. Thank you to those who have commented and added the story to their favs!

**Dis claimer:** I own nothing.

* * *

><p>Chapter 6<p>

EPOV

I lock the door from the outside and slip the key into my pocket. I didn't want it to come to this. She just surprised me in more ways than one. Long gone is the beautiful woman I followed around yesterday, and saved from being hurt. I've officially met Bella, the cold-hearted, potty mouthed, hormonal bitch who cares about nothing but herself. And what she revealed to me about her pregnancy was the icing on the cake. What kind of person can sit there with a baby growing inside of them and be completely devoid of emotion toward it. It's her baby dammit, a human being, and she cares nothing about it.

I thought when I walked into her room this morning she would at least be gracious that I brought her somewhere safe.

Boy was I wrong.

I'm not sure of what kind of life she has led but to be so heartless, it must have been a tough one. See, I knew I lost my marbles bringing her back here. I hyped it all up in my head how she will be better off here with me, now I'm starting to think it was a mistake.

_Maybe, or maybe not._

I've been questioning my sanity all night warring with my own conscience, the asshole in my head. I have come to the conclusion that I've lost at least a good third of my mind. What normal person has conversations with themselves at night over a glass of tea?

_You do Eddie._

And even though I know I should return her to her life I can't, especially not now when I'm so worried about her well-being. _Fuck!_ I should have thought this through a little more. I have no idea as to how to take care of a pregnant woman. Oh I know, I'll call Alice.

_Not so fast. Remember, you kidnapped her._

Dammit! I'm so use to calling Alice when I need help...But as long as Bella is here with me no one can know about her.

My family will have me committed.

I'll have to limit her visits now. Alice has a way of sticking her nose where it doesn't belong and she'll find my little treasure when I least expect it.

I grab a beer from the fridge and take a seat at the kitchen table. Man, mom is going to be so upset, and dad...I don't even want to think about it. Bella just looked so small and fragile while she slept; I couldn't drop her off at some sleazy motel and pretend my heart didn't ache when I thought about what she was going to do the next day. The bruise on her arm from one of those stupid dicks is just a reminder of the kind of life she lives and fuck me if I let her go back to that. She needs my help. She just doesn't realize it yet.

_Are you sure it's not the other way around? You need her but you just don't realize it yet?_

I'm brought out of my thoughts when my cells phone rings. _Emmett_ flashes across the caller I.D. I know it's coming before I even open my mouth to speak.

"Hey Em."

_"Fuck you Eddie! I invite you to a kick ass party and you don't even show. What's up with that?"_

"Something came up. I'm sorry."

More like I was too busy following a prostitute around to come to your stupid pool party.

_"Don't lie to me. I'm your brother, I know you better than I probably should, but I blame mom for that. Listen, I only want what's best for you bro..."_

"I know Em-"

_"Then get off your high horse and start having some fun."_ He's never one to beat around the bush.

"Okay I hear you. I'm busy right now. Is there something you wanted?"

He chuckled. _"Not really. I just wanted to fuck with you and to tell you that Tanya was looking for you last night. Dude, she got breast implants. She's fucking hot!"_

"Emmett I have to go. Give Rose my love will you?"

_"I will. Oh, mom told me to tell you that she and Alice are stopping by your place later. Rose will probably come too."_

"What! Why?" The panic sets in. _Fuck!_

_"Something about redecorating your bedroom and guest room. I was going to say you could come over and we could hang out. Knock a few beers back or something."_

Quick think of something...

"Shit...I can't Em. I have-"think Edward, think, "I have to do something here at the house."

_"What is it? Do you need some help?"_

"No, no I'm fine. I will talk to you later Bro."

_"Alright. Wait, Ed?"_

"Yeah, Em?"

_"I hope you are taking care of yourself dude. Don't do anything stupid."_

This is why I love my big brother. We may not always see eye-to-eye but at least I know he loves me no matter what. "I won't."

I hang up and practically jump out of my seat. My heart is beating so fast it's pounding in my ears. I have to call mom and tell her not to come. I just got Bella; I can't lose her this quickly.

Dialing moms work phone I just hope she hasn't left her office yet. She picked up on the second ring. _"Esme Cullen speaking."_

"Hey mom."

_"Edward honey, I'm glad to hear your voice."_

You know when you haven't spoken to your mom in a few days and the moment you hear her voice all your worries seem to fade right away. That's how my mom makes me feel. I'm a momma's boy, shoot me.

"Yeah look, I was calling about you coming over to redecorate the rooms."

_"I'm so excited. Alice can't wait to show you her ideas. She's going to try to talk you into redoing the whole house if you let her."_ I can tell she's grinning with excitement.

My mom does this stuff for a living. Expression's Interior Designs was mom's baby before she met my father and settled down. Even when she had the three of us mom always made sure to make time for her family no matter what. Since moving to Seattle almost nine years ago her hands have been full and she loves every minute of it.

"Mom about that, something came up and I'm not going to be home tonight."

_"Oh that's too bad. We have been talking about this for two weeks Edward."_ The disappointment in her voice made me regret lying to her, but I have to do it for Bella's sake.

"I know and I'm sorry. I don't know the next time I'll be free so for now how about you guys forget about it."

_"Oh sweetheart we can just come over while you're not there and start working. It should take us about a month, maybe longer to finish everything. Alice and I would like to get started."_

"No!" Shit what should I say. "Ok, I changed my mind. I don't want you guys to do it anymore."

_"Why Edward? You're the one who came to me about it. You said the rooms remind you too much of Jane and you wanted a new start. What's changed?"_

Yeah, that was true until now. "...I'm just not ready. Give me some time."

_"Do you need me to stop by after work? You sound distressed baby."_

_You don't know the half._

"No mom I'm fine. Actually, I'm heading out soon."

_"Alice is going to be so disappointed. You know how your sister is."_

"Will you please pass on the message. Just give me some time. I will call you and let you know when I'm ready."

Which won't be anytime soon. Loud banging and breaking glass sound from upstairs. For a moment I almost forgot Bella was upstairs.

**"LET ME OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW YOU ASSHOLE OR I WILL BREAK THIS FUCKING DOOR DOWN!"**

Ha! She'll break herself before she'll break out of that room.

_"What was that Edward?"_ Mom asked.

"Nothing, just the T.V. I have to go."

_"Okay darling. I love you."_

"I love you too."

Great. With that out of the way I can focus on the task at hand.

**"DO YOU HEAR ME YOU MOTHER FUCKER! LET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"**

Doesn't she realize the more she fights just means the more time she'll occupy my guestroom.

I should go check on her though.

Quietly, I climb the steps and stand outside of the door to listen...I don't hear anything anymore. She must have gotten tired and lay back down. I pull the key from my pocket and unlock the door. I walk inside, she's not in bed, the window is open and the plate I brought up to her is in pieces on the floor.

I check the bathroom and she's not there either. Where the hell is she? There's no way to get out of this room except out of the door, well the window but it's two stories up. The Window is wide open.

There's no way...

Oh God no!

She jumped!

I run to the window peering out over the ledge but I see nothing. If she jumped she would have probably broken something and couldn't get very far. Suddenly, I hear quick footsteps behind me. When I turn I catch a glimpse of brown hair moving out of the room.

Well how do you like that, outsmarted in my own house?

I run after her. She's pretty fast to be pregnant, but I'm faster.

Just as she reached the front door I pull her back by her waist.

**"LET ME GO!"** She screamed.

"No!"

**"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! LET ME OUT OF HERE!"**

"No Bella I can't do that! Please stop struggling. I don't want to hurt you."

She stops fighting me but she doesn't stop the barrage of insults coming from her mouth.

**"YOU FUCKING LUNATIC! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOU CAN'T DO THIS, I HAVE MY RIGHTS!"**

I carry her back upstairs kicking and screaming. I try my hardest to carry her in my arms in a position where I won't hurt the baby, of course she's making it difficult though. When I finally get her back to the room I sit her down on the bed.

She looks frightened as I tower over her. I just have to keep telling myself I'm doing this for her safety. "Bella I really hate to do this, but this is for your own good. Obviously you don't trust me yet and I understand that, but I don't trust you not to try to run away again. I'm sorry." I pull some rope from the closet. Jane and I dabbled in a little BDSM and when she died I couldn't part with the rope. So I hid it in the guestroom. It finally can be put to use.

"So you're tying me to the fucking bed. Yeah that's smart since I have to piss every five minutes. I hope you like cleaning that shit up."

She's threatening me with piss.

"If you tell me you have to use the bathroom I will come let you out."

She looked at me and burst into tears, it's the first real emotion I have seen out of her besides her bitchy attitude. "I fucking hate you! Why are you doing this to me?"

Her crocodile tears are killing me.

_Stay strong Edward. Don't let her break you down._

"I'm helping you Bella. I'm saving you and your baby."

"This_**thing **_and I were fine before you came along. Locking me in here isn't going to change anything." She sobbed.

I feel like shit, but I step forward and secure her left wrist, then the right to the posts above her head. When I feel they are secure enough I step away from her. "I'm going to run down the road to the market for some food. It will only take me about fifteen minutes. When I come back I'll let you out if you promise to behave."

She rolled her eyes. "Fuck you!"

_Or not. _

"Have it your way. I'm not letting you go, deal with it."

"Yeah we'll see asshole! And when I get out of here you better pray you wake up with your fucking dick!"

I go to the window making sure she doesn't see me cupping my dick in fear. Would she really go Lorena Bobbitt on me? I lock the window then retreat to the door where I lock her inside, hearing her sobs as I go.

I feel awful.

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><p><strong>AN:** Edward really feels that he is doing the right thing. What do you guys think? I hope you'll leave me a comment and let me know.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Here is Chapter 7. Whoa, I've gotten such a great response so far. To all of you that have commented, added to your favs, or even just looked at the story, I can't thank you enough. We'll be meeting Alice today…

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

* * *

><p>Chapter 7<p>

BPOV

I have to get the fuck out of here!

This guy, Edward or whatever the hell he calls himself, is fucking nuts. He belongs in a mental institution if he thinks he's going to keep me locked in his house as a prisoner for his freaky, sexual needs. I don't have a problem fucking him if it means he'll let me go, there's no doubt in my mind that he's a good lay. Those broad shoulders and that cute butt don't go unnoticed; in fact it just makes me want to fuck him even more.

This **would** happen to me. It's like I have a neon sign glowing across my forehead _"Kidnap me. Rape me. Beat me up."_ I'm a fucking danger magnet.

_No it's karma. _

All the bad shit I've ever done in my life is coming back on me. This Edward guy is Satan and being in this room is my own personal hell. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that this is the way my life would end. Tied to a bed and alone.

It really makes you think about all the crazy shit you've gone through, and it makes you wonder how the hell you aren't dead by now. It literally feels like every person who has hurt me sucked out a piece of my soul and now I'm just a worthless shell of a person.

It all started with Renee…The worthless bitch that gave birth to me, not because she wanted to. If she had it her way I would have been aborted, but as her punishment for being a little slut Gran made her have me. She resented me every day of my life and when Gran died I should have too…Then I wouldn't have had to go live with Renee. I wouldn't have had to be tortured by a man and his son for fun while my fucking dead beat ass mother was in the other room getting high, or watching them rape me.

I used to wish that something bad would happen to her, something that would hurt her so deep she might understand my pain. Four years later I got my wish in the form of the police telling me that the reason why I hadn't seen Renee or Phil in a few days was because they were dead. Killed in a car crash on their way to buy drugs…They let me pack a bag and then took me to a group home. I was a ward of the state of California, and I had nowhere to go. I plotted my escape for about a week and it was fairly easy to slip out without anyone noticing. The only thing on my mind was to run, so I did.

San Francisco was huge and intimidating for a thirteen year old girl who was never allowed out of the house, except to go to school. We had only lived there for about three years. It wasn't Phoenix so I hated it. Phoenix was home, that's where Gran was. I wanted to go home, to her house, to sleep in my old bed and take a bath in her whirlpool tub…I knew that wasn't possible and the house probably belonged to someone else by then. I dreamed about it every single night though.

After being on the street for two weeks my life looked hopeless. I was trying to steal a bag of chips from a store when I bumped into a man that would change everything. Alec was smooth, I'll give him that. I remember thinking he was so handsome. Coal black hair, gray eyes, and pale skin. He was tall and strong, a protector. He took me in with no questions asked. He gave me food for my stomach, a roof over my head, and a warm body to sleep next to each night. It was very naïve of me to trust this man, this stranger who appeared in my life, but at least it was better than sleeping next to a dumpster. Without him who knows what would have happened to me and therefore when he told me who he really was, I accepted it and became whatever he needed me to be.

He brought me to Seattle, and the rest they say is history.

The years I worked for Alec brought many life lessons. I was his secret weapon, bringing in sometimes two grand every night. He never let me out of his sight and I was grateful for that. No one ever hurt me because they knew Alec would kill them, but even he wasn't enough to keep the dreams away. I like to think that he loved me in his own way and I cared for him deeply…But I was unhappy, and he knew it. I didn't want to work for him any longer; instead I wanted to find my own way, so he let me go. I think he had higher hopes for me than I ever did for myself and maybe that's why he didn't put up a fight when I told him I wanted to leave.

I'll never know. Last I heard Alec was in New York and running a successful strip club.

I've met many girls in this life who are misguided, just like me. One girl stood out and became very important to me. Her name was Sarah. She was so beautiful with her full pouty lips, olive skin, and eyes the most vibrant blue I had ever seen. Her hair was jet black and silky and it hung all the way to the middle of her back. I had the biggest girl crush on her. She intrigued me because she wasn't afraid of anything and I envied that. The fact that she called me Babydoll didn't hurt either.

We hung out all the time at this crummy diner in downtown Seattle and would bond over a plate of fries on the nights where business was slow. We'd have a heart to heart, telling each other things we never told anyone else. What Sarah and I talked about one night in particular is something I have never forgotten.

_"Babydoll, what do you want to do with your life?"_

"_I don't know. I guess I've never thought about it. I mean, what should I do, Sarah? I don't have anywhere to go. This is all that I know."_

_"You can't have that kind of attitude, especially not when you have so much life to live." _

"_Well, what do you want to do with your life?" I asked._

"_Not this. I want to go back to school, make something of myself, you know. I can do anything if I set my mind to it; I've just let this lifestyle run me for far too long. I look at you and I see so much of myself doll, and I don't want this life for us. I can see it in your eyes every time I look at you...You're slowly dying inside."_

_I was already dead, way before that. Sarah stroked my young cheek and I remember staring into her beautiful eyes. She was the only friend I had._

_"If we don't get out of this life we might as well expect to die in it." _

Sarah wasn't much older than me but I hung on to her every word. Unfortunately she spoke more truth than I ever expected. The next year a man strangled her to death and dumped her body on the side of the road. She was only nineteen.

It's been four years now. I venture out each day hoping that I don't meet the same fate as my friend. But then, when I'm alone in the dark I can't help but feel like dying. To die would mean I no longer had to live with the memories, the sorrow, the guilt...No one would miss me. The only person who ever gave a damn about me besides Sarah was Gran.

Prostitution is my life no matter how much I hate it. Fucking and sucking dick is my job and I'm damn great at it. Am I proud of it? Hell no, but I chose this.

Did I ever really have any options?

I developed the kind of mentality over the years that all men are good for is one thing, and that's giving me money. The years I worked for Alec I was fucking popular. Even after, being on my own I made pretty good money. Men like young girls who can give them things that their wives can't. I was doing pretty well until I got myself knocked up. Totally not my fault...The fucker I had sex with had fucking super sperm. I never have sex without a condom, EVER. The one time I slip up, _BAM! _

This is fucking depressing.

The _thing_ starts flipping around in my belly, putting pressure right on my bladder. _Oh, fuck you little one!_ I'm tied to the bed and now you decide to make this that much harder on me? I can't wait until the day _it_ comes out. I fucking want my body back.

I hear the front door open downstairs. Thank God he's back. I'm about to blow.

**"HEY ASSHOLE YOU HAVE TEN SECONDS BEFORE I PISS ALL OVER YOUR EXPENSIVE SHEETS!" **I yell. I would really hate to relieve myself on his bed.

**"HEY DID YOU HEAR ME? I HAVE TO GO, BAD!"**

Still nothing.

What the hell is he doing? He said he would let me go if I have to piss, and I have to piss **badly**.

"Hello?" I hear a voice outside of the door, but not his voice, it's a woman.

"Hey can you let me out?" I cry to whoever she is.

I hear her trying to turn the door knob. "Who is that? Why is the door locked?"

Of course he would lock the door. What a douche bag!

"I'm tied to the bed and I can't move!" She's no longer trying to get inside and instead I hear her retreating footsteps.

_Come back whoever you are._

A few minutes later I hear tinkering at the door. In a flash a short, pixie like woman rushed in. "Who are you?" She asked, her eyes as wide as saucers.

"Who the fuck are you?" Why are we even talking right now? She could be letting me go.

"I asked you first." She snapped back.

I take a deep breath to calm myself. "It doesn't matter who I am, I just want to get out of here. Can you let me out?"

"This is crazy. Who did this to you?" She approached me carefully.

"The guy who lives here. Edwin or whatever."

"Edward?"

"Fuckward is more like it. He's been holding me against my will in this room. Can you please let me out, I have to pee really bad."

She looked at me once more then cautiously untied me. Once I was free I struggled to get out of the bed but accomplished it without totally pissing all over the place.

"Oh my god! You're...You're." She was looking right at my stomach.

"Yep." I threw over my shoulder as I rushed toward the bathroom across the room. Thank heavens the jerk had enough sense to put me in a room where I have access to a toilet.

As I relieve myself the only thing I can think about is how the hell I'm going to get out of here. I don't know this woman and it's obvious she didn't know I was here. Maybe she can help me. I quickly finish up in the bathroom. Upon my return I hear booming footsteps and soon an exasperated Edward runs in looking as disheveled as when he left.

"Alice! Where is she?"

_Dammit! Fuck my LIFE!_

I stand aside while the pixie charged at him. "Edward what the fuck is going on in here? Why was she tied to the bed?"

"I can explain."

_Can you really Edward?_

"You better."

The small woman has his attention. He hasn't looked or said one word to me since he came in. This is my chance, I have to take it. I start tip toeing toward the door, hearing only bits and pieces of Edward's explanation that at this moment with freedom so close, I could care less about.

"Bella if you take one more step toward that fucking door I will lock you somewhere in this house where you will never get out!" The venom in his voice stopped me dead in my tracks. I turn to look at him and the woman and he's staring straight at me now. His anger is frightening.

"She's pregnant?" The woman stepped toward him.

"Yes." Edward answered still gazing at me.

"And may I ask why you have a pregnant girl in your house!" She seemed to become more furious by the minute.

"I saved her last night from getting attacked."

The anger drained from her face. "Oh, well that was very nice of you. That doesn't explain why she's here."

"Uh, are you two going to talk about me like I'm not standing here? I'm the one who was abducted. Did you tell her about all the freaky sex things you're going to do to me?" I throw in there for good measure.

"What?" Edward shrieked.

"Edward!" She stamped her foot in disgust. I think I kind of like her.

"Alice, don't believe her."

"Why else would you force me to stay here?"

Him keeping me here against my will only makes me believe that he wants to use me for something, that being sex. He moved toward me but I stepped away. I don't want him to touch me. He looked sad as it must have registered my intent. "I told you this morning. I want to help you, Bella."

"Help me with what? I was just fine before you swooped into my life."

"You're a fucking pregnant prostitute! I wouldn't constitute that as being fine!"

Oh, he just had to bring that up again didn't he? Well, Fuckward, I know what the hell I am. Why does it even matter?

"Wait, a prostitute?" The woman, Alice as he calls her, has replaced her disgusted expression with one that showed she was appalled by his revelation.

"So what it's my life. I don't go around telling everyone what you do for a living, although I have no idea what your occupation is."

"How long have you been a prostitute Bella?" Alice asked.

"None of your business!" I huff.

"Bella please calm down. It's not good for the baby." Edward tried to step in and be the good guy. He can save it.

"Stop telling me what to do!"

"Maybe you should sit down." Alice was at my side now. She seemed sad all of a sudden.

Oh no, not her too.

"Both of you are fucking nuts. Edward you can explain to whoever she is why you have me here against my will, but in the meantime I'm out of here."

I'm almost out of the door before he grabbed me by my wrist. I'm pulled backwards into his solid chest and I feel a sudden charge swirl through my body; the little one even shifted in my stomach.

_What the fuck was that?_

"You're staying right here." He declared.

"Edward, this doesn't make sense. I know you saved her but why didn't you take her home?"

_That's the same thing I would like to know too, Alice_.

"She lives at the fucking Starlite Motel!"

She turned up her nose at that. Both of these goody two shoes can lick my toes; the Starlite isn't so bad once you get past the smell.

"For your information I just stay there, I don't live there. And again, why do my living arrangements matter to you so much?" The room got quiet. Both of them were staring at me but this time the pixie looked as if she would break out into tears. "Oh Bella, I'm so sorry."

"What the fuck are you sorry for?"

Did I miss something? When did the dynamic of the room change?

"How old are you?" She asked.

"...Old enough. Please tell him to let me go and I'll forget this whole thing ever happened."

"No Bella, I told you I'm not letting you out of my sight. Not while you're pregnant and selling your body. It's not safe."

He won't let me go...Why won't he just let me go? "Please." I'm reduced to begging now. The tears are running full force down my face but his grip on me never waned. The realization that I can't fight him breaks me down. I hang my head in defeat.

"Edward let her go. She doesn't want to be here. You can't do this!" I hear Alice try to reason with him.

"I can, and I will."

"She's obviously scared out of her mind."

He cupped my chin and raised my head so that our eyes could focus on one another. "Bella you have no reason to fear me. I just want what's best for you."

_That's not what I want though!_

"Why? I don't want to be here! I want to go back to my life, I was doing just fine." I feel exhausted. The urge to run isn't there anymore.

"I think she should rest for a little while. I'll stay here with her and you can make her something to eat."

I feel the soothing touch of Alice's hand on my shoulder. Edward finally let me go. I'm too tired to fight either of them so I let her help me back into the bed. I settle in on my side facing away from her, I don't want her to see me like this. She smoothed my hair from my face I'm sure in an attempt to comfort me, but it only makes things worse.

"Oh Bella you sweet girl. What happened to you?"

_You don't want to know._

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** So there we have it. Bella's life has been difficult. She won't change overnight. It's going to take a while before she can learn to trust Edward. How about that Alice huh? She'll be back. Tell me what you think, I would love to hear it. Edward is up next to explain his side of the story.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Sorry for the wait. I'm trying to space out the chapters as much as possible. Ok, so we will be seeing the incident from the last chapter through Edward's eyes. Let's see what he has to say shall we?

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

* * *

><p>Chapter 8<p>

EPOV

I left the house with every intention of going to the market to pick up some things for dinner tonight and the next few days. I've got it all planned out. Bella seems like the kind of person who only eats junk food so I would like to introduce some fresh fruits and vegetables into her diet.

It would be good for the baby, I think.

I don't know much about pregnant women or what a pregnancy entails, but I do know it will do her some good to get some nutritious food in her system. That and a bar of soap for her potty mouth.

_Who are you to judge, you curse every five seconds._

Oh, fuck you!

I hated to leave Bella tied up like that and I'm sure it will continue to eat at me until I get back home. This arrangement is rocky I'll admit, but I have faith that she'll come around when she understands my full intentions. Obviously she isn't use to being taken care of and all I have to say about that is, too bad. She'll just have to get use to it. Maybe within a few weeks she'll come around and I hope by then she feels more comfortable in my presence. She might even open up and tell me about herself.

There's so much I want to know. Each time I look at her I've formed a new question to add to the laundry list of other questions I want to ask. I can't stop it. It's become borderline obsessive. Not obsessive in a psycho way, although I know my actions as of late say otherwise, but in the way that if I don't receive answers soon I'm going to grab her by the shoulders and shake them out of her.

Surely, I want to know her likes and dislikes. I want to know her favorite color, her favorite movie, her favorite television show. What she likes to eat, what she can't stand to eat because of her pregnancy. Where she comes from, her family, and above all I want to know why the fuck she's selling her body. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, really I do. I'm not saying that prostitutes are bad people, but I guess I just don't understand how any person can willingly give themselves to strangers for money. What could have happened to make them decide one day that this is the kind of life they want to live?

Bella is so young, fresh out of high school young. Her attitude is that of a young girl who believes she has life figured out, but hardly knows shit. Does she even understand the severity of her actions? Especially in the condition that she's currently in, I shudder to think of all the men who have touched her body and could care less that she's pregnant.

I peruse isle after isle of the small market filling up my shopping cart with things that look appealing. I'm a pretty decent cook and I think Bella will be pleasantly surprised by my culinary skills. The shit I plan to wow her with I bet she's never heard of. My Italian roots have afforded me the ability to cook the kind of food that may be simple, but has flavor out of this world.

As I grab an eggplant and put it into the cart my cell vibrates in my back pocket. I have a pretty good sixth sense about certain things and after having talked to mom today I don't have to guess whose calling.

"Alice." I sigh into the phone. Hopefully her little temper tantrum is quick.

_"Hey Edward, I'm almost at your house."_She sang.

What! My stomach dropped, oh shit!

"No, didn't mom call you!"

_"She called but I missed it. Why, what's going on?" _Her voice showed concerned.

"Uh, I spoke with her earlier about putting a hold on you guys redecorating the rooms. She told me she would pass the message on to you. Why the hell didn't you answer?" Mom's call might have been serious and she decided to ignore it? Oh right, it was serious, and it's odd that Alice would disregard a call from mom like that.

_"Edward Anthony Cullen we've been preparing for months!" _I hate when she uses my whole name like that.

"I'm sorry Al. I know how much you and mom have been planning, but I just feel like this isn't the right time." It would be great to end this conversation right there.

This is Alice I'm talking about here. She doesn't let go that easily.

_"We talked about this Edward; you have to move on from Jane. She's gone. Harboring her memory isn't healthy."_

We have talked, extensively, over the last two years about my needing to move on. I understand my family's concerns; I have fucking heard them all and frankly it's starting to piss me off. Alice especially runs her mouth at every chance, putting her two cents in when she has absolutely no idea what I'm going through.

But now isn't the time to harp on the subject at hand, I need a diversion.

"Why are you being so insensitive, Alice? This isn't about Jane, it's what I want. I just-" I trail off trying to come up with something to tell her. Why is it that I can't stand up to my own mother and sister?

_"Quit your crying little girl. I'm at your house. We'll talk when you get here." _

Before I can say anything I'm met with the dial tone.

_Fuck! _

Well, there goes my trying to keep Bella a secret.

I completely leave my full shopping cart behind and make a mad dash for the car. I don't think I've ever driven so fast in my life. It took me all of five minutes to get back to my house which is less than how long it took me to get to the market.

Alice's bright yellow Porsche is parked in its usual spot, my spot.

I throw the car in park, kill the engine and scurry out as if someone had lit a fire under my ass. I rush into the house fearing the worst and it is exactly that as I can hear the little nosy worm where she shouldn't be. Sprinting up the stairs I almost bust my ass in the hall as I careen into the guestroom where I find Alice, but no Bella in sight.

"Alice! Where is she?"

My sister whipped her head around so fast it almost gave me whiplash. "Edward what the fuck is going on in here? Why was she tied to the bed?"

Oh boy, the pixie has her hands on her hips and a devilish look in her eyes. Alice can be a scary little troll.

"I can explain." I extend my hands out in resignation.

At least I think I can explain. Right now I'm not too sure Alice will buy any of what I'm going to tell her.

"You better." She's pissed and it's only getting worse. To my utter relief Bella emerged from the bathroom looking a little sheepish. At least she didn't run away the first moment Alice freed her. She looked between me and Alice with confusion written all over her face.

When I focus back on Alice to try to formulate enough coherent words to justify this total misunderstanding, I can see Bella trying to sneak her way toward the door.

_Oh no you don't missy!_

"Bella if you take one more step toward that fucking door I will lock you somewhere in this house where you will never get out!" She stopped cold. Her face mimicked the same panic it had last night when I saved her.

"She's pregnant?" Alice stepped toward me ready to pounce. I'll have to deal with my crazy sister who at any moment may jump on me like a tiger, and keep my attention on the escape artist.

"Yes."

_Duh Alice!_

"And may I ask why you have a pregnant girl in your house!"

It's a simple question that warrants a simple answer.

"I saved her last night from getting attacked."

My sister's anger slightly wavered, "Oh, well that was very nice of you. That doesn't explain why she's here."

Bella chose that moment to butt in. "Uh, are you two going to talk about me like I'm not standing here? I'm the one who was abducted. Did you tell her about all the freaky sex things you're going to do to me?"

"What?" I screech. She's trying to make me look like some kind sex crazed pervert in front of my sister. If this were a different situation I might be laughing my ass off, but now I'm just pissed. I've been nothing but hospitable and concerned for this girl.

_Maybe that's the way she sees it Eddie!_

"Edward!" Alice shrieked. Her angry balled fists were ready to swing at my face. She may be small, but when you make her angry watch out. She'll crack your skull open first and ask questions later. Like an angry Chihuahua

And for pete's sake, where does she get off yelling at me like I'm a child? Hell, I'm older than her.

_Sheesh!_

"Alice don't believe her."

The freaking pregnant little liar!

"Why else would you force me to stay here?" Bella asked.

I look her square in the eyes. "I told you this morning. I want to help you, Bella."

"Help me with what? I was just fine before you swooped into my life." She huffed, put off by my words.

This whole thing is blowing up in my face.

"You're a fucking pregnant prostitute! I wouldn't constitute that as being fine!"

Bella rolled her eyes, but it was Alice who spoke. "Wait, a prostitute?" Her exterior softened but in turn she looked totally shocked.

"So what it's my life. I don't go telling everyone what you do for a living, although I have no idea what your occupation is." Bella spat back at me.

"How long have you been a prostitute Bella?" Alice asked her.

"None of your business!"

This isn't a comfortable topic, I can tell. There's no use in stressing her out about his. "Bella please calm down. It's not good for the baby."

"Stop telling me what to do!"

"Maybe you should sit down." Alice was at her side in a flash.

Bella was starting to turn red. "Both of you are fucking nuts. Edward you can explain to whoever she is why you have me here against my will, but in the meantime I'm out of here."

She attempted to run out of the door, but she's not quick enough. I grab her wrist so fast she never saw me coming. I pull her into my chest. A slight tingle zipped through my body at the sudden impact. I know she felt it too because she tensed in my arms.

_What the fuck was that?_

"You're staying right here."

"Edward, this doesn't make sense. I know you saved her but why didn't you take her home?" Alice piped up.

"She lives at the fucking Starlite Motel!" Both she and I turn up our noses at the same time. Ew, I still can't believe Bella actually slept in one of those dirty beds. That place is just swimming in fungus and bacteria.

"For your information I just stay there, I don't live there. And again, why do my living arrangements matter to you so much?"

I look at Alice who is close to tears. "Oh Bella, I'm so sorry." Leave it to my sister to apologize for something she absolutely had no part in. Her empathy for others is amazing, really.

"What the fuck are you sorry for?" Bella may find it strange, but it's not uncommon for the pixie to become emotional when the situation pertains nothing to her.

"How old are you?" Alice questioned further.

_That's something I would like to know myself actually._

"...Old enough. Please tell him to let me go and I'll forget this whole thing ever happened."

"No Bella I told you I'm not letting you out of my sight. Not while you're pregnant and selling your body. It's not safe."

"Please." Her body slumped in my arms. She's crying...I hate that this is so overwhelming for her but she has to understand. She has to.

"Edward let her go. She doesn't want to be here. You can't do this!" It would be much easier if Alice wasn't here. Her incessant pleading to let Bella go is only making it worse for me and putting more stress on Bella in the process.

"I can and I will." I declare. It hurts me to do this, but I've made up my mind. It has to be done.

"She's obviously scared out of her mind."

I lift Bella's chin so that I can see her eyes, her deep chocolate pools are murky from crying and her vulnerability is so beautiful in that moment. "Bella you have no reason to fear me. I just want what's best for you."

"Why? I don't want to be here! I want to go back to my life, I was doing just fine." Her words are shaky. She looks absolutely exhausted.

"I think she should rest for a little while. I'll stay here with her and you can make her something to eat." Alice retrieved Bella from my arms. A part of me wanted to tell her to piss off and leave but the other part needs her to be here. I have no clue as to what to do to make Bella's stay here more comfortable.

Maybe my sister can crack through the wall Bella refuses to let me get close to.

As Alice helps her into bed, I leave them hoping she can talk some sense into her.

I go to the kitchen to start some dinner. Tomorrow I'll attempt to go shopping again to stock up for the next few weeks. As I put the finishing touches on my chicken Alfredo, Alice quietly saddled up beside me, taking that time to slide her arm around me for comfort. It's appreciated.

"She's sleeping."

I turn to meet the intense glare of her dark green eyes. "I know you must think I'm crazy."

"I wouldn't say crazy, more like fucking criminally insane. What you're doing is illegal. What if she calls the police?"

"She won't. I don't have a land line and I have my cell with me at all times. She'll never get to it."

Shaking her head she moved around me to grab a glass from the cabinet. "Bella's not dumb. You don't think she knows how to escape situations like this?"

"She hasn't yet."

As long as there is a lock on that door she won't.

"Edward, I want you to be honest with me...What is the real reason you're doing this?"

_Ahhh, the dreaded question of the day._

"I saw her yesterday morning. Something about her intrigued me so followed her around."

"You stalked that poor girl?"

"I just wanted to make sure she was okay. She's obviously young, but when I saw that she was pregnant...I don't know something inside told me that I had to save this girl. The things she was doing with those men..."

"Christ Edward you watched her!" If her eyes could bug out of her head they probably would've slapped me in the face.

"Keep your voice down. Yes, I watched her but it wasn't until I saw her with the third guy did I realize what she was doing. If those two dudes wouldn't have jumped on her last night she might not be here, but when I had her safe with me I couldn't allow her to go back to that. It's not fair to that baby."

"Oh stupid brother of mine, you have a good heart...But you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. She's made it clear that she doesn't want to be here-" Alice sighed, sipping on her glass of water.

"She doesn't know what she wants. She hasn't been taking care of herself. She's never been to the doctor, hell she doesn't even want the baby." I snap at her not intentionally, just the idea of Bella not taking care of herself makes me angry.

"So forcing her to stay here is supposed to miraculously change her? Edward that girl is so messed up, I don't think you understand. By keeping her here under lock and key she'll never see you as more than her captor. She'll never trust you to help her. It's obvious she's been dealt a shitty hand in life. Edward, I'm you sister and I love you so much, but this is crazy. I'm calling mom." She goes for her purse.

"No! Alice don't!" I jump in front of her small form to stop her.

_She can't call mom._

"She'll know what to do."

"I don't want her and dad to know about Bella. Let me take care of this on my own without all of you barging in."

"It's too late for that," Alice disagreed "for the past two years I've watched you turn from my loving brother to this shell of a man. Mom has always stood firm on the idea of you talking to someone to help you get over Jane's death and I think you should."

"This has nothing to do with Jane!"

Fuck! I wish they would stop throwing her in my face. It's not fair to constantly bring up the past when I am trying to move forward.

"I think it does. She was the love of your life, the love you couldn't save. You're using this girl to fill that void inside of you that you lost when Jane died...Bella is not your responsibility no matter how drawn to her you are. Her being pregnant is just another reason to use her baby to replace the one you lost."

_...Fucking pixie!_

"Alright, so maybe when I look at Bella I see Jane and it kills me. My wife wouldn't let me help her. When she lost the baby she didn't want me to touch her anymore. She told me she felt like less of a woman because she couldn't give me a child. That's not all that I wanted from her. I loved her, so much that when she killed herself a part of me died with her. I know that Bella isn't Jane...I just don't want to see her like that. I care too much about her already."

Alice engulfed me in her tiny arms. "I love you Edward. We'll figure this out."

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><p><strong>AN:** So, maybe there is more to Edward keeping Bella than we thought. Both of them have issues and they won't fix themselves overnight. I hope you ladies enjoy. Again I want to say thanks for the support. Leave me a review and tell me what you think. _Ciao!_


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** This chapter and the next will be in Bella POV. Enjoy

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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><p>Chapter 9<p>

BPOV

_I was running again...I always seem to be._

_It's extremely dark each direction I turn and I can hear their footsteps gaining on me. I run faster but something is weighing me down. I don't have time to worry, I just have to keep running. My legs are moving so fast but it doesn't seem to propel me further away from the angry footsteps that follow. A hand catches me by the back of my shirt, and I'm flung down to the ground. Everything changes around me and soon I'm looking into the black eyes of the three monsters my nightmares center around. Using knives Phil, Peter, and Renee begin to skin the flesh from my body, laughing while I scream in agony._

_They won't let me die. Each time I think the darkness will swallow me one of them pulls me out._

_I try to speak but my vocal cords have been slashed. Now, I cannot make a sound. Peter stands over me, his black hair in the shape of devil horns and he's laughing. Phil and Renee are laughing also..._

_They're all laughing at me. _

_The room suddenly shifts and it's the frightening face of Edward standing over me now. He's laughing at me and then out of nowhere Alice joins in, they're laughing at my pain. I try to scream but no one cares. No one will save me. My wrists and ankles are bound to the bed and the laughs grow louder. Tauting, mocking, full of hate and disgust. Edward is standing to my right and Alice is on my left. They have knives in their hands...They're here to finish what Renee, Phil and Peter started. They want to skin me alive!_

_"You stupid bitch! You're a disgrace. Why would you ever believe that I would care anything about you? I hate you. You disgust me." Edward speaks, but it's not his voice I hear. It's the deep menacing voice of Phil._

_"You're worthless. You're nothing!" Alice's lips are moving but the voice belongs to Peter._

_"What are you two waiting for? Finish her!" Renee is standing at the foot of the bed holding something in her arms. It's bundled tight in a white blanket. Her hair is shaped into devil horns and a menacing, toothy grin spread across her face._

"_Look what I've got Bella, it's your baby." She moves the blanket from the baby's face. It's the most horrible thing I've ever seen. The baby is disfigured and bloody. It eyes are bloodshot red and there's a wide smile on its face, like it's enjoying watching me suffer._

_I thrash around trying to scream to no avail. Edward rips my heart from my body and holds it in front of my face. "See, you really are a heartless bitch."_

I open my eyes, frantically moving them around the room expecting to find all of them standing around my bed, however I'm alone. The sun is shining bright and I can hear the faint sound of birds chirping in the tree outside the window...Thank fuck it was just a dream.

A fucking nightmare that felt so real.

Heaving a sigh of relief I roll off of my side onto my back and stretch. The little one decided to stretch too and, wait for it…Yep! Now I have to piss. Rolling out of bed, which is about the only way I can get out of it nowadays, I hurry into the bathroom to do my duty. Once finished I wash my hands and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I look like hell, well rested, but definitely not my usual self.

That fucking dream really shook me up. I've had these kinds of horrible nightmares for years but this one was worse because Edward was in it. He wanted to hurt me. His sister wanted to hurt me.

I splash cold water on my face to help calm me and take a few deep breaths before I have fucking a mental breakdown. Being locked up is starting to get to me. Is this what it's like in prison?

It's crazy how fast your life can change.

Just two days ago I was out in the world (downtown Seattle), doing my own thing (fucking and sucking), wishing I could lay in the coolness of an air conditioned room without a care in the world (in the fucking motel room from hell), and now look where I am.

Somewhere way outside of the city in a house with an asshole who decided he wanted to play Captain Save-A-Hoe.

He really expects me to believe that he brought me here under the pretense of _helping_ me but all I can think about is what he'll do when he comes to his senses, because I really think he's a psycho, and realizes he's been lying to himself. I wonder when it will snap in his mind that this so called _helping_ is really his need for something else.

_No man in their right mind ever cared about me. As long as I'm on my knees with his dick in my mouth or on my back with my legs open, it doesn't matter how I feel._

I slip back into bed and settle against the headboard. The incident from last night suddenly rushing back all at once. I remember Alice staying with me until I fell asleep, stroking my hair lovingly and whispering words to calm me. She worked her little fairy magic because I slept all the way through the night for once. I woke up really early this morning around seven to see that Fuckward had made breakfast for me. I wasn't very hungry so I picked over it and then went back to sleep.

It's after two in the afternoon now, and if it weren't for that dream I would've slept longer.

I'm still pretty tired…

There's a quiet knock on the door and the douche slowly peeked his head in. His eyes land on me and he offers a soft smile as he moves into the room, holding a tray of food in his hands.

I watch him and try not to remember the evil Edward from my dream.

"I brought you some lunch. I hope it's okay."

I don't reply. My anger won't allow me to acknowledge him placing the food beside the bed, or him taking a seat in the chair he watches me from.

"Can I talk to you?" He asks.

He can talk all he wants, doesn't mean I have to listen.

We sit in silence for a beat. He's staring at me with a look so intense it threatened to melt my resolve.

_What happened to keeping my composure?_

"Bella-" he started, "I know you're unhappy here. My intentions are only to protect you from the dangers of the life you're living. You haven't told me very much about yourself but from what I've gathered you don't have anyone looking out for your well-being. I want to do that for you, but the only way that can happen is if you're here with me. I can give you whatever you want if you let me. Whatever you decide to do I will support you, if, and only if it's reasonable. Just, tell me what I have to do to make your stay here a little more comfortable."

Does he not already get it? I don't need his help. I've been taking care of myself on my own all of these years, the last thing I need is for some man to come along and treat me like an invalid just because I'm pregnant. There are thousands of girls just like me out there, what the fuck makes me so special?

"I'll never be comfortable here." I say.

"Can you tell me why?"

I narrow my eyes at him and automatically regret it.

Fuck, he's so beautiful…Beautiful and out of his fucking mind.

"Because, every time I look at you I don't see a savior, I don't feel safe and I don't like it here. What you're doing won't change who I am. If you want sex I can do that, I'm comfortable with that, but you taking care of me, wanting to help me with this..._problem_-" I take a deep breath," I don't know what you're expecting...But I'll stay."

Did I just say that?

_Yep! _

As much as I want to fight him on this right now I'm physically and emotionally tired of it all. He's shown in this small amount of time that he doesn't give up easily, even on my stubborn ass.

Fuck it. As they say, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, and right now this is out of my control. He wants to take me in like a charity case, well he's got me, for now. We'll call this a sort of surrender until I can figure out how to get away from him.

He can't know that part. _It's a secret between us girls._

"I won't run away. I don't really have a place to go, but I do need to get my things from the motel room."

The look on his face…He's beaming from ear to ear. It's actually quite breathtaking to see him sitting there all stoic and beautiful with that bronze sex hair, and those perfect pearly whites. If I were wearing panties they would have melted by now.

"We can go by there after you eat." He says.

I can only nod because if I open my mouth, nasty things might come out.

"Just a heads up, my sister is probably going to inform my family that you're here."

I grin at the thought of Alice. "That little woman is a fucking ball of energy."

He chuckled and it had to be the sexiest sound I've ever heard. It's deep and masculine. Nothing girly about it, he's all man which makes me grin even wider. "She means well. Her energy level is through the roof and at times her mouth can be a little much."

"I think she's a bitch." I shrug.

Hell, aren't all women?

"If you think she's bad wait until you meet Rose." He ran those long fingers through his sex hair. I wish he would run them all over me.

My perverted, hormone riddled mind is in rare form today. I've never thought about a man so much in my life.

"Who's she?" I ask.

"My brother Emmett's wife. She's definitely...Something."

"Lucky me." I can handle a bitch pretty well, because I am one.

Edward sat forward in his seat, his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped together. His eyes scan my face and I begin to tingle. "Can you tell me a little about yourself, Bella?"

_Aaanndd_ the tingles are gone.

Shit he wants to talk, like have a fucking Oprah heart to heart. I'm not doing that shit. The last thing I need is him telling me I need to see a shrink.

_This can go two ways. He either asks a good question and we can get all chummy like two friends, or it goes the opposite and I have to tell him where to shove it. I have a pretty good inkling that this won't end well at all._

"...What do you want to know?" I hesitantly ask.

"Well," he started smoothing his hands over his jeans, "tell me about your family."

Wrong mother fucking question!

"I don't have one."

He looked confused. "Everyone has a family, even if it's not a good one."

If only his privileged ass knew what it was like to grow up feeling worthless while sick people fed off your vulnerability. He wouldn't know shit because he grew up in a huge mansion, surrounded by a loving mother and father and his siblings. He never had to go to school wearing the same clothes for a week because his dumb whore of a mother spent all the wash money buying drugs.

He wouldn't understand, so why does he want to know?

"Do we have to talk about this? I don't have a fucking family, leave it alone!"

"Alright I'm sorry if I offended you." He held up his hands in defeat.

_Good!_

_Change the fucking subject asshole!_

"I'd like to take you to the doctor."

Oh, this is definitely something I don't want to talk about.

"Why?"

"Seeing as you haven't been before, and you haven't been taking prenatal vitamins I'm concerned about the baby's health."

"There's no need for your concern, it's fine I'm telling you." I don't need to see a doctor to tell me what's going on inside. A _thing_ is growing where it shouldn't be in the first place, and unfortunately fucking up my body and my hormones. What else do I need to know?

"You can't be sure of that Bella."

"The fucking_ thing _moves around all the time like it owns my fucking uterus. Believe me, it's fine." I don't like feeling like a stuffed sausage. The bigger I grow I know it will only get more uncomfortable.

"You shouldn't call your baby a thing." He sighed.

"That's what it is."

"No, it's your baby, Bella. How can you be so...Detached?"

"We already had this conversation. I don't want it."

"Why?"

"Because!"

_Geez he's so annoying!_

"That's not a good reason and you know it." He accused.

What is this back and forth shit? Why can't he just take my word for it and leave me the hell alone!

"I never fucking wanted kids in the first place. If I had it my way I would've gotten an abortion but I didn't have the fucking money."

He bolted out of the chair. "That's horrible."

"What's it to you? I know what you think about me. I'm a whore who fucked some guy and now I'm having his baby, well that's the fucking truth. I barely even remember what he looks like..."

"I don't think that way about you, Bella. I don't know why you sell your body, but I don't think of you as a whore."

_Excuse me?_

"Why the hell not? I'm a fucking slut, that's all I'll ever be. This _thing_ is a bastard because I was too fucking drunk to remember to put a condom on the guy's dick."

"STOP!" He yelled.

It scared me and in a flash I was on the other side of the bed clutching a pillow.

_Yeah, like that will protect me._

He began pacing the floor, pulling at his hair which only made it look more out of control. "Stop talking about yourself like that Isabella! You have no idea how much it hurts to hear you saying those things. What you're doing is fucked up, yes, but there must be a reason behind your behavior. I'm here to listen if you want to talk about it."

"I don't WANT to talk about shit! My life isn't any of your concern!"

_Keep talking like that Bella and you're going to make him snap. You don't want that._

"Why are you fighting me so hard? You haven't given this a chance to work out." He looks so sad. The anger that was once there is gone and now he's looking at me with those depressed looking green eyes.

I can't let him see me weak. I refuse.

"Fuck you, I don't want your help! How many times do I have to say it before it gets through that thick skull of yours! '..HERE!"

Do I need to do a song and dance to get my fucking point across?

He stepped back, lowering his head he let out a sigh and a groan followed. "I'm sorry you feel that way. Eat your lunch, I'll be back later. You should get some rest." He started for the door.

_Oh no buddy you don't get to walk away from me!_

"You can take this shit and shove it up your ass!" I chuck the plate at his back; unfortunately it missed and smashed into the wall just as he shut the door.

Why the hell did I do that?

I'm fucking starving.

Getting out of bed I move over to where I threw the plate to try and salvage what I could. I have terrible aim so most of the food was all over the floor amongst broken glass. I pick through what isn't all over the floor and throw the rest in the garbage. It was only a sandwich and some chips but I'm not a dog. I don't fucking eat shit off the ground no matter if it's a clean carpet or the fucking street.

I climb back into bed to attempt to sleep some more. My body has never had this much rest in the twelve years since Gran died. At her house, I didn't have to worry about who was waiting for me, like at Renee's.

I was eight when Gran sat me down and told me she was too sick to take care of me anymore. She'd had me since birth and she was the only mother I knew, so I begged her not to send me to Renee. I didn't really know her and on the few occasions we came into contact she hardly spoke or if she did it was to talk down to me. Gran told me I had no choice. She knew the kinds of things I would be exposed to staying in a house with my irresponsible mother; however I don't think she could ever fathom exactly what she was sending me into.

I don't blame Gran...She couldn't take care of me anymore. Cancer had taken up residence in her body. She knew that it was only a matter of time. I may have been living with Renee but I always made sure to visit Gran each day afterschool. Renee would pick me up from school and drop me right off there. That's about the only thing she was good for, just as long as I wasn't in her hair she didn't give a fuck about what I did.

A few months after my ninth birthday, I walked into Gran's house and couldn't find her. I searched each room downstairs and all the rooms on the second floor.

I finally found her. She was down in the basement, dead at the foot of the stairs. She was washing clothes and her body just gave out. That was my Gran, independent until the end.

...I see her lifeless eyes in my dreams a lot; even to this day they're as vivid as when I saw them for the first time.

I'd rather have dreams about my dead grandmother than dreams about my rotten mother and her pedophile of a boyfriend. I hope they're burning in hell.

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><p><strong>AN:** So, Bella is still being stubborn. It's going to be that way for a while. She doesn't know Edward yet, but in time she'll start to open up more. Thanks for reading. Leave me those comments please! They make my day…


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** This chapter is a continuation of chapter 9. As I said before, I know nothing about prostitution, I'm just making things up as I go. I apologize for any mistakes. Enjoy!

Marvin Gaye-Let's Get It On lyrics from

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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><p>Chapter 10<p>

BPOV

_I've been really tryin', baby  
>Tryin' to hold back this feelin' for so long<br>And if you feel like I feel, baby  
>Then come on, oh, come on<br>Whoo, let's get it on_

I sing obnoxiously loud and horribly off key to one of the most classic love songs ever. Gran told me once that whenever she would put this song on Grandpa Joe would drop his pants. Yes, my sixty-five year old grandmother told me at seven years old how she got her husband in the mood with Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On". I promise Gran was totally sane, just different in her ways of approaching certain subjects.

One thing is for sure, even after Grandpa Joe died, she still loved Marvin Gaye.

_We're all sensitive people  
>With so much to give<br>Understand me, sugar  
>Since we got to be<br>Let's live  
>I love you<em>

This is what I've been doing for the past three hours. I'm fucking bored out of my mind in this prison being passed off as a guestroom. The least that douche could have done was put a T.V. in here to occupy my time but instead I'm stuck with a fucking fifties style radio with a broken antenna. I was able to pick up this old Pop and RnB station which is pretty cool. The songs range from the sixties to the nineties and so far I've heard a few songs I know, and as "Let's Get It On" fades into the next song I'm sent into my memories once more.

The long days that included spending time on Gran's porch in Phoenix, sipping iced tea and eating homemade cookies. Playing for hours and watching America's Funniest Home Videos during dinner. Gran made each day special for me. She was my bestfriend...

My only friend.

I need her so much right now.

A quick knock alerted me to the door opening and Edward strolling in; his hair is damp so he must have just stepped out of the shower. _To be a fly on the wall in that bathroom._

Is he here to remind me once again about how I'll never get out of this place?

The _Bitch_ that I am will not give him the satisfaction.

"Back for more asshole?"

He rolled his eyes and sighed pinching the bridge of his nose. "Come on. I'm going to take you to get your things."

My things? I'm surprised he didn't say soiled garbage or something an uppity asshole like him would say.

"Can I take a shower first? Or is that too much to ask?" I've been bathing in my own filth for far too long.

"Sure. Um, I'm sorry I haven't stocked the bathroom with things you need. Things have been…Well anyway I'll find you something to wear for the time being."

_Thank you kind sir! I shall slip into the bathroom and wash myself accordingly._

Did I mention I can't stand him?

My shower, short but sweet, helped relieve some of the tension from my body. There's nothing like a hot shower to soothe and wash away the crap of the day.

I wish it could wash away some of the shit from my mind...

All the men who have ever touched me are engraved in my skin.

Renee and all of her lies. Phil and Peter, the devils that still haunt me.

Gran's death.

The baby inside of me...Kicking me all the time...

I wish it wasn't real.

When I return to the bedroom in just a towel Edward is sitting a big box on the bed. I immediately go to inspect.

_There better be some good shit in here..._

...I'm quickly disappointed. Whoever these clothes belong to is a fucking stick. Do I look like a fucking size two? The only thing I can find remotely close to my size is a black, sleeveless cotton dress that's pretty stretchy.

I don't care that Edward is in the room when I drop my towel and shimmy into the dress, sans panties and bra. He turned away like a bitch, _figures_. When I inspect myself in the mirror I can't help but smile at my reflection. It fits me like a glove. I may have a pot belly but I'm very proud of what the pregnancy has done for my body. I look like a curvy goddess with a great pair of tits and if I don't turn to the side you can hardly tell my stomach is full of baby.

My new body may be the only perk I get out of this experience.

"Whose shit is this anyway?"

"They were my wife's." He said from behind me. From the mirror I can see that he's back to staring at me.

What does he mean they **were** his wife's?

"Won't she mind me wearing them?" Hell, I would mind if some chick were wearing my clothes, _just sayin._

"She's dead."

_...Fuck._

"Oh." Now I feel like shit. Well, I guess I know which topic to steer clear of. I don't want him to get the wrong idea about me. I'm normally not a nosey bitch.

He studied me for a few seconds then seemed to snap out of wherever his mind had gone. "She has some shoes she never wore in this box. You can look through them and see what you like. You're feet look to be about the same size."

He looks so sad now. It's like him offering me the last piece of his wife is literally killing him inside. I suddenly don't feel comfortable.

"Look, Edward if you don't want me to wear her clothes I can-"

"No...It's fine. I mean, I was going to get rid of them anyway but if there are some things you can wear you're welcome to them."

"Okay."

There's a second of hesitation before I rummage through the shoes. I find a pair of black flip flops amongst the mounds of stylish heels in the box. They look comfortable enough and with my swollen feet I don't feel like squeezing them into anything else.

Slipping the flip flops on my feet I walk back into the bathroom to brush my hair into a ponytail and brush my teeth. He conveniently left a few packs of toothbrushes out for me to use.

Edward is waiting for me by the bedroom door. "All set?" He looked me over.

"Yes."

He ushered me out into the hallway and down the flight of stairs to the first floor like a damn bodyguard. His house from what I can see is absolutely beautiful. It's so big but you can tell it's an old house. Modern things give it an updated appeal with embellishments lining every wall and every corner of his home...I like it. It reminds me of those houses you find in that magazine, what is it called, Better Homes or some shit? Forgive me, I don't spend my time memorizing magazines while I'm out screwing half the population of Seattle.

We walk outside onto a spacious front porch. Not much but a swing and a few chairs are haphazardly placed as if they've recently been sat in. The wooden floorboards creek as we make our way toward his silver Volvo that I remember well. Edward, always the gentleman, helps me into his car and makes sure I'm settled before jogging around to the driver's side and getting in. He starts the car and rolls down the windows to let some of the cool breeze in I suppose, and as we drive away I can't help but notice the huge tree now fading in the distance.

"Are you comfortable?" He asks.

"Yeah." As comfortable as I can be. I don't know where these sudden nerves are coming from. I just hope he can't tell.

_Let's break the ice shall we? All this silence is starting to irk my nerves._

"So what do you do for a living?"

I watch him from the corner of my eye perk up. He seems almost relieved that I asked him something so personal, which is kind of weird. "As of right now I'm unemployed."

"How is that possible? You drive around in this expensive ass Volvo, you live in a mansion-

"I live off of my inheritance."

_Oooohhhhh!_ It makes sense now. He's always at home hovering over me; he only ever goes out to the grocery store...Why didn't I see it until now?

"Must be a shit load of money."

"Something like that." He didn't look proud of that fact at all.

For the rest of the trip to the Starlite we remain silent but the air not as tense as it could have been, in fact it's very calming just to be riding around in a car again. I never thought I would say that. In my profession I'm lucky to fuck in a car much less ride around in one.

Entering the familiar neighborhood not much has changed.

_You've only been gone for two days._

That's beside the point. I never realized how dirty this side of town looked until I got out of it. To come back after only two days I feel like I'm stepping into uncharted territory. Edward pulls into the parking lot of the motel, parked where I told him to and shut off the engine.

"Remember you promised you wouldn't run away." He said to me.

_Make him think you aren't as stupid as you are and you may get away faster._

"I won't...It's not like I would get far anyway."

He followed me to room sixteen, the place that I've been staying at for quite some time. When I open the door I'm glad to see that it's exactly as I left it. Clothes everywhere, old take-out containers, and my personal favorite, condom wrappers that didn't quite make it to the trash.

_Ain't I a stinker!_

"How long have you been staying in this dump?" Edward looked around, definitely uncomfortable and disgusted. I bet he couldn't survive a day in my shoes.

"A few months. I had an apartment but I got kicked out because I couldn't pay the rent, so I came to this shit hole until I could get back on my feet."

"Don't you make enough money in your...profession?"

"Hmmm, not as much as you would think." I wish I could say I was making over $500 a night. I'll do good to make $200 with the fuckers I put out for. The economy sucks, these assholes looking for cheap pussy don't have enough money to accommodate what we hookers expect, so we have to lower our prices or else suffer the consequences of not making any money.

"You're independent right? I mean, you don't have a pimp or anything?"

I start picking up my clothes and stuffing them into a duffle bag. "Not anymore."

"So you make up your own prices right?" He asked sitting on the bed.

"Yeah something like that."

_Where is he going with all of this?_

"What's your clientele like?"

"I don't really have a clientele. A guy approaches me and if he agrees to the prices I give we hook up."

"You sleep with all kinds of men then?"

"I don't discriminate if that's what you mean. Getting paid is all I care about."

In this business you can't afford to turn down anyone willing to fork out the cash. I know some girls favor certain guys, but me, I don't really give a fuck.

I'm an equal opportunity kind of girl.

"Are you expensive?"

"You want to find out?"

He tensed up. "No not for me...How much do you normally charge a guy?"

Sighing, I sit on the floor to gather up my shoes that I have a habit of kicking off underneath the bed. "It depends on how much I think I can get out of them. Most of the john's are fucking broke asses, depending on what they want I charge accordingly."

"How much did you charge that guy in the alley?"

I peek up at him with an amused smirk. "You saw that did you? How long have you been following me?"

"I only...Shit."

_Oh Eddie Boy! You like to watch do you?_

"Not only are you a kidnapper, buy you're a stalker too? It's a shame someone as sexy as you has to stoop so low as to keeping prostitutes hostage. If you want me to suck you off all you have to do is ask." He's so blind that he can't even realize that I can see him straining against his jeans.

"No I don't want that." He can deny it all he wants. That doesn't take away the fact that he wants me, or at least wants to try out a hooker.

"I would think chicks would be throwing themselves on their knees to suck your dick with no problems."

He tensed up even further. "Well for your information I'm not the kind of guy to sleep around with random women to get off."

"Hmmm," dropping what I'm doing I decide there's no time like the present to fuck with pretty boy, "how long has it been since you got an amazing blowjob?" I saunter toward him.

"What are you doing?" He's backing away.

"Oh nothing. I'm just asking a question? You know, I've been told I give amazing head. You should let me show you." I drop to my knees in front of him and aim for his belt.

"Stop!" It comes out as more of a moan than a plea so I proceed.

"Come on baby, you know you want my mouth on that big, hard, cock of yours." I rub him through his pants, having the affect I wanted instantly.

"I said stop!" He pushed me backward. I have to brace myself so I don't hit the floor.

"Finish packing your shit. I'll wait outside." Edward stormed out of the room and slammed the door.

That dude seriously needs to take the stick out of his ass.

I finish packing up all of my belongings, which isn't much, and walk into the kitchen to search for the little red box I keep hidden in the back of the stove, that doesn't work by the way that's why the room was so cheap. When I open it I find the two things that I last placed in there before I was abducted; my money and Renee's locket.

The golden piece of jewelry is the only thing I have that actually belonged to my bitch of a mother. The only reason I keep it is because it belonged to Gran first. She gave it to Renee on her sixteenth birthday, right before I was conceived at a party during a drunken one night stand. For some reason Renee held on to the locket like her life depended on it, never letting me get too close for fear I may break it, or open it. I can remember her threatening me that if I ever opened the locket she would cut my fingers off.

...Even to this day I've never opened it.

I'm scared of what I might find inside.

I stuff the red box into my bag and head out. Edward is standing right outside of the door and he grabbed my things while I went to return the room key. The owner, Lou, barely acknowledged me but as I walked out I could tell he was staring at my ass.

Men are fucking dense creatures.

I get back into the car where Edward is waiting patiently for me. "Did you handle everything?"

"Yes."

He looked relieved. "While we're out do you need anything else?"

"McDonald's." I'm really hungry. I've been craving McDonald's fries.

"Fine." He rolled his eyes.

The nearest McDonald's was fucking packed because it was lunch rush. A sudden thought came to me...All of the people, distraction...I could slip away and he probably wouldn't notice until it was too late. I would have to run as fast as I can and hide somewhere, but I think it will work.

If I don't take this opportunity now then it will be like I'm giving up. I don't want him to think he's won me over so quickly, I can still get away.

"I have to piss. Can you park?"

He did without making a fuss. "Do you want to order the food inside?"

"Yeah that sounds fine." I get out of the car and start walking toward the busy restaurant. Immediately, I head for the bathroom since now I really have to fucking go. Edward is right on my tail.

I turn around to stop him. "What are you doing?"

"Waiting for you."

"No go get the food. I want a Big Mac with a large fry and one of those iced teas; have to feed the mutant." I pat my stomach to get the point across. He doesn't move, in fact I have a feeling he won't leave at all.

"Calm down I won't go anywhere, now hurry up before the line gets longer." I push him in the direction of the counter. Just my luck it seems like there are more people in here than I thought.

I have to handle my business first.

Curse you bladder, and curse the little person who gets a kick out of making me piss every five seconds.

After relieving myself and washing my hands, I peek outside of the door...Edward is nowhere in sight, lost amongst the crowd. I slowly step out observing my surroundings. I don't want him to see me running because that will just fuck everything up. I don't breathe until I'm outside and speed walking toward his car. I have to get my stuff.

But when I go to open the door it won't fucking budge. "Shit!" The fucker locked them. I can't leave without my stuff.

Damn it! Why did he have to lock the doors? I could have grabbed my shit and been gone by now. I'm wasting too much time. I start to search for something, anything to help open the door before he realizes I'm gone.

Nothing...Absolutely no way I can get into this car.

"Looking for something?"

_...You've been caught red handed Swan!_

"Fuck!"

His eyes are murderous. He stalks toward me like a lion and before I know it he has me pinned to the car with his arms on either side, blocking any chance I had to escape him. "You promised you wouldn't run Bella."

"Well I lied, happy!" I look him square in the eyes to show him that I'm not backing down.

"Get in the car, NOW!"

I'm so pissed I could scream right now, but I don't. I keep my composure as much as possible. "I hate you." The venom in my voice catches him off guard only for a second before his death glare returned.

"I don't care. Get in the car!"

Once I'm inside and strapped in to his liking we're on the road again. What was once a peaceful vibe between us has now become one filled with disdain and hatred. What does this mean for me now? Is he going to ignore me? I mean, he did catch me trying to escape but obviously I didn't get very far...Why the fuck is he so angry!

I cross my arms over my chest, rolling my eyes and sighing in frustration. "So I take it you won't be letting me out of my room for a long time, huh?"

He doesn't answer.

_Okay, let's try this again._

"Hey Fuckward you hear me talking to you!"

"My NAME is EDWARD! You'll do good to call me that until I tell you otherwise do you understand me?"

The pure rage in his voice made me flinch. _Geez_, He's scary when he's like this. "Do. You. Understand. Isabella!"

"Yes!"

"Good now sit there and shut the fuck up. I'm tired of hearing you talk right now."

_Oh, he's tired of hearing __**ME**__ talk?_

"Well I'm tired of seeing your face so I guess we're both up a creek right?" I yell back at him.

"You're a real bitch!"

"Thanks you fucking psycho!"

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><p><strong>AN:** The great escape artist Bella couldn't get away this time. Do you think Edward has a right to be angry with her? I mean, he did kidnap her and is keeping her against her will. Let me know what you think. I would really love some reviews. You girls are amazing! Until next time…


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** Sorry for the wait. School and being lazy prevented me from getting this out sooner. Anywho, Bella is going to the doctor today! I wonder what's going to happen. I have no knowledge of what goes on during a prenatal visit (or whatever it's called) so if I'm wrong in any way I apologize beforehand. Like I said before, I'm making all of this up as I go.

As always I want to thank all you lovely ladies (and gents if there are any) for reading my story and showing it some love.

The reviews keep me going so thank you very much. Now on to the story…

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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><p>Chapter 11<p>

EPOV

Bella is driving me absolutely insane.

It's been two weeks since the McDonald's fiasco and I've found myself seriously rethinking what I've gotten myself into more than once. To truly understand my predicament think of a loud, belligerent, disrespectful, downright cruel and bitchy four year old whose only goal in life is to make you miserable. There are probably more words to describe the she-devil but my brain is starting to hurt. If she's not calling me every name in the book, she's threatening my balls and I don't appreciate that shit. She could choose any other part of my body to mutilate, but I draw the damn line at my sacred twig and berries.

It's gotten to the point where I can't even tell if it's the hormones causing her to react this way, or if it really is her personality. It doesn't help that my stupid conscience tells me on a daily basis how much of a stupid asshole I am.

Aside from her bad attitude things around here haven't changed much. I don't leave the house because I can't leave her unattended, but I never left the house even before I brought her here so it hasn't been a hard adjustment. Tying her to the bed is no longer an option; however I do lock the door each night before going to bed. That's the extent of my making sure she can't run away. Anything that I need Alice brings it by after work. My sister, bless her soul, has been great about all of this since she found out and to my knowledge she hasn't disclosed a thing to our family…But I know my Alice.

It's just a matter of time before the dam breaks.

Since she discovered Bella, Alice drops by for visits practically every day. They've developed this weird love/hate relationship where they bicker back and forth with each other so much that sometimes I feel I need to step in between them before things get out of hand, but the next minute they're laughing their asses off.

_Weirdo's!_

They even have names for each other. Bella calls Alice _Bitch_ amongst other not so nice words, while Alice is a little more respectful by taunting her with names that have to do with her pregnancy because she knows how much it gets under Bella's skin.

My favorite is Isabelly…

What? It's freakin' cute!

The sad part is I've never met a woman in Bella's situation that holds no emotional attachment to her baby. No matter what Alice or I say she acts like she could care less. She doesn't want the baby, I get it, but she's never said anything about looking into adoption either. She won't talk to me so I'm just lost.

_The girl is frustrating._

Something more serious is going on with her. She either refuses to acknowledge it or she's just plain scared. She thinks that I can't see her struggle to stay tough dwindling away? I hear her crying out in her sleep at night for pete's sake! Why is she doing this to herself? Shouldn't she know by now that I'm not the bad guy, I don't want to hurt her. I want to help her…I want to take all of her pain away.

_What happened to this beautiful girl to fuck her up so badly?_

The days when I feel like giving up on her I have to remind myself that I'm probably the only person she has; like it or not she's stuck with me regardless of how hard she pushes me away. Regardless of how insane she makes me.

Here goes nothing…

I leave my bedroom and make the short trip down the hall to Bella's room. I knock, like I do every day, and let myself inside. She's sitting on the edge of the bed with her eyes cast out the window which is something she's been doing lately. When she's not yelling and throwing things at me she's staring out of the window. It has the best view of the front yard so I can see how she can become captivated by it, if that's why she's staring so intently.

"Bella, are you ready to go?" I ask stepping closer but keeping some distance between us. I had to learn the hard way that if I get too close to the tiger she'll bite, or more like swing and hit me in the forbidden zone.

She gets a real kick out of that shit.

"No." She sighed.

"Too bad, we have to get going or you'll miss your appointment."

Today is the day I'm taking Bella to the doctor. When I told her that I was making the appointment two days ago she fought me of course, but finally relented because she said, and I quote _"You keep fucking badgering me to no end"_; I like to think she's just as excited as I am to know about the little person inside of her.

But, I've learned that when dealing with Bella she never makes anything easy.

"You think I give a fuck about that?" She whipped around so quick it caught me by surprise and I stepped back for fear she might lash out. Her expression is not at all like what I anticipated. Normally I'm met with an angry glare but today she's pretty blank.

_At least she's not giving me the stink eye. _

"You promised." I reminded her.

"You should know by now that I lie pretty well." She rolled her eyes and stood from the bed. Her short shorts ride up even higher on her thighs and her purple halter top seems like it's fighting to cover up her breasts. Her bump is standing out proudly in front of her and for the life of me I try not to reach out and rub it.

She may be putting up a fight, but she's walking out of the room with me in tow.

_I win...I always win!_

I follow her out to the car and help her inside as I always do. I like being a gentleman, even if she doesn't respect it. We take off a few seconds later in silence. What else is new? We don't really talk unless you count us screaming at each other as talking, then we do enough of that. I keep to myself just as she does unless we have to interact. She'll huff and puff from time to time, but says nothing.

I made sure to schedule the appointment for early in the morning so that we could get right in without waiting. Since this is Bella's first time visiting the doctor they run some tests which she pouted about the entire time. They made her pee in a cup and that had to be the highlight of my day. I could hear her cursing through the door because she missed the cup and peed on her hand.

After all that was done she was ready to see Dr. Cope.

Dr. Cope is a friend of my father's. They've known each other for almost twenty years and I can honestly say I trust her. She's always been sweet to me so I know she will be sweet to Bella.

"Edward! It's great to see you honey." With open arms I hug my favorite OB/GYN as she steps into the exam room. She's short and round with olive skin and black hair. Her trademark smile is beaming as usual.

"It's great to see you too, Sheryl." She steps back and immediately zeroed in on the _elephant _in the room, so to speak.

"Who do we have here?"

"This is Isabella." I introduce.

"Bella." Ms. Attitude corrects me.

"Right, Bella." I roll my eyes.

_Whatever!_

"Well it's very nice to meet you Bella. My name is Sheryl Cope and I will be conducting your examination today. Now, according to what Edward has told me you've never seen a doctor correct?"

"That's right doc." Bella murmured, biting her thumb nail which I have come to learn is a nervous habit.

"Isabella-" Sheryl started.

"My name is Bella, don't call me that!"

Sheryl regarded her with a nod. "My apologies, _Bella_. This concerns me that you haven't received proper care for yourself and the baby."

"Well, tell me how the hell was I was supposed to afford the fucking appointment without fucking insurance? And anyway I didn't even know I was pregnant until like last month." Bella huffed loudly, staring at us like we were idiots.

Sheryl looks just as shocked as I do. "How is that possible?"

"Let's just say, I have a very active lifestyle."

I know where this is going. I have to stop her before she goes off and I would really hate for Sheryl to witness that side of Bella.

"That's enough!" I scold her.

"I'm serious. My stomach literally blew up overnight. I thought I had a bad case of the bloat, but then I remembered I hadn't had my period in like, _forever_."

"Have you been drinking or doing drugs since finding out you were pregnant?" Sheryl asked.

"I have."

_I can't believe my ears! _

"Would you care to elaborate?"

Bella took a deep breath. "I drank and I smoked a few joints here and there. I've actually toned it down a lot." She reveals as if it isn't a big deal.

This is a very big deal!

"Do you know the risks of what you've been doing?" I can no longer hold my tongue. My jumping in has already set her in motion. I just hope Sheryl makes it out alive.

"I wish you of all people would back the fuck off! I have a question for you doc? When is the soonest you can take this thing out of me?"

"Are you serious?" Sheryl shot me a look of distress, I understand it completely, but that doesn't stop Bella.

"As a heart attack lady. You think maybe you can take it out at least within the next week?"

I'm...Disgusted! I don't want to believe that she could be so callous, so cold toward her own child. Just as I'm about to lose my shit I feel a gentle hand on my arm.

"Edward, can we step outside for a moment?" Sheryl stormed out and I followed, closing the door behind us.

She pulls me a few feet from the room. "Who is this girl? I've never been so appalled by a patient in my life."

"She's someone I'm trying to help. Believe me she doesn't make it easy."

"I would say so."

"I'm sorry about all of that."

Sheryl looks more concerned. "How long have you known her?"

"About two weeks."

"What was she doing before she met you?"

"She was a prostitute." I hate to even admit it.

Sheryl frowned and began nodding her head. "Well, that explains some things. I'm very afraid for that baby."

"I am too. I was hoping we could find out about how far along she is into her pregnancy; maybe you'll be able to see if the baby has any defects. I'm sure there are." It breaks my heart to even think this way about that poor baby, but the sooner we find out these things the more prepared we'll be when he or she arrives.

I follow Sheryl back inside where Bella is impatiently waiting with a scowl. It takes everything in me not to yell at her for acting this way. Sheryl asks her to lie back and proceeds with the examination.

"You're measuring at about twenty-four weeks which means you are well into your sixth month, however the baby is very small. That can be for different reasons. Were you a heavy drinker in the months before you found out you were pregnant?"

"Well-"Bella seems to be trying to think hard about it, "I mean I wasn't out getting shit faced every night. I would have a few drinks with some of the johns on occasion. I was never a big smoker. There was a point where I wasn't drinking at all because the smell of alcohol grossed me out. I had a drink a few days before Mr. Happy here kidnapped me, but it was only a small glass of wine."

Sheryl exhaled looking sadly upon the broken girl. "I'm surprised you haven't miscarried. Alcohol is very dangerous not only to the baby, but to you as well especially in the first weeks of your pregnancy. Alcohol is broken down and absorbed by the fetus. There could be a cluster of birth defects which is known as fetal alcohol syndrome. So far I can't tell if anything is wrong minus how small the baby is, but we'll need to keep close watch as your pregnancy progresses."

"What are the risks?" I ask needing to know for my own sanity.

"Well, the baby could be born with a small skull, abnormal facial features, and heart defects, often accompanied by impeded growth and mental retardation."

Bella sat up on her elbows looking a little shaken. "Wait so my ba- I mean the baby could be...umm, mentally challenged?"

"There is a possibility." Sheryl says.

To my utter surprise, Bella actually looks scared. Sheryl prepped her for the ultrasound. Within a few minutes the small screen came to life with the image of the baby's heartbeat. It's strong; this baby is a fighter.

I look down at Bella to see her staring intently at the scene in front of her. Sheryl every so often points out the baby's body parts. I ask questions because I'm genuinely amazed and quizzical. Bella never says a thing.

"Would you like to know what you're having?"

"Yes-" I said

"No- I don't want to know." Bella shook her head quickly.

"Why not?" I ask not quite grasping why she wouldn't want to know.

"Because I don't. Are we done here?"

"Yes we're done. I want to see you in two weeks." Sheryl said sadly. Behind her glasses I could see her eyes filling with unshed tears. She shouldn't be upset; this isn't a situation she should burden herself with.

Before we leave she pulls me aside out of Bella's range of hearing. "She's having a girl...I just thought you should know."

A girl!

A beautiful little girl!

The grin on my face must speak volumes because soon Sheryl is smiling too. I think she can tell how I feel without me even having to say it.

"Thank you."

"Take care of her. She needs someone to help her through this no matter how much she fights it."

"I'm trying." I give her one last hug.

"I'll call you with her test results."

Bella remained quiet throughout the car ride back to the house, only answering my questions with one word responses. A part of me wishes she would tell me how she's feeling, the other side says don't push, so I won't. She'll talk to me when she gets ready.

_What makes you think she'll ever be ready?_

I can always hope.

We get to the house and she starts for her room. "Are you okay Bella?"

She turns to me, a sort of dull look in her eyes. "I'm fine just a little tired."

"Alright you go rest. Do you want me to bring you up something to eat?" She only shakes her head and continues up the stairs.

What happened from the doctor's appointment to now? Dare I say that maybe she feels something now that she has seen her baby for the first time. She knows that the little person inside of her is real and no amount of pretending will ever be enough.

I slowly creep upstairs. Her door is closed but I can hear something...It sounds like...Is she crying?

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><p><strong>AN:** Is someone sad? So, that was a pretty rough visit to the doctor huh? I am trying to make the chapters a little longer but because I have so many chapters pre-written they are all pretty short. The alcohol facts can be found on Wikipedia. Leave me a comment and tell me what you think. As always I appreciate the support.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** Hello all you wonderful people! I have decided that I will probably post every Sunday until I finish school. It seems to be the only day that I can really focus on writing. So, here's the next chapter!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot.

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><p>Chapter 12<p>

BPOV

Why the hell am I crying?

Fuck it...I know why I'm crying.

It isn't enough that I got myself into this shit in the first place, but knowing that I have single handedly fucked this kid up is...overwhelming. See, this is exactly why I didn't want to go to the doctor. I knew that nothing good would come out of it, but _noooooo_, Fuckward insisted and now look at me, I'm a fucking mess.

There are too many emotions coursing through me at the moment and I can't handle all of them at once. I feel terrible for what I've done to my- I mean this baby, and the emotions that come with it are tearing me down. I'm stuck in my head again. I can hear Renee's voice loud and clear, telling me how worthless and disgusting I am. You know what, she's absolutely right.

I'm a fuck up.

I've always been a fuck up.

Now I have to live with fucking up my...My baby.

I told myself the minute I found out I was pregnant that there was no way in hell I could consider being responsible for another life. I still feel that way now even after knowing what I've done, how I've messed up the baby's life before it could even take its first breath. I'm no better than Renee…And that's why I can't be a mother.

Sleep doesn't come easy. Even if I were to slip into unconsciousness I'm sure I would have unsettling dreams about today, so lying in bed and staring out of the window will have to do. Edward brought me some lunch a few hours later; a turkey sandwich and salad with a tall glass of lemonade. He sat with me for a while but didn't speak much. We were as silent as usual.

He opened the window at my request which allowed a nice breeze to filter into the stuffy room. Pretty soon fall will be here so I must enjoy all this fresh summer air while it's still here. Just thinking about the cold makes me cringe. I never look forward to the winter months being out on the street. Hey, prostitutes don't have the luxury of calling off work because it's too cold. You have to sacrifice yourself in order to get what you need. The unfortunate thing is that not too many men are looking for pussy in below zero weather; unless it's a crack head wanting to get his rocks off and in that case I try not to fuck with those bastards unless I'm desperate. A few bad experiences with assholes wanting to pay me in change, and even stealing my money as I'm going down on them finally made me realize that they can't be trusted.

That's why I collect money first, suck and fuck later.

Guess I won't have to worry about freezing my ass of this year, huh? Between Hoverward and the puss gut of doom, I won't be doing much of anything for a while.

Edward left me alone as soon as I finished my food and I tried to relax as much as possible without thinking too much. I sing the happy songs Gran taught me as a little girl that are supposed to keep the bad dreams away. It only works for a little while and soon the dark images start to squeeze into my thoughts. I try so hard to keep them away.

I'm out maybe ten minutes before the familiar pitter-patter of heels coming up the stairs woke me indefinitely. Fuck these wooden floors and those fucking wooden steps because you can hear every creek, crack, and clatter when someone is walking, or running in this case. The door swings open and in walks the annoying little possum.

"Hey Rolley-Polley. How's my little mommy doing today?"

_Ugh! Can she be any more chipper? It's sickening._

"What the fuck do you want twinkle toes?" Graceful in her moves, Alice removes her purse from her shoulder and her stilettos from her feet, dropping them all to the ground and hopping right into bed beside me, buzzing with excitement.

"Do I have to have a reason to come see my favorite mommy-to-be?" She smiles, batting her eyelashes. She knows these names of hers get under my skin.

_Fuck her for being so bubbly about it._

"The door is closed for a fucking reason. It means leave me the hell alone or I get to beat your ass for trespassing."

Completely ignoring me Alice pointed toward the door as another set of heels could be heard climbing the steps. "I brought someone to meet you. This is Rosalie, well Rose."

Just then, a tall glamazon of a woman sashayed into the room. I'm momentarily stunned by how beautiful, no gorgeous she is. That's the only way I can describe the woman standing at the foot of the bed, looking me over like a fucking shoe display at Macy's. I feel like a perv for checking her out, only a little bit.

Long blonde hair, sun kissed skin, great set of tits, curves I would kill for, and a mug you can't help but envy.

Alice giggled as me and the bombshell sized each other up.

"_Hmmm_, it's nice to meet you Bella. Alice has told me a lot about you." Blondie raised an eyebrow at me, her voice monotone and a bored expression on her face.

Oh, I know a bitch when I see one. She better watch herself because I would hate to have to give her a piece of my mind and I just met her.

"Uh...Yeah ok Rosie. Alice has told me absolutely nothing about you." I sigh, rolling my eyes.

_Now I'm getting bored._

"My name is Rosalie. Maybe, if I decide to like you, I'll let you call me Rose."

Oh really? Well Bitch, today is your lucky day. I'm already in a bad mood so if she wants to take it there, we can go there.

"Didn't I tell you she was a cutie pie." Alice grabbed my cheek between her thumb and index finger. I grab her wrist and bend it back until she yells uncle.

"Wow, you two are super annoying." Rosalie plopped herself down in Edward's chair.

"Why did you bring her? Couldn't handle me on your own?" I glance at Alice to see her grinning but return my eyes to the bitchy stranger. With her legs crossed she continued to inspect me.

"Oh, I can handle you just fine. I wanted to bring Rose by to meet my favorite incubator."

"Yeah, she hasn't stopped talking about you since she told me about how Edward had you stashed in his guestroom tied to the bed with his naughty rope." The bitch picked at her nails.

I drew in a long breath and let it hiss out slowly…I really just want to be alone right now but by the looks of how comfortable the miniature poodle and her bitchy sidekick are, this is going to be a long evening.

"Edward says you went to the doctor today." Alice began twirling my hair through her fingers. That damn girl can't sit still for five seconds.

"Your brother needs to learn to keep his fucking mouth shut." I slump back against the pillows.

_Here we go._

Can't I go one day without the subject of anything that has to do with my situation or my job coming up? Maybe I should wear a sign that says _"I don't want to talk about anything so don't bring it up!"_

"So, what happened? Did you get an ultrasound? Did you find out if it's a boy or a girl?" The words rushed out of Alice in one breath.

"Nothing you need to worry about."

"You're such a Debby Downer!" She pouted.

"Well you're a nosey Bitch!" I mock her whiney voice.

"I can't help that I want to know more about you and the baby. Every time I ask a question you always have something smart to say. You shouldn't curse so much."

"Who are you, the cussing police? I'll do whatever the fuck I want."

"Well, I can see that." She rolled her eyes.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that your situation displays your obvious lack of home-training, amongst other things." Rosalie put in her two cents from where she was sitting. I had almost forgotten she was here.

And what the fuck is she talking about _lack of home-training?_

"I think what Rose is trying to say is that you are a little rough around the edges, but that's okay. You're still young and you have plenty of time to learn." Alice tries to smooth it over, but I know that she-devil tried to insult me on purpose.

"Learn what? How to insult people with fancy words?"

"Well, yes but that's not all you could learn. That's why you have me, and Edward, and Rose if you ever get on her good side."

I look at the wicked witch and she's giving me a tolerant smile. "How old are you Bella?" She asks.

"Why the fuck do you need to know?"

"Please tell us." Alice is bouncing again. How does her husband put up with this shit on a daily basis?

"How old do I look?"

Rosalie sat forward in her seat and the skin around her eyes drew tight. "Well...You look young but not teenager young; maybe early twenties."

_...She's good._

I never tell anyone my real age. On the street as long as you look like you're about eighteen people don't ask questions. My age is my best kept secret. I was eighteen for five years, and I've been twenty-one for the past year and a half.

"And why should I tell either of you something like that?" I frown at both of them.

"Oh, Belly! You can tell us. We promise we won't tell anyone."

"I'm not saying I'm embarrassed by my age, I'm just asking why is it important?"

"It's not really important. I just want to know." Rosalie sighed.

There's definitely something about her...I don't know if I should like her or have dirty thoughts.

"I'm twenty." I admit.

_Yes, I repeat, I am twenty fucking years old. _

"I knew it. When is your birthday?" Alice is in full hype mode.

"It was the thirteenth."

"Of September?"

"Duh."

"That was like, two weeks ago and you didn't tell us!" She shrieked.

"No. I don't celebrate my birthday." It's just another day. There's no need to remember something like the day I was born since I haven't celebrated it in about eleven years.

"Well that's just stupid. We have to have a party. I've been trying to get it out of you since you've been here. Now that I know you're of legal age I don't feel so bad." She plopped back on the bed, having way too much fun with herself. What kind of shit has she been smoking...I want some.

"We are not having a party so calm the fuck down before I throw you off of this bed."

"We are so having a party. I have it all planned out in my head now."

_Somebody please stop her._

"Since we're revealing ages, how old are you pixie?" I ask.

"Twenty-six." She says proudly.

"Wow, I would have sworn you were at least forty-six."

_Ha bitch!_

"In your dreams fatty."

"I take offense to that." I scoff pushing her tiny frame as hard as I could. She fell backwards giggling but sat up quickly to compose herself. Alice is weird in that she acts like a child ninety percent of the time, so I toss her around like one solely for my enjoyment.

"Do you even know who the father of your child is?" A suspicious little half-smile curved Bitchella's lips.

"I don't see how that is your business Blondie."

"So you're admitting that you don't know?" She continued.

"I didn't say that...I mean, I kind of have an idea, but I'm not telling you."

"Please Bella. I really want to know." Alice pouted some more in her whiney, baby voice.

These bitches won't give up will they? I can go on, telling them to fuck off and leave me alone, or I can tell them and get it over with. Either way I know they won't leave me alone until I tell them something.

"Alright. I crashed this college party one night looking for a good time because I was fucking bored. I got wasted...I don't think I've ever been that drunk in my life. Fucking college kids know how to throw a party. Anyway, this really cute guy walked up to me and asked if I wanted to dance. To make a short story even shorter, he wanted to fuck me so that's what we did. I woke up naked in some motel room and the asshole was gone."

"Did he at least tell you his name before you guys fucked?" Alice asks.

"Maybe. It's all kind of fuzzy but the only thing I can remember is that he was really tall. His hair was long and he was pretty muscular." Yeah, I remember grabbing the muscles of his back and screaming for him to fuck me harder. After that everything is pretty much a blur.

"Have you ever tried to find him?"

"Fuck no. How would it look me tracking down some guy that I barely remember and saying Hey, didn't we fuck each other? Well sorry to burst your bubble but I'm knocked up. I hope we can get to know each other...Fuck don't be stupid."

I don't think he even left me a tip.

Alice wraps her scrawny arms around me in a tight embrace. "I'm sorry this is happening to you...That's another reason why I brought Rose. We want to help you."

"Help me with what?"

"Whatever you need. Edward can only do so much. I figured you needed girlfriends to talk to, go shopping with, do girly things with, whatever it is we're here for you."

"What makes you think I want to hang out with you and Barbie over here," looking at Rosalie, "no offense."

"None taken." She smirked.

"Bella why do you think I put up with your cranky, hormonal, ill-mannered ass?"

"Because you're a glutten for punishment?"

"No...Because I care about you deeply. I may have judged you in the beginning because well fuck, I walked into my brother's house and found a pregnant chick strapped to the bed. Then I found out you were a prostitute and I was ready to throw you back out on the street; but I've gotten to know you and I realize you need me just as much as you need Edward."

_Pump the mother fucking breaks!_

"Stop right there! I don't get where you and your dim witted brother think I need you. Okay, so I'm fucking pregnant and I sell my body; I was going to stop eventually when I got too fucking big. I'm just trying to get enough money so I can get my own place." How many times do I have to explain it to these people?

"And then what? What about the baby?" Alice continued.

"I don't want it."

"So, you give the baby away and then what? Go back to fucking for money?"

_How dare she?_

I can feel myself ready to explode.

"I don't fucking know! How about this shorty, I don't give a fuck what you or anyone else thinks. It's my life; I've been living it this long and I can do whatever the fuck I want with it! Tell your brother that too since I'm sure you'll run back and open your mouth."

Alice looked at Rose who looked a little shocked by my outburst. Out of the corner of my eye I see a figure standing in the doorway...Oh great, speak of the devil and he shall appear.

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><p><strong>AN:** Bella, Bella, Bella. What are we going to do with you? I know this is kind of short. I've been really trying hard to make the chapters longer but it kind of throws off the direction I have in my mind if I do that. I hope you ladies leave me some reviews because they make me feel all warm inside. I cherish each and every one of them. Until next time…


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** I hope you all enjoyed last week's chapter. I know I said I would post every Sunday but disregard that. I'll post as soon as I get the chapters edited.

Some reviewers pointed out that Bella has a serious potty mouth. Yeah, sorry to those that don't like curse words but I have a potty mouth myself, I can't help it. And I like that Bella curses too much, she's a pretty bad ass chick. This chapter will pick up from the last. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot.

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><p>Chapter 13<p>

EPOV

Imagine my surprise when not only my sister, but also my sister-in-law pranced through my front door. I was just getting into an episode of Jeopardy when out of nowhere Alice's short little body flew past which isn't abnormal, but what surprised me was the person bringing up the rear.

"What's up you fucker? I'm here to meet your girlfriend." Rosalie winked and headed right up the stairs.

I decided to keep my cool. I knew Alice would spill the beans eventually so I'm not that surprised she told Rosalie first. Those two are thick as thieves, have been since Emmett brought Rose home for Thanksgiving the first year they were dating. Alice fell in love and they have been inseparable ever since. Rose and I get along as much as a guy can get along with his sister-in-law. I don't always agree with her attitude but if you look past that she's just a chick that's head over heels for my brother.

_Can't hate her for that._

However, that doesn't change the fact that I'm getting a little antsy down here. I don't want Rose to make Bella upset. Alice does enough of that on her own but with Rose I'm afraid she'll say the wrong thing and all hell will break loose. Bella being pregnant may put her in a delicate position, but I think if she's pushed to her limit someone will get hurt, and it won't be her.

I hear voices escalating from upstairs and in a second I'm on my feet and rushing to the second floor. I get there in time to hear Bella mention my name, and then all three girls turn and stare in my direction. Bella was angry, beyond angry by the red covering her entire face. I've seen her mad before but not to this degree. Rose and Alice must have really struck a chord in her.

"Is everything alright in here?" I step into the room being cautious of Bella's behavior first and foremost.

"No everything is not alright!" Bella snapped.

"We were just talking Edward." Alice said but didn't look too convinced herself. They were doing way more than just talking.

And if to make the tension that much worse Rose just had to ask, "Have you ever been abused Bella?"

I think it took all of us off guard, even Rose as she looked regretful the moment it slipped from her lips.

_Oh shit…_

"Excuse me?" Bella immediately became defensive, every muscle in her body was tense.

Rose threw up her hands to show that she meant no harm. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that."

Anger seeped off Bella in waves. She looked so horrified and at the same time ready to explode. I don't think it would be wise for me to step in and try to diffuse the situation when she's like this. She quickly threw back the covers and stalked into the bathroom where she shut and locked the door. It took me a second to get over the fact that she only had on a pair of lacy panties and a t-shirt.

"Edward?" Alice looked at me like I was supposed to fix this. What the hell does she think I can do? Bella locked the door, I can't very well break it down and make her come out.

Rose looked really sorry and Alice just looked sad.

We waited about fifteen minutes before we heard her unlock the door. She stepped out with her head down and eyes cast to the floor. I can tell she's been crying all the way from where I'm standing. She climbed back into bed and pulled the blanket all the way over her head to block us out.

Rose cleared her throat ready to speak. I shake my head to tell her not to but with her eyes she assured me she wasn't going to say anything bad.

_She better not._

"Bella listen, I know we just met and we don't know each other very well, but I feel inclined to share this with you. I was sexually abused as a child by a friend of my fathers. Because I never told anyone I let my anger and hatred toward him build up inside of me so much that I started to lash out at everyone. I hated the world, I hated myself because I couldn't fight back, I hated my father and my mother because they were so blind to my pain. It wasn't until I moved to Seattle that I realized I needed help. I was slowly dying...Bella, you remind me so much of myself."

I've never seen Rosalie this somber in all the years I've known her, nor had I known something like that happened. She's always been kind of quiet but even then she had a great amount of confidence. I never got the vibe that she had been hurt before.

"I talked with a therapist and got the help that I needed to move on from my past. It was hard, it's still hard, but I have my husband by my side to support me." She finished with a smile. One thing that I've always admired about Rosalie was her complete love and devotion for my man-child brother. She would do anything for him.

Bella moved the blanket from her face and sat up with a huff. "Why are you telling me this?" She asked softly accessing each of our faces, probably skeptical that we all have something to do with Rose's secret being revealed.

"Because the only way to help yourself is to let it out. You'll be surprised by how much better you feel."

That sounded like a perfect idea, at least to me. Maybe Bella would feel more comfortable talking to my sisters than to me, especially now that she knows what happened to Rose.

"Bella, you can tell us." Alice whispered, nuzzling her head into Bella's shoulder like a kitten.

That was the wrong thing to say. "What the fuck is this, an intervention? I'm not talking about this to any of you!"

"But you're not denying it didn't happen are you?" Rosalie asked. Bella remained quiet. She seemed almost overwhelmed, ready to combust with, I don't know, fury, rage, tears...Something was churning deep inside.

"Bella-"

**"GET OUT! ALL OF YOU, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE I DON'T WANT TO TALK ANYMORE!"**

"But Bella-"

**"I'M SERIOUS! GET THE FUCK OUT! I'M SURE EDWARD DOESN'T WANT ME TO START BREAKING HIS SHIT ON PURPOSE!"**

"Alright we're going." Alice, Rose and I fled the room to leave her in privacy.

The three of us quietly took a seat at the kitchen table where I poured both of my sisters a glass of water.

"I'm so worried about her." Rose sighed.

"Obviously she's been abused since she didn't deny it. And face it guys, it's not uncommon for girls that have been abused to find themselves in this kind of lifestyle." Alice said, her eyes telling just how shaken up she is over Bella.

"Alice is right. If she ever agrees to talk about her past it may help us understand what more we could do for her. It's not going to be easy. She's very fragile you guys. It won't happen overnight, or even in a few months' time. It could take years for all we know. In the meantime I think we should just continue to remind her that she's not alone anymore. We have to be strong for her and the baby." Rose declared.

It feels good to know that I have support in this. Alice and Rose could turn the other cheek, but they haven't and I'm grateful to them.

"While we're on the subject of the baby, what happened at the doctor's appointment this morning?" Alice asked.

"Bella didn't tell you?"

"Of course not." She playfully rolled her eyes at me.

My minor lapse in judgment slaps me in the forehead. Bella doesn't talk about anything that has to do with herself or the baby if she doesn't have to. Why would I think she shared details of her doctor's appointment with them?

"Right. Well according to Dr. Cope, which by the way has been scarred for life by Bella, is amazed that she's still pregnant."

"What do you mean?" Rose inquired.

I forgot they don't know the backstory yet.

"Bella just found out she was pregnant about a month ago, how she didn't know is still a mystery to me, but she told us that she was drinking up until just recently. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say she didn't know any better."

"Wow. So is the baby okay?"

"She's registering very small."

"It's a girl!" Alice squealed.

"_Shhhhhh,_ Bella doesn't know." And if she finds out that I know and told the girls my balls are as good as gone.

"Well how do you know if she doesn't know?" Rose asked.

"Dr. Cope told me. Bella doesn't want to know."

"I wonder why?" My sister, as smart as she is, can be very naive at times.

"Alice, she's made it very clear that she doesn't want the baby."

"Have you given any thought to maybe talking her into changing her mind?" Rose asked.

"About keeping her baby? I think she has her mind pretty made up."

"Let's give it some time you guys. You never know." Alice, always Ms. Optimism. Unless she can see the future, it will take a miracle to change Bella.

After the girls leave I start on dinner. I'm not sure if Bella will eat but I'm hoping she'll at least try to put something in her system. I saw the half eaten plate left over from lunch.

I decide on making a chicken casserole with broccoli, rice, and cheese. It's one of those dishes that don't take long to prepare and the end result is always tasty. I make her a plate and make sure to grab her a glass of water and eating utensils before climbing the stairs to her bedroom. I knock once and let myself in. When I open the door she's not in bed. Panic immediately sets in.

_Fuck! Did she try to run again?_

No, I would have heard her trying to make an escape. And, I was downstairs the whole time, I would have known. As I sit down all of what is in my hands I hear soft humming coming from behind the bathroom door. My curiosity gets the best of me and so I tip-toe as graceful as my bow legs will let me and take a peek inside.

She's reclining in the bathtub surrounded by bubbles. Her rounded belly is peaking out the top of the water. I don't think I've ever seen her so serene since she's been here, not even when she's asleep.

I wish I could get closer to her somehow. I don't care about her baggage. We all have fucking baggage. There's just something about Bella that makes it hard for me to want to stay away, that's why I can't let her leave. I'm afraid of never finding her again. She could disappear and I would have no clue of her whereabouts. I want her here with me, where I can protect her from that life...Where I can protect her from herself.

"Hey little one, stop kicking me I'm trying to relax. Calm down." She softly talks to her baby rubbing her hand over her belly a couple of times. Movement from the baby ceased and Bella went back to being still, almost angelic. It warms my heart to see her this way.

I decide that it would be best to leave now before she gets out of the tub, I would hate to give her one more thing to hassle me about. Quietly, I leave her room and return back downstairs to the kitchen where I eat my dinner alone. Soon, I hope Bella will agree to have all of her meals with me down here. I imagine we could get along pretty well if we put our differences aside. The silence between us is deafening, I hate it.

After scarfing down two servings of casserole I wash up the dishes and make myself a big bowl of ice cream. I figure Bella is done eating by now so I make her a bowl also and take it upstairs. I knock once and let myself in.

"Hey Bella I brought you some **WHOA!**" My eyes practically bulge out of their sockets. I recover quickly and turn away. She's standing right in front of the window naked. As bare as the day her mother gave birth to her.

...Is it bad that I'm slightly turned on by this?

_Cool it Edward. You can't lust after her like that._

But she's standing right there giving me a peek, why shouldn't I take advantage?

_Because you won't treat her like so many other men have before you._

...Right...Okay I'm under control now.

"Come in Edward. Hey did you know this was an apple tree?"

Are we really going to casually talk about a tree when she's standing there like that? I want to look so bad but the gentleman in me won't allow my eyes to focus on her amazing rack, or her tight round ass, or the fullness of her hips.

My pants just became amazingly tight.

"Uhhh, yeah. My great grandfather planted that tree when this house was built." I look everywhere but at the vision of beauty. I sit down her bowl of ice cream and collect her empty plate and glass.

"Cool. I've never seen an apple tree before." She seems to be really taken by it. I've never paid much attention to it but it's very important to my family since it's the only apple tree on the property.

"When the apples fall, my mom comes over and takes a whole bunch of them to make pies."

She turned around and her entire naked body was on full display. An evil smirk dancing about her face.

_What's she up to?_

"Can I ask you a question Edward?"

"Sure." I look at her face and try my hardest to not let my eyes wander.

"When's the last time you've been thoroughly fucked?"

"Bella!" I wasn't expecting that. My dick wasn't even expecting that and now he's trying to fight his way out of my pants to get to her.

_Shit! Fuck my life._

"What! It's an innocent question."

As innocent as she claims it to be, the look on her face tells me otherwise.

"I'm not talking to you about that. Put some clothes on." Please, for the sake of my poor dick, put some clothes on.

"Look here Fuckward, I'm tired of being cooped up in this bedroom with nothing to do. It's hot and I'm fucking horny. So how about you lay your sexy ass on the bed and help me out."

She wants to fuck me...SHE wants to FUCK ME!

She thinks I'm sexy?

I should be happy about this, shouldn't I?

My conflicted mind must be having a conversation with my dick because I feel him deflate instantly.

"Bella, I'm not going to have sex with you."

"Why?"

"Because..." I don't even have an answer to that. I just know that before I knew she wanted to have sex with me I was so fucking hard and now that she's made it loud and clear that she wants me, I have no desire to do it.

Something is seriously wrong with me.

"It's because I look like a beached whale isn't it?" Her face dropped.

_Good going asshole. You manage to fuck up everything!_

"No, that's not why." I'm not turned off by her body. It actually turns me on, very much..._A Lot!_

She furrowed her brow but then a look of defeat took over her face, and I know whatever she's thinking can't be good. "Oh...Oh I get it. You don't want to stick your dick in a prostitute right? You don't know how many men I've been with so you don't know if I have a disease right?"

See! Not good.

"No Bella."

"Then why won't you fuck me? Give me one good reason." She stamped her foot making her full breasts bounce.

Oh, somebody is waking up again. Her breasts look so soft, and big. They're just begging me to tease them with my tongue.

_No...Stop...Drop your boner and put your hands up!_

"I care about you too much to take advantage of you like that."

She immediately looked insulted. "You care about me? Ha! That's one I've never heard before."

"It's the truth whether you want to believe it or not. I don't want you to think of me as some random guy. I'm your friend and I want what's best for you and the baby." I step forward to try to comfort her but I remember she's naked and freeze. If I touch her body I won't be satisfied until I touch her everywhere.

"Stop saying that! I'm tired of all of you saying that to me!"

"It's the truth."

She turned her back on me then. "Just...Leave me alone!"

That seems to always be her way out, by trying to dismiss someone when she doesn't want to hear what they have to say. The truth is too hard for her to handle.

"Why do you keep pushing me away? Do you think I'm going to hurt you, because I would never do that. I'm not just some guy looking to use you Bella; believe me when I tell you I think more of you than that."

"Why?" She whimpered.

"Because I can see through this hard exterior of yours. It's a way to shut everyone out so they can't hurt you but at some point you're going to have to realize that you're more than what you think you are. Whatever has happened to you in the past that made you feel that you had to be this way, Bella you can change."

"Fuck you asshole!" She stormed back into the bathroom. She slams the door, putting an end to the conversation.

Whatever she's hiding must be horrible. I can only hope she'll let me in, one of these days.

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><p><strong>AN: **Bella is very stubborn and talking about anything that has to do with her past is like talking to a brick wall. It's just not happening as fast as Edward, Alice, and Rose want it to. It will take time but soon she will start warming up. Remember, she's not use to people caring about her like this. I hope I'm still keeping you girls entertained with this. Leave me some comments will ya?


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:** I'm back. Great news! I only have one class at the moment so you know what that means… I can add chapters more frequently. I won't make any guarantees that I'll post every day or every other day, but I will be posting faster. As always when I do these author notes I want to thank you all for you continued support of this story. If you love it, let me know.

I appreciate you all

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot of this crazy story of course.

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><p>Chapter 14<p>

BPOV

Fucking douche bag asshole!

Who would leave a girl high and dry like that? I mean, seriously I pretty much handed my pussy over on a silver platter and all he wanted to do was talk about _feelings_. Seriously? The man has way more control than I thought. He pissed me off and when I stormed away from him last night I didn't expect to feel such a high level of guilt. I never feel guilty for doing anything, but walking away from him solved absolutely nothing and only reminded me of how horny I was. So, I took matters into my own hands.

I don't normally masturbate on my own. Unless a john requires I do so to get them off, it's rare that I tease myself in that way. Who needs masturbation when you can just get a guy to do it for you? Obviously I do since I was fucking stranded with no one to take the wheel. I just needed to get there you know, and rubbing my clit wasn't enough, so I do what any woman in my situation would do…I got extremely frustrated. At first I was pretty into it until my fucking hand cramped up because my damn arms are too short and I had to overexert myself, and to top it all off I couldn't see shit over my stomach. _Gah_, it was the worst. I finally found my rhythm and made myself come twice. I was so tired and out of breath I passed out from all the work it took.

When I woke up this morning I thought that nagging feeling of horniness would be gone after having rubbed my nub all night, instead I think I just made it worse. I need a vibrator!

On top of wanting to fuck the first dick I can get my hands on, I'm pissed about what happened with Alice and Rosalie. It's not enough that I'm constantly reminded of my past because no matter how hard I try to run from it, the damage is done. My life already sucks so excuse me for not walking on sunshine and stopping to smell the roses. Why do I let these Cullen's stress me out so much? Who the fuck does Alice think she is bringing along her sidekick to interrogate me? I would like Rosalie more if she kept her nose out of my business.

And please don't get me started on that bronze-haired, green-eyed bastard.

I've done everything he's asked of me; stay in this house, go to the doctor, eat his food, submit to letting him take care of me...Doesn't he think I deserve something in return? I throw myself at him and he won't fuck me!

It's not good for my ego when he turns me down. I know my body isn't the most desirable right now but damn, can't he cut me some slack. Just this once.

Or twice…

I just want to take a ride on his disco stick!

It has to be my hormones because even before I was pregnant I never wanted sex so much. I like to think there are two sides to me. There's Isabella, the sad, lonely, abused girl who can't stand to be looked at by the opposite sex without feeling disgusted. She hates anything with a dick, and all she wants is to be left alone. Then there's Bella, the sex kitten, the whore, the bitch. She craves the feel of a man's touch against her skin. She loves her ability to blow some dumb fucks mind with her oral skills and her pussy. That shit turns her on.

Maybe I'm schizophrenic.

_You're not schizophrenic, lay off it!_

I guess it's just weird how I've come to live my life after being abused for so long. Sex isn't something I want to do, but it has become my life and therefore I have to let go that part of myself go.

_Enough with the heavy…_

I'm sprawled across the bed hot and frustrated. I tried to make myself cum in the shower this morning...Yeah that didn't work out. The little critter who pitched a tent in my uterus made sure to remind me that I had to piss so I gave up and went back to feeling more frustrated than before.

Shit, I have to go now. The moment I think about peeing I have to. I rush to the bathroom sighing in bliss as I relieve myself. I know, there's nothing glamorous about peeing, but for a pregnant chick just making it to the toilet without having an accident calls for a pat on the back. It's an inconvenience but I'll take peeing over puking any day.

"Bella?"

Great! Fucking Edward is back...

I hurry off of the toilet, wash my hands, and brush through my hair before leaving the bathroom. He's standing by the door looking like a lost puppy. The second my eyes lock with his I feel a soft fluttering in my stomach. It takes me by surprise and I move my hand to rest on my stomach.

"Are you okay?" He asked with a look of concern.

I don't know, am I?

"Yeah?"

Maybe its gas, but it wasn't the baby, it was something else. Butterflies maybe? Very nervous, very aroused butterflies.

"I was hoping we could have breakfast together downstairs, if you want to." He looks so good in his jeans and plain white t-shirt. His feet, oh geez they're bare and I hold myself back from falling to my knees and kissing them.

_I don't like feet..._

_...I like his feet._

I have to remember to breathe before I melt into a pile of goop. "Are you going to chain me to the table?" I ask putting a handle on my perverted thoughts.

He flashed me a crooked grin, "No, why would I do that?"

That toe-curling grin will be the death of me.

Relax...Breathe...Stop fantasizing...NOW!

"Well you lock me in here every night. I wouldn't put it past you to go the extra mile." I didn't mean for it to come out as bitchy as it did.

"You know the reason I have to lock you in here Bella. I feel bad about it but if it means that you won't leave I have to do it."

Oh, here we go...

"Whatever. Can we eat?"

"Sure."

I follow him downstairs to the spacious kitchen. It's like walking into heaven. I love kitchens. Call me weird but stainless steel appliances, counter tops, and an island just do something to me. His kitchen has a Tuscan kind of feel to it, like we stepped right into Italy. Everything is warm from the ceiling to the hardwood floor.

I could spend all day in here.

Edward had already set our plates. I sit down and inhale the scent of what has to be the fluffiest looking omelet I've ever seen.

"I hope you enjoy. It's been awhile since I've made this" He took his seat beside me.

I can't wait to dig in as I grab my fork like a mad woman. I cut off a nice size piece and slide it into my watering mouth. OMG…The first bite is delectable.

"This is so good." I moan taking another bite. I think I just had a foodgasm.

"I'm glad you like it." He's smiling again. I don't think I've ever seen him smile this much in my presence.

_Uh, yeah because you're a bitch to him 98% of the time._

"Who taught you how to cook?" I asked in between bites.

"My mom. She's the best cook in the world hands down."

I beg to differ.

"I use to think that way about my Gran."

"Who's Gran?" He asked.

Fuck, there I go with my big mouth again. "Um, my grandmother."

He perked up, "Oh, so you do have family. Where is she? "

"She's dead."

"I'm sorry." He suddenly looked crestfallen.

"It's okay. She died when I was nine."

"That must have been tough on you."

"Yeah...She took care of me."

"Did you live with her?"

"Just for the first six years of my life. She got sick and I had to go live with Renee but I was always with her up until she died."

And then he asks the dreaded question, "Where are your parents Bella?"

Do I want to tell him?

No, absolutely not.

I relive my past in my head on a daily basis in which the torment that was inflicted on me doesn't make it easy to talk about. At certain times I've tried, that was mainly when I was younger and the pain was still fresh. Over the years the trauma has made me hollow, lifeless, something I never use to be when I was with Gran. I know this scenario is so cliché-young prostitute with a past- but honestly there aren't too many girls in my profession who haven't come from broken homes. I never wanted to be that girl who depended on others to make things better for her when she could do it herself, so I had to remove that _weakling_ mentality and grow up. Really, just like with sex the separation of the scared little girl, and the tough, I'm-not-scared-of-anything woman is necessary if it means not being afraid out there on my own.

Fucked up shit happened to me, but I'm alive, barely.

"I don't have parents, Edward. What exactly are you trying to get at?" I'm getting angry at him when it's not even his fault.

"I just want to know more about you. Like I said, you can talk to me about anything and I won't judge you."

_Yeah, yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah. Same shit, different day._

"Well fuck that makes you a good guy right?"

He shook his head in protest. "I'm not perfect. I have flaws just like everyone else in this world."

"Are you sure about that?" I hardly believe Mr. Perfect has flaws. For someone who has been given everything his whole life you would think he would flaunt it a little more. Shit, if I could live off of an inheritance for the rest of my life I would flaunt that shit and be such a bitch about it.

"Very sure."

"Tell me something then." My interest is peaked.

He paused for a moment and then sat forward to bring him a little closer. "I was arrested once for beating up a guy who was fucking with Alice at school."

Pretty boy Edward has a temper huh?

_Duh Bella, he did save your ass from James and Laurent. _

I guess I can't really picture him going ape shit on someone to the point where he'd be arrested.

"What happened to the guy?" He really had me intrigued now.

"I'm six years older than my sister and it has always been my job to protect her, just like Emmett protected me. When Alice was in fifth grade she came running home one day saying there was a guy who wouldn't leave her alone. Emmett was already away at college so I didn't have any back up. I told her to show me where this guy was. When I found him I confronted him. He said some shit I didn't like so I broke his jaw and he had to be hospitalized because I gave him a concussion. I had no idea the damage was that bad until my dad explained to me that I could have possibly killed him. He was fucking with my sister, all I saw was red at that point."

"You must really love that little troll to fight for her."

A smile lit up his face. "Of course. When it comes to the people I love I will fight as hard as I can for them. It may not always be the right thing to do, but I guess I don't care." He leaned back in his seat and stared at me.

"That's very admirable of you. I wish I would have had a big brother growing up. It would have saved me from a lot. I think the only person that ever really gave a shit about me was Gran."

"Well you had your mother and father right?"

_This is bad territory._

"Hmm...That's a different topic for another day."

I won't talk about. Not today.

"Well," he sat forward once again intertwining his long fingers, "I'm glad we had breakfast together. Is there something you want to do?"

Wait that's it? No forcing me to admit my darkest secrets for the benefit of him swooping in to be my savior?

"Uh, not that I can think of."

"We can watch some T.V., or maybe go for a walk or something. It's a pretty nice day."

Getting some fresh air sounds so good right now; hell getting out of this house sounds even better. I debate taking him up on his offer for going for a walk, however seeing as my bladder is no fucking good it's probably not wise to stray too far from the house. That's if Edward doesn't mind me popping a squat in one of the bushes.

I would love to go outside though.

"Can we go sit on the porch?" I ask.

"Sure." He smiled.

I'm not sure if he trusts me enough to venture out by myself so I wait for him to lead the way. Instead of going out the front door like I thought, he walked to the backdoor, "After you."

What a gentleman.

I step through the door and I'm pleasantly surprised. He has a four season's back porch! It's like walking back into the past. If there was one thing Gran loved it was her four season's porch, and her enthusiasm was infectious as I too loved that damn thing. There's not much out here but a few wicker chairs. He takes a seat and I take one next to him. We sat in comfortable silence for a while.

"Edward, can I ask you a serious question?"

"Sure." He doesn't look directly at me but I know I have his full attention.

"What do you really hope to gain by keeping me here?" I have to know. I can only hope he'll tell me the truth instead of telling me what he thinks I want to hear.

He was quiet a little longer than expected, and when I turn my gaze on him he's staring right at me. I shiver at the intensity of his piercing green eyes...He's the only man that has ever had this kind of effect on me. "I just...I don't want you to be alone. I want you to know what it feels like to have someone take care of you so that you don't have to go through this experience with no one beside you. And-" He stopped mid-sentence.

"And what?"

"I was kind of hoping that maybe I could change your mind about your baby."

Well that one definitely took me by surprise.

"It really bothers you that much?"

What's the fucking big deal! Women give their babies away every day; it's not the end of the world nor is it the end of my life. If anything, this kid will thank me one day for making this decision.

Edward obviously doesn't understand this. "Yes, it does bother me."

"But, why do you care what I decide to do with it?"

"First of all, this is a baby not an _it_. Second of all, I can't quite grasp how detached you are from your own child. No matter how things happened this baby is a part of you." He growled.

"I know that, fuck, I'm not stupid!" I huff.

"I'm not saying that you are...Bella," he shook his head, "You always have to get so defensive whenever I say something to you."

"Because you talk down to me like I'm a fucking child!"

"That's not true and you know it!"

"I don't know shit!"

"I don't want to fight with you."

"Then don't!"

I'm so mad I could throw something right now, or hit something, maybe his pretty face. We stare each other down with the tension crackling around us. After what seemed like hours when it was probably only seconds his face is the first to soften and he looks away.

"I'm sorry." He sighed.

No.

NO! He can't do that.

"It's never my intention to make you upset, Bella. We will never build a relationship if we keep fighting so...I apologize."

He can't do that. If he's going to argue with me than argue, don't apologize and make me look like the asshole here.

"Whatever." I don't want to talk about it anymore.

His cell ringing broke the awkward silence between us. He swiftly looked at it then at me. "I have to take this. I'll be right back." He stood to leave.

"No that's okay. I'm going back to my room." I stand and move around him quickly.

The moment I get back to my room I settle back into bed...

Thoughts of him invade every part of my mind. I welcome them because no matter how hard I push; no matter how hard I try to shield myself from the goodness of Edward Cullen I'm slowly learning that it's no longer an option. He shows me his feelings through the way he treats me and the things he says; caring so much about me and this baby. Why, I have no clue. What man, especially a man who was never a part of my life would care about a baby that's not even his? I barely care and the baby is inside of me. They ask me why I feel the way that I do and the only thing I can say is, when I found out I was pregnant I detached myself on purpose. I don't want to feel anything for this baby because then I would want to keep it, and I won't do that. This baby is better off being with people who will love and nurture it; I could never do either of those things. I'm too fucked up to take care of anyone else but myself.

It will be over soon, and I'll be back on my own again.

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><p><strong>AN: **Tell me what you think! I love reviews so shoot me a few and I will try to get the chapters out faster. Much love to you all.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: **Not much to say…Hope you guys enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot of this crazy story of course.

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><p>Chapter 15<p>

EPOV

Talking with Bella out on the porch, as pretty much every day that she's been here, didn't quite go as planned. When I woke up this morning the guilt of keeping her locked in her room started to weigh on me. I want to stop being so paranoid that she'll run and let her venture out of her room more when I'm here so at least she can have some freedom.

_I sound like a complete asshole..._

She doesn't make it easy though. Nothing about Ms. Swan is short of complicated. I don't even know how to talk to her so she won't jump down my throat! Good thing Alice called when she did because I'm sure things would've gotten out of hand very quickly. Bella disappeared back up to her room and I found myself getting pissed at what my hair-brained sister confessed over the phone. Alice, and I quote _"kind of let it slip"_ that I was keeping a pregnant girl in my house when she talked to mom earlier, and now I have to be on the lookout for my beloved mother because she plans to stop by to meet my houseguest soon. I know mom won't understand why I'm doing this. Sometimes, I kind of forget myself. Bella is a lot of work. Our personalities don't necessarily click which makes it hard for me to feel her out. I don't know how she feels because she keeps her emotions bottled up tight, until the moment I say something she doesn't want to hear and I'm on the receiving end of her verbal insults.

I could use some advice...Maybe mom coming over isn't such a bad idea. I've never had to deal with women like Bella. Sure, I had plenty of girls who were friends and I dated around but nothing serious, they were all really nice, respectable young women. I dealt with Jane and her demons, but even then she was tame compared to the emotional imbalance of Bella. I know that I can't force her to believe in me, but I do wish she would open her eyes and let her guard down. I'm not the bad guy. Those men she gave her body to, they're the ones she should be afraid of, not me.

_Maybe she's afraid, but not of you. _

If that were true, why does she try so hard to keep me at a distance?

_Because you're smothering her!_

The front door opened and Alice ran in, waving hello before heading upstairs. I don't even try to stop her anymore.

Back to what I was stewing about...I don't smother her as my subconscious voice puts it. Smothering would imply that I hover, which the last time I checked we can barely be in the same room with each other without arguing.

_No asswipe, smothering her meaning you ask too many fucking questions. _

I only ask questions because I want to, no I need to learn more about her. How can I help her if I don't know why she's this way?

"Hey Edward!" Alice sang happily prancing into my living room.

"What do you want?"

Her signature devious smirk makes its appearance. She's up to something as usual. "I want to take Bella shopping."

"When?"

"No time like the present."

I don't think this is a good idea. It's hardly something Bella came up with on her own. I don't want Alice forcing her into something she doesn't want to do, especially shopping. "I don't know if she's up for that."

Bella bounced into the room looking more excited than I've ever seen. "We ready to go?"

She looks very...Dare I say normal in a green halter dress that shows off her very prominent baby bump and boobs. Her hair is pinned up and she's wearing a pair of comfortable sandals. This is all Alice's doing, I can tell.

"Bella, I don't think this is a good idea." While she looks really nice, I have to think about the big picture here. I'm not sure I trust her enough to go out with my sister where there will be thousands of people; it will be easy for her to slip away while Alice isn't looking.

My thoughts must show on my face because Bella strolled up to me and slapped my arm. "Oh lighten up Fuckward. I want to go."

"But-"

"If it's that big of a deal you can come with us. You know, just to make sure she won't run away." Alice cut me off.

Bella huffed and rolled her eyes. "I'm not going to run away if it means you are spending money on me." She smiled sweetly.

"See, Baby Bella wants to go." I had two cute little faces smiling at me, wearing my reserve down to nothing...

"Let me grab my wallet." I sigh.

_I'm a sucker._

Shopping with Alice is literally like being forced to get a tooth pulled without pain medication; yes it's that painful. I'm enduring this for Bella's sake. She's being a trader right now enjoying my sister's incessant chatter about this year's latest fashions. We stop in a few stores and I leave the girls to do whatever it is they do when they shop. Bella wanted to shop in stores that did not cater to her current figure but before she could throw a tantrum somehow Alice would find a way to appease her.

A few times we stopped because Bella wanted something to eat. The first time she claimed a cinnamon sugar pretzel with cream cheese was calling her name; I turned my head and then turned it back and she had eaten it in four bites. The second time we stopped she wanted a cookie, one of those really big cookies that cost entirely too much, but she wolfed that down also. Within another twenty minutes Bella was ready to visit the food court.

Every bite she took I swear I could see her belly expanding. It's a really beautiful thing to watch, even when she's practically inhaling her food. At least she has a somewhat healthy appetite.

_Maybe not healthy, but she's eating._

"How much can you fit in your mouth you horse?" Alice watched Bella with a look of disgust.

Bella took a big bite out of her cheese pizza, and an even bigger bite out of her orange chicken. "Shut up bitch! You would be amazed how much I can fit into my mouth."

"I don't put anything past you." Alice pushed her food away.

"I give a pretty mean blow job." Bella snickered, washing all of the crap in her mouth down with a supersized green Slurpee.

"Bella, please let's not talk about-"

"Wait, Edward I want to hear this. I've never been good at it. Bella can give me some pointers." Alice moved a little closer to Bella, intrigued with this little bit of information. I wish I had ear plugs.

"You seriously want to talk about this now while I'm sitting here? Do you think Jasper would appreciate you talking about what you guys do in the privacy of your home?" I groan hoping Alice will sense my uneasiness.

"Who's Jasper?" Bella asked.

"My husband."

"You're married?"

"Duh! I've been married for seven years." She says matter-of-factly.

"Seven years! Geez you virgin, you've been married for this long and still don't know how to give a blowjob?" Bella seems almost appalled.

"We got married because we love each other, not because we have great sex. And as for giving blowjobs I've just never been very good at them. Jasper has a big di-"

"Whoa Alice! TMI!" I cover my ears.

I don't want to hear about Jasper's manly area!

Bella giggled and punched me in the arm. "Lighten up you pussy! Your brother needs to get laid."

"He does." Alice agreed.

"I would fuck him if he would take the stick out of his ass."

"Bella!" Can she be anymore inappropriate?

...I kind of like it!

"What! You really should calm down. A blowjob would do you some good."

"Just stop, fuck!"

I hate when she talks like this.

"It's my job Fuckward. It's what I do for a living."

"Don't say that about yourself Bella. You're not that person anymore." Alice chastised.

"Since when?"

"Since Edward kidnapped you."

"That doesn't change what I am."

I glance at Alice who's glaring at me. She wants me to say something.

"How about we go over to motherhood maternity and get you some more clothes."

"I don't want to go there. I want to stop by Spencer's so I can pick up a vibrator." Bella was up and out of her seat before I could object.

"What for?" This woman is going to make me pull out my hair.

"Well, I don't know if you got the memo but I'm pretty fucking horny. Since you won't let me use your dick to get myself off, I have to resort to different measures." She smiled.

"That makes sense." Alice clapped happily before standing and grabbing Bella's hand. The two of them left me at the table.

Fine, this better be fucking quick. I refuse to spend the rest of the day looking at fucking vibrators. This is ridiculous.

I walk into Spencer's and spot them in the back of the store.

"Oh shit, this is awesome!" Bella held up a big, green vibrator.

_...Oh brother..._

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><p><strong>AN: **This was pretty short but I wanted to get it out. I may post the next chapter tomorrow since next week is going to be busy with school, and of course going to see Breaking Dawn! I'm so excited. Are any of you going to see the movie?  
>Anyway, thanks to all of you who continue to support me. Let me know what you think…<p> 


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: **I said I would be back! This chapter is of course a continuation of the last but in Bella's point of view. The cat is about to be let out of the bag…Let's see how well Bella handles it.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot of this crazy story of course.

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><p>Chapter 16<p>

BPOV

Spencer's is so fucking cool!

I never have enough money to come here anymore. When I lived with Alec he would bring his favorite girls, which included me and four others, to the mall and let us shop for a few hours. I stumbled across this store and fell in love. It's so wacky and full of sex...I love it.

"You should get yourself one." I turn to Alice. She's caught up in looking at the vibrator's with me.

"I have plenty at home." She smiled.

I walk around some more looking at all of the merchandise. It brings back memories, some pretty good ones I can remember. I always felt like a kid in a candy store whenever I got to go to the mall. When I lived with Gran she made the majority of my clothes so I never went shopping, and then when I lived with Renee...I never got to go to the mall. We shopped at the Salvation Army, not because she couldn't afford to buy me clothes, she just didn't want to spend her money on anything that would make me happy.

I felt Alice walk up beside me just as I sat down a box of edible panties. There's something I've been meaning to talk to her about for a while. "So, I have a question since we're bonding."

"Sure." She's such an eager beaver.

"How come you and Jasper don't have kids?"

"It's...complicated." Alice sighed as she walked around me to pick up a bottle of flavored lube.

"You can't have kids or something?"

"No, that's not it. Jasper and I got married when we were eighteen. We had our whole lives planned out from the beginning; finish college, start our careers, then kids. We finished college, our careers are better than ever...We've been trying for a baby but haven't been successful yet."

She looked so sad talking about it. I feel bad; I don't want to see her upset. "That's fucked up." Just then I have an epiphany, "So what happens if you can't get pregnant?"

"We'll probably look into adoption."

_Great answer pixie!_

"You know you could have this one if you want." I gesture to my stomach and what lies beneath.

She stepped back with a frown, "Your baby? No I couldn't do that."

"Why not?" I cross my arms, "Look, I know we haven't known each other very long and I'm not the easiest person to get along with, but I planned on giving the baby up for adoption anyway and since you're thinking about adoption why not consider me giving you this baby?"

"Because...Bella it's really sweet that you want to do that but-"

"But what? My baby not good enough for you?"

"That's not what I'm saying. I just think this is something you need time to really think about."

"I've already made up my mind." There's nothing to think about.

"But it could change. Haven't you ever heard of women who go through their entire pregnancy thinking they want to give up their baby, but when they give birth they change their minds? Who's to say when you hold your baby in your arms that you won't fall in love with her."

"Her?"

"Shit! I'm sorry." Alice covered her mouth.

"You know?"

"No...Yes. Edward is going to kill me."

"So he knows then?" I force myself to keep my composure because this isn't her fault. Oh, but when I find that bronze-haired bastard I'm going to let him have it.

"Yes he told me." She confessed with a look of dread in her eyes.

Hearing her confirm what I already know, the last thing I want to do right now is look for a vibrator. No, I want to look for something else. Its name is Edward and I'm going to fucking** kick **him in the balls.

Who does he think he is? Better yet, who the fuck does he think I am because he's sadly mistaken if he believes I'm okay with this. I'm not...I'm fucking ready to blow the roof off this damn mall!

I spot my target just a few feet away, perusing an isle that featured gag gifts. I'll give him something to gag on.

"Now Bella, let's be reasonable about this." Alice tried to stop me. I hold up my hand, almost smacking her in the face to leave me alone and let me handle this. The scared little pixie backed off but remained on my tail.

I don't want to hear any apologies or excuses come from his mouth, I want to hear the fucking truth. Why would he find out the sex of the baby when I specifically made it clear that I didn't want to know? And because I didn't want to know, he didn't need to know either. I waddle up to him and swiftly punch him in the shoulder.

"You asshole!"

"Owww, what the fuck did you do that for?" He rubbed his arm. His pain is the least of my worries.

"How dare you go behind my back and find out the sex of my baby?"

He looked directly behind me at the desolate face of his sister. "Thanks a lot, Alice." His hands go straight to his hair...It's kind of sexy, but that's not the issue at the moment. Alice, looking like a child that's been caught with her hand in the cookie jar, moved to her brother's side with the biggest pair of glassy, puppy dog eyes I've ever seen. No wonder this woman gets whatever she wants.

"I'm so sorry Edward. She was talking about how she wanted to give me her baby and-"

"Wait," he cut her off, "what?"

"Why did you find out behind my back?" His eyes gaze down at my stomach, almost as if he longed to touch it and feel what I feel every moment of everyday.

"Dr. Cope told me. She thought I should know."

"That bitch had no right to tell you anything! You're not the father so why the fuck do you need to know?" I turn to walk away from him because if I don't I'm afraid I'll do or say something that I don't mean.

His hand is on my arm in an instant, holding me, pulling me back to him as I clutch my fist to calm me down, and when I look into his eyes I don't miss the flash of concern. "Let's not do this here. You can yell at me all you want when we get home."

"Come on Bella. Let me buy your vibrator so we can get you home." Alice grabbed my hand. I couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of guilt for lashing out at her, she didn't do anything wrong.

Neither did Edward.

Yeah, well I'm not done speaking my peace. Not by a long shot.

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><p>"Bella I know you're angry with me-"<p>

"Cut the bullshit Edward!"

"Is it such a bad thing to know?"

"Yes!"

"Why?"

"...Because."

Shit, I had this whole speech prepared in the car as we left the mall and now what I want to say won't come out.

"You don't have to feel bad for caring about your baby." Kindness and warmth seep off him in waves...I can feel it. All I want to do is run into his arms so that I won't have to be angry.

"I don't care."

"Yes you do."

**"NO I DON'T!"**

"You know how I know you care? Because when you approached me in Spencer's you called her my baby. You've never called her that before."

Yeah, not out loud!

"Just stay in your fucking lane. You want to take care of me, fine! But when it comes to any decision regarding this baby I make the rules, got it!"

"I understand. I'm sorry."

I'm momentarily taken aback by the calmness of his answer. I expected him to yell, lash out, anything but sorry. Ugh! He's so frustrating.

"Just...Don't!" I storm up to my room slamming the door so he'll know not to mess with me.

Tear after shuddering tear I try to contain my sobs so no one can hear me. I don't do this, I don't cry over shit like this. When I'm hurting it's easier to run away and pretend, but I'm here and I have nowhere to go. I have to face this shit and I don't want to...

There's a quiet knock on the door. I don't answer, I know it's Alice and she'll invite herself in. Seconds later I feel the bed dip beside me. Her soothing fingers run through my hair in a way that makes me think of the way Gran consoled me when I cried.

"Don't cry Bella. Everything will be alright, you'll see."

"No it won't." Nothing is ever just alright in my life. If it were I wouldn't be laying in this bed crying over things I can't change.

"Are you really that upset about us knowing the sex of your baby?"

My eyes flicker to hers. She's watching me carefully. I wish there was a valid reason that I could give to make her understand my side of things. She won't though, because I'm the only one who feels this way. I'm blowing this out of proportion for my own selfish reasons.

"I just feel like...Since I've been here all you guys have done is make me feel bad about not wanting it. I'm just so overwhelmed and none of you understand."

She moves so that my head is resting in her lap and her fingers continue to play in my hair. "Oh Bella, I'm sorry. I know this is hard for you but believe me when I say we care about you so much. Sure you're loud, obnoxious, you have a potty mouth out of this world, and you're probably one of craziest people I've ever met, but there's just something about you that makes me not want to hate you."

"Aren't you sweet." I pinch her leg and she giggled.

"I mean it. When you're in a good mood you light up. You're so beautiful."

"Wow Alice, are you trying to get in my pants?"

"Tempting offer but I have to decline."

"Your loss." I move so that we're sitting right next to each other with our backs against the headboard. I let out a whoosh of air when the baby moves to a particularly uncomfortable spot, obviously not agreeing with the way I'm sitting. She may be occupying my uterus right now but this is still my body.

"May I?" Alice's hand hovered over my belly.

"If you want to."

She tenderly rubbed my stomach. It's very soothing and peaceful. When she felt the baby moving her eyes lit up with so much happiness. "This is so beautiful. Carrying something so precious inside of you…What does it feel like?" Her voice is soft.

"I don't know, it's really weird. It use to feel like fluttering, but now it feels like rolling gas bubbles times ten, except when you get a foot to the ribs of her little body is curled up by my bladder, which is so annoying by the way."

"Have you ever peed on yourself?"

"Not yet. I'm sure it'll happen soon."

"Well, you have three months to go. Get used to it."

"Don't remind me." I'm not looking forward to expanding any more than I have to.

"Before you know it this little baby will be in the world." She rubbed my belly in calming circles.

That moment realization set in and I feel my wall of indifference crumble to pieces. The sudden, all-consuming feeling is so strong I can barely breathe enough to utter, "Alice, I fucked her up." before the tears spill over the brim's of my eyes.

Her loving arms wrap around my broken form. I don't even know I'm not breathing until she tells me to take a breath that I'd been holding. I'm crying so hard my entire body is racked with tremors, I can't control it...But she lets me cry.

"It's my fault. Everything is always my fucking fault." I cry. "I could never be a good mom to her Alice. She's better off without me. Everyone is better off without me. "

"Shhh, Bella stop that," she forces me to look into her eyes, "no one on this fucking planet is perfect. You've made mistakes in your life, but you can't keep doing this to yourself. There's always time to learn, always time to grow. Do you think every woman has motherhood all figured out the first time around? It's a learning process."

"...Stop trying to change my mind, Pixie." I sniffle and rest my head against her shoulder. She may be small, but having her here with me right now is more than I could ask for. I miss having someone to hug and console me when my world feels like its crumbling.

"That's not what I'm trying to do." She says, but I know better.

"I think I know you pretty good by now. You can't lie and you can't hold a secret."

"I can too." She feigned innocence.

"Really?"

After a second of hesitation she gave in. "Alright fine! How about we talk about something else."

I would rather take a nap but I guess it wouldn't kill me to talk some more. I think I owe it to her for being so supportive. "Sure whatever." I shrug, shifting myself into a more comfortable position.

Alice turned to face me. "I know you probably don't want to talk about this right now either but I'm just dying to know. Why did you become a prostitute?"

_From one heavy subject to the next._

I don't trust people enough to talk about this particular subject, usually because they're looking for some way of reaching deeper into my past. While I'm not trying to even go there, revealing just a little bit will put some of her questions to rest for now.

"I was a runaway and I had been homeless for a little while. I met this guy named Alec who took me in, gave me a place to stay, money, food, clothes. I found out he was a pimp and he wanted me to work for him. I figured I owed him for taking me in the way that he did…And as they say the rest is history."

"Do you still work for Alec?"

"No. I stopped working for him when I was sixteen. I've been on my own since."

She quickly tensed. "Are you ever afraid of getting raped, or hurt?"

"It comes with the territory. It sucks but what can you do." I shrug. Out on the street your only thinking about how to survive. Being afraid will get you nowhere.

"You can stop you know."

"It's not that simple. See, I know that I can stop, but I've been a prostitute for six years. I made the choice and I accepted the consequences. I don't have an education so getting a regular job is out of the question. I need money to survive."

"Why haven't you asked for help from someone?"

"Like who? And besides, I don't want people to know who I am."

"Why, honey?"

"Because I don't want anyone to find me."

There's still one person out there who can find me and I don't know what I would do if he ever did. Aside from that, there aren't too many people willing to help a lowly prostitute out of the kindness of their hearts unless they're looking to gain something from it. At least, that's what I've always heard. Accepting charity is just setting me up for failure. No one will ever take me seriously.

"What about your mother and father. Couldn't you have gone to them for help?"

I clam up immediately.

"I think this conversation is over. I don't want to talk about it anymore." I recoil from her. Just hearing the word _mother_ makes me want to vomit. I wish I could get over this fear of her, hell it's been seven damn years since she died and I'm still afraid that one day I'll wake up and she'll be there. Staring at me with those hateful eyes...Laughing at me, calling me names...No one ever made me cry like Renee. I was terrified of Phil and Peter but I always knew what to expect. They used my body, Renee controlled my head.

"Please Bella let me in. I would never hurt you."

"I can't. Please understand it's too hard for me to talk about."

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to seem so pushy. You can talk to me when you're ready. I'll be here."

I'm not sure I'll ever be ready.

"Thanks...You know I really wanted to hate you the moment I met you, Pixie. You're my first real friend in a long time."

Her giggle/squeal lightened the mood. "I have that effect on everyone. Now give me a hug you human garbage disposal." She wrapped her arms around me and I made sure to squeeze her tiny waist extra tight.

"As much as I would love to stay here with you all day I have to get home so I can cook for the husband. Maybe you could come over for dinner sometime. I would love for you to meet Jasper."

"I have to ask the warden first." I'm pretty sure he'll find a million reasons as to why I shouldn't go.

"Don't worry. You may not see it now but you have that man wrapped around you swollen finger."

"I wouldn't go that far. I just wish he would lighten up a bit you know."

"He's been through a lot these past couple of years. He cares about you very much Bella, know that."

"Sometimes I wonder." I roll my eyes.

"Just between me and you, Edward may feel more than what he shows. He loves taking care of you, and when he talks about you there's this gleam in his eyes." She grinned.

Gleam huh?

"So are you trying to say Fuckward loves me?"

She smirked, "It's just a hunch. I'll see you tomorrow." With a quick peck to my forehead the fairy flew out the door.

So...Edward has the hots for me...There may be some potential in this.

Alright Bella it's time to start playing nice.

I just hope it's not too late.

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><p><strong>AN: **Next update will be in a couple of days. Busy week in school and I'm waiting to hear back from a new job. I hope everyone enjoys. As always, I will continue to tell you guys how much I appreciate all the support I am getting for this story. I've been getting some great feedback and it is giving me the confidence to complete this story. I love reading the comments so if you don't mind, leave me a few lol. I'll be back soon. Much love.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: **Well here's the next chapter. I hope you guys enjoy.

John Mayer Lyrics from

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot of this crazy story of course.

* * *

><p>Chapter 17<p>

EPOV

My eyes drift open and adjust on the ceiling. It's too freaking bright in here, I must have forgotten to close the curtains last night before crawling into bed. I had a pretty unsettling dream which caused me to toss and turn and I now I'm all tangled up in my sheets. I dreamt about my wife. Let me try to explain this without sounding like a loon…Since her death, Jane comes to visit me. In the dreams she's always wearing her favorite pink silk dress that draped around her shoulders and hugged every curve of her body. Man, she really loved that dress. I bought it for her on our third wedding anniversary and she took pretty much any chance she got to wear it. When she died I decided that she be buried in it, that way it would be with her always. Normally when I dream about my wife it ends with a peaceful goodbye and her promise to return again soon. In this dream however she was different. She didn't smile when she came to lie in the bed beside me. She didn't touch me, hell she barely even looked at me…

"_Jane baby, what's wrong?"_

"_You're replacing me, Edward." Her arms were wrapped around her body, almost as if she were holding herself together._

"_What? I don't understand."_

"_Bella. You're replacing me with Bella."_

"_No-"_

"_Yes you are!" She covered her face with her hands and began to weep._

"_Jane-"_

"_It's ok to love her Edward. I'm not here anymore; I made my choice to leave you."_

_Her words clench my heart. When she turned her beautiful eyes to meet mine I can see the guilt._

_Her hand softly brushed my hair from my forehead. It was so tender that it brought tears to my eyes. She forced me to look at her, "I know how you feel about her. She needs you so much Edward. That baby needs you too. Don't give up on her no matter how much she pushes you away…You never gave up on me, I love you so much for that."_

_I pull her into my arms, into my chest, never wanting to let go. "I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to lose her."_

"_Then show her Edward…Show her…I love you."_

_Before I can ask what she meant she disappeared._

_She didn't tell me if she would be back._

I don't know what to do anymore. This entire Bella situation has gotten to me more than I ever thought it would. Last night I was so exhausted after our fight I came straight to my room. I don't know when Alice left, and oh fuck, I forgot to lock Bella's bedroom door.

If she ran away it wouldn't surprise me. This all feels like a lost cause anyway...

In a sense we're both fighting for control in this situation and it's just not working. I give and she takes with no regard to my feelings. The moment I take two steps forward, she roundhouse kicks me back five.

It's so...UGH!

_Well what did you expect, Edward. Really? What did you think you would accomplish from all this?_

Inner Edward has a point. It isn't lost on me that I've just named the voice in my head but that's neither here nor there. Jane's message means something. She may just be a figment of my imagination but whatever the case for her visits my Jane always exhibited poise and strength. Contrary to the women she was before her death, her strength was the thing I admired the most about her. Jane never gave up on me even when she gave up on herself. Med school was tough. It was Jane's reassurance that helped me through the hard times.

When she died my reassurance was gone. Sure I had my family but I didn't have her. There came a day where I could no longer get up every morning and go on living my life like nothing had happened.

...So, I quit school and you know what, I don't miss it.

Technically, I never have to work if I don't want to. While I like not having to be tied down to a job, a part of me feels that I should have some kind of obligation instead of just being, and living off the money my family set aside for me. I'll never spend it all in my lifetime; but I don't want to become dependent on it.

A loud clatter brings me from my thoughts. The sound came from downstairs if my hearing is correct. Throwing back the sheet and duvet I rush to my bedroom door and pull it open.

Mmmm, something smells so good.

_What the hell?_

Did mom stop by and decide to surprise me?

She's never done that before. I'm definitely not opposed to it if this turns into a reoccurring thing.

Imagine my shock when I walk into the kitchen ready to greet my mother, and instead find Bella sitting a full plate of what looked to be the best breakfast ever on the table.

I watch her glide around my kitchen as if she's been doing it her whole life. She's singing softly to music coming from the radio sitting on the counter, it looks like the one from her bedroom. Prince's _When Doves Cry_ has her in the zone, definitely. Bella moves her rounded body matching the beat to the shimmy of her hips.

She does this little move where her ass wiggles up and down.

Oh no...Hard...My dick...He's awake...Enjoying the show. I hate to interrupt but my wiener won't rest unless she stops moving like that. God, she's so beautiful.

I clear my throat and her head immediately snapped in my direction. She moved to turn down the music and when she turned back there was a beautiful smile on her face. "Good morning Edward." She greeted softly.

Damn you woman! Now my dick is plotting to dig a tunnel out of my shorts.

"Good morning Bella. What's all this?" I take a tentative step forward. This could be some kind of sick joke. Lure me into the kitchen then chop my balls off when I least expect it.

Her smile, however, told a different story. "This is my _I'm sorry_ breakfast."

Wait...

Who is this girl and what has she done with Bella?

My eyes scan her from head to toe. Her hair is swept up into a messy bun at the top of her head. She's wearing a very flattering strapless white summer dress, and to sweeten the pot she's barefoot...I didn't notice she had hot pink toe nails until now.

Alice.

Barefoot and pregnant in my kitchen. I could get use to this.

"This is really thoughtful of you. Thank you."

She shrugged and motioned for me to take a seat. What she sat down before me was an unexpected surprise. A perfect omelet filled with diced ham, onions, green peppers, and mushrooms topped off with cheddar cheese, a side of fried potatoes, and two pieces of bacon. And if that wasn't enough I had my option of either waffles topped with whipped cream and strawberries, or pancakes with butter and syrup. _Aaaannddd_, I can wash it all down with freshly squeezed orange juice.

When the hell did she do all of this?

I've died and gone to breakfast heaven. I dig in to everything leaving no stone unturned. Hands down some of the best food I've had in a long time. My ferociousness is equally matched by the tiny, pregnant woman sitting across from me. We eat in compatible silence and by the time we were stuffed to the brim, nothing was left but a few crumbs.

"Bella, you have magic in those tiny fingers of yours. This breakfast was incredible."

"Yeah, I've been told that before." A suspicious little half-smile curved her lips momentarily, but she covered it by burping, loud!

I eyed her incredulously, "Bella..." This doesn't need to go into that territory, especially now with my semi trying to calm down.

She snorted. "I'm just fucking with you Eddie boy. I'm glad you liked the food."

"Very much so. Who taught you how to cook, your mother?"

"Please, that bitch couldn't boil water," she rolled her eyes, "Gran taught me."

"Your grandmother must have been an incredible woman." I hate making assumptions but I don't have a lot to go off of. She only says good things about her grandmother and speaks freely about her from time-to-time.

"She was. I never had to worry about anything when I was with her. She kept me safe." Bella spoke not quite looking at me as she slowly sipped from her orange juice. She stood and started to clear the table. I don't see how she can even move around with the amount of food we ate. Hell, if I stand I might pass out. I think I ate my weight in breakfast deliciousness. She doesn't complain though, gathers up all the dishes and loaded them into the dishwasher. She returned to the table a few minutes later and sat down again.

The atmosphere is suddenly awkward.

"Bella-"

"Edward-"

She started just as I did. The awkwardness subsided enough to where we shared a laugh. "What were you going to say, Edward?" She asked.

"I was just going to say thank you again for this wonderful breakfast. And also, you're welcome to cook anytime you want." I make sure to throw in there. If she can cook like this for breakfast, I can't imagine what she can do for lunch and dinner.

I'm drooling just thinking about the possibilities.

"Oh, you like me in your kitchen huh? You're such a guy." She teased, sighing dramatically and folding her arms. She tried to look annoyed but it only served in making her look cute.

"Now what were you going to say, Bella?"

She cocked her head slightly to one side, eyes darting from my face to my chest, to my arms resting on the table, "I...I was" she faltered and her eyes fluttered.

Oh, was she just...

"Were you checking me out?"

A crimson flush spread from her cheeks to her neck. "No."

"Oh, I think you were."

"Don't get your hopes up, Eddie. Just because you're the most beautiful man I've ever laid eyes on doesn't mean-" she paused, her expression cooled about ten degrees, "shit I just said that out loud didn't I?"

I tap my lips with my index finger and smile, "Yep." popping the "p" for good measure.

"You ass." She growled.

"Hey you said it."

"Fucking embarrasing." She squirmed under my gaze. Watching this side of her is so endearing, it's like she's morphed into a totally different person right before my eyes.

"You find me attractive, that's nothing to be embarrassed about. And just to let you know I think you're beautiful too."

There, I said it. I let her know I find her attractive...Let's see how this plays out shall we?

She looked like she didn't know what to do with her face, willing her eyes to look into mine even though they strained to turn away. "Really?"

"Would I lie to you?"

"Maybe." She shrugged but I can tell it's her way of skirting around the issue.

"Bella, I wouldn't tell you something if I didn't believe it. Don't you think you're beautiful?"

"Uh...Can we...Can we change the subject please." Her voice quavered.

The room remained silent as I considered what to talk about next. I like this, whatever it is we're doing.

Being cordial...

"Okay, how are you feeling this morning?" I ask.

"Pretty good. I actually slept all night without having to pee at least five times so I would say I feel pretty refreshed."

"Does the baby move a lot?"

"Some days she moves more than other days."

"That's normal right?"

"Fuck if I know. Aren't you supposed to be the baby expert?"

"I never claimed to be a baby expert. I can google it though."

She burst out into a fit of giggles. It's not the manly thing to do but I joined in on the giggling. It was infectious. We were two laughing idiots at the kitchen table.

"I'm sorry," she caught her breath, "I don't know why that was funny."

"Becaue it was dumb."

"Yeah." She grinned.

"You have a nice laugh." It was a cute, high pitched belly laugh that you can't help but notice.

She leered at me with a smirk. "Wow that's original Cullen. Pretty soon you'll be telling me to take my panties off."

_Oh, here we go._

"Why does everything have to be about sex with you?"

Bella simply shrugged, "It's the only way I know." she bit her thumbnail and mellowed slightly. It was comfortable, even though we were silently sitting across from each other with the only sounds coming from the small radio. She pushed back from the table to fiddle with the radio dial. A familiar song caught my attention and before she could turn I asked her to keep it there.

It was John Mayer's _Slow Dancing in a Burning Room_. I bought all of his albums for Jane after she confessed her undying love for him back in college. Out of every song I've heard of his, and there have been some great ones, this song in particular became a favorite of mine. It's something about the laid back melody, the sound of the smooth guitar; his words have so much meaning and yet back then it was just a song. It didn't fit in my life with Jane.

_It's not a silly little moment,_

_It's not the storm before the calm._

_This is the deep and dying breath of_

_This love that we've been working on._

I hummed along to the words. Having been so caught up in my reverie I hadn't noticed Bella perched herself up on the counter top. Her hands clutched the marble and her eyes were closed. She was listening.

_Can't seem to hold you like I want to_

_So I can feel you in my arms._

_Nobody's gonna come and save you,_

_We pulled too many false alarms._

I knew, I don't know how, but I just knew that this song and these lyrics meant more to me now. Bella has captivated me in these few short hours of being in her company that it seems I no longer have the control to stay in my seat. I have to...feel, something. Anything! I'll take anything if she'll just let me hold her. The thought of our bodies pressed together formed a shiver down my spine.

I thought she might have heard me moving toward her but she never reacted, instead remained still. Two strides and I was standing right in front of her, my body humming with electricity as I waited for, something. It has to be me. She has to feel what I feel, and the only way she'll know is if I initiate it. My hand timidly reached toward her face, I want to cup her cheek but decide to be more subtle and move a loose piece of hair that had fallen in her face. Slowly, her eye lids fluttered and opened revealing the chocolate pools I so often dream about. What came over me was a combination of relief and confusion. Relief that she didn't scream, but confusion that she didn't move away. She looked quite calm. Undeniably calm.

Beautiful.

She studied my face, I studied hers.

Her lips are all pouty, soft, and pink. They're like pillows. I want to kiss them.

_One step at a time. _

"Dance with me."

Okay, maybe not the smartest thing to demand. I can't even dance that well.

"I don't know how." She whispered.

At least she didn't say no.

"Me neither."

_We're going down,_

_And you can see it too._

_We're going down,_

_And you know that we're doomed._

_My dear, We're slow dancing in a burning room._

She held onto my shoulders as I helped her down from the counter. With a heavy sigh Bella moved into my arms. She fit perfectly against my chest, like she was always meant to be here. Finally, our bodies touched. We swayed slowly back and forth, back, side to side. It was slow and sweet. I slid my hands from her back to her waist. She softly played with the hair on the nape of my neck.

_I was the one you always dreamed of,_

_You were the one I tried to draw._

_How dare you say it's nothing to me?_

_Baby, you're the only light I ever saw._

This was so much more. An unspoken truce where our actions speak louder than words. My grip around her waist tightens and I can feel her round belly pressed into the muscles of my hard body, she didn't complain so I held on tight.

_I'll make the most of all the sadness,_

_You'll be a bitch because you can._

_You try to hit me just to hurt me_

_So you leave me feeling dirty_

_Because you can't understand._

Bella looked up into my eyes. She bit her lip and I repressed the urge to reach up and remove it from her teeth. Was she going to say something? I hope not...I don't want her to ruin this moment for us. Not saying that she would do it purposely, I just want us to enjoy this. She returned her head to my chest and we continued to sway.

_We're going down,_

_And you can see it too._

_We're going down,_

_And you know that we're doomed._

_My dear,_

_We're slow dancing in a burning room._

This song conveyed the words I could never say but they belonged to me just the same. This is our song. I will always remember she let me hold her for the first time, reminding me of how it feels to have a warm body pressed to my own. It's not sexual. It could be, but it's not. I don't want it to be. I'm sure she can hear the way my heart is pounding in my chest...She does that to me.

_Is this what Jane meant by showing her? _

We slowly move together even as the song has finished and filtered into the next. I'm not familiar with it but I make no move to leave her embrace. It feels too good. She looked up at me once again and this time she did speak. "We shouldn't do this."

"Why?"

She moved out of my arms but we were still rather close. Her eyes skipped around the room; left, right, anywhere but focusing on my face.

"Bella?" I reach for her.

"Wait, Edward-"

"You can tell me. Whatever it is."

She didn't look too convinced. Her eyes veiled themselves with doubt. "You don't want me."

"Bella-"

"No, you made it clear that you don't want me. I understand why, but we shouldn't do shit like this."

Fuck...

Look what I've done.

She honestly thinks I don't want her, but what have I ever done to dissuade her? I take care of her but am I really doing the job? She's right in a manner of speaking. We shouldn't be doing this but it's not because I don't want her, I want her so much it hurts.

"EDWARD!"

Uh oh!

"Who is that?" Bella asked.

I don't really know how to break this to her without sending her into a panic. I wasn't prepared for her to come by so soon. Maybe in a few days but fuck, not today. Not when Bella and I were so close to-

"Edward?" Bella pinched my arm to get my attention.

"Ummm, are you ready to meet my mom?"

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><p><strong>AN: **Uh oh! Well, I hate to leave it there…It's only a small cliff hanger. Next chapter will be Edward's conversation with his mother. We'll see how Esme responds to his new houseguest.

On another note, wasn't Breaking Dawn the best! Leave me some comments and tell me what you think about the chapter. I always love hearing from you.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: **I apologize for this being so late. I meant to post the chapter yesterday but school got in the way. This is a pretty short chapter. I hope you guys enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot of this crazy story of course.

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><p>Chapter 18<p>

EPOV

Esme Cullen.

My beautiful mother with horrible timing.

I love her to death but, really?

She just had to choose this moment to come over, without calling which has never happened. She strolled in looking professional in a cream pant suit and sunglasses with two grocery bags in her arms. "Goodmorning baby! Oh," mom dropped the bags on the table bypassing me and approached Bella, "I didn't know you had company. I'm Edward's mother Esme, and you are?" She held out her hand.

If I weren't horrified that my mother had just barged into my house and approached Bella pretending she had no idea she was here, I would have found this scenario kind of funny. She's almost as bad as Alice.

"Bella." She shook my mother's hand and forced a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Underneath it all I can tell she's uneasy meeting my mother like this. I'm uneasy watching it. This could either go really well or really bad…I'm hoping for my mother's sake she doesn't say anything that might set Bella off.

"Nice to meet you dear. Look how beautiful you are, and just glowing. How far along are you?" Mom slid both of her hands on Bella's bump obviously not giving a damn about personal space.

Bella looked shocked. She glanced down at her stomach as if she had forgotten it was there. "Um, Six months."

"Mom, I-" Before I could begin mom shot me a glare that told me to put a cork in it, she would get to me soon.

"Well Bella you're just lovely," then mom turned to me, "Sorry to stop by without calling but I figured you would still be in bed. It looks like you've already had breakfast." She observed our half empty glasses of juice on the table.

"Yeah. I would offer you some but we ate it all."

Did I mention how fucking good it was.

Mom only smiled. "That's okay. Bella here is eating for two. What's your excuse Edward?" She quirked an eyebrow at me.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. She's a piece of work.

"Um, I'm going to go take a shower. It was nice meeting you Esme." Bella headed for the stairs.

"Oh Bella?" mom began, Bella's steps faltered and she slowly turned around to face her. "I hope to see you again soon. We could go out for lunch, or we could have dinner sometime?"

Bella smiled, this time it did reach her eyes and gave a sharp nod before heading upstairs.

I fight my own smile thinking about how Bella couldn't resist the _Esme Cullen_ charm. I doubt she'll actually take mom up on her offer, but her even agreeing is a start.

"Edward, let's talk." Mom left it there as she motioned for me to follow her into the living room. She sat comfortably on the couch and waited for me to take the seat cushion next to her. Once I'm seated, the interrogation begins.

"When were you going to tell me about her?" Her face holds no anger or disappointment, just the worry lines of a mother.

"I would have told you eventually if Alice would fucking keep her mouth shut." I groan.

She frowned. "Watch your language, and don't blame this on your sister. You know how hard it is for her to keep a secret. She can't hold water much less something like this."

"I really need to change the locks. I'm tired of her barging in unannounced and then blaming it on me because she has a key. It doesn't even make sense!" It just makes me mad.

"Well, you shouldn't have given her a key."

"I didn't, you did."

"Oh, sorry. I'll talk to her about it. But, back to what we were talking about…So, out with it."

I pulled at my hair. "I was going to tell you…One day."

"Sure you were, baby." She gave me that all knowing look all mothers give their children when they know they're full of shit.

"I was mom. It's just...this is-" How can I explain it without sounding ridiculous.

"Alice filled me in pretty well."

"You shouldn't believe everything you hear." I shake my head.

"According to her she has this whole thing figured out."

"Do you believe her?"

She sighed. "To an extent. Alice lives in her own fantasy world. She already has the two of you married and expanding the house to fit all eight of your kids."

"Were you high when you were pregnant with her? I mean, seriously mom, she's kind of kooky." I chuckled.

A beautiful smile lit up her face. "No, I was just extremely happy. You know the story," of course I know the story, that doesn't stop her from telling it, "we had been trying for so long to have another baby. Your father and I didn't think it would happen and then the next thing we know the doctor is telling us we're pregnant. It was a miracle."

Yes mom I know, I know, I KNOW! She's been telling me this story since Alice was born. Her pregnancy with me had been really hard. When I was born she had some complications and was told she may or may not be able to have more children. This killed mom and dad because they wanted a huge family…Any way, to make a long story short, miracle baby Alice was conceived and once she was born that was the end of any normalcy I might have known before her.

Like I said, Alice is kind of kooky. Has been since she could sit up on her own.

Speaking of my dear old sister, I'll have to remember to call her and cuss her out later. She really needs to keep her mouth shut if she knows what's best for her.

"Are you here to tell me how crazy I am too?"

"My sweet boy. Your heart is always in the right place." She smoothed my crazy hair away from my forehead. I found myself melting into her touch. When it comes to my mom it's like I'm a kid all over again. "I just want to know what you're trying to prove by doing this. I know that you want to help this girl and I'm so proud of you for that, but what are you expecting from her in return?"

Wow, that's a really deep question.

"Honestly?" I shrink back into the couch to avoid her gaze.

"Yes honestly." She waited.

Hell, where should I begin?

"I've grown very protective of her… She means a lot to me." I look down feeling like a big cheese. I'm a grown man admitting my feelings for a girl to my mother. How corny is that?

"That's not what I asked you." She folded her arms to her chest and gave me a stern look.

I gulped. "The only thing I want from her right now is to trust me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." I nodded.

She eyed me a little too carefully. "You two looked awfully cozy when I walked in."

We were kind of cozy weren't we? I loved having Bella in my arms, even if it were just for those few minutes.

"If eating breakfast is cozy then you would be correct."

Then mom got serious.

"Can you tell me about her?"

"I really wish I could but she hasn't told me very much."

"She's a prostitute?" She frowned.

"Yes. From what little I've gathered she's been doing it for about six years."

"The poor girl. Alice told me some things but she doesn't know any more than you I suppose."

"We think that maybe she was abused as a child. Did Alice tell you about Rose?" I asked.

"Yes, I'm shocked. Rose has never spoken very much about her past. It makes sense though, why she's not very close with her family. Do you think Bella would feel comfortable talking to Jasper?"

My brother-in-law Jasper is a shrink who deals with people who've suffered through some kind of trauma in their life. He's probably the best guy to talk to period because he's so wise.

"I don't know, maybe. I'm actually surprised Alice hasn't recruited him already."

"Well you know your sister thinks she's the therapist in their relationship. She's expressed how much she cares about Bella already though."

"I care about her too mom."

I more than care about her.

"I know baby. I just hope you're doing the right thing."

"I'm trying." I sigh.

"I don't mean for Bella, I mean for you."

"Mom-"

"Just hear me out," she held up her hands to stop me," I haven't seen you this way in a very long time…You seem in better spirits and I can tell that it's because of Bella. But, you have to make sure before developing any feelings for her that it's what both of you want. You can't expect for her to be on the same page as you Edward. What you want and what she may want can be two different things."

"What are you trying to say?" I reluctantly ask.

"I just want you to be careful, that's all. A mother never wants to see her child hurting and it will devastate me to see you in pain again."

"Mom, if this is about Jane then you can just stop right there."

"Listen to me Edward…As much as I love and miss Jane, I will never forgive her for leaving you the way she did. She left you a shell of a man-"

"Mom please. This situation with Bella has nothing to do with Jane." I hate when she does this. Just like Alice, mom always brings up Jane and I can't stand it.

"I think it does. No matter how you came across Bella you could have helped her in a totally different way, but instead you brought her here and are keeping her locked up in this house. You can go on and tell me you're doing this for her safety or whatever, but it looks like you're keeping her here so that you no longer have to be alone. She doesn't have a family that will come looking for her; you don't have to risk someone trying to find her."

"Stop, please!"

"I'm sorry baby, but you have to look at this from my perspective." She looked remorseful.

"I do appreciate your concerns mom…Don't worry so much." The more she worries the harder my life will be.

"I wouldn't be a mom if I didn't worry."

"You're the best mom I could ever ask for."

She opens her arms to me. "I love you baby."

"Love you too mom." And like the little pussy I am I snuggle into her embrace.

"Well, I better get home. Your father will be getting off of work soon. We're going to spend the afternoon shopping."

"Does dad know about all of this too?" I ask.

"Of course." She winked.

"Will he be stopping by for an unexpected visit too?"

"Maybe."

I can only laugh at her nonchalant attitude. Most mothers would freak out after finding out that their son has kidnapped someone. She could have come here and threatened to call the police, but of course mom is always full of surprises. I bet she understands my needing to do this more than she'll admit. "Thanks mom."

"I love you baby. You take care of her now."

"I will."

Once she left I shuffled back into the kitchen to tidy up a bit. Even though Bella already cleaned, I blame it on my acute OCD issues.

_Bella..._

I wonder what she's doing?

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><p><strong>AN: **So, I originally planned to have Esme come in and kick Edward's ass, but I decided against it. I just wanted her to be his mother, not crucify him. I hope you guys enjoy! I'll be back soon with the next chapter. As always, leave me some comments. I enjoy reading them and of course thank you all for being patient. Much love!


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: **Ok we're going to pick up with Bella. We'll get her reaction to her and Edward's breakfast and some other stuff. Hope you enjoy. I'm going to try to add regularly from now on to move this story along. I'm not sure how many chapters this story will have at this point, just know it's nowhere close to being finished.

Here we go!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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><p>Chapter 19<p>

BPOV

I feel like I'm living in the fucking twilight zone. Did any of that actually happen? Well, duh I know it really happened but I still can't believe…First we're eating, then we're dancing, and then I'm meeting his mom…What a trip.

I need a cigarette.

The butterflies are still going crazy in my gut just thinking about being so close to him, or maybe I've confused them with gas bubbles. _Whatever. _All I know is whenever he's close that feeling becomes slightly overwhelming.

_You like him, that's why!_

Yeah, well, I do kind of like him.

Cooking breakfast this morning was so natural. The minute I woke up I knew exactly what I wanted to make for him to show him, in my own special way, how much I appreciate all he's done for me. I've only been here a short time and though my bitchiness has been at the forefront from day one, he puts up with it. I've got issues, he understands that and I think that's why he's keeping me around.

The genuine smile on his face as we ate together made me tingle. He always makes me tingle in the best way, even when he's getting on my fucking nerves. No guy has ever done that to me, ever. We laughed together and for the first time since I've been here we just, let go.

If only things were different...

It's a hard pill to swallow when I look at him, really look at him, and realize Edward is _waaaay_ out of my league. I mean have you seen this guy? He's every girl's wet dream and I'm nothing special. Dull brown eyes, dull brown hair, pale skin, and before I was pregnant my body was nothing to brag about.

He surely can't find me attractive now, can he?

When he asked me if I thought I was beautiful I wanted to punch him in his pretty little face. Only vain women admit that shit out loud, but to answer his question truthfully I would say no and mean it. Bella might mean beautiful, but this Bella is far from that. I've always thought that physical beauty means nothing if you don't possess goodness within.

Let's be real, I don't have one decent bone in my body.

I've only known goodness through Gran and I could never be all that she was. Kind, gentle, caring; she would give you the shirt right off her back if you asked. I'm so selfish that if I were wearing a dress made of safety pins and someone asked if I could spare one, I would politely say no. It's second nature for me to be a bitch. When it comes to making decisions, I think about how it will benefit me.

Which leads me to my current predicament. The only difference is I realize how fucked up I am and I would be putting the baby through a world of hell if I decided I wanted to raise her.

What could I possibly give her?

I have nothing...

Nothing but...Edward.

I'm swept up in remembering how everything seemed to fade into thin air the moment I was pressed against his chest. That song, those lyrics, gripped me and I was so caught up in them that I didn't notice Edward had moved until I felt him standing before me. His beautiful eyes pierced mine in the most amazing way and when he asked me to dance I almost cried out in happiness. He wanted to touch me. We were pressed so close together I could feel the steady beating of his heart. Then, reality set in; he didn't want me. No, he was just doing this out of pity. He felt sorry for me and, oh fuck when I was in his arms it felt like I should always be there. He evoked so many emotions within me just by his simple touch.

We were so close, so so so close and yet absolutely nothing will come of it. I pulled away and he seemed hurt. What was he expecting?

What does he want?

Or, maybe the biggest question is what does he want from me?

I feel that he's sending these signals, and maybe its wishful thinking...I can't help but want to know if his feelings for me are more than just friendly. Could I return those feelings should he admit to them? I don't know. It would be easier if he were just after my body because then I wouldn't have to guess if he wanted me.

After a nice, hot shower I feel less stressed out and hornier than ever. This can't be normal. Throwing on a tank top and jean shorts I go search for my new vibrator. I named him the Jolly Green Giant, but I haven't gotten a chance to take him for a spin. Hey, what can I say, the urge to masturbate comes and goes.

I want the real thing, but aside from Edward's off limits peen I have no other option but to jill off alone. I find the vibrator amongst the bags of new clothes I've acquired and file it away in the bedside table for later, then make my way back downstairs.

It feels nice to be able to leave that fucking room without him thinking I'm going to run away. I'm not fucking going anywhere for a while at least.

I find Edward sitting in the living room staring blankly ahead. It's really quiet and he doesn't seem to notice me watching him. With my new found freedom to move around the house, I've never taken the time to really enjoy how beautiful it is. Of course, I've already fallen in love with his kitchen, _I could have sex with that kitchen_, but I could also find myself loving his spacious living and dining rooms. Maybe even his bedroom if he lets me fuck him in his bed.

_Wishful thinking… _

His home is really fresh and modern, but sophisticated enough for a single guy in his early thirties. This has to be the work of Esme Cullen herself. Alice brags that her mother is only the best interior designer in Seattle. After taking a look around the place I agree. Nothing about his home would lead you to think that it's actually over ninety years old.

Esme Cullen is the bomb!

"Bella?" I look toward Edward and he's staring straight at me. I'm momentarily shocked by the intensity of his gaze.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

What the hell is wrong with me? One look from him and I can't speak.

"Bella?" He moved from his seat and closed the gap between us, looking down on me with concern in his eyes.

"I'm fine." I clear my voice and look away to pull my shit together.

"Are you sure? You seem a little out of it." He gently touched my arm. Here come the tingles. This is getting ridiculous. I mean really, how many times is this man going to send me into a tingle induced comma today?

His new name is Tingleward. No more Fuckward or Assward, it's Tingleward.

Get used to it!

"Yeah, I'm fine. Your mom left?" I change the subject to save my panties from anymore unnecessary wetness.

"Yeah she had to get home. She normally doesn't barge in like that." The last thing he needs to do is warn me about his mother.

"It's fine, Edward. She's really nice. I like her"

He looked momentarily perplexed. "Yeah...Listen, about earlier…I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable-"

"Don't worry about it." I wave him off. He didn't make me uncomfortable at all. In fact, I wouldn't mind doing it again. I would be an idiot to turn him down.

He seemed relieved and a smile lightened his face. "Okay. Hey, it's a beautiful day outside. Would you like to go for a walk?"

_I will follow you anywhere hot stuff!_

"Sure."

The property is amazing. Really, unlike anything I've ever seen before. It's like some Better Homes and Garden shit but ten times better because I'm actually standing in the midst of it all. The trees, there are so many of them. He led me around the back of the house where there was a brick trail we followed into a clearing in the woods.

"This is the meadow. Just beyond those trees is the river." Edward pointed.

"Wow, this is so beautiful." I gasped.

"It is. My great-grandfather Caius was a landscaper in his spare time. Everything you've seen was done by him in the years after he bought the house. He planted all the trees first, then added on the more delicate touches like the flowerbeds, bushes, and the path that led us here."

"Is this your great-grandfather on your father's side?" I asked him.

"Yeah. My mom was orphaned at the age of ten. Both of her parents were orphans so my mom literally has no family."

"Oh," yeah I feel stupid. "So, what did Caius do for a living?"

"He did a lot of different things." Edward led me over to a small bench right in the middle of the meadow. From here you can enjoy its beauty from all sides. We sit side by side as he continued. "He worked on a fishing boat for a while, then worked at a grocery store, but he and my great-grandmother Lily are most known for being the founders of the restaurant La Bella Italia."

"Really?"

He smiled so wide it took up most of his pretty face. "Yep. They came to America as immigrants from Italy and somehow ended up in Seattle. Lily couldn't find a place to enjoy good Italian food so she decided she wanted to have her own restaurant. It started out as just a small eatery, but business became bigger and bigger. They eventually expanded and became a huge success. Their first big purchase was the house." I could tell from the look on his face that he was proud of the accomplishments his family has made.

"I've heard of that place but I've never gotten a chance to try it. It's like, really expensive, right?"

"Not really. I guess for the average working class person it's a little pricey, but the experience is worth it. I'm not just saying that because it's a part of my family's history. La Bella Italia gives you the best of the best of Italian cuisine. You get your money's worth."

I couldn't keep the grin off my face after his little sales pitch. "I hear ya loud and clear captain." I salute him.

"I'm being serious here, Bella." He tried, but lost the battle and began grinning.

"Oh I believe you. It's a really popular place." At least that's what I've been told. I heard there's a dress code and everything. An uppity restaurant like that would break my fucking pockets before I could even sit down and enjoy a meal.

"As of right now, you can find La Bella Italia restaurants in thirty of the fifty states. There are three restaurants here in Washington, in case you didn't know." He boasted.

_He's so fucking cute!_

"Does your father run the business now?" I asked.

"No, my brother Emmett does. Out of me, him, and Alice, he's the most equip for the job. My dad's a doctor and he didn't have time to take over after Grandpa Aro died, so it was handed over to my Uncle Marcus. That asshole had absolutely no idea what he was doing so that's how Emmett got the job. He's really great which doesn't surprise me. That fucker's life revolves around food." He chuckled.

I haven't met his brother yet but I assume that he and Edward have a pretty tight relationship. I mean, they have to. Not many guys allow their brother's wife to visit as often as Edward allows Rosalie. She hasn't been back since the first time I met her, but Alice has filled me in about all the time she and Rosalie have spent at Edward's. Well, that was before I showed up.

"So that's why you're super rich? Because of the restaurant?"

"I'm not super rich. I like to look at it as my family has been blessed. Emmett, Alice, and I inherited a large sum of money from my Grandpa Aro when he died. My parents had set up a trust fund for us when we were born-"

"Wait a minute Daddy Morebucks…So you have money from an inheritance and a trust fund? Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't they like the same thing?"

He's speaking to someone with an eighth grade education here. It may seem like I'm educated but even I know I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed.

"Um, not exactly. An inheritance is the passing of property upon the death of an individual. Since it was written in my grandfather's will, the money from his estate was to be split between the three of us. A trust fund is something my parents set up for us to provide a degree of financial security that we could have access to when we turned twenty-five. I received the inheritance when I was twenty-seven."

"And now at thirty-two you're rolling in the fucking dough." I can tell just by looking at him that he's talking about some serious money, fucking millions of dollars. Hell, give me a million and I'm rolling around naked in it.

"I don't see it that way." He sighed.

"So, why do you say you live off of your inheritance when you actually have some trust fund money in there too?"

"I bunch them both together so I don't confuse myself," he shrugged, "either way you look at it, that money was given to me, I didn't earn it. I really only use it for the things that I need. The house is already paid for, I only have to pay utilities, but it's not like I'm spending all this money on stupid shit. Once I figure out what I want to do with my life, I'll put it away in a trust fund for my future children."

"Wow, it must be so hard living a privileged life. I can't believe you told me all of that." I smile, but inside I can't help but be a little jealous of him. I mean, aside from the death of his wife, has he ever had to struggle through anything?

"Why not? I trust you Bella."

I shake my head. "You shouldn't."

"You plan on robbing me blind?"

"No, I don't want your money. If anything I want your kitchen." I smiled and winked at him. He threw his head back and let out a belly laugh that was so cute I wanted to pinch his cheeks. And not the ones on his face…Just sayin'.

"So..." he calmed down and glanced at me, "I've told you something about myself, tell me something about you."

Oh…Dammit. Things were going so well. I guess it serves me right for asking him all those questions. If I would've known he would turn that shit on me I would've kept my trap closed.

"Why do you want to know so badly?" I sigh, gazing up at the trees as a light breeze swirled around us. He doesn't need to hear about my fucked up life…Edward's too good, too pure to burden with my past.

"Bella, I want to know everything about you. The good and the bad. I don't care what it is."

"But why? What will you possibly gain from knowing anything about me?" I'm a nobody and he's, well he's more than I'll ever be.

"I'll gain more than you think. It'll put my mind at ease about a lot of things that I've wanted to know about you since you got here."

His hand moved to mine where he stroked it tenderly. "You're so mysterious to me Bella, but I also know that you struggle a lot with your past. I can hear you crying at night in your sleep and it kills me that I can't help you. I don't want you to hurt anymore." He has the most intense look in his eyes.

"Okay." I say it before it even registers that I've given him permission to ask me anything.

"Tell me what happened to you."

Why does he want to know that, the worst part.

"Fuck I-" shit I can't even look him in the eye and say it, so I look everywhere but at him. If I just say it he'll get off my back. Worst case scenario, he'll be so disgusted he won't ask again. It'll be just like ripping off a band aid. "I…I was abused. I was raped and beaten pretty much every day from the age of nine until thirteen. Renee died and I was put in a group home. I ran away and have been on my own ever since. There, happy now?"

Just like ripping off a band aid my ass! That fucking sucked.

I feel his hand underneath my chin, lifting my head to look up at him. "Look at me Bella. Of course I'm not happy that you were hurt like that. I'm actually a little pissed off." He looked angry all of a sudden.

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" He looked surprised.

"I don't want you to be mad at me. I know…I know I'm messed up but-"

"I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at the person who hurt you. Bella, can't you see how much I care about you? Why would I blame you for something you couldn't protect yourself from?"

I hate to admit it, but in that moment I wanted to throw myself at him and kiss the fuck out of his lips. He can't say shit like that and think it doesn't affect me. I know he's being sincere which doesn't make it any easier to turn my attention back toward the ground.

"I know…I just don't like to talk about it."

"I think it will do you some good if you do."

_He's probably right._

"Do you still think about your wife?" I ask.

"All the time. I have dreams about her." He whispered that last part. By his reaction I can tell this is a sore subject for him.

"Do they scare you?"

"Not anymore."

"You miss her?"

"Every day."

This conversation is getting way too deep.

"Can we head back? I'm getting kind of hungry." Evening is beginning to set in and we haven't eaten since this morning.

He helped me to my feet, which wasn't exactly easy to do with my fat ass. "Would you like to watch a movie?"

"Sure."

By the time we get back to the house I'm pooped. "How about you pick the movie and I'll go make us some snacks." Edward says letting us into the house.

"Okay." He trusted me enough to tell me about his money, and now he trusts me to pick out the movie. This guy never ceases to amaze me. It takes all of two seconds for me to pick out some movie I've never seen before and pop it in to the DVD player. There, my job is done.

He returns with some sandwiches, chips, and cookies. I love this guy, he knows how much I love to eat. He plopped down next to me and we dug in as the movie began. The movie is called The Hangover…I've never seen it but this has to be the funniest shit ever. Me and Edward are laughing so hard I almost peed on myself, which we all know is very easy for me to do in my condition.

"Oh shit! I love this movie." Edward laughed in between stuffing his face. If he chokes I don't know how to do that Heimlich maneuver thing.

Things quieted down between us once the movie finished. We were still snacking of course.

"This is nice." He sighed laying his head against the back of the couch.

"What?" I ask.

"This, us."

I snort. "Yeah I'm surprisingly having a good time."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well let's be real, you're a little square" I snort again. I can't help it.

"No I'm not."

"Uh, yes you are Eduardo. When was the last time you just let go and did something fun?"

He shrugged. "Well, you got me there. But just because I don't go out doesn't mean I'm square."

"You watch Jeopardy." I can't help but giggle.

"So? I happen to really enjoy that show."

"Most squares do."

"I'm sorry that I like educational programming. I like to learn."

"Okay, forget I ever said anything. Look, if you want my advice, be more spontaneous. Don't be afraid to go out there and live." This dude is fucking rich. He could come and go as he pleased, have plenty of skanks on his dick at his beck and call. What the hell is wrong with him?

"That's easier said than done." He nervously shifted in his seat.

"Don't give me that shit. If you want something, go for it. What's stopping you besides your own insecurities...You're fucking thirty-two, not sixty-two, start acting your age."

He shrugged his shoulders like he didn't give a shit. "I can be spontaneous."

"Oh yeah? Well Mr. Spontaneous, show me." I cross my arms and wait.

"What? How the hell am I supposed to show you?"

"I don't know. Think of something."

I'm waiting…

Five minutes later…I'm still waiting.

He's been thinking hard this whole time.

"Think of anything yet?" I ask. I don't know what the fuck I'm waiting for…Something amazing?

I never saw it coming…His hand moved to wrap around the back of my neck to pull my face to his. Our lips connected so quickly I was momentarily stunned, I wasn't kissing him back.

**WHAT THE FUCK BELLA! STICK YOUR TONGUE DOWN HIS THROAT NOW!**

_Don't mind if I do. _

I open my mouth and lick his bottom lip, asking for permission that he open up to me. Let me taste his tongue. When he does our tongues begin to dance around each other slowly, then frantically as we both fight to dominate the other. I want him to want me so much he begs for it on his fucking knees. I crawl into his lap to straddle him and take over as much as he'll let me. I can feel him holding back…Well, let's see if we can get him to relax a little more.

I tap into my skills while sliding my hands down his chest to the hem of his t-shirt. Without thinking twice my hands snake underneath to feel his warm skin and defined muscles. I break out in goosebumps at the anticipation of seeing this shirt on the floor. As I inch my hands further up his chest I feel him tense, so I deepen our kiss to get him back on track.

He sucked on my tongue as it probed his mouth. I nip at his lips and suck them into mine. It's like a tug of war and I never want it to end. I move my hips back and forth over his lap where I can feel his very hard length. My hands travel down once more, but now the destination is to the button on his jeans.

He suddenly pulled away, "Bella, wait." He stopped me.

"What's wrong?" I ask breathless.

"I'm sorry. I don't…I'm not trying…Fuck! I'm sorry I kissed you."

I hold my finger over his lips. "Edward?"

"What?" He looked flustered.

"Shut up." I pull his face back to mine and commence the kissing.

I hold onto him and kiss him hard. No more talking and second guessing himself. I want him, now!

"Bella, wait." He pushed me away.

"What the fuck?"

Now I'm getting pissed.

"We can't do this."

"Why? We're not doing anything wrong." I try to reason.

"No, this is wrong. I-"

I'm sure that had I been in my rational state of mind, what Edward had to say would have put me at ease. But no, fuck that. We're making out like teenagers and I'm so fucking close to pulling his dick out of his pants, and he stops me. Yeah, I'm pissed. "You know what, I'm really sick of these mixed signals. One minute you act like you want me and the next you're back to being stubborn." I climb off his lap

"I'm not doing it on purpose. I swear, I just think we're moving a little too fast is all."

Tell it to someone who gives a fuck asshole!

"Whatever. I'm going to bed."

"Bella, please wait. I-"

I didn't let him finish. I was already stomping up the stairs. I made sure to slam my door to let him know he pissed me the fuck off and he better not come up here and bother me, unless he's offering up his penis.

Well, it looks like me and the Jolly Green Giant are going to get to know each other really well tonight. It better give me fucking five orgasms or I'm throwing it out of the window…

I strip out of my clothes, turn out the lights and grab my new friend. I close my eyes and begin to fantasize about Mr. Douchebag and his soft ass lips.

Maybe I should change his name from Tingleward to Pussy Tease.

Edward the Pussy Tease. It has a nice ring to it.

Nah…

I like Tingleward better.

I'm Ball Buster Bella and Edward better get his shit together or his name is going to be No Dick Cullen.

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><p><strong>AN: **Well, Tingleward can't seem to make up his mind. Should he have kissed her so soon? Is he sending her mixed signals? Let me know what you think. I'll be back as soon as I can to give you the next chapter. Much love.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: **I know I'm horrible! There's no excuse…I'm just fucking lazy.

However I'm back with a new chapter. WOO HOO! I made sure to make it extra long for you guys as a way of apologizing. I can't make any promises but I'm going to try to add more often.

I hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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><p>Chapter 20<p>

EPOV

I know, I'm an asshole.

Maybe that's an understatement…I suck big time for what I did to Bella. I didn't even mean to and I still somehow fucked up what should have been a great moment between us. I had her right there in my lap and what do I do? I'll tell you…

I fucking molest her. My rational brain spoke to my irrational penis and told him _"hey, maybe you should slow down"_, but my penis had other plans and decided he didn't give a fuck. So, my brain had to step in and remind me about Bella and one of the main reasons she's here.

I freaked out right there on the spot. My biggest fear in moving forward into a relationship with Bella is that I don't want her to think I have other intentions. I don't want to hurt her and at the same time I'm a little uncertain if I'm ready to go the extra mile. The chemistry is there, and even though the kiss we shared was unexpected but fucking **awesome**, I wish it had happened differently.

In my head I had it all planned out. I would take her out to eat, maybe a movie afterwards or a walk along the lake. I would pull her into my arms and lay out all of my feelings. She would start crying and admitting that she felt the same, and then….

Yeah, it didn't happen that way.

She dared me to be spontaneous and I fucking assault her with my mouth. I remember the taste of her tongue and no matter how hard I tried, it left me hard. It pained me to push her away, but unfortunately for my own sanity I had to do it. Call me a pussy all you want, but I want our first time to be unforgettable. Last night was me giving into temptation when she challenged me.

I've been up since six in the morning going over what I want to say to Bella when she wakes up.

When she wasn't up by ten I made a small breakfast and took it up to her room. When I hadn't heard anything by noon I started to worry, so I made some lunch and took it up. I was relieved to see her breakfast plate empty but she was still in bed so I assumed she was sleeping and left her alone.

Now it's three in the afternoon and she still hasn't gotten out of bed. Either something is really wrong or she's trying to avoid me. At this point I'm desperate to speak with her about what happened last night and hopefully she'll let me explain myself.

I head back upstairs to her room. Knocking once, I peak my head inside. "Bella?"

No response.

"Bella?"

….Okay she's not answering. I hesitantly move to the side of her bed and take a seat next to her sleeping form. I reach out and softly move my hand over her shoulder. "Bella?"

"_Hmmm_" She moaned.

"Are you feeling okay?" She's never slept this late before.

"Go away." Her voice was muffled by the pillows.

"Can we talk?"

"Don't you see that I'm trying to sleep? Leave me the fuck alone."

"Please. I really need to get this out."

_I'll plead if I have to…_

"Fine," she huffed practically throwing herself on her back. She wouldn't look at me but gave me her attention none-the-less. "What the fuck is so important?"

She knows what this is about. I know she's angry with me and as much as I hate to admit it, I deserve her wrath. "I'm sorry about last night. I never meant to make you uncomfortable and I can't apologize enough."

I gave her the opportunity to reply but as the silence passed between us it never came. She stared at me for a long time weighing my words, or plotting my death. I don't know what I'm waiting to hear… "Please say something."

With a roll of her eyes, her arms cross at her chest and she watched me closely. "What do you want me to say?"

_What did I want her to say? I don't know something that might help me feel better?_

"Um, I'm apologizing for being an asshole. I'm sorry-"

"Okay, stop right there." She held up her hand to silence me.

"Just let me-" I pressed once more and again she silenced me with a flick of her hand.

"I really don't want to hear it. If it bothers you that much then pretend it didn't happen."

"I can't do that," I sigh shaking my head. "It happened, I should have controlled myself but I didn't and-"

"So you regret it?"

I have to be honest no matter how much it may hurt. "Yes."

"Am I that fucking disgusting to you?" She whispered and her face lost its ferocity. Her eyes filled with tears…Geez I'm an idiot.

"What? No, Bella you're not disgusting, I am."

"You're not making any sense and I really don't care so-"

"Listen to me, please. I know you think I'm crazy in feeling the way that I do but believe me, this has nothing to do with you. It's me. I don't want you to feel that I look at you as a sex object. We're just starting to really get along and I don't want to mess up what we have by crossing that line." I explained. She didn't look too convinced.

"It's not you it's me…Like I haven't heard that before. I'm twenty years old not sixteen, you don't have to use that shit with me to spare my feelings." She muttered rolling her eyes.

_This isn't going well._

"It is me." I lower my head in shame. It would be easier if I could give her what she wanted without feeling bad for it…

"You know what will help? Stop sending me all these mixed signals. I'm too hormonal to deal with you wanting me one minute and pushing me away the next." Bella said.

"I don't mean to-"

"Let me finish," She narrowed her eyes at me. "You either want me or you don't. I understand you're trying to be a gentleman and all but if you kiss me you have to expect that I'll take it the wrong way. I'm not use to this."

"And that's why I wanted to talk to you. I feel horrible that I led you on that way…Can you forgive me?"

I could tell she was thinking it over. Thinking is always good, at least I know she's debating whether I'm worthy of her forgiveness instead of flat out telling me to fuck off. You never know what this girl has up her sleeve, especially when you cross her.

"Yeah, whatever." Was her only reply as she shrugged me off and moved to her side, her hand resting on the swell of her stomach.

"Thank you." I can't keep the grin off my face. She smiled back at me and from that moment on I knew I would work my ass off to make sure I made her smile like that every day.

"You know what would make me really happy?" She asked.

"What?" I'm all too eager to please.

"If you would take me to McDonalds. I'm feigning for a big mac and an apple pie so bad."

I don't even think twice before pushing the sheets off of her and helping her out of bed. If my girl want's McDonalds then she'll get it.

We decide to eat inside the restaurant because according to Bella, she didn't want to wait until she got home to indulge in all that fatty goodness. She also knows how much of a pussy I am about my car and she couldn't promise she wouldn't spill anything. We had a good time feeding our faces although Bella ate way more than I did. She realized after eating her big mac, fries, and apple pie, that she wanted another order of fries, a chocolate chip cookie, and a caramel sundae. I couldn't eat anymore, but watching her dance around as she dipped her fries into her sundae was entertaining. She's really a goofball underneath that tough exterior and I'm enjoying getting to know this side of her.

On the way back home mom called and invited Bella and I to dinner this evening around six. I expected this was coming, but I didn't want to freak Bella out so I told her we were going somewhere tonight…I just didn't tell her where though.

"What should I wear?" She asked rummaging through her new clothes.

"Something comfortable." I suggest.

"Why won't you tell me where we're going?"

"I want it to be a surprise." I shrug. I really hope this doesn't blow up in my face. Bella seemed to like my mom when they first met so I'm pretty certain she won't be too mad. Then again, this is Bella we're talking about.

_Hormones are a bitch._

"Fine. It's still pretty warm out. Maybe I'll wear these jeans and this blouse." She held up a pair of maternity jeans and a pretty short sleeved purple blouse. I nod in agreement and watch as she walked into the bathroom and shut the door.

I go into my own room to start getting ready. I love being a guy. A pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and my sneakers…I'm ready. Women are so complex but I understand they want to look good, I just don't understand why it takes so long.

Jane would take hours getting ready. She would spend at least twenty minutes finding something to wear, fifteen minutes or so in the shower, another twenty minutes doing her hair and make-up…I would practically be starving to death by the time she deemed herself worthy enough to leave the house.

Bella surprised me, she was ready to go about ten minutes after I finished dressing. She looked beautiful. Her jeans and blouse looked really nice on her and she decided to let her hair air dry into waves that cascaded down her back. She had on light make-up and as I stepped forward to appraise her, I could smell a faint hint of vanilla.

"You look beautiful." I say.

"Really?" She blushed.

Who is this shy girl standing before me?

"Yes really. Are you all set?" I ask not wanting to make her more uncomfortable. She doesn't really like to be complemented, well that's about to change. I'll tell her she's beautiful every day if I have to until it sinks into that hard head of hers.

"Yes, I'm ready."

Once we're settled into the Volvo I start the thirty minute drive to my parent's home. I live pretty far out from the city, but mom and dad live further. They like the quiet they say. Yeah, whatever.

"Will you tell me where we're going? It's not good to keep secrets." Bella nudged my arm. I look over at her and she looked genuinely interested in knowing. I guess it's time to come clean.

"We're going to my parent's house for dinner."

Preparing for her to yell at me, I'm actually surprised when I hear her sigh and sit back in her seat. She was silent. I look over and observe her rigid form. She's obviously not happy about this, but she's not cursing me out either.

"Are you okay?" I ask hoping she'll relax a little.

"I'm fine, just nervous." She muttered.

"Why are you nervous? You've already met my mom."

"Yeah, but I've never met your father. What if he doesn't like me?" Since when does she care about something like that?

"My dad will love you. Just be yourself, you have nothing to worry about." I try to assure her.

"Are you sure?" She quirked an eyebrow at me and smirked, "I mean if you think he'll appreciate me saying fuck every two seconds then I'll definitely be myself."

_There's my girl._

"Well try not to curse so much." I smile and of course she smiled right back.

I turn into the tree lined driveway and drive about twenty feet or so up to my parent's house.

"Fuck, this house is huge. How many people live here?" Bella asked with wide eyes. I remember feeling the same when I saw the house for the first time.

"Just mom and dad. Mom wanted this house so she could make sure whenever we came to visit that we had plenty of rooms to pick from."

"Wow, that's…Thoughtful?"

"I bet she'll talk us into staying tonight." I tell her as we park.

I get out and jog around to help Bella out of the car. It's a little bit of a struggle and it takes everything in me not to pick her up and carry her up to the door. That's overstepping it just a little.

The door swings open and mom came speed walking out. "Oh Edward! Bella! I'm so glad you could make it." She grabbed us both in a hug.

"Hi mom."

"Hi Esme."

Bella and I speak at the same time. It's enough to placate my mother because she let us go.

"Come in every one is already here."

"Every one?" This is news to me.

"Yes every one. Alice is waiting for you in the living room Bella. I'm going to borrow Edward for just a few minutes okay?"

"Okay." Bella walked away. I saw her look back and smile before she walked inside.

What was that about?

Mom hugged my arm as we slowly walked toward the house. "How are you, baby?" She seemed concerned.

"Fine mom, why do you ask?"

"I'm just glad you came is all." She shrugged.

"Really? You pulled me aside for that?"

"Well, I wanted to tell you that your dad won't be able to make it. He got held up at the hospital."

"Okay." She could have told me that inside.

"I'm sorry if I seem weird. I'm just excited to have all of you home with me. It's been so long…I'm also excited to get to know Bella."

"Yeah, about that. Please don't ask her any personal questions, like where she's from and her family. She doesn't like to talk about those things."

"I won't ask I promise." She assured me. I know mom won't do anything to make Bella uncomfortable, I can't say the same for the rest of my family.

Mom went back to the kitchen and I made my way into the living room to find Bella. What I walk in on is the epitome of what I didn't want to happen. Leave it to my sister to make things awkward. Jasper looked curious, Emmett was giggling, and Rose looked bored as they watched Alice practically lying in Bella's lap, having a conversation with her belly. Bella of course looked pissed.

"I missed you. Yes I did. Did you miss your Aunt Alice baby girl?" Alice nuzzled the bump lovingly.

"If you don't get off me Aunt Alice won't have any teeth." Bella pinched my sister so hard she squealed.

"What the hell Alice? Back off!" I force her out of the way and sat next to Bella. She looked relieved when Alice took her previous seat next to Jasper.

I turn to address her. "So, you've met my obnoxious brother Emmett and my brother-in-law Jasper?"

"Yeah. We were trying to talk but somebody decided she would interrupt us by screaming at my stomach." Bella glared at Alice.

"Just ignore her." I say.

"I'll just fart on her next time." Bella shrugged it off.

"HA! I like her." Emmett chuckled. He may be the oldest but he lacks maturity in every sense of the word. Words like fart and booger make him laugh, and if he could run around wearing a diaper I bet he would.

"So Bella, how are you feeling?" My all-knowing brother-in-law Jasper asked.

"As well as I can be."

"I'm sorry I couldn't come over yesterday." Alice interrupted. "I had some work to do down at the boutique and I meant to call but-"

"It's fine Alice. Believe me, I had so much fun without you." Bella said.

"Why are you acting like this?" I asked my sister.

"I didn't get to see Bella and I missed her."

"Babe, calm down." Jasper pulled Alice close and whispered something in her ear.

"What's wrong with her?" Bella asked me.

"She's fucking weird." I roll my eyes but she elbowed me in the ribs. "She gets really excited about things and goes all loopy sometimes. You're the object of her new obsession so when she doesn't get to see you she fucking starts acting weird. I told Jasper to prescribe her Ritalin, but he thinks she doesn't need medication." I stand by getting Alice committed.

"He's a doctor?"

"Psychiatrist." Not a very good one if he can't see how mentally challenged his wife is.

"Oh." She replied and settled into my side.

We all talk about nothing much. Soon mom is calling us to come eat out on the patio. Emmett practically flew out of the room. Mom had set up the circular table so that we could all sit together outside and enjoy the summer air. I sat on Bella's right and unfortunately Alice snagged the seat on her left.

Dinner was great. Mom made her famous baked ziti with salad and her homemade bread sticks. You would think as much McDonalds as Bella and I ate that we wouldn't be as hungry as we were. Let's just say, mom had to break out the second pan of ziti before any of us were full. No one asked Bella any intrusive questions, and I'm guessing Alice briefed Emmett and Jasper before we arrived because they kept pretty mum the whole time.

Mom and Rosalie were talking about a recipe for chicken when Bella chimed in, and that began a discussion about whether dark meat is better than white meat. I say, dark meat tastes the best and Emmett agrees. Alice and Rosalie say white meat because it's healthier. Mom, Bella, and Jasper like them both.

Things were going great until mom decided to get on the subject of Bella's pregnancy.

"Have you thought of any names Bella?" Mom asked.

"Uh…No." Bella became tense.

_I told her not to bring it up._

"Mom don't-" I start, but feel Bella's hand squeeze my thigh. She shakes her head and looks back at my family. Mom saw our exchange.

"Oh I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that."

"It's okay. I know you guys are curious." Bella sighed.

"You don't have to explain anything to them." I tell her.

"No it's fine. I've been meaning to talk to you about this too." She took a deep breath. "I know that I've been pretty indifferent about this whole thing. I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do. I still want to give the baby up for adoption, but I want to do it the right way you know."

It's like music to my ears. She's been thinking about her baby, she wants to do things right.

_Hallelujah! _

"So you want to go through an adoption agency?" Alice asked.

"I think so…"

"Well this is a big decision you have to make. You have to be sure it's what you want." Leave it to Jasper to be the voice of reason.

"I know."

Mom and Rose clear the table for dessert. I notice how quiet everyone has become…

I don't know if it's because of what Bella has just revealed, or if for the first time in history we have nothing to talk about.

Bella excused herself to go to the bathroom. The moment she disappeared, Alice started talking to Rose. Emmett looked directly at me and smiled. "I like her Bro. She's a little spitfire. You need that in your life."

All I could do was nod…I agree.

By the time she returned mom had spooned up some cherry crisp and homemade vanilla ice cream. She really went all out tonight. I love her for it.

We moved inside to play a few games, at Alice's insistence. I am the king of Monopoly and I made all of them my bitches, so they didn't want to play anymore. Emmett wanted to play charades but he sucked so bad we all couldn't stop laughing. Bella almost peed on herself. The last game we played was Uno. Unfortunately Bella killed all of us in that game and like the sore losers we are, we all quit on her.

It was getting late. I kept Bella out a little longer than expected and when I look over she's asleep in Alice's lap. My sister looks like she hit the jackpot as she played in Bella's hair. Everyone looked tired, and I can't help but feel tired myself.

"I think we better go before I get too sleepy." I say standing to my tired feet.

"Don't even think about driving back home this late. Look at her, she's exhausted. I would hate for you to wake her and she's sleeping so peacefully. Let me go make up the guestroom and you guys can sleep in there. We have plenty of room." Mom wasn't going to take no for an answer.

Sleeping here sounds great, except I don't know how Bella will take me sleeping next to her.

Alice announced she and Jasper were staying also. From the snores coming from Emmett as he snuggled next to Rosalie, they were going to stay as well.

You could see the complete elation on my mother's face that we were all staying the night. It gets lonely with my dad working late hours and all, mom would never say it to make my dad feel bad but I know she hates that he works so much. It's not his job because he's great at what he does, it's just the hours. I don't visit as much as I use to since Jane died. I didn't really want to see anyone, especially my parents. I didn't want them telling me everything would be okay when it wasn't.

I'm over it now though and I'll make sure to visit more often.

"Alright Ali, I'm going to take her to bed now." I bend down to pick Bella up.

"Be careful with her." Alice whined.

"I will." I roll my eyes as I position Bella comfortably in my arms. Her head nuzzled against my chest. Alice kissed her cheek then her belly and gave me permission to leave.

My sister needs serious help.

I set off upstairs with the two most important girls in my arms. "_Mmmm_, Edward?" Bella mumbled into my chest.

"Yeah babe?"

"Where are we going?"

"I'm taking you upstairs. Mom said we can stay the night because you're so tired."

Her eyes slowly opened. "Will you stay with me?"

_Will I stay with her? Does she even have to ask?_

"Do you want me to?"

"Yes."

My heart could have pounded out of my chest at that very moment. Even after what I did to her last night, she still wants me to stay. She amazes me every day.

I walk down the hallway toward the first guestroom on the left. This is usually the room I stay in so I figured mom wouldn't care if I claimed it. Bella is softly snoring in my arms, I don't want to but I lower her to the bed. "Lay down. I'm going to see if mom has some night clothes you could wear."

When she doesn't respond I leave her alone and go search for mom. She's in the other guestroom down the hall and as I approach I can hear hushed voices through the crack of the door.

"_They're so cute together." _Alice gushed.

"_Yeah. Did you see how he looked at her. Like she hung the moon." _Mom gushed even more.

"_She was surprisingly subdued today." _Rose added sounding as bored as usual.

"_That's because we weren't prying into her past."_

"_I feel bad about bringing up the baby. I hope she's not upset."_ Mom worries too much. Bella didn't chew her out about it.

"_She didn't seem to be. I was surprised that she spoke about going through with an adoption…I wish she would change her mind and keep the baby." _Alice sighed.

"_I think she's making the right choice." _Rose said.

"_Why do you say that?"_

"_She's damaged. Do you really think she could be a mother to that baby when she's been through so much? A baby doesn't change anything and in her case I think it will just add on to it." _

"_She doesn't have to do it alone. I'll help her." Alice said._

"_I would too. Since you two won't give me grandbabies I have to start somewhere." _Mom said. Alice and Rose groan at that. They've been pestered for years to reproduce and mom can be pretty relentless when she needs to be.

"_If she changes her mind I'll be the first one by her side…But I have a feeling it might not turn out that way." _Rose made it sound like it was a lost cause.

I knock a few times and peak my head inside to see the three of them trying to look innocent.

"Mom?"

"Yeah, honey?"

"Do you have something Bella can sleep in?"

"Of course." She left the room to find some clothes. I immediately turn to Alice and Rose and give them the stink eye.

"How much did you hear?" Alice squeaked.

"Enough. Don't stick your nose where it doesn't belong. It's not up to us to tell Bella what to do with her baby. It's her choice."

"We know that Edward. We were just talking." She said.

"Be careful what you say…You never know whose listening." I point to both of them to make my point before turning to head back to the room. Bella is spread out across the bed. She looks so cute and I almost hate to disturb her.

Mom knocked on the door a few seconds later. "Edward? I hope this will work." It was a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt.

"Thanks mom."

"Goodnight honey. I love you."

"I love you too." I lean forward and kiss her cheek before ruffling her hair. She slapped my arm away and glared at me. She hates that shit, that's why I do it.

"Bella?" No answer. "Bella, baby….Wake up."

"_Noooo._" She groaned.

"Let me help you get out of your clothes." Okay, that came out all wrong.

"Take them off for me." She turned over on her back, eyes still closed.

I don't even think about it and start to pull off her pants; this of course leads to me catching a peak of her white cotton panties. I quickly slip her legs into the sweat pants and pull them up over her hips until they were secured around her waist. Next is the shirt. She helped me a little and I was able to slip her blouse off and replace it with the t-shirt.

"Okay, all done. Get comfortable now." I fold her clothes and set them aside.

"Are you leaving?" She asked.

"Not unless you want me to. I'm fine sleeping on the couch."

The ball is in her court. If she wants me to stay I'll happily oblige her. If not, it looks like the downstairs couch will have to do. I don't mind really.

She reached out and grabbed my hand. "No, don't leave."

_Yes! I'm the man._

"Okay. I'll stay until you fall asleep." I know she already said I could stay. I'm just testing to see if she'll have a sudden change of heart.

"No I want you to stay. Sleep with me."

_I'll do more than sleep with you!_

_Stop! Bad penis…Bad penis._

"A…Are you sure?" I stammered feeling the sudden need to visit the bathroom and take care of…Something.

"Yes. Take off your fucking clothes and get in this bed before I punch you." But she actually punched me which defeated the purpose of threatening me in the first place.

"Okay, grumpy." I acquiesce. I pull off my shirt but keep on my jeans. I don't want my boner to give her any bright ideas. I slip underneath the covers with her and before I know it Bella is snuggled right against me.

She's being clingy…I like it.

This feels nice. A light buoyant feeling came over me as I held her close and stroked her hair. Today turned out perfect. My mom was ecstatic to have her kids home. I didn't fight with Emmett for once. Aside from Alice acting ridiculous, she wasn't so bad. Jasper and Rosalie are always pleasant but even more so today. I can't remember laughing so much with them with all of us so carefree. The only thing missing was dad. He would have enjoyed this.

The best part was to see how happy Bella was. She smiled and it was genuine not forced. Seeing that was enough for me. I'll be by her side, no matter what...

I look down feeling her stomach pressed into my side. I can't resist the urge to touch it. It's so round and hard, and beautiful. I add a little pressure with my fingertips, not enough to disturb her but enough to see if I could feel something. I poke around and suddenly feel a little knock on my hand.

Holy fuck! That's her…How awesome is that?

I can't wait to meet her. If Bella allows, I would like to be there when she gives birth. For moral support of course but also to meet the baby, and possibly hold her before she's taken away. It'll be the hardest thing I ever do aside from losing Bella entirely.

Until then, I'll enjoy the way she feels in my arms, and I can only hope we'll do more cuddling in the future. It's safe to say that I'm confident enough in my feelings to admit that I'm falling more and more in love with this amazing woman… Kidnapping her was the best thing I've ever done.

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><p><strong>AN: **Dinner was a success. Nothing too crazy in this chapter, except Alice. Again, I apologize for taking so long to get this out. It's the longest I've written so far though (patting myself on the back). I hope you guys enjoy. Leave me some reviews and let me know what you think. I'll be back soon. Much Love, Rae.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: **I'm back. I know it took forever…Sorry is all I can say.

Warning: There is a scene that Bella will revisit that deals with her being raped. It's not graphic but if it makes you uncomfortable just skip over it.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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><p>Chapter 21<p>

BPOV

I awoke with a start and that annoying feeling in my bladder. I don't need to tell you what that means. When my eyes adjust it finally hits me that the warm feeling against my face is not my pillow, but it appears that I've been snuggled to Edward's bare chest. I'm eye level with his nipple… What a glorious nipple it is. It wouldn't take much effort to stick my tongue out and lick it, or suck on it like a horny little slut. Just then the baby moved, bringing me out of my perverted thoughts to remind me how much I need to pee.

She's also probably telling me that the only one who will be enjoying nipples in the near future will be her. _Ugh,_ don't remind me that I have to actually give birth. I'll just pretend that when it's time she'll slide on out with a smile and give me the peace sign as she leaves with her new parents.

_Yeah, I feel better now._

After handling my morning ritual I crawl back into bed and snuggle right back into Edward's chest. His strong arms wrap around me and soon my lids become heavy. I could really get used to this.

_Wait a minute…I smell food._

I slowly open my eyes and sniff again. Yep, bacon. I smell bacon, and maybe sausage. Eggs, and potatoes. Wait, there's something else. My highly trained nose is picking up something sweet, like pancakes, or maybe waffles I'm not sure. As much as I would love to stay here and cuddle with my new pillow, duty calls.

I carefully climb out of bed and follow the smells downstairs to the kitchen. Esme is standing at the stove in a pink silk robe flipping pancakes and frying scrambled eggs at the same time. This is a woman after my own heart.

I was standing there like a deer caught in headlights when she saw me. "Goodmorning sweetheart. How did you sleep?" Esme beamed, holding out her hands to take my own and kissed my cheeks.

"Great. Thank you for letting us stay the night."

"Don't thank me sweetheart. There was no way I was going to let Edward drive at that time of night when the both of you were exhausted. You can stay here anytime you want." She turned back to the stove. "Breakfast will be ready soon. You look like you're starving."

"Well, I'm always hungry." I took a seat at the kitchen table to watch her finish cooking.

She smiled sweetly. "Oh, the joys of being pregnant."

I wouldn't exactly call it that. It's more annoying than anything else because it seems I'm constantly stuffing my face with something. I haven't had any strange cravings throughout my pregnancy so far, but I'm coming up on my seventh month so that may change.

"When I was pregnant with Emmett, I thought it gave me the excuse to pig out which I did religiously. I gained almost seventy pounds but I didn't care really, I just wanted cookies." Esme said as she came to sit by me at the table.

"Wow, seventy pounds?" I can't even imagine gaining that much weight in nine months. I think Dr. Bitch said I had gained close to twenty but that's nowhere near seventy…

"Yep. I was such a fat ass. You gain the most weight toward the end. I remember I gained seven pounds in a week. It was depressing." She shook her head. "Now, when I was pregnant with Edward I only gained forty pounds, and with Alice I gained twenty five."

"Just twenty five?"

"Yes, I was very petite and I didn't have to wear maternity clothes." She rubbed in.

"Well, that explains why she's such a little troll."

Esme laughed. "She took after my mother's side of the family. They were all very small and petite. I can remember my father teasing my mother and calling her one of Santa's Christmas elves."

"That's Alice. I say we send her back to the North Pole." Both of us are giggling when we hear the distinct pitter patter of tiny elf feet.

_Speak of the devil and she shall appear. _

"I thought I heard my favorite girl. How are you this morning?" Alice kissed her mother first before throwing her arms around my neck and squeezing.

"Alice...Can't breathe."

She let go but sat in my lap and slicked my hair back from my face. "You look well rested."

"I am. Now get the hell off me before I give you a wedgie." I threaten.

"Oh shut up, you know you love me." Alice replied with a wink, but she got her ass up and moved to the seat on the other side of me.

"That is yet to be determined." I say just teasing. She knows that and flipped me off.

"Whatever. So I was thinking, since its Saturday how about we all go shopping!" Alice sang, clapping her hands.

"That sounds like fun. Just us girls though." Esme agreed.

"What do you say Preggo Patty?" Alice asked, she could hardly contain herself.

"Uh, I don't know. I didn't bring any money with me."

"Don't worry about all of that." She waved me off. "I love shopping with you."

"You've already bought me a new wardrobe. I don't expect or need anything else."

_Whoa! What the hell? Since when do I turn down the chance to get free stuff?_

"You know we don't mind-"

"But I do, Alice. I don't want to be your charity case. It's bad enough your brother does so much for me…"

_What the fuck is coming out of my MOUTH!_

"That's because he cares about you. We all do." Both she and Esme nod their heads in agreement.

"Well stop caring about me." I shot a glare at her.

This is bullshit. I don't like being put on the spot in front of her mother. Can't she see how embarrassed I am? I know I'm most likely overreacting and I feel foolish for doing so, but honestly I feel like I've had an epiphany. Gone is the girl looking for a handout because she felt the world owed it to her, she's been replaced by a girl who feels guilty for abusing the kindness of the people surrounding her. I don't deserve any of this. As I look into the shocked faces of Esme and Alice I realize just how much I don't fit in here. I've known them a little under a month, Esme even less and for whatever reason they accept me, knowing what I've done in my life. I never thought I would ever give a fuck what they thought of me, but suddenly things have changed.

I don't like this. I've always had to take care of myself, now I'm surrounded by people who want to do it for me.

"_You're nothing but a worthless little bitch. You don't deserve the finer things in life, know why? Because you wouldn't know what to do with it. You're lower on the food chain than a dog in my eyes. You'll never survive out in the world on your own. No one wants you. No one loves you. You're better off dead, honey."_ The malice in Renee's voice cut through my reserve like a knife. I remember the day she said that to me, it hurt so much. She said foul things all the time but her telling me I was better off dead because no one loved or wanted me was the blow that broke me completely.

What's even sicker is I believe every word she said. I am worthless, I don't deserve anything good in my life. Look at me, these people have opened up their hearts to me and I fell right into thinking I was their equal.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I excuse myself, saying I needed to use the restroom and walked as fast as I could back upstairs to the guestroom I shared with Edward. He was sleeping peacefully curled around a pillow. The floodgates broke then, tears streamed down my face as I thought of how amazing Edward has been to me. I can't let him see me like this. I run to the bathroom and lock myself inside, breaking down even more in the process. I sit on the side of the bathtub and wait for the inevitable darkness to find me…

I'm changing, I can feel it, and it scares me to death. It's like I don't want to be angry anymore at the world, at myself, at the direction my life has taken. I just want to feel like I belong somewhere. Maybe I'll never find that…I'm too messed up.

Just when I think I can move on with my life I remember my past and it brings me back to the realization that I'll never be normal. Not as long as Renee haunts me with her words, and Phil and Peter make nightly visits to my dreams as they take turns holding me down.

_Fuck, I don't want to think about it._

There were many times I wished they would kill me, because death would be much easier than having to deal with the constant reminder that they never cared about me. When you're a little girl, all you want is to love and be loved…But when those things are stripped from you daily you start to grasp for any kind of attention whether good or bad. I hated feeling needy back then in the years prior to Phil and Renee's death. I was a child looking for acceptance and being kicked down repeatedly for it. I'll admit, sometimes I craved Peter's touch. I hated him with every fiber of my being, but as I said, sometimes I just wanted him to touch me. His hands were softer than Phil's and on occasion he would sleep in my bed and rub them through my hair to calm me. We never spoke much. The only times I would see him around the house was when he would rape me.

It sickens me even now to know if I had to pick between who I wanted in my bed at ten years old I would have chosen Peter. He wasn't as rough as his father and sometimes I got the distinct feeling that he cared about me. That was before he would dash it all away by holding me down and pounding what little innocence I had left right out of me.

There was one time though I remember so clearly. One that opened my young eyes a little more to what was going on around me.

I was eleven years old. It was the summer time and I wasn't allowed to go outside. I stared out my bedroom window holding an ice pack to my face where Phil punched me for not bringing him a beer when he asked. He hadn't given me a chance to get out of the shower and run downstairs to get it out of the fridge. I was taking too long he said, so I got punched and sent to my room. I knew what was coming, I just didn't know who would be handing out the punishment.

Not long after Peter appeared at my door. He was sixteen, tall and lanky with curly blonde hair and deep blue eyes. This was new because we had never been alone before. Phil was always lurking in the shadows waiting for his turn. This time he had left the house with no warning of when he would return.

Peter slowly approached me. He looked a little stiff, like he was afraid. He took the ice pack from my face and pushed me back on the bed. I immediately began crying, but he shushed me. "Listen, I don't want to do this anymore than you want me to. Just…cooperate.

I complied without making a sound. He didn't make me lay face down like his pig of a father would have. That was what I was used to, it was normal. Peter crawled on top of me. I closed my eyes and prayed it would be over soon.

As he violated me he whispered for me to look at him. I stared unfeeling into his watery blue eyes. He was crying. He laid his head in the crook of my neck and repeated "I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" until his climax.

And then he did something that blew me away. He hugged me. Picked up my limp body and held me to his chest.

"I had to do it. He'll know if I didn't and-" He never finished, but from that day on I knew that I wasn't the only victim in the house.

I didn't see him very much after that incident. Not too long after that our parents were killed. Of course I'm afraid he'll find me one day and maybe finish what his father started. It's one of the reasons I prefer a low profile.

So far, Peter and I have yet to cross paths. I hope it stays that way.

A knock at the door startled me back to reality. "Bella? Are you okay?" It's Edward.

Thank god it's him and not Alice. I'm not exactly in the state of mind needed to deal with her.

"I'll be right out." I say, wiping my nose and eyes.

When I open the door he's standing there, still shirtless and sexy as hell. I resist the urge to reach out rub my hands up and down his chest.

_This is neither the time nor place for that._

"Mom and Alice told me you were upset. What happened?" He asked.

"I'm fine."

"Then why have you been crying?"

Perceptive bastard.

"Hormones?"

He giggled and pulled me into his chest, hugging me close and kissing my hair. "I think it's more than hormones. You can tell me."

_I know I can tell you, I just don't want to._

_Oh, what the hell._

"It's just that, I'm still getting use to all this. I know they mean well but I feel like I've already taken so much from all of you. I don't deserve to be here right now, but I am because of you."

He frowned down at me. "You deserve to be here, just like everyone else. Don't feel like you're taking anything from us. You're adding so much more by just being yourself. I know mom and Alice can be a little overbearing but they don't do it to make you feel inferior."

"But that's the thing. I will always feel inferior."

"You're not." He disagreed.

"Yes I am."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"No you're not."

I pinch him in the stomach, "I'm not going to argue with you."

"Good. Now let's go eat before Emmett devours everything." After putting on a shirt he took my head and we walked quietly downstairs.

Everyone was seated in the kitchen eating. There were two empty chairs waiting for us. I noticed a new person sitting at the head of the table. This must be the patriarch of the family.

"Bella, this is my father Carlisle." Edward introduced us.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Cullen."

"Oh nonsense, call me Carlisle dear. It's an honor to meet you." He bowed and laid a kiss upon the top of my hand. _Smooth daddy. _Wow, I know I probably shouldn't be saying this, but Carlisle is fucking sexy.

Good looks must run in the family. Just looking at him you would never guess that he has three grown kids, then again neither does Esme. They are the epitome of what aging gracefully looks like.

I catch Edward rolling his eyes as he walked over to his seat. I follow and sit as well. The food looks amazing so I dig in. Both Esme and Alice are beaming at me from across the table. They must not be too upset with me.

We all eat in comfortable silence. When we're all finished, Alice makes her announcement.

"So today, we ladies have a date."

"Oh really? And just where do you think you're going?" Jasper nudged her.

"We're having a spa/shopping day."

_Oh crap…_

"We have to leave here around one to make our appointments on time. We're going to have so much fun." Alice squealed until she saw the look of horror on my face. "And I'm not taking no for an answer missy."

"Alice." I groan.

"What's up with you this morning? Normally you would be jumping at the chance to get out."

"I just-" fuck how do I say this, "I don't feel comfortable."

"Why dear?" Esme asked.

Do I really have to explain? In front of everyone?

"…In my job I'm use to taking things without even thinking about it, but since I've been with Edward and meeting all of you, it doesn't feel right."

I look around at all their sullen faces and feel like shit for messing up the happy atmosphere with my _woe is me_ attitude. I can't help it…

I feel Edward squeeze my hand underneath the table. He's silently telling me to cut it out.

"Bella, listen to me sweetheart. I think you're being a little too hard on yourself and it makes me sad to see you like this. Now, I don't know what's going on inside your head right now but we understand that it must be hard for you to be around people you don't know or trust. Honey, you don't have to feel that way. In this short amount of time we have come to care about you, and we want to show you just how much we care. It's not that we think of you as a charity case or that you're using us. We want to take you places and have you experience the best because contrary to what you believe, you do deserve it." Esme said.

I try to keep it together but I burst out into tears anyway. Fuck, I hate all this crying. It's so embarrassing sitting here like a blubbering idiot in front of them, I could of a least tried to hold it in until I was alone. Small little arms wrap around me from behind, I don't fight the embrace because I know she won't let me.

"I'm sorry." I wipe at my eyes and try to calm down.

"It's alright." Edward took my hand again

"Just please say that you'll go. Please, Bella." Alice outright begged. I would expect nothing less from her.

"Okay."

"You won't regret it."

My mini breakdown behind me, we split up to get dressed. You're probably wondering how I was able to get dressed when I hadn't brought a change of clothes. Alice the little pixie had it covered. Somehow she produced a pretty purple sun dress with undergarments that kind of matched. How she does it I'll never know. I meet the girls downstairs about twenty minutes later. We pile into Rose's red BMW with me and Alice in the backseat and Esme up front with Rose at the wheel. Alice's enthusiasm is infectious and as we set off on the drive toward the city Rose cranks up the radio and we all sing obnoxiously to Lady Gaga. I love that bitch.

"Where are we going first?" I ask.

"Well, we're going to the spa first, then to get mani/pedi's at this great nail shop, then to get our hair and make-up done and then-"

"Whoa, what the hell Alice? You said that we were going shopping."

"We are after we get done with everything else."

_This bitch!_

I should have known the little hobbit had more than just shopping and the spa planned. Would it kill her to tone it down for once and focus on one trip at a time?

"Don't worry. We're going to have so much fun. Don't be such a Debby Downer."

I'd like to tell her to shove it where the sun don't shine, but I'll be nice Bella today. Alice pulled my hand into her lap and held it there. She either felt I would bolt any minute or she was just being a good friend and trying to ease my worry.

_It's going to be a long day…_

Seven hours later… Here's the breakdown in short; the spa wasn't so bad.

Seeing as I've never been it was actually an exciting experience once I got out of my funk and allowed myself to let go of my apprehension. The masseuse was amazing. His name was Jason and he paid special attention to my lower back. I moaned like a wanton slut the entire time, fuck anyone would if they were in my position. He noticed how tense I was and by the end of my massage I felt like jello. I've never been so relaxed.

Next, Alice dragged us to the nail salon to get mani/pedi's. It was cool I guess, but the chick doing my nails wouldn't stop fucking talking. I could hear Alice and Rose snickering beside me when I started to become frustrated with the air head who couldn't decide if she should go bold and dye her hair black, or make a statement and go purple. I wanted to politely tell her to fuck off but she was doing a good job on my nails.

I found myself sitting in a hair salon a few hours later getting my hair washed and layered to remove most of my horrible split ends. Randall did an amazing job, and I didn't mind his mindless chatter about his boyfriend and his muscles. He kept swooning about his partner's six pack…I swooned but for another reason.

_Edward's six pack is lickable._

We finally made it to the mall but by then I was too tired to do very much. Esme kept me company while Alice and Rose went off to do their own thing. We talked, a lot. She made me so comfortable that I wanted to tell her my life story. I shared some things with her and in turn she shared things with me. She had tears in her eyes when I started talking about the baby and my plans to look into adoption. She told me I had her support no matter what I decided…I cried again.

All-in-all I had a good time with the girls and promised to do it again in the near future.

We didn't get back to the house, which I have nicknamed Chez Cullen, until well after seven in the evening. Emmett and Jasper could hardly contain themselves once their wives were in their arms. Carlisle was a little more subtle in his affections, but it was still cute. I noticed Edward was nowhere in sight. I didn't want to ask his brother's because I didn't want it to seem like I was looking for him. That would give Alice ammunition in which she would accuse me of falling in love with her brother. It's not even like that between Edward and I…We're developing a friendship, besides, love doesn't exist in my world.

I feel a pair of arms wrap around me from behind. I didn't realize how tense I was until I relaxed into his touch. "You're back." He whispered softly kissing the shell of my ear.

_Cue the tingles._

Turning in his arms I throw mine around his body and hug him close. I look up into his emerald eyes, "Did you miss me?"

"The second you left the house I missed you. Did you have fun?"

I nod and rest my head on his chest, right over his heart…The heart I wished beat for me.

"I like your hair." He ran his fingers through my new layers.

"Alice." I sigh and he understands that his sister was behind it. I just went with the flow.

"Are you ready to head home?" He asked.

Home.

His home.

Well I guess since I'm staying with him for the time being I can consider it my home now.

"Yeah I'm ready."

Edward announced we were heading out. Esme of course wanted us to stay one more night, but honestly I'm ready to get back to it being just Edward and I. Nothing against everyone, I just kind of want to hog him to myself. I hugged them all, even Rose who I've come to know better today. She's not so bad, just blunt which I can respect. Alice promised to come visit me the moment she could get a chance, and Esme made plans to stop by for lunch one day during the week.

The ride home I told Edward about my day. He seemed to be very interested in the spa stuff, well he was until I told him a guy gave me a massage, he changed the subject to something else. If I didn't know any better I would say little Eddie is jealous. I have no issue letting him rub my back if he wants to. I asked him about his day and he told me they just hung out around the house with Carlisle.

By the time we got home I was exhausted. I felt extremely relaxed for once and I'm damn sure going to take advantage of it. Edward must have been tired too because when we walked into the house, he locked the door and followed me upstairs.

He stopped when we got to my room. "I'm glad you had fun today, Bella. It's about time you did something nice for yourself."

"Yeah well, I'm happy I went."

"Me too."

We stood there staring at each other for a beat until he started to ease away. "I'll see you in the morning."

I don't want him to go. The more he eased away from me the more I wanted him to stay. After sleeping in bed with him last night I feel like I've been spoiled. I don't want to sleep in bed without him.

"Hey," I'm taking ahold of his hand before he can get too far, "please stay with me."

He looked relieved and agreed instantly. We shuffled into my room without turning on any lights. I slipped into a t-shit, forgoing the sleeping pants and got into bed. Edward stripped out of his clothes but left his boxers on…Damn.

He caught me ogling his body and smiled but didn't say anything. He got into bed beside me, throwing his arms around me and pulling my back into his chest. I know I said I could get used to it, but at this point I think I'm beyond used to snuggling with Edward.

Now, if we could just have hot, sweaty, animalistic sex…

Guess I'll have to wait for that. Until then I'll take what I can get.

_Goodnight. _

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><p><strong>AN: **So, tell me what you think. Not the best chapter but I'm trying to move it along. I appreciate you all.

Drop me a review, I enjoy reading them.

Until next time.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: **Better late than never I always say. Between finishing the last class of my associate's program and getting a job, I haven't had time to get this chapter out to you guys. I won't make any more excuses. Just excuse my lateness.

**-LEMON ALERT-** Proceed with caution. If you're not into sex scenes then just skip over it.

This chapter is pretty short and fluffy so I hope you all enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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><p>Chapter 22<p>

EPOV

I never imagined that the twists and turns of my life would bring me the solemn comfort I've only ever dreamed I could have; since the disintegration of my marriage and my wife's subsequent death, my whole world went to hell. I've got a new reason to smile now, and I've discovered how to live again; that's an accomplishment in itself. If you would have told me three months ago that my fresh new outlook on life would be in the form of a five foot three pregnant woman, I would have politely told you to fuck off. But it has, everything has changed and I owe it to her.

_To my Bella._

The dynamic of my relationship with Bella had changed when she refused to sleep in bed without me. It wasn't a request, it was a demand that I sleep with her in my arms each night. I noticed that she didn't cry in her sleep like she used to... I can only hope it's because I'm here with her that she feels she is safe enough to rest.

It's funny because during the day we keep a friendly distance, meaning there's not too much hugging or sneaking quick pecks when we're going about our daily routine…But at night, she takes my hand and leads me into her bedroom where nothing is off limits. We haven't had sex to which a part of me is thankful for, but when we cuddle she allows me to sneak a few kisses. I love how soft her skin is and how my lips feel pressed against hers if only for a few seconds. It's a perfect way to fall asleep.

We never sleep in my bed. When I asked her why she had such an aversion to coming into my room, she said that she felt it would be disrespectful to sleep in the same bed that I shared with my wife. I understand how her words could be misconstrued but they weren't meant to insult me or Jane; on the contrary, she feels that she'll taint the memories I shared with Jane by taking her place in my bed. I get it. I don't want her to feel uncomfortable, and in that case I'm having a new bed shipped in sometime next week. This is my first step in really moving on from my past, and embracing the future that hopefully Bella will be a part of.

As the days all blur together I have yet to stop and soak it all in. Things are changing quickly and for the better I would say. It's now the first week in November and Bella has just past the thirty-two week mark. Her once cute, little baby bump has blossomed into a more pronounced round beach ball. To my utter surprise she hasn't complained once about her ever expanding mid-section; my girl is taking it in stride.

She's been uncharacteristically quiet lately only speaking when spoken to for the most part. She especially clams up when I mention the baby and scheduling an appointment with an adoption agency. Each time the subject comes up she seems sure that she still wants to go through with it, but when it comes to actually making the call it never happens. I volunteer to do it for her, not because I want to because the last thing I want to do is help her pick out new parents for the baby, but I want to be the support system she needs.

Bella says she'll handle it on her own…I believe her.

It makes me wonder if she's spoken to Alice, Rose, or even mom about her reservations since it seems their relationship has grown leaps and bounds. Perhaps this is what Bella has needed, to be around positive women who want nothing more than to love and protect her. Each weekend since the first time the girls went out has been a repeat performance. There's shopping of course, but they always do something different each time. So far they've taken advantage of dad's boat to have a day out on the lake. They go on little weekend excursions to neighboring cities to do…Whatever girls do. Lately, as Bella's pregnancy has progressed they stick around Seattle but have yet to slow down their activities.

Imagine my shock when last weekend Bella walked through the door with two bags filled with baby clothes. I was used to her leaving and coming back with bags upon bags of stuff the girls had picked out for her while shopping. I was shocked by this though. Bella said Alice talked her into it and being a sucker for the puppy dog eyes she relented. I asked what she planned to do with them and she said she'd give them to the adoptive parents as a present. As if giving the nonexistent adoptive parents a baby isn't enough, she wants to give them brand new baby clothes. She never ceases to amaze me.

"Hey." A nudge to my ribs by a little elbow has me snapping out of my musings. I look over and Bella is pouting.

"What?"

"I asked if we had anymore ice cream."

"Remember, you ate it all yesterday." I remind her.

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did. I watched you guzzle it down after dinner." I don't see how she didn't get brain freeze at the rate she inhaled it.

"Oh, shit," she huffed, "I really want some fucking ice cream."

She looked at me out of the corner of her eye. I know what she's doing; she does it at least every other night. Normally I would cave, but tonight I think I'll see how long she can go before she starts to beg.

I pick up the remote and start channel surfing. She starts to sigh obnoxiously loud. She shifts so that her back is pressed into the arm of the couch and her feet dig into my cushion. She knows how much I hate that shit, but when she wants to annoy me she'll do it until I react. It won't work though...I have her right where I want her.

Her foot inched into my lap. "What are you doing?"

This is phase one: asking dumb questions.

"Watching TV, love. What are you doing?" I play along.

"Nothing…Wishing I had some ice cream." She mumbled to herself.

I pretend to be really into Sportscenter. "That's nice."

Suddenly, Bella climbs into my lap. This is phase two: clingy seduction…I fail this phase every time because I can't seem to resist her lips against the skin of my neck or her whispering in my ear. Her hands move all over my body, it's like sensory overload. My dick enjoys it very much I might add.

"Aren't you bored?" She whispered against my neck. One of her hands rubbing my chest, the other buried in my hair…

_Must concentrate…Must concentrate._

"No." I reply, slowly losing my control.

Don't get me wrong, we've had a few intimate moments like this where I want to rip off all her clothes and show her exactly how she makes me feel. Bella acts oblivious to the sexual tension between us. She hasn't made any moves aside from the few kisses we share at night and there are times when I want her to just to reassure that she still wants me. I mean, I know she wants me in a sense that she enjoys the quality time we spend together. What I'm looking for is, well how can I say this without being too blunt…Does she want to fuck me?

Yeah, I know I had my reservations about going all the way with Bella, but you must understand how difficult it is to be this close to a woman you care so deeply for and not kiss her like I want, touch her how I've always dreamed of. She's so unbelievably beautiful it should be a crime.

Damn the fuckers who ever made her feel otherwise.

"Don't you want to do something for me?" She softly massaged my scalp with the tips of her fingers.

"Not really." I sigh, feigning annoyance. It's only a matter of time before she blows her top and asks me what she really wants. That's all I want her to do. She just assumes that since I'm so attentive to her needs 24/7 I should automatically jump to attention and journey out to get her what her little heart desires. She won't ask me directly to buy her ice cream, or cookies, or McDonalds, instead she rather hint around to the idea that she wouldn't mind having it. That's normally my cue to get it for her.

_Silly woman._

The punch to my gut is an indication that she's had enough of me ignoring her.

"Fuck you! Can you please get me some fucking ice cream before I die of starvation?" She wrapped her hands around my neck insinuating that she wanted to choke me.

_Uh oh, crazy pregnant lady on a rampage._

"Why didn't you just ask that in the first place?" I remove her hands from my neck and bring them down between us.

She moved off my lap and into her original seat. With her eyes cast down she played with the hem of her t-shirt. "You know I have a hard time asking for things."

"Well, don't you think it's time to get over that?"

"No," she shook her head," I may be a lot of things, but a begger I am not!"

We have this discussion every day it seems.

"Just because you want something doesn't mean you're begging, Bella. It's not like you're asking for outlandish things here."

"I don't care. I still don't like it." She pouted. "I'm such a fucking pig." She burst out into tears.

It's been one of those days, or should I say one of those weeks where every little thing upsets her. She cries at the drop of a hat which is a huge contrast from spitfire Bella from two months ago. Don't get me wrong, she's a ball buster to her heart, but she's more of a crybaby than before.

I pull her into my arms, kissing her head and softly rubbing her back. I've learned that the only way to console her when she's like this is to just let her cry.

"_Shhhh_, it's alright, stop crying. You know I don't have a problem giving you anything."

"I know." She mumbled into my shirt.

"I'll go get you some ice cream. Calm your pretty head." I kiss her forehead and leave her and her cute pout on the couch to go retrieve my jacket and car keys.

"Anything in particular you want?" I ask at the door.

"Hmmm," she paused for a second to rub her belly, "the baby wants mint chocolate chip, but I want strawberry and chocolate. All three would be fine."

"Alright mama. I'll be back." I send her a wink and head out.

True to my word I head to the nearest grocery store to stock up on ice cream. I grab one of every kind they have available along with some chocolate chip cookies and Lay's plain potato chips. This is her favorite combo. Nothing makes me happier than to feed my girl full of sugar and saturated fat. The flirty cashier commented on my groceries as she checked me out, saying I shouldn't feel guilty for giving into my sweet tooth. She was nice enough I guess. She looked to be in her late twenties with blonde hair and blue eyes. Everything about her screamed **"I'M EASY!"** and I bet if I flirted back I could get her to drop to her knees with no issue. Good thing I'm not that kind of guy.

I tell her the ice cream is for my pregnant wife and she immediately backed off. _Instant whore repellant. _

On the drive back home my mind wandered to an image of Bella and I. The idea of making her my wife pulls at my heart strings. To wake up to her beautiful face each morning, her belly swollen with my child. Our other two children snuggled in between us; her daughter who has always been mine and our son we created together. The gender of our new baby who is growing each day in her womb will be a surprise. We kiss our children and then each other, so in love and happy. I cook breakfast for them in the morning, and play in the yard with the kids in the afternoon while Bella relaxes on the porch watching us with a grin. We go for walks in the evening around the property where I share stories about our family history. My beautiful wife is by my side, she kisses me softly and tells me how much she loves me, and I hold her close letting her know that she owned my heart forever…

The house is dark when I make it back from the store. Of course, Bella sends me out for ice cream and then goes to sleep on me. If she wasn't so cute I'd be thoroughly pissed. I deposit the ice cream into the freezer and head upstairs to her bedroom.

What I find is quite…Surprising.

She's laying on top of the covers in a black silk nightie. With her back facing toward the door I can make out the sensual curve of her hip and the expanse of her plump ass cheeks peeking out from beneath the nightie.

Oh yeah, I'm hard as a rock.

Where in the hell did she get this get up? I appreciate it, don't get me wrong, but I wonder why she chose tonight of all nights to wear it to bed. I guess I better get in bed to find out.

Swiftly removing my jeans and shirt, I climb into bed behind her.

"Edward?" She whispered once my arm was around her waist.

"Hey babe."

"What took you so long?" She turned over so that she was now facing me.

"Well, seeing as I had to drive to the grocery store twenty minutes away-"

"Alright smart ass." She giggled and pinched my chest.

"I should be mad that you're sleeping after you cried about not having any ice cream."

She had the nerve to look sheepish. "Sorry, I'm like an old person. I get sleepy out of nowhere and the next thing I know my head is bobbing all over the place."

"Excuses, excuses." I roll my eyes which earns me another pinch to the chest. _Ow._

"You try carrying around this stomach and tell me if you don't get tired. I can barely walk from the kitchen to the couch without getting winded." She defended herself.

"Don't blame your short comings on the baby."

"Well tell her to stop growing so much and taking up all the room in my body." I knew she was playing by the light tone of her voice. If she were really that annoyed she would have spoken up sooner.

"Okay," I scoot down and pull up the nightie from her stomach," Hey, your mom said she wants you to keep growing big and strong and kicking her in the ribs and bladder. She loves it."

"No I don't." She laughed.

"Yes she does. She loves when you move all around. You're going to be so strong when you come out, and so beautiful, like your mama." I kiss around her belly and nuzzle it with my nose. I hear a sniffle and when I look up Bella is wiping tears from her eyes.

"What's wrong babe?"

"You're so sweet." She gave me a watery smile.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, it's an amazing thing considering the situation."

"Only you feel that it's a situation. I think of it as a miracle."

Her hand touched the side of her stomach. "She likes the sound of your voice."

"How do you know?"

"She moves around a lot when you talk to her."

I want to say because she knows her daddy, but I wouldn't dare go there.

Bella wiped at her eyes once more and opened her arms as a gesture for me to come back to her. With one last kiss to her belly I move up the bed and into her arms. She smells so good, and feels even better.

"I miss you when you leave." She kissed my neck.

"But I always come back."

"You do." She agreed.

I don't know how or why it happened, but suddenly the air in the room shifts. I find her irresistible in that moment and lean over to give her a searing kiss. She grabbed the back of my neck and deepened the kiss, her taste so sweet as our tongues battled for dominance.

She pulled back and looked into my eyes. "What is this? What are you expecting from me?" She whispered softly against my lips.

"I expect nothing more than what you'll give me."

"But what if-"

"_Shhhhh_, baby let's stop talking."

My lips descend on hers with more passion and my arms tighten around her, pulling her body closer into mine. We're a mix of hands roaming, kissing, nipping, and licking and soon her silk nightie is across the room.

Am I sure I want to do this?

_Hell Yeah!_

Will I regret it in the morning?

_Maybe…Maybe not_. And at the present moment with her hand at the waist band of my boxers, I can't bring myself to care.

Her hand slipped inside and when it grabbed on to my erection I knew I was done for. She kissed along my neck to my ear, "Please, Edward."

If I do this there's no turning back. Our relationship will change forever.

"Bella-"

"No, don't overthink it. Please, Edward. Please, I need you so much." She pleaded.

With my weakened resolve I move to my knees and slowly slide her panties down her legs. I could have come right then and there at the sight of her wet and ready for me. I look at her longingly and admire how beautiful she is; her dark pink nipples, protruding belly and sexy legs. She'll be even more beautiful beneath me as I give her what we both desire. She's absolutely glowing…

Foreplay isn't an option at this point…I need to be inside of her.

I move to hoover over her and claim her sweet lips once more, hardly able to contain the passion threatening to boil over. In the process I wiggle out of my boxers and kick them… Somewhere. It would be easy to quickly thrust inside and fuck her without mercy, but no, I won't do that. I won't fuck her like those men she's used to. No, I'm going to show her that she's worth so much more…I'm going to make love to her.

Slow, passionate love the way it's meant to be.

Her eyes are so full of longing. I lean down to take a nipple into my mouth. She gave a sexy sigh as I gently suck on it until it hardens, then I move to the other. Her hand is back on my dick gently sliding her palm up and down, squeezing with just the right amount of pressure. I haven't done this in almost four years…It's about time to clean the cobwebs off of Jr.

She urged me forward. "I need you. Please, baby."

The tip of my dick touched her heat and the wetness that gathered there showed just how aroused she was. I started to slowly inch inside, watching her face the entire time. When I push forward all the way the heat engulfed my shaft…Shit, I'm going to cum.

_Not yet. Not yet!_

Bella moaned beneath me spreading her legs wider to urge me deeper. I pull almost all the way out and push back in.

"Faster." She whimpered.

If she only knew how much I wanted to pound her sweet body into oblivion. I give in to her request and start to speed things up. Within a few minutes I'm moving in and out steadily. The room is filled with our moans of pleasure.

"Oh…Baby, you feel…So good." She's moaning and sighing and it all drives me further and further toward the deep end.

"You feel good to." I slow down a little to look into her eyes. "You're so beautiful." Whispering against her lips, she opens her mouth to me and we're kissing until we must take a breath. Making her feel good has never felt so exhilarating.

My pace quickens and as I move in and out I can tell she's close. Her gasps and moans are getting louder and her walls are gripping me tighter. All I need to do is make her cum, my pleasure secondary.

With her belly in the way I cannot put too much of my body weight on top of her, so with my arms on either side of her head I move my lower body in a circular motion. I was rewarded with more of her pleasure filled moans. I carry on sliding my entire length in to which her body reacted and bucked vigorously.

"Edward…I'm almost there."

Me too baby, me too.

Her nails dig into the skin of my shoulders. "Faster," she groaned, "Harder, yes!"

I did as she asked trying to think of anything else other than shooting my load.

_Emmett wearing a thong…_

_Jasper wearing one of Alice's bikini's…_

_Mom slapping dad's ass with a flogger…_

Okay, I think I'm under control now.

I continued on with my steady rhythm. With one of my hands I reach down between us to work on her swollen clit. Pinching it and rubbing my fingers over it quickly.

"Yes!…Yes!...YES!...AAAHHHH FUCK!" Her walls are contracting around me, squeezing the shit out of my dick.

SHIT!

We're both moaning uncontrollably at this point. I've done what I set out to do as she shuddered and groaned, her orgasm is powerful.

So powerful in fact I don't realize I'm coming until every muscle in my body seized. I'm seeing white stars and yelling out my release.

Holy Moly Doughnut Shop!  
>All this time of fighting against the urge to claim her body has been the dumbest mistake of my life. What the fuck was I thinking?<p>

I fall to the side and pull her to my chest where she sighed, content and beautiful. This is fucking perfect.

"Wow." She said.

"Yeah." I agreed.

That was mind-blowing.

"I didn't hurt you did I?" I ask weaving my fingers into her sweat soaked hair.

"Fuck no."

We lay in complete silence soaking in what just happened.

"So," she moved off my chest to sit up, "wanna do it again?"

How did I get so lucky?

"Thought you'd never ask." And I tackle my girl back down on the bed, reveling in her cute little giggles.

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><p><strong>AN: **So, I'm a little rusty in the lemon area. I hope it doesn't seem rushed. It literally took me a week to tweak this scene but I'm cool with it. It's also shorter than expected but I really wanted to get this out. Anywho, I hope you all enjoyed. Where do you see Bella and Edward's relationship heading in the coming chapters? Let me know what you think. Much Love!


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: **Some of you didn't quite like the last chapter. All I can say is this story has many twists and turns, some I'm sure most of you will not like, but that's just how it is. We've seen how utterly happy Edward is with Bella and the way things are going, but in this chapter you'll see things from Bella's perspective and she has her own view of the situation.

Alright, enough of all the talk. Let's get to it shall we?

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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><p>Chapter 23<p>

BPOV

We're going too fast…

Never thought those words would come out of my mouth. Almost without warning things changed and we began this sudden passionate relationship that I never considered to be a possibility. Now, whenever I look into his eyes they're filled with so much happiness and…_Love_. That four letter word scares the shit out of me. We've been getting along so well and it's almost as if it should have been this way from the start.

So why do I feel like shit?

I wanted this right?

I wanted to fall asleep in his arms every night…I wanted to kiss him…I wanted it all. I should have stopped it but it was happening so fast, and _oh_ how my body craved him. A week has passed and to sum it up, it's been amazing. I think we've christened every inch of this house from top to bottom. Just when my vagina needs a rest he gives me this sexy lopsided smirk and I'm all hot and bothered again. What can I say; I'm addicted to him and that giant he carries around in his pants. We just can't keep our hands off of each other no matter how hard we try. When he's inside me nothing can compare. It's incredible. So soft and sweet, so full; he's attentive to my needs and I knew from the start that this was far from fucking, he makes love to me.

_Fucking_, well that I'm used to as I've been the giver and receiver of such for much of my life. I've questioned myself over and over as if this is all some hallucination and I'm imagining that there's a difference between what I've experienced with other men, and what I'm experiencing with Edward. The conclusion is, there's a huge difference.

To explain it I would have to describe the look in his eyes as he thrusts inside of me. The way he holds me in his strong arms, kissing and caressing my skin, making me believe that I'm as beautiful as he describes into my ear all the while taking my body to greater heights.

It's similar to an out of body experience. Pleasure beyond my wildest dreams…

And yet my heart hurts each time. I care about him so much…But I know I can't give him what he needs. Things have changed and I've realized a lot being here with Edward.

_I'm a victim of my past, a prisoner of the present, but only I can be the savior of my future. _

It's scary. I shouldn't be afraid but the fact that I am makes it all the more real to me. This fear must stem from the past I've never come to terms with. Edward has said he can see a change in me, the most significant being that I no longer cry in my sleep, and it might have something to do with the change in our relationship. I smile and agree with him, but only I know the truth. The nightmares are still there. My memories still haunt me. Lately my nightmares about Renee have gotten worse. Some involve the memories of her cruelty in my younger years, but the others involve her making visits to my bedroom now as I am older. She's a constant reminder of the things I will never be able to escape. No matter how much I pretend that everything is okay, she wants me to know that I can run, but I can't hide from the truth.

It figures she would torment me even in death. Evil like that never dies.

Edward cannot know. If he saw just how vulnerable I really am he would go above and beyond to try to fix it. I don't want him to worry about me anymore. It's hard, because I want to be able to open up and tell him things. He wants to know about every part of my life, the good and the bad. He knows the finer details and to me that's all he should know. I'm tainted beyond repair, and if I told him everything it would be like giving him the ammunition to completely break me. He'd have more power than anyone…It may seem irrational because I know that Edward wouldn't intentionally hurt me, but I won't take any chances. He's better off staying in the dark.

A sudden nudge to my ribs caught me by surprise. I press down on the spot to try and coax the little foot back down to where it should be. She's becoming more active each day and it's doing a number on my poor, overstretched body. It's tough being eight months pregnant. I could sit here and whine about my lower back and swollen ankles, but I won't. It's bearable only because Edward is there to rub away the aches and pains.

_Seven more weeks to go…_

As if I don't already have a shit load of things on my plate, trying to find parents for my baby is another stressful situation in itself.

The whole adoption thing is…Complicated.

Unbeknownst to Edward, I've looked into it. Rosalie went with me for moral support. I would've asked Alice or Esme, but Rose tends to be a little more level headed than those two. So, Rose and I met with what they call an adoption professional at the St. Mary's Adoption Agency downtown to discuss my options. Her name was Karen and she was a middle aged woman who in my opinion wasn't very professional. When I walked into her office she had already made up her mind that I wasn't competent enough to take care of my child. She's right, I'm not, but aren't they supposed to be more sympathetic? I was there twenty minutes before I reached my limit and let the disrespectful bitch have it, and when I was finished ripping her a new one, Rose laid into her. Let's just say we're no longer welcomed there.

That disaster is one of the reasons I haven't continued on my search to find a good family for my kid. The other reason…Well, deep down inside I know where she should be. I don't care who takes her, just as long as she's a part of the Cullen family. I know that with all my heart they would love and protect her with their lives. She would have a good home with any of them. I've dropped hints here and there that I wouldn't mind one bit if Rose or Alice wanted to take her. They want kids eventually and I'm offering up a newborn with no strings attached.

It'll help me sleep better at night to know she's in safe, capable hands.

I've got a lot of thinking to do…

"BELLA?"

"WHAT!"

"WHERE ARE MY T-SHIRTS?"

"SECOND DRAWER!"

"OKAY! THANKS BABE!"

"YOU'RE WELCOME DOLL!"

I go back to scrubbing the cabinets. Suddenly I hear a loud bang and cursing behind me. Oops, I forgot to move my bucket of cleaning supplies from in front of the stairs.

"Are you trying to kill me?" Edward stumbled into the kitchen with his shirt half on.

"I'm sorry." I try but fail in my attempt not to laugh. There's never a dull moment around here.

I've been what they call nesting. Cleaning has literally become an obsession. Edward has let me have free reign over the house and I've rearranged pretty much everything, right down to his sock and underwear drawer. I've even color coordinated his closet.

However, along with nesting I've developed short term memory loss. I forget shit all the time, just like that bucket at the bottom of the steps…

"You forgot again, didn't you?" Edward asked parking himself right behind me. He moved my hair away from my neck to lay a kiss right below my ear.

_Fucking sexy ass._

"You know my brain doesn't work anymore."

With a swat to my ass and one final kiss to my neck he moved away to the refrigerator.

"Don't mess up anything in there. I just cleaned it." I warn him.

"I'm just getting some water. Chill out mama."

"No you chill out. Whenever I clean you find some way to mess up again. I don't do this for my health you know."

He frowned at me. "You're talking to the king of OCD here."

"Well I'm the queen, and if I see one thing out of place it'll be no sex for you Mr."

"Please. You can't resist me just as much as I can't resist you." He rolled his eyes.

True. _Very true._

"So where are you going anyway?" I ask.

"Dad and Emmett want to hang out. Do some guy things." He shrugged.

"Jasper not joining you?"

"That pussy doesn't leave Alice for long periods of time."

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to be with his wife." I think it's kind of sweet.

"Hey, how about you pay them a visit. Alice has been dying to have you over and I think it will be good for you to get out and do something other than cleaning."

Believe it or not I've never been to Alice and Jasper's home. You would think with how close we are and how much time we spend together that I would have been there by now. Things always seem to come up and honestly if Edward wouldn't have suggested it I wouldn't have thought twice about going to visit. Rose and Esme have told me that Alice's home fits her personality, so I can just about imagine what craziness I'll be stepping in to. I also think this is Edward's subtle way of saying he doesn't want to leave me alone for too long. His constant hovering is starting to get on my nerves, but if this will placate him I'll do it. Once I agree, Edward calls to inform her that he would be dropping me off soon. Her squeal through the phone was an indication that she couldn't wait to get me in her clutches.

I quickly change into some comfortable sweats and meet Edward at the door. Within thirty minutes we're pulling up in front of a beautiful two story home.

"Have fun babe." Edward and I share a kiss before the door is ripped open and I'm being pulled out of the car.

_Fucking Alice! _

"YAY! Bella is here!" She threw her arms around me jumping up and down in all her sickening excitement. You would have thought I was the fucking queen of England the way she was acting.

"Calm down you baby monkey. You're giving me motion sickness." I hold her still by her shoulders.

"I'm sorry. I can't believe you're finally here! I'm so excited to show you around." She gripped my hand so that I would follow her into the house. I turn just in time to see Edward pulling away, laughing his ass off.

What the hell did I let him talk me into?

Alice ushered me through the front door. I was expecting to walk into a miniature fun house when I stepped inside. I mean, this is Alice we're talking about, the ring leader of all supernatural fairies. Surprisingly, I was met with dark wood floors and subtle yellow walls. Her home was decorated beautifully with gold trimmings that ran from the downstairs to the upstairs. You would think it would clash but Alice inherited her mother's good taste in home décor. I'm impressed.

"I hope you're hungry. We're having chicken alfredo."

Did she even have to ask?

Jasper is sitting at the dining room table reading the paper when Alice and I walk in. His usual friendly smile is in place as I give him a hug. "Hey there beautiful. I'm glad you came to visit me and Ali." He drawled in his southern accent.

"Well, you know I had to stop by and visit my favorite Texan." I wink at him. I know it's wrong and I would totally never follow through with my dirty thoughts because I care about Alice too much, but I have a small little crush on her husband. She's a lucky girl to have someone like him. Maybe it's the blonde hair, dark blue eyes, and crooked smile that melts my panties…Or, I'm just horny. Edward would be jealous if he knew I secretly lust after his brother-in-law.

Alice sat a casserole dish in the center of the table along with a bowl of salad and bread sticks. I'm shocked because I had no idea Alice knew how to work a stove, let alone create something that looked and smelled so damn good. I know chicken alfredo isn't rocket science, but as I said before, this is Alice.

Jasper says grace, _which is so cute by the way_, and one by one we dish food onto our plates.

"Wow Alice, this is amazing."

She smiled at my compliment. "Thank you."

"Edward tells me you're quite the cook." Jasper says between bites.

"Does he always talk about me when I'm not around?" I eye the way the two of them glance at each other, sharing some kind of silent conversation.

"Yes. He's quite smitten with you." He finally said.

Not that I don't appreciate him telling me what I already know, I leave the conversation there not wanting to talk about my feelings on the subject. This isn't the time nor place for that.

We finish off dinner in compatible silence until Alice announced that dessert was ready. I could smell the sweet aroma before she even returned with it.

"Please tell me you have chocolate cake."

"Yes, I have prepared chocolate cake for you fatty." Alice sat down a huge piece in front of me with a glass of milk. I notice neither of them are sharing my happiness as I completely devour the hunk of chocolate decadence. Oh well, their loss.

"Alice...If you keep making this cake I'll have sex with you."

She smiled. "Okay. We'll set a date after you drop that load." She pointed at my stomach.

"No, we should do it now while I have some energy." I notice after I eat I can go for hours. Edward appreciates it.

"Well, I was kind of hoping I could have sex with my husband first. I'll try to pencil you in though."

Jasper grinned just before shaking his head. "You two have the strangest relationship."

"Oh Jas, your wife doesn't take me seriously."

"I really don't." She agreed.

This is just how we are. Rose and Esme think it's annoying, but Alice and I have a bond that many wouldn't understand. I don't really understand it much myself since we've only known each other going on three months, but we've been able to form a strong friendship as annoyingly strange as it is.

"How are you really doing Bella?" Jasper asks, always observant.

Where should I begin? "I'm uncomfortable, like all the time. My back hurts, my feet are always swollen, I'm horny all the time. Oh, and when the baby stretches her feet feel like they're going to kick my lungs out of my chest."

"Sounds like fun." Alice smiled, leaning over to grab her husband's hand. "Oh Jas, I can't wait until I'm pregnant with your baby."

"Me neither." They kiss and it's so intimate I almost feel dirty for watching… Almost.

Ugh…How adorable.

"You guys are so cute. I wish I had a boyfriend to suck face with." I pout. Everyone is all lovely dovey and I'm just the pregnant chick with sore boobs and a need to stuff my face every ten minutes.

Her eyes snapped in my direction, she was beaming. "You do, Edward."

I grimace at her admission. "Edward's not my boyfriend. He's…" Complicated. That's the only way to describe it.

"You don't have to make excuses. I know you guys love each other."

_Love_…Shit, that fucking word.

"Not sure about that. Besides, Edward doesn't think of me that way." Of course I'm lying through my teeth. Anyone can tell that he feels very strongly for me. I just don't want to admit it to myself.

"You don't know that."

"Well ladies," Jasper stood to his feet, "I hate to leave you, but I need to go up to my office to finish some paper work. It's been a pleasure." Jasper first kissed Alice on the lips, then gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek before excusing himself. I watch him walk away…

_What a beautiful specimen of a man._

"Stop lusting after my husband before I kick your fat ass." Alice warned me with a serious scowl.

"Tell him to stop being so fucking hot then."

She swooned. "He is sexy isn't he?"

See, we're weird.

I start to clean off the table, much to Alice's insistence that I don't, and start running water to wash the dishes.

"Why are you cleaning? Go sit down."

"Let me help."

"No."

"Please. I need to clean. I can't help it."

She finally gave in. "Alright, fine." She collected the rest of the dishes and we worked side by side, me washing and rinsing, and her drying and putting them away.

"So," she started, "you and my brother have sex yet?"

_What the hell?_

"No."

"Liar."

"Why do you want to know if I'm banging your brother?"

She shrugged. "I don't really." Yes she does. She can hardly keep still with wanting to know everything that's been going on between us.

"We're just friends Alice." Yeah, friends who sex each other's brains out.

If only Alice would leave it be. "Sure you are. When are you moving into his bedroom?"

"Alice!" Where the hell is she getting all of this?

"I'm just asking. If you guys are going to be together you have to at least sleep in the same room. And he just bought a new bed." She replied with a wide knowing smile.

"We're not doing any of that. Besides, I won't be there too much longer."

_Fuck! I didn't mean to say it out loud. Me and my damn mouth!_

"What do you mean?" She stopped what she was doing to stare at me.

"I mean… As soon as this baby is born, I'm leaving." I say truthfully and at the same time feeling horrible for even bringing it up.

"Excuse me?" She looked shocked.

It's too late now. She knows, there's no reason to deny it. "I'm not staying Alice."

"Why? What about Edward?"

"What about him?"

"You mean to tell me that you won't stay even for him?" She huffed.

"This isn't what I want. It's not about Edward, this is about me."

She threw down her dish rag. "You can't do that."

"I have to, Alice. Please understand."

"No you don't. Edward won't let you leave just like that."

"He'll have no choice. I promised to stay until I have the baby, but once she's born I don't see any reason to continue on with this."

That statement is what brought on the hell storm.

"You stay because you love my brother."

"I don't love him. "

"Yes you do!"

"No I don't, Alice!"

"You at least care about him don't you?" Her eyes are wide trepidation.

"I do." Of course I care about him, that's the fucking problem.

"Well that should be reason enough to stay don't you think?"

"It's not what I want-"

"You can't leave just like that. It'll kill him." She cut me off.

Obviously, she doesn't know very much about her brother. "Edward is a lot stronger than you think. He doesn't need me…I'm no good for him anyway."

_Bring on the self-loathing._

"That's not true and you know it!" She yelled.

"You're not going to change my mind. Either you support me in my decision or you don't."

"I don't support it, and I'm going to tell Edward."

"Go ahead and tattle, I don't care! It's my decision and if you're my friend you'll understand!"

She walked closer, grasping my arms in her tiny hands. "I am your friend Bella, but I can't stand by and watch you hurt my brother. Don't you think he's been through enough?"

"He has," I nod, "and you know if I stay I'll only end up hurting him more. I need to do this for myself."

Why can't she see that?

"So, what? You plan on going back out there and selling your body for money? I'm sorry but I won't let you do that." She sneered.

Well now she's just being plain rude.

"Even if I did decide to go back to my old life, it's none of your concern!"

"Don't you get it? You are my concern. I love you, Bella. We all do. We love you so much that none of us could stand by and watch you walk out on the one good thing in your life. I've tried to be supportive of you but I can't let you hurt us like this."

This has nothing to do with her and her family…This has everything to do with the fact that I'm not good enough to be here. Why can't she see that and take my word for it?

"And what are you going to do? Force me to stay?"

"If I have to."

I'd like to see her try.

"But you won't, know why?" I grasp her arms just as she did mine, "because you know I would be miserable. I would hate you and you can't handle that. You want me to be happy?...When the time comes let me go."

She shook her stubborn head. "No Bella! You can't leave! What about the baby?"

"This has nothing to do with her!"

"She needs you too!"

"No she doesn't!"

"Yes she does, you just refuse to accept it. You can't turn your back on her."

"I don't want her! How many times do I have to say it before you get it through your head!" Obviously not enough when Alice won't drop it.

"She needs her mother."

"You're right; she needs a mother and father. I'm neither of those things. She doesn't belong with me."

"She belongs with you and Edward. She needs a family."

"Then you take her! Take her Alice, be her mother. Give her a family."

"You know I can't do that."

"WHY?" I all but yell. I'm so tired of hearing that. She needs a mother, then why can't they be that for her?

"OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES!" This time she yells louder and I take a step back, cautious of her anger.

"They are open! They're wide open!"

"No, you refuse to see what's right there in front of you. Edward loves you so much, and he loves the baby. He wants to be a family with you; he wants to be her father."

"No he doesn't." There's no way that Edward could want that with me. No fucking way.

"Stop being so fucking stupid Bella!"

"I'm not! Why would Edward want a whore's baby when he could find a good woman to marry and have his own children?"

"He wants you, that's why. You and this baby are his family!"

…_That's not true._

"No. I won't do that to him. I won't be his burden."

"Bella, you will not hurt my family. I won't let you."

I look into the eyes of my friend. The anger is palpable in her voice. I know my next words will hurt her, but I don't stop myself for saying them. "You don't have a choice Alice."

Her face hardens and her glare is icy. "I'll hate you forever."

"You wouldn't be the first."

"I will beat your fucking ass!"

This is her way of coping. When something doesn't go her way she threatens you, trying to scare you into submission. I'm not afraid of her, only afraid of hurting her more than I already have. There's nothing more I can do but hope she can find it in her heart to forgive me.

"Do what you have to do." I'm defeated at this point. I welcome the hatred; it makes it easier to deal with the guilt.

Alice got into my face, or at least tried. Before she could utter a word, Jasper walked in I'm guessing to defuse the situation. "Hey ladies. Let's calm down now." He immediately came over to Alice and pulled her into his arms.

"Jasper, talk some sense into this girl before I fucking deck her in the mouth!" Her hands tightened into fists. I have no doubt that she'll do it.

"What the hell is going on?" He asked. Alice jumped in before I could explain myself.

"She's going to fuck up everything. I won't let her!"

"What are you talking about? Bella?" He looked to me for answers.

"She doesn't agree with my decision to leave." I lower my head in shame.

"You're not going anywhere!"

"Alice, calm down, please." He tried to be the voice of reason in this chaos, but I could see he was just as lost as I was in the fury of Alice's anger.

"NO! I won't fucking calm down, Jas! She thinks she can come into our lives, make us love her and then leave? Not on my watch." She stamped her foot.

"I never asked for any of this!" My voice quavered when it should have held firm.

Alice suddenly burst into tears. "You will not hurt my family, do you hear me!"

"I'm sorry Alice." It's all I can say. "Jasper, can you take me home please. This conversation is over."

He agreed. I began walking to the door when a hand grabbed mine. I turned to face Alice. "If you do this, consider our friendship over."

I stare at her, my heart breaking at the sight of my friend fighting with her emotions. I give her a sharp nod without saying anything further and turn back to the door. Jasper is waiting for me.

In the car as he drives silently, my defenses are so broken down I can't fight the tears as they fall from my eyes.

"Bella-"Jas started.

"Please Jasper, you have to understand."

"Help me." He pleaded.

"I can't stay. I can't." I gurgled out.

"What are you afraid of?"

"Everything."

_I'm afraid of the unknown…_

_I'm afraid I'll never be enough…_

_I'm afraid to open my heart…_

_I'm afraid to love Edward…._

There's a laundry list the size of Texas that I couldn't even begin to explain.

"You shouldn't be."

_I know I shouldn't be…_

"It hurts so bad. I can't go on living like this, living this lie. I don't want to hurt any of you… If I could be normal I would stay but-"

"You're not normal." He finished for me.

It's silent again for a beat. "…I want you guys to take my baby." I sigh looking out the window at the scenery as we pass. Everything is a blur with my eyes so heavy with tears…I don't have the energy to care to wipe them away at this point.

"I wish we could, but Alice is right. We can't take that option away from Edward."

Why does everyone keep saying that? "He doesn't want her."

"He does, just like he wants you." He seems sure about that.

_No, I refuse to hear it._

"I don't want him to want me. Why can't he meet someone else and fall in love?"

If he would just move on, it won't hurt so much when I leave.

"Because he's already met her; you. Listen to me, I'm not saying that you're obligated to stay here, but if you leave you have to know this will crush us all. We love hard and protect our own. You're one of us no matter how hard you fight it."

Damn it! This is exactly what I didn't want to happen.

"I don't know who I am, Jasper. There's so much missing from my life and I'm afraid I'll never find it if I stay here. I have nothing to give Edward or my baby…I can't even sleep at night without having nightmares about my fucked up past…And I can't talk about it because I'm too much of a coward. I feel like I'm going to break apart any day now and I'm trying so hard to hold it together."

"What do you think you need?"

That's the same question I've been asking myself lately.

"I don't know…But this isn't it."

He let out a heavy sigh. "Well then, the only thing I can say is when you find what you're looking for, don't run from it. You have to face your fears to truly overcome them, Bella. It has to start with you."

I only nod. I know that, but I have to find it first. I have to find some peace…

Jasper parked in the driveway of Edward's house. It's still dark, he's not home yet and I can't say I'm not grateful for the alone time. I've got some shit to really think about.

I turn to Jasper who's already looking at me. "Thanks Jas. I didn't mean to make Alice upset."

"She'll be okay in a couple of days, but she meant what she said."

"I know."

"Take care, I'll see you soon."

I let myself in with the spare key Edward keeps underneath a potted plant. No lights need to be turned on, I won't be staying downstairs. I just want to lie down for a while, and hope sleep will come before Edward gets home.

Yeah, that doesn't happen. I hear his car when it pulls up and each step he takes as he makes his way toward my room. I'm sitting at the edge of the bed where I've been since arriving home when he walked in, looking a little surprised and nervous to see me.

"Hey babe. I stopped by Alice's but she told me Jasper brought you home. Is something wrong?"

Everything is wrong…

"No." Except my sanity.

He came and sat next to me. "Alice seemed pretty pissed."

I'm surprised she didn't snitch on me. "She'll get over it. You know your sister."

"Do I ever." He smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

He knows me, and even he's not that stupid to believe that I'm okay.

"Will you please tell me what's wrong?"

I should be the one to tell him…Not Alice…But I don't want to. He'll be upset and I hate seeing the look of disappointment in his eyes.

I have to tell him something though. He should at least know a little of what I'm feeling.

"Edward, we need to talk." I say, not looking him in the eye.

"What is it? Something is wrong, right?" He's so eager to know what's bothering me so he can work on trying to fix it.

"Yes, well no. I don't know."

"Just spit it out woman." He playfully swatted my thigh. I take a deep breath and plant my eyes on the floor.

"I just think that you're feelings for me are different than my feelings for you." That didn't come out right.

"What does that even mean?"

This time I look at him. "It means that I don't want you to get your hopes up. We're moving too fast already, but I know I can't stop what we've started. Just don't put your feelings and emotions into this…Please" It's already killing me.

"Why does it sound like you're planning on doing something that will hurt both of us?"

"I'm not." I lied.

Edward took my hand. "Bella, please don't do anything." He's already panicked… Why am I doing this to him?

"I won't."

_At least not now._

A few moments pass and he seems to calm down. I need to get his mind off of it before he starts to overthink things. There's only room for one of us to be doing that right now. I go to the only thing that will help to take the edge off of both of us…. Our safe haven.

"Edward?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"Make love to me."

In a flash his lips are molded to mine. He kissed me with so much passion I melted.

Clothes come off in a flurry.

I force him down so that I can sink onto him and ride myself into oblivion. He holds on for the ride, rubbing over my body as I bounce above him. The whole time my eyes are clamped shut…I don't look at him even when he begged me to. That's his way of feeling connected to me, by staring into my eyes as we have sex. I can't do it…He'll see my pain.

As I climax I feel the tears falling once more. The room is dark so he can't see, but he knows…

I move off of him and onto the bed, facing away so that I don't have to see him. He moved behind me where he held me to his chest. I'm in and out of consciousness, but the last thing I remember is him kissing and talking to my belly…

What am I going to do?

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><p><strong>AN: **So, there you have it. What a dilemma. I hope you all will stay tuned for the rest. It's about to get a little angsty so I just want to prepare you all in advance. Leave me some comments and tell me what you think. I would love to see them. Until next time, thanks for reading.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: **Alright, I got a lot of great feedback from the last chapter. Some good and some bad but I respect and appreciate it all. Sorry for the long wait…It's almost been a month. Please proceed and I hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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><p>Chapter 24<p>

EPOV

I woke up to the soft buzzing of my cell phone. It was a text message from mom reminding me about dinner and to make sure I don't forget to bring my famous honey rolls. I haven't forgotten, but she wouldn't be my mom if she didn't remind me at least three times. I groan slightly and look down at the small head resting against my chest. Somehow through the night we always end up in this position once morning comes. Me on my back, and her curled up beside me with her head laying just over my heart. My fingers brush through the soft strands of her hair. I love these moments. The intimacy is there even when we're just cuddling. Unfortunately, we can't do this all day.

In a few hours we'll be heading over to my parents' house for Thanksgiving dinner. I can't wait to pig out and watch some football with the guys. Of course, I'm happy that Bella will be joining us this year. She told me she never celebrated anything after her grandmother died. When I asked why, without elaborating too much on the subject she simply shrugged and said it was never an important part of her life as she grew up. I can't imagine what that's like…But, I have a feeling this year will be the first of many wonderful experiences with the holidays for her.

I yawn a bit before moving out of bed to use the bathroom and brush my teeth. It took me a minute to register that we were in my room and not the guestroom. Lately, Bella has been sleeping in here with me. She's still not comfortable being in my room or my bed, but I think she's making a compromise seeing as I did the same for her. It's not that I don't like sleeping in the guestroom. I'd sleep anywhere as long as Bella was by my side, but it just feels right to have her here with me in a room that I'm more familiar with.

I'm aware that sounds strange…Then again I wouldn't say I'm exactly a sane person.

I head downstairs to fix us some breakfast. Nothing exciting, just eggs, bacon, toast, and fruit. As I set the table I hear her coming down the steps. My smile is automatic and my heart rate speeds up the moment she stepped into the kitchen. Yeah, she does that to me.

Her hair is swept up away from her face into a messy bun and her eyes are half open; she's not exactly a morning person. She's in her usual pj's, a tight fitting tank top and a pair of boy shorts that cling to ass in the most delicious way. Damn, I love this girl.

"Good morning beautiful." I say pulling her into my arms. I lean down as she moves to her tippy toes to give me a kiss. _Mmmm, minty fresh._

"Good morning lover boy. How long have you been up?" She asked softly, rubbing her hands up the back of my shirt.

"Not long. I wanted to make us some breakfast before we started getting ready."

She nodded and left my arms. I watch her closely…She doesn't look very happy this morning. I know I tend to overanalyze everything but I think I have a right to when it comes to her. Something has been bothering her for a long time now. She tries to pretend it's nothing; I think I know her better than that. Sometimes she seems fine, but there are moments when I feel her pulling away. In that case I hold on as tight as I can.

I've been thinking about something…I want to tell her about an idea I had, or have because it has yet to leave the forefront of my mind. It's something that could greatly change our futures, as well as impact our relationship; I'm just worried she'll turn it down. There's no sense in fighting with my heart any longer…I love Bella. I love her so much…She amazes me with her strength and tenacity. In the short amount of time that she's been in my life I honestly don't know how I was able to function without her. I need her like I need air…

But this idea…She can either agree with it or turn me down. I'm hoping it won't be the latter. Now, how to approach the subject. Maybe I should wait for the right time; when we're alone and no one is there to influence her decision.

Yeah, I'll wait. We still have a little bit of time left.

I snap back to reality when I hear the refrigerator door close and Bella is next to me, yawning and still a bit tired. "Come on, let's eat."

I pull out her chair and she takes a seat. "I wish I could drink some coffee. I can't seem to wake up." She's yawning again. I pour her a glass of orange juice and hand it to her. She takes a sip and sits it down, licking the remainder off her lips.

Even the smallest thing like licking her lips gives me a boner.

"Edward…"She says looking at me.

"What?"

"Baby, you forgot the forks. How are we supposed to eat?" She smiled.

I can think of a few ways…I grab our silverware and we begin to eat in silence. Once we've both finished I stand up and stretch before grabbing our plates to go wash them off. Bella sits there and watches me. Her hungry gaze is enough to let me know what she's thinking. I just hope we have time.

Moments later I feel her arms wrapping around my waist. "You're awfully quiet this morning. What are you thinking about?" She asked.

"You." I turn to face her. She's so much shorter than me but I like that I can pick her up and carry her around if I want to.

"Why?"

"Does it bother you?"

She nodded. "A little. It makes me feel like I've done something wrong."

"You haven't done anything. I just like to think about you."

She's smiling and staring at me. "What?" I ask and stick out my tongue. I was trying to be funny but the look on her face reads hot and bothered.

"Don't stick it out if you're not prepared to use it." She winked.

"Oh, I can use it baby. Just let me know when." My hands go directly to her ass where I squeeze. She loves that shit.

"How about we save that for later and you give me something else." She snakes her hand into my boxers.

"Right now?"

"Yes. Right here, right now."

She doesn't need to tell me twice. I slip her boy shorts down her legs. I help her up on the counter and she opens her legs wide for me. I drop my pants quickly and tease her heat with my cock. Her moans and gasps are like music to me ears. She's so wet…I slide right in.

"Yes, baby." She grabs my arms as I move inside her. Her back arches and her walls quiver. I don't think either of us are going to last very long. I continue my assault on her body pushing in and out faster as she begged me to make her cum.

She pulls my face to hers and softly kisses me. I nip and bite at her lips until they're red and swollen. I put my hand on her stomach and feel a soft thump just underneath my fingers. Little Bella is probably pissed that me and her mother are making so much noise. I'll apologize later, but right now my focus is on getting Bella to the edge without beating her there first.

"Edward…Baby…I'm…Getting…Close!" She screamed.

Me too!

She tightened around my cock and her moaning turned into yelling. She's coming and so am I. With one final push I release deep inside her. Damn, that felt so good. I want to do it again. Once we're both calm I pull out of her and help her down. Her smile is so big…I did that to her, I made her smile. I made her feel good.

"Let's go take a shower. I need you to shave me." She picked up her discarded panties and I watched her walk away.

I look over at the clock. We're supposed to be at my parent's by two. It's almost noon…We've got time. I rush up behind her and pick her up, carrying her bridal style to my room and into the bathroom.

Let's just say we took advantage of that shower.

* * *

><p>We're running late. That's what having three orgasms will do to you. We both couldn't find anything to wear and in between my family calling asking where we were, I almost said fuck it and threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. When I saw how nice Bella looked in her pretty off the shoulder red top and black slacks, I decided to change into something a little more appropriate. That set us back another twenty minutes and now we're about an hour late. It's not as if everything will be ready on time. Each year mom goes above and beyond with the food and decorations so by the time we get there we won't have missed a thing. This is the first time I've been this late, they'll get over it. No one says anything when Alice and Jasper show up hours late because she had to color coordinate their outfits.<p>

Once we arrive I pull Bella close for a few quick kisses before we go inside. We're always careful with the amount of PDA we show in front of everyone. We both know they'll read too much into it and start asking questions that Bella and I aren't ready to answer. I like it better when no one is in our business.

The house is buzzing when Bella and I step inside. The women are cackling in the kitchen so I drop Bella and the rolls off there before going in search of some testosterone.

I literally run into my bear of a brother. "Hey small fry! It's about time you showed up."

"I'm not that late."

"It's alright. You know mom isn't done cooking anyway." He shrugged taking a sip of his beer.

I see we're getting the party started early are we? Dinner should be quite comical with Emmett already starting to drink.

"Where's the human sausage?"

"Who?"

"Bella. Is she in the kitchen with the women?"

"Yeah… The human sausage? Really? That's a horrible nick name and I'm sure Bella won't appreciate you calling her that."

He seemed to contemplate that before nodding. "You're right man. Don't tell her I said that." He had the nerve to look sheepish.

"I should just so I can laugh at your ass when she rips you a new one." That would make my day. My six-three, two hundred and twenty pound muscle head brother being ripped apart by a pregnant woman half his size.

_I'll need popcorn._

"I like Bella. She's a tough little chick. Bet she busts your balls every chance she gets huh?" He bumped me with his shoulder.

"You have no idea."

Emmett and I move into the spacious sitting room of my parent's home. There, Jasper is sitting reading a magazine and dad has his eyes glued to the television. The game is on and he's in his element. It isn't until I hear someone clear their throat that I'm alerted to a third person in the room. A glass of red wine in hand, she sauntered over toward us.

Emmett winked and nodded in her direction. "Hey Ed, you remember Rosie's friend, Tanya."

Yeah, how could I forget Tanya. The tall, strawberry blonde my brother has relentlessly tried to hook me up with for the past year and a half. I tell him she's not my type and he throws something in like she's got great tits, or he's heard she doesn't have a gag reflex. He seems to think I share the same affinity for blondes as he does. Before Bella I may have favored blondes, but now I can say with the utmost confidence; brunettes are better. She smiled sweetly and tugged at the bottom of her shirt looking nervous and out of place. I wanted to roll my eyes, playing coy doesn't suit her. I opt for being nice and shake her dainty hand when she presented it to me. "Good to see you again."

"Nice to see you too. I was just admiring the house. It's so beautiful." She looked around her with a bright smile.

"Yeah, it's great."

This isn't awkward at all…._Insert sarcasm._

Why the hell is she out here with the guys and not in the kitchen with Rose? Before I could ask Bella walked up beside me. She looked tired and irritable, but beautiful. I completely forgot I was standing there with Emmett and Tanya, Bella lightly pinched my side and eyed the two of them.

"Hey Belly Bean. Good to see you." Emmett grabbed my girl into a hug that would have normally been over the top if she weren't pregnant. He ruffled her hair and returned her to my side with a wide grin.

Tanya stood back observing us looking amused, but still very out of place.

"Tanya, this is Bella. Bella, this is one of Rosalie's friends Tanya Denali." I introduced them.

"Nice to meet you." Tanya greeted her with a hand shake.

"Nice to meet you too. Would you like to come help us set the table?" Bella asked her.

Tanya bowed her head in embarrassment. "I don't know. They kicked me out earlier and I'm not sure if I'm welcomed back just yet."

So that explains why she's out here. Geez, she must be horrible for my mom to kick her out.

"I'll just tell them you're with me." Bella actually took Tanya's hand and led her away.

Emmett saddled up beside me. "Well, that went better than expected. You know Tanya has the hots for you."

"What? No."

"Don't play dumb Ed. That girl has been trying to get in your pants since she first met you." While that may be true, she's still not my type.

"Well my dear Bro," I clap him on the back," I only have eyes for one girl."

"Yeah, I know. She's awful cute all puffy and round like that. She's almost ready to pop?"

"About five more weeks." I said proudly.

"So dude, are you guys together now or something? I'm picking up some major vibes." He finished off his first beer and started in on his second.

"I'd like to think we are. We haven't officially put a label on it or anything."

"Just give her a ring already. Dude, she's perfect for you. Not to mention she's already pregnant. _Wham Bam_ instant family."

_A ring doesn't sound too bad._

_What the hell?_

_Am I really ready to take the plunge again?_

_If Bella wanted to, what's really holding me back?_

"I wouldn't go that far Em… We've only known each other for about three months. It's a little too early for marriage."

"It's never too early, especially when you're in love." He replied in his big brother stern voice.

"Who said I was in love?"

Shit, am I that transparent? No really, am I?

"How long have I known you Ed…Only your whole damn life! You love her, I think you always have."

_Oh, so suddenly he's a love guru? _

He may be on to something though. Just, maybe…

"Anyway," I decide to move on from the subject, "why is Tanya here?"

"She had a falling out with her folks. Since she doesn't have any close family she was going to spend the day at home. Rose wouldn't hear of it and dragged her here." He shrugged.

"You think she'll get along with everyone? She's not known for her great personality." Tanya can be a bitch. Rose is a bitch…That's why they fit together so well.

"She's actually not that bad once you get to know her. Aside from wanting to bounce on your boner, she genuinely wants to make a good impression. She doesn't have many friends outside of Rosie, and as I said she's not exactly close with her family."

"So she wants to be adopted into ours?"

"Who wouldn't? Cullen's kick ass dude!"

He's right…We do.

"BOYS COME AND EAT!" Alice yelled from the dining room.

Jasper punched me in the arm on the way out. Dad slapped the back of my head. It's just like them to disrespect my personal space. Emmett and I follow them out. "Oh, hey I meant to ask. How did Bella's appointment at the adoption agency go?"

I stopped walking. "What appointment?"

"You know, the one she and Rose went to. How did it go? Did she find any good candidates?"

Hold on! When did this happen? How could Bella go to an appointment and not tell me?

"I…Don't think so." Emmett obviously asked because he didn't know that Bella hadn't shared that little bit of information with me. What I don't understand is why she would take Rose of all people with her to something so important like that, and keep it from me.

I had to find out from my brother…The more I think about it, the more pissed off I'm becoming.

"I'm sure she'll figure out something. Let's go eat."

I lag behind to pull myself together before I have to face her. I feel betrayed, jealous even. I have every right to be…Do I not mean anything to her? As I enter the elegantly decorated dining room there's only one open seat left between Tanya and Bella. Great, just my luck. I'm stuck between a woman who wants to hump me and one who obviously doesn't trust me…

_What am I talking about?_

No, I can't think of Bella this way. If she didn't tell me then it must be a reason behind it. Maybe she's waiting for the right time to bring it up.

None-the-less, I can't let these negative feelings ruin this happy occasion.

"How about we go around the table and say what we're thankful for." Mom suggested to which we all agreed.

Dad went first, saying how grateful he is for his family. Mom said about the same thing, but included Bella which made her blush. Emmett, Rose, Alice, Jasper, and Tanya all go saying what they're thankful for. When it's my turn my answer is pretty automatic.

"Well, I'm thankful for all of you, but most of all I'm thankful for Bella." I turn to her and she looks up at me with watery eyes. "You've brought so much happiness into my life. I can't wait to experience more with you. Thank you for changing my life." I lean over and kiss her forehead. How could I ever be mad at her? We're both still learning and growing…Our communication skills suck big time…But I love her.

When I turn back to the table there isn't a dry eye in the room. Every one of my family members, even Tanya, is wiping their eyes. The men being a little more discreet than the women. I'm in a room with a bunch of softies. Bella, although she looks close to shedding a few tears herself, looks completely stunned.

_I hope that's a good thing._

"Bella honey, you go ahead." Esme pushed.

"Um…Well…I can't remember the last time I celebrated Thanksgiving. It's been an awfully long time. I never realized how much I've missed out on until I met you guys. So, I'm grateful for all of you." She grabbed my hand and held on tight. I can imagine this is pretty overwhelming for her.

I noticed Alice giving her a pointed look from across the table. It's as if she wants to say something but Bella's eyes are pleading for her not to. Something is going on between these two. Lately, Alice doesn't drop by for visits very often and when they are around each other it seems strained. They rarely speak. If I think hard enough I would have to guess that whatever has happened between them started the day Bella went to visit Alice. Nothing has been the same since then.

My father said grace, then we began passing around the food. It's mostly silent with exception of forks and knives scraping against plates. Mom really outdid herself this year.

The happy vibe is short live, however. Pretty soon, everything turned to shit…

"So Bella, when are you due?" Tanya asked breaking the silence. Forks hit plates as everyone tensed up.

Bella cleared her throat. "I have about five weeks left." Her voice flat and distant.

Unfortunately, her pregnancy remains a topic that is better left off limits.

"You guys must be so excited." Tanya continued looking between me and Bella.

"We're very excited." I smile. I may be speaking more for myself…

"And I heard you're having a girl. I know Edward's going to spoil her rotten. Are you happy about being a dad?"

"Tanya!" Rose scolded her from across the table.

"Did I say something wrong?" She asked with wide eyes.

Before Rose could scold her any further Bella cut her off. "No it's fine." She nodded to let us know she was okay. "Actually Tanya, Edward's not the father."

Kicking me in the balls would be a lot less painful than her speaking those words. They sounded so final, like if I wanted to claim I was the father I couldn't because she's made it very clear that I'm not.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know." Tanya looked very apologetic. I actually feel kind of bad for her. She didn't know and her curiosity has caused a shift in what was supposed to be a happy occasion.

"It's fine really. I'm looking into adoption so..." Now Bella just seems incredibly uncomfortable.

I was slowly watching a train wreck. Tanya is close to tears, Rose is fuming, Emmett looks worried, Bella looks sick, Mom looks sad, Dad looks frustrated, Jasper is trying to stay calm, and Alice is ready to explode…

And now everything turns to shit.

"She doesn't seem to think she can properly take care of her baby. That's stupid right? A little selfish in my opinion." If looks could kill, Bella would be dead right on the spot. My sister's icy words literally make the tension worse.

"Don't Alice." Bella growled.

"I'm not doing anything but telling the truth. Since you're incapable of doing that then as a part of this family I think I have the right to speak up." Alice sneered.

"Alice." Jasper laid his hand on her shoulder.

"No Jasper! I hate this!"

"Now is not the time. You're ruining Thanksgiving."

"It's already ruined!" Alice threw her fork down and stomped away from the table.

Jasper looked around at all of us before excusing himself.

"What was that all about?" Dad asked.

Leave it to Alice to be a drama queen.

"Maybe I should go check on her." Mom left the table also.

"Alice has been in a funk for a couple of weeks." Rose sighed, looking straight at Bella as she spoke.

"I wonder what's bothering her." Emmett said.

"It's probably nothing. Then again, she's been known to throw a temper tantrum at random. Remember last year she had an attitude all day because she couldn't find a pair of shoes to match her outfit. She called it fashion suicide because her outfit was navy, but her shoes were royal blue." I said earning a few chuckles from around the table.

Bella was mum, only speaking when spoken to for the rest of dinner. When Alice returned with Jasper and mom she looked more subdued, but the tension at the table was palpable. Every once in a while I would see Alice cut her eyes at Bella. In return Bella would either sigh or stare down at her plate. After dinner we retire to the living room where we men were engrossed in a football game while the women, excluding Bella, gossiped around us. I was more interested in what they were talking about than watching the team I was rooting for lose to a team that I despise.

Bella is distant…I don't like it. I may have to have a talk with my sister about keeping her fucking issues to herself and stop raining her negativity on the rest of us. Her problem with Bella should be handled in private, not in front of all of us at the dinner table.

Maybe a little time away from everyone will help. "You want to step out and get some fresh air?" I ask.

She nodded. I help her up and grab our jackets. We step out onto the back patio where the air is cold and it's quite windy. I tighten my jacket around me, Bella does the same.

"Do you want to tell me why my sister blew up on you like that?" I ask, my curiosity getting the best of me.

"It's her issue not mine." Is her simple reply.

"Well, it sounds to me that she has some issues with you wanting to still go through with the adoption."

"Like I said…It's her issue."

No, it's more than that. Why won't she tell me?

"Speaking of adoption… How come you didn't tell me you had an appointment with an adoption agency?" Slipped out before I could stop myself.

Her head whipped around. "Who told you that?"

"Emmett."

"I told Rose not to say anything." She sighed.

"Why would you keep something like that from me though?"

"Because, it was unsuccessful anyway so there was no reason to even bring it up."

"I still wish you would have told me. I could have gone with you instead of Rose."

"It's not a big deal. Drop it!"

"No I won't drop it!" My voice rose, "It's a big deal to me, especially when it has something to do with you."

"Edward…I don't expect you to fucking hold my hand every time I decide to do something. I was fucking independent on my own and I'm starting to feel like you're smothering me with your constant need to be a part of every fucking thing I do. At the end of the day, what I decide to do with my baby has nothing to do with you. Just, back off, please." She barked at me.

It felt like I had been hit in the face with a bucket of ice water.

"I'm sorry if you feel I'm smothering you. I never meant to-"

"Forget it. I'm gonna head back inside." She left me on the patio.

When did this turn from bringing her outside to ease some of the tension inside the house, to us fighting?

_The moment you opened your big mouth._

Yeah, well now I feel stupid.

I slip back inside. When I don't see Bella I decide it's best that I leave her alone for a little while; let her stew while I sulk like a little boy.

"Is everything alright honey?" It's mom who comes to sit by me.

"Everything is fine."

She won't believe me…

"Why do I get the feeling you're lying."

See, told ya.

"You tell me." I say, so over it at this point. If she knows something is wrong with me, why would she then proceed to ask me am I alright, knowing I'm going to tell her I'm fine because I don't like to express my feelings to my mom like a pussy…Get where I'm going with this? She shouldn't ask if she already knows the answer.

"Why is everyone so testy? First Alice throws a fit, then Rose cursed out poor Tanya and made her cry. Now you're sitting here looking like someone kicked your puppy, and Bella is upstairs crying."

Wait, she's crying?

"She asked if she could use one of the guest rooms to lay down. When I went to check on her I could hear her sobbing. I really wanted to go inside and see if she was alright but decided against it. I was hoping you knew why she was so upset."

_She's upset because I'm an asshole._

"We were talking out on the patio and I asked her about something. She kind of went off on me…"

"Was it something serious?" She asked genuinely concerned.

"I think it was just a misunderstanding…I'm gonna go check on her, make sure she's okay."

"Be gentle with her. Her hormones are probably all over the place, and with it getting so close to her due date she can be more sensitive than usual."

"Thanks mom." I kiss her cheek before heading upstairs.

I found Bella in the first guestroom where we had spent the night together for the first time. That seems like so long ago when really it's only been about a month or so. Time flies so quickly and yet it feels like Bella and I have been together longer than just these three months, starting from the night I brought her home with me until now. She was laying in the bed with her back facing the door. I knew she wasn't sleeping because I could see her hand making slow circles around her belly.

I knock softly to alert her of my presence. "Hey."

She slightly turned her head to acknowledge me. "Hey."

"Look, I'm sorry for making you cry-"

"It's not you…I just," she sighed swiping a hand over her face," I feel so fucking out of control. There's so much on my mind and I'm not exactly in the best state to deal with it."

I sat down beside her on the bed. "Baby look at me." I plead. Her head rose and the look of complete anguish on her face made me want to cry. "Why don't you talk about it? That always helps."

"That's just it," she shook her head, "I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about anything…I just want it to all go away. Give my mind a fucking rest and just let me breathe." She mumbled to herself, because it's so quiet I heard every word.

"Where is all of this coming from? I thought things were changing with you. You seemed so happy but it's like these last few weeks you've changed."

She was doing so well with starting to open up more and expressing her emotions. I thought we were making progress to break down those walls around her guarded heart.

"What makes you think I've been happy? I never was to begin with." She said it as if I should have known. How could I? She never gave me a reason to question how she was feeling.

"Bella, you have to help me understand what's going on with you. How can I help if you constantly hold back from me?"

She sat up and moved until she faced me; worry lines marring her young face. "I'm not like you. I can't just talk about shit and feel better afterwards." Anger flickered in her eyes.

"How do you know if you won't try?"

"I have tried!"

"With who?" It sure wasn't with me.

"Alice. I opened up to Alice about something and now she hates me for it."

"What was it?"

"…It was…I thought because she was my friend she would understand…Shit, it doesn't fucking matter anymore. She hates me and I can't say I'm her biggest fan either."

That's not enough. I feel myself getting angry with her when that's the last thing I should be doing. Why the fuck won't she just tell me. We can never have a conversation when she's upset because she'd rather keep it inside than let it out. I'm getting rather sick and tired of this constant back and forth.

"See, why do you do this? I ask you a question about something that's bothering you and you won't tell me. You never tell me!"

"Because, I don't want to talk about it!"

"No, I won't let you keep doing this. I've been more than patient with you about not wanting to discuss things about your past or the baby, but I can't sit here and watch you self-destruct. It's not healthy."

"Who are you to tell me what's healthy and what isn't! You think you're so fucking smart? You know everything right?"

"No I don't know everything! I'm getting fed up with this shit Bella! You yell and scream and get mad at me when I don't know what the hell is wrong with you but you won't even tell me. Don't you think it hurts me to see you like this and I can't do anything? Have I ever given you a reason to not trust me?"

She didn't answer me. In fact she wouldn't even look at me. It's because I'm right and she knows that, but she's too stubborn to accept it.

"I don't have to tell you every fucking thing you know." She seethed.

I'm over this. I don't want to fight and honestly sitting here with her like this is pissing me off. If she wants to act like a child, so be it…But I'm not going to sit here and coddle her when she refuses to let me in.

"You're right, you don't." I stand and make my way toward the door.

"Where are you going?"

I turn back to her to make my words very clear. "You want to sit here and be angry, that's fine. But I'm not going to be a part of it. I'm so fucking sick of fighting with you about something that should be as easy as breathing. It's been three damn months of this…If you don't know by now that I would never hurt or judge you, then I guess you never will."

"You can't just walk away." Bella moved from the bed to stop me just as I went to open the door. "Wait Edward…Don't leave."

I don't know what's more frustrating, her attitude or her ability to shift at any given moment. "What do you want Bella? What is it?"

"I don't know." She completely broke apart in front of me. If I weren't so mad at her she would be in my arms.

"When you find out let me know, because I can't continue on like this."

She grabbed on to my shirt. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry. Don't leave. I'll try harder. I'm sorry I keep fighting with you. Please, don't leave."

"Listen," I grit my teeth so I don't yell, "I'm going to grab a beer and chill out for a bit. You stay up here as long as you need to… Later, if you're feeling up to it I'll be downstairs. We can leave a little later."

"Edward-"

"Just, give me some space okay. I don't want us saying or doing something we'll both regret when we're angry like this." I take a few calming breaths, "Rest for a little bit then come find me."

With that I leave her in the room and head back downstairs. Grabbing a beer from the fridge I drink it alone in the kitchen not wanting to be around my family when I'm like this. My mom will especially want to know what's going on and I'm not in the right state of mind to tell her without getting upset. I'm so angry at Bella for making me this way. My head says be mad at her for hurting you this way, while my heart says I love her so much it doesn't matter… I'm going to lose my mind before it's all over.

"Hi." I turn to see Tanya standing at the entrance of the kitchen.

I simply nod and drink my beer.

"Are there any more of those?" She pointed at the drink in my hand.

"In the fridge."

My eyes follow her as she retrieved one, then walked to stand just opposite of me. "Edward, I want to apologize for what I said at the table. Rose told me not to say anything but I was so curious-"

"Don't worry about it." She didn't know. I understand that and I don't blame her.

"Bella's such a sweet girl. I don't know her story, but I can see it's hard for her."

She can see that with only being around her for a few hours?

"Well, Bella's not the best at expressing her feelings."

She seemed almost crestfallen as she sat her drink down on the counter and adjusted her stance. "I was in her situation once."

That's news to me. "Really?"

"Yes. I got pregnant when I was eighteen by someone I didn't care much about. I met a guy who I fell in love with, but I felt so guilty for being pregnant by someone else."

"What happened?" I can't help but ask.

"Well," she started, "I was about six months pregnant when I went into labor. They tried everything to save her but it was too late. My baby had already died."

"I'm sorry for your loss." It must have been tough to go through that, and I'm sensing she was alone.

"It's okay. I wasn't ready to be a mother anyway…Doesn't stop me from feeling guilty though."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. I mean, it wasn't your fault you know. The doctors did everything they could do."

"I do know that. It took a few years to accept it without crying, but I've come to terms with it."

_How do you come to terms with something as traumatic as that?_

"I know this is none of my business but, how exactly did you get over it?"

She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "I've never completely gotten over it. I take it day by day, but really I had to step back and ask myself where do I go from here? What do I want? When I came up with the answers it was easier to move on."

"What was it? I mean, what did you realize you wanted?"

"First and foremost, I always knew I wanted to own my own business. I did that by going to college and majoring in business. Now I own my own successful boutique. Next, I wanted to build a closer relationship with my folks. I'm still working on that part. They haven't quite forgiven me for the hell I put them through for years. The last thing that I want is to find a good husband and settle down. Those things will come in time. I'm pretty optimistic."

"Wow, that's great." I totally look at her differently now.

She smiled but soon turned very serious. "The only thing you can do for Bella is to trust that she knows what's best for her. You may not agree with her decisions, but it will only cause you both more pain if you force your opinions on her without understanding she may not want the same things."

That sounds like something mom once told me. I honestly don't feel that I'm forcing my opinions on her. If anything I'm grasping at straws trying to break through her defenses. "I just don't want to lose her…And I feel like each time we fight about her unwillingness to just talk to me, we're moving backward instead of forward."

"You won't lose her. Whatever happens, she'll always be here," she pointed to my heart, "even if she's not physically beside you."

I furrowed my brow. _Am I talking to Tanya Denali? _

She giggled. "I'm not as shallow as everyone makes me out to be. I've got a heart…I just know what I want, and usually I get it."

My brows shot up in surprise.

"Don't worry," she rolled her eyes in a playful manner," I won't throw myself at you. I think you're a really great guy and I see how much you love Bella. I just hope she understands how amazing you are."

"Thanks Tanya." That's nice of her to say. She could definitely take advantage of this situation by coming on to me, but I'm glad she's not the kind of person I once thought her to be.

"Anytime." She drained the rest of her beer, burped extremely loud, and left to find Rose.

As much as I would like to believe that Bella and I are on the same page, we're not. I can feel it…It's breaking my heart but I just know something is about to happen that will do more harm than good, at least to me. If Tanya is right and Bella has already made some decisions that I won't agree with, what more can I do but stand back and watch my dream fade away.

Can I survive that kind of pain?

…No.

I can't.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **So there we have it. Pretty angsty chapter but it had to be done. I understand that many of you will not like the shift in this story, and believe me it will shift, but that's the way it is. Before anyone asks, **NO** Edward and Tanya will not be hooking up. They will however become friends. Nothing will happen between them I promise. I hope you guys will continue to read…Leave me some comments ladies. The next chapter will be one of the most important yet.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: **I can only apologize for posting this later than I wanted. I just recently started a full time job at a day care and by the time I get home I'm pooped! Anywho, I apologize for any errors, I really wanted to get this out.

Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot.

* * *

><p>Chapter 25<p>

BPOV

It's always the same sob story. Life sucks!

At least mine does… I can't speak for everyone but this is **my** story. Who else would I be talking about?

I know what you're saying. "_Bella, it's your own fucking fault_." Believe me I know. I may be dumb but I'm not blind. Not at all. In fact, I can see clearly more now than ever before. I've given up hope and trying is useless at this point. The guilt is eating me up; I never thought it would feel so intense. I've managed to screw up everything that meant something to me because of fear of the unknown…Really, can you blame me? I've said it before and I'll say it again, running away is easier than having to deal with the shit you can't change. Now, it seems that I have more of a reason to run away… I've never felt so alone. Not in a literal sense as I'm constantly surrounded by the loving Cullen family who go out of their way to make sure my needs are met. But in a physical sense, where I feel none of them could ever understand what I'm going through.

And I hate to bombard their lives with my pettiness. I won't do that, not to any of them.

Carlise and Esme are the parents I never had. They call to check up on me pretty much every day just because. I can't tell you how nice that feels to have two people who don't owe me anything take time out of their lives just to talk to me about mine. Emmett and Jasper as well call or stop by to check on me. They call themselves my big brothers and since I don't have any siblings I like to pretend along with them. They've staked their claim on me. Alice and I…Well, it's still very complicated. We've talked a little here and there about our issues with each other. She's very firm in her beliefs that my departure will tear her family apart and that I'm making a huge mistake by even contemplating leaving them behind. She's very passionate about her loved ones and for that I can only respect her, but as much as I would like to sit here and tell her that my staying will solve my inner struggles, I just can't. I've given it a lot of thought and…I know this is the right decision. Alice hates me for it. Needless to say, we don't speak very often.

Believe it or not, my bestfriend right now is Rosalie. I could barely stand her when we first met and now it seems she's the first one I call when I need someone other than Edward to keep me company. The great thing about Rose is, she doesn't hover. If I need her she's there, and if I don't then she goes on with her life. I've even formed a small relationship with her friend Tanya. That girl is a trip let me tell you. When she's not being serious she's the life of the party. Don't think I haven't noticed the way she stares at Edward when she thinks I'm not looking. I know she likes him…I think they would make a nice couple…

Okay, so I'm lying. As much as I like Tanya, I hate the fact that she's everything I'll never be. Tall, blonde, beautiful, and rich. I envy her, really. She can have any man she wants, and she wants my Edward… Can I blame her? No.

Edward is a great catch. He's everything a woman could want and so much more…

The more I think of him and this situation as a whole, the more depressed I become. Since Thanksgiving things between us have been stressed at best, like with Alice, except I'm around him 24/7 and I have to see the constant anguish in his eyes each time he looks at me. I can admire that he's trying to stay strong not only for himself, but for me as he knows something is seriously wrong, and it pains me to be the cause of it. All he has ever asked of me is to let him in…Tell him my secrets, my fears, what's bothering me in general. I thought I was doing that but obviously it wasn't enough. I've warred with these issues since I've been here and it hasn't gotten any easier…I just, I don't want him to know everything about me and he doesn't understand that. And if I'm being perfectly honest it's none of his business. He hasn't exactly been forthcoming with his issues either so I don't understand why he feels the need to shoulder mine. I need help, plain and simple…The kind he won't be able to give me.

It's stupid and irrational to think this way, I know. I've also accepted that I don't belong in his world. I have to find my own way without him and the influence of his family…I have to do this for my daughter. She's the one who will hurt the most because of me. I can live with her never knowing about me than to one day find out that her own mother couldn't keep her because I was too fucked up to even try. Even though she won't physically be with me, because she's a part of me I'll always hold that in my heart.

"Bella? Please follow me."

I sit down the magazine I was reading and waddle behind Nurse Carol. I'm back at the clinic for what I'm hoping will be my last check-up with _Dr. Kevorkian_. I kid you not; each time I come here I get the distinct feeling that she's out to kill me. She's not as nice as Edward makes her out to be. Speaking of which, he left me here alone with her to finish some last minute shopping so it looks like I'm flying solo for this one. At least when I go missing after the she-devil decides to end me for good this time Edward will know the first place to look. Carol shows me to an examination room where she takes my blood pressure and asks a million questions about how and what I'm feeling; standard stuff that I should be used to by now. She then instructs me to undress from the waist down with only a sheet to cover my naked area, and wait for Dr. Cope.

So I wait…And wait…_Annnddd _wait…

The door finally opens. "Hello Bella." Dr. She-Devil greeted me with her usual look of disdain. The feeling is mutual as I greet her with one of my own. I hate how judgmental she is.

She told me to lie back and proceeded with an ultrasound. It still kind of freaks me out to see my baby on a screen like this. It's one thing to feel her moving around inside of me, but it's another to actually see what she's doing. I can't help my smile when I see her sucking on her thumb…._So cute._

"She looks good." Dr. Cope murmured capturing a few pictures and doing some measurements. Turning off the monitor she cleans off my stomach and then moves on to the more uncomfortable part of the examination. She moves my feet into the stirrups and begins in her own subtle way exploring my nether regions. Not the most comfortable position to be in.

"Have you been experiencing any pain or discomfort?" She asked.

"Yeah, some of those Braxton Hicks things you told me about." Those are a bitch. Sometimes I think I'm having real contractions but when I time them they aren't consistent. They stop after a while.

She hummed and continued to probe. What the hell is she looking for down there anyway? My pussy can't be that interesting.

"Well, you've actually started dilating. You're about a centimeter."

"That's good right?"

"It's common," she shrugged, "have you noticed any bloody discharge coming out lately?"

"I don't know, maybe. I can't really tell." I can't exactly look down in the toilet when I pee.

"You may experience your mucus plug coming out seeing as you are in the last week of your pregnancy. Labor can happen at any time at this point and you seem to be in the beginning stages."

_Holy shit! It's happening now?_

"Do I need to go to the hospital?"

"As long as you aren't experiencing any discomfort I would say just go home for now. When you start having consistent contractions, or if your water breaks, call me and get to the hospital immediately."

"Why can't I just go now if I'm already dilated?"

"I would like you to be in active labor before that happens. Just because you're dilated doesn't mean it will change within the next few days. Go home, get plenty of rest and if you don't go into labor before the thirtieth, then we'll talk about inducing you."

I have to be pregnant for another week! Why do I feel like she just stomped all over my hopes and dreams? It's not fair. This is her opportunity to take pity on me and instead she would rather make me suffer another fucking week. If this baby doesn't hurry up and come I'll…

"Have a good day Bella." She leaves me alone, obviously sensing I'm not fucking cool with any off her bullshit. I hop down from the table and get dressed.

Fucking doctors…Good for nothing assholes…

As I waddle out of the room, Edward is standing just outside of the door that separates the exam rooms from the waiting room and front desk. He examined me with cool eyes. "So, what's the verdict?" He asked.

"Nothing new." I sigh.

"You hungry?" He takes my hand and pulls me forward. We walk out of the clinic side by side.

"Just tired."

I figure, he doesn't need to know that I'm dilated one fucking centimeter and the possibility of me giving birth anytime soon is highly unlikely. He drove us home and once we got there he fixed us a late lunch that we enjoyed on the four seasons porch. As tired as I was I wanted to clean something. We argued about that and he finally won when I could barely keep my eyes open.

I walk up to my old room and collapse into bed, sleeping the entire day away.

* * *

><p>"Can you pass me the pepper?"<p>

Edward and I move around each other as we prepare Christmas Eve dinner. His family will be here in a few hours so we're putting the finishing touches on the joint effort dinner that is sure to blow their socks off.

"How does the chicken look?"

"Fine, how are the green beans?"

"Just finishing up. Did you check on the cake?"

"It needs a little more time."

"What about the hors d'oeuvres?"

"One's in the fridge and the other is cooling on the counter."

This is how we've been all day. Creating, tasting, watching, and waiting. As time winds down I shoo Edward out of the kitchen to start getting dressed. Since he'll take less time getting ready than I will, once we trade off he'll make the final preparations and set everything up. In the mean time I start cleaning up our mess. We've been up since seven this morning, well I should say I've been up since seven, Edward was more like seven forty-five. I barely got any sleep last night because I was so uncomfortable so I'm running on fumes at this point. I should be taking it easy but right now I don't have any time. This Christmas Eve dinner is very important to Edward and I want it to be perfect for him. It's the first time he's cooking for his family and having everyone over since his wife died. As excited as he is to be doing this, he has a feeling that something is going to go wrong. I don't think I've ever seen him so unsure of himself when it comes to being around the people he loves the most. I'm on the other side this time trying to keep him positive, all the while I could tip over with how exhausted I am. My back is killing me and…

_Ohhh, shit_. I grip the side of the counter and breathe through the pain. Fuck, these fucking Braxton Hicks things hurt like a bitch. I had them off and on last night, one of the reasons I couldn't sleep. They hurt a little more today than they did the last few times I had them. At first it was just my stomach tightening off and on, then it started to hurt a little but not too much. Now, it fucking hurts a lot. Is that normal?

I rest against the counter and lean forward to support myself on my hands. The pain slowly ebbs and I can finally relax a little.

"Bella?" Edward is standing beside me with a hand rubbing up and down my back. When I open my eyes he's looking down at me concerned.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, just one of those pains again."

"Maybe you should sit down." He pulled out a chair for me.

"I'm fine. I need to go get ready anyway."

"You don't look fine."

I smile at how cute he is all worried and probably terrified that I'm about to go into labor. "Stop pestering me, I have to go get ready before everyone gets here."

"Are you sure you're feeling alright. If not they will understand if you need to rest." He worried some more.

"And miss out on all this amazing food we made. Yeah, so not doing that." I giggle at his proud smile and lean in for a kiss. I'll never get tired of his lips. They're the closest to heaven I'll ever get.

He smacks my butt as I hobble away toward the stairs. As I climb each step I can't help but wince at the amount of pressure I feel in my pelvis. Just another thing to add to the list of shit that's making me uncomfortable. By the time I get into the shower I feel sick. What the fuck is going on with me today? My back hurts, my front hurts…This sucks ass!

I cut my shower a little short because the pain in my stomach is getting worse and I can barely stand up straight anymore. I decide to lay down for a little while to see if the pain would stop. It seemed to work because after about five minutes or so I was able to get up and get dressed. I wanted to look nice today so I picked out the prettiest dress I could find. It was a pretty burgundy color and was long enough to cover my feet so that I wouldn't have to wear any shoes. I find a black sweater to cover my arms and go about applying some make up and fixing my hair.

"Oooowwww! Fuck!" I double over in pain. It's a shooting pain that not only fucking hurts like hell, but sends me to my knees. I don't think these are Braxton Hicks anymore…

"Bella! Did you hear about the storm that's supposed to be passing through here tonight?" Edward is coming up the stairs. I can't let him see me like this. He'll panic and then I'll start to panic. I'm not saying I'm in labor…But, something is going on.

I get to my feet just as he walks into the bedroom. "Uh, no I haven't heard anything." I breathe trying to sound as normal as possible. He stops at the sight of me.

"You look beautiful." He gathers me into his arms.

"Thank you." I smile. I hope it's believable because right now I'm not sure if I should tell him what's going on with me or just hold off until later.

He leans in and kisses my cheek, then my lips. The kiss soon turns from chaste to hard and passionate. I suck his lower lip into my mouth just as he sucks my top lip into his and we go back and forth, our tongues trying to overpower each other. He drags his teeth across my lower lip as he releases it.

"What was that for?" I ask pulling back breathlessly.

"I'm just happy that you're here with me, and it was to thank you for all that you've done."

"Well, you can thank me like that anytime." I smirk. He laughed and buried his head into the side of my neck. He's been doing that a lot lately, sniffing me…Like he's trying to commit it to memory.

I do the same. I savor these moments by running my fingers through his soft hair, relishing in the way his stubble feels against my skin. Soon, I won't have this, have him. I won't have his protective arms around me to hold me and, love me.

Tears spring to my eyes and I blink them away before he can see. The doorbell ringing forces us to part. A soft kiss to my forehead and he's walking back downstairs to answer the door.

I sit down on the bed to gather myself before I have to head down myself. My guess is Alice and Jasper are here. I need a few human moments before I have to deal with the pixie and her annoying glare. I'm so not in the mood for her judgy attitude with the way that I'm currently feeling.

Damn! My fucking back is killing me…

"Where's Bella?" I hear her ask.

"Upstairs. She's getting ready."

"Oh, well I'll go help her." She's flying up the steps before Edward or Jasper can call her off.

Great. Just what I don't need.

She peeked into the room before she invited herself inside. Sitting next to me she didn't look or say anything for a long time. I was starting to get annoyed when I felt her small hand grab mine.

"I love you, Bella."

She doesn't need to tell me…I already know.

"I love you too, shorty."

"I'm sorry for being a bitch to you all the time." Her voice is small.

"I know." I respond, my voice just as small.

This is our way of saying _"I'm sorry, please forgive me for being stupid even if it's only for today…I love you."_

"You look pretty. But, what the fuck is going on with your hair and makeup? Have I not taught you anything?"

And now, we're back to normal…For now.

Esme and Carlisle arrive next. Rose and Emmett are last. The storm outside is getting worse and according to Emmett it's pretty hard to see out there. Everyone made it except Tanya who got snowed in her house. Poor thing. I called to check up on her and she told me she's having a good time with her puppy Buttercup watching all the classic Christmas movies. I'm a little sad she won't be here to liven up the party a little.

I'm hit suddenly with pain as I'm heading into the kitchen to bring the hors d'oeuvres out. It doubles me over again and a low groan escapes me. It caught the attention of Esme who had offered to help me.

"Oh honey, are you okay?" She's at my side in an instant, rubbing my back.

"Yeah," I sigh, "I'm fine it's just..." Should I tell her? I don't want her to panic either. Fuck it, I'm starting to panic. I'm not fine.

"You look a little pale. Are you feeling well?"

**No** I want to scream but I shake my head and breathe through the pain as it slowly subsides. Rest, I need rest. "Actually I'm going to head upstairs for a little bit. Can you tell Edward to go ahead with dinner. I'll come back down when I'm feeling better."

"Of course dear. You go and rest." Her reassuring smile made me confident that she would tell everyone to leave me alone for awhile.

I think if I rest I'll feel better…

I hope.

But as I climb the stairs back to the guestroom I'm not so sure rest will do much good. I'm trying to breathe but I'm starting to get upset because the pain is fucking with my head. I don't know what to do…I'm so fucking scared that…

A sudden gush of water rushes down my leg.

Oh no!

Oh shit!

OH FUCK!

Not now. This isn't supposed to be happening right now. That Dr. Bitch said I had a week left…I'm not ready for this. Not here! Not fucking NOW!

_Calm down Bella. Maybe you just pissed on yourself…_

Yeah, I pissed myself. That's all. I'll just completely ignore the fact that I know that this puddle beneath my feet isn't piss but amniotic fluid from my fucking uterus!

I slowly walk to the bathroom to clean myself up, pushing the idea that I may possibly be in labor at this fucking moment out of my mind. I picked a great time to be in denial.

Pain. Another horrible pain hits me, sobering me up to the realization that it's happening whether I like it or not. I can do nothing but slide down the side of the tub and breathe.

Not now…Not now.

Please not now.

"Bella?" His velvet voice calms me just a little. He's calling out for me, wanting to know where I am. Boy, he's going to flip when he sees this.

"Edward!"

His rushed footsteps lead him into the bathroom where he finds me sweaty and wide eyed. "Baby what's wrong?"

"I…I think I'm in labor."

Complete panic mode sets in.

"DAD!"

I don't know how long it's been since my water broke. I can only focus on trying to get through labor as peacefully as I can. The house became complete chaos as everyone tried to do their part in helping me. Because of the storm we weren't able to drive, and no ambulance can get through. Hell, no one can really. I came to the conclusion really quick that I'll be delivering here.

The pain…I don't think I can explain it to you without saying something a bit violent and maybe just a tad bit disgusting.

Carlisle doesn't want me to stress…I'm trying my hardest to heed his words.

Alice, Esme, and Rose have set up a very serene ambience around me. I could care less about candles and soothing music, I want this kid out of me.

"This sucks. I always imagined that I would have lots and lots of drugs." I sigh after a particularly hard contraction ceased for the time being.

"Hold my hand, Bella. Squeeze as hard as you'd like" Alice got in bed beside me.

"I don't think that's such a good idea." Rose held up her poor hand that suffered through my death grip.

I didn't have time to laugh as another contraction hit. They were becoming more and painful by the minute, and I was squeezing the life out of Alice's hand.

"Oh my god! What do you do for a living, crack walnuts?" She snatched her hand away.

Instead I grip on to the sheets, moaning, crying, and breathing as best I can.

Fuck this shit hurts!

"Baby, tell me what you need." Edward moved to my side, smoothing a cool rag over my forehead.

"I want to get in the bathtub." I decide while I have a little time before my next contraction.

He and the girls help me into the bathroom where Esme has been keeping the water warm for me. This is my third time getting into the tub, hopefully my last with the amount of pressure I'm starting to feel. I'm completely naked from the waist down with my legs open and all of the Cullen's, minus Emmett and Jasper, are watching my vagina with fascination.

Edward is next to the tub holding my hand through each contraction that wracks my body. "My back!" I cry. Edward urges me to sit forward so that he could rub it for me, unfortunately it's just not enough.

"Bella, whenever you feel the need to push you do it okay. Let your body tell you what to do." Esme urged. She was standing next to the tub beside Carlisle looking down on me. I notice they're all looking at me, waiting. Rose looks anxious, Alice is about to shit on herself she's so excited, and Edward is scared for me. The only ones who seem remotely calm are Carlisle and Esme. Thank god for them.

If I have to be in labor one more hour I might pull my hair out from the roots.

When I feel intense pressure I know it's time. "I...I have to...PUSH!"

I start pushing as hard as I can. It feels like my vagina is being set on fire.

"OH MY GOD! I CAN'T!" I scream.

"Yes you can Bella. You're doing great." Carlisle is now sitting beside the tub.

The contraction seizes only to be followed by another, more intense one. I get the urge to push so I do with as much power as I can.

"I can see the head!" Rose squealed and so did Alice. I want to tell them to shut the fuck up. I'm a little busy trying to push this huge thing out.

I push...and push...and push...and push...Until I feel like I can't anymore.

"Fuck, is anything happening down there?"

"The head is almost out. If it is alright, may I help you just a little?" Carlisle asked.

I nod vigorously. I don't care what he does, I just want it over. I feel him pushing down between my legs and when I get the urge to push again it feels like he's pushing the skin away from the baby's head. There's a pop and a rush of pain so bad I scream bloody fucking murder.

"The head is out!"

"Alright this next part will a little go faster. Breathe Bella. Esme please be ready. Rose I'm going to need the suction. Go grab me the softest towels you can find. Please hurry." Carlisle has a look of determination on his face.

"Dad, the cord is wrapped around her neck." Edward panicked which caused me to panic.

"It's okay son. It's loose I'm going to unwrap it now."

I can feel his tugging down there. A powerful contraction hits me and I push, this time grabbing Edwards hand and squeezing the hell out of it. If I thought the head was bad, passing the fucking shoulders about killed me.

With one last push the baby slid out of me. I reach down to catch her in my hands and bring her out of the water onto my chest. I collapse back against the tub while everyone around me joyously cried out their happiness.

A strong scream fills the room. I close my eyes and smile...She's okay. My job is done.

I'm holding her in my arms, rubbing my hands over her warm soft skin and I'm so overcome with emotion that I let it out in one loud sob. She's so tiny but her cry is strong.

Everyone is quiet as I weep. Am I supposed to feel like this? Happy, sad, angry, depressed, all at once?

"May I take a look at her?" Carlisle asked. I hand the baby to him. We're still connected so he doesn't move far. I watch him suction out her mouth and nose all the while Edward is gushing on how beautiful she is. This is the first time I'm seeing her, really seeing her. She's not a figment of my imagination anymore. She has a face, the face of a stranger.

I suddenly feel really embarrassed. Edward is still by my side. I look over at him and he has tears in his eyes. He leaned over and kissed my forehead. It felt so nice, but so sad at the same time. It's like he knows this is the beginning of the end and he wants to hold me for as long as he can.

Carlisle allowed Edward to cut the cord and once we were separated Esme collected the baby and moved to the next room. After passing the afterbirth, which is fucking sick by the way, Carlisle cleaned me up. Edward carries me back to bed where Carlisle looked me over. He's happy to report that I have minimal tearing that will heal quickly. Edward hasn't left my side, not even for a minute. When Carlisle leaves he snuggles next to me.

I don't think it's hit me yet so I kind of feel numb. I'm aware of what I've done, but it hasn't totally sunk in yet. She's no longer inside me…We're no longer connected. My baby isn't my baby anymore, she doesn't belong to me.

I did what I was supposed to do…She's not my responsibility anymore.

Staring helplessly at the ceiling above me I allow the anguish to set in. Though Edward is by my side he's sleeping peacefully, I'm glad he can't see me falling apart.

I fall into the gentle abyss of slumber, hoping when I awake my decision will be easier to bare.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **So, wow what a chapter. Did any of you see that coming? Not even Bella saw that coming. I know nothing about giving birth since I have no children, but I have seen my god daughter being born, what a trip that was. This was my interpretation of labor and delivery. I hope I haven't lost any of you. This story is far from over. Leave me some reviews and I will definitely work harder to get the next chapter out to you guys. Thanks for all the love and support. I greatly appreciate all of you.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: No excuse for how late this is…I just royally suck. Anyway, this is a continuation of Bella's point of view**.

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 26<p>

BPOV

Damn hormones!

Damn my uterus for betraying me!

It wasn't supposed to happen this way—none of it. Edward and Alice weren't supposed to be by my side. Esme, Carlisle and Rose weren't supposed to be there coaching me on…I wasn't supposed to deliver my baby in a fucking bathtub!

I was supposed to be in the hospital surrounded by doctors and drugs and people who couldn't give a guck about me…Not here in Edward's home, surrounded by his family. The same people who accept me and continue to support me when it's so obvious that I don't deserve it. Hell, look at what I've done…I've ruined their Christmas. No one has expressed to me that I did such a thing, I mean I couldn't help that I went in to labor, but I also can't help feeling that I put a damper on their holiday.

The hardest thing has been being so close to my daughter and the emotions that come along with it. I haven't held her outside of breast feeding. A part of me feels horrible that I can't bring myself to bond with her like a mother should—I think it hurts worse that everyone is so happy about her finally being here…and I can't celebrate with them.

The first time Edward brought her upstairs and asked me if I could breastfeed her I wanted to turn him away. I realized that until this storm passed I had no choice. I couldn't let her starve. Esme helped me, showing me what to do. I didn't look at her at all that first time. The second time I was a little less tense. I didn't need coaching and Esme left me alone to feed the baby in peace. It was weird, I hadn't been alone with her and I felt I would hurt her in some way. And then I took a chance and looked at her…Really looked at her. Her hair is jet black and curly, her skin light but with a hint of color, from the darkness of her ears I can tell she'll potentially grow darker. She slept the whole time and for that I was grateful. I didn't know if I could take looking into her eyes.

The next few times I fed her I was more at ease. I ran my fingers through her soft hair and noted the subtle changes in her from the previous times I saw her over the hours. There's no doubt, she's a doll. How could I have ever hated someone so pure, so perfect? Before Esme came back to take her away I inspected her body. I counted all of her fingers and toes just to make sure everything was in its rightful place. I noticed she had a small birthmark on her right hip…I have one there also.

She whimpered and opened her eyes as I swaddled her. Her black orbs stared up at me in wonder. How was I supposed to feel? My child was a stranger to me…I can't look at her without wanting to cry, and not in happiness. In complete anguish. I really fucked up and I'm paying for it now.

Esme collected the baby and left me alone.

Alice peeked in and when she saw that I was awake she came to lay down with me in bed. "Hey beautiful. How are you feeling?"

"Like a peach." I mumble.

"You look better. Can I get you anything? Food, something to drink?"

"I don't think I would be able to keep anything down. I actually really want to take a shower. Can you help me to the bathroom?"

"Sure."

She was more than happy to help me into the bathroom. I was still very sore, but honestly it's not as bad as I thought it would be. My vagina will be out of commission for a while.

The hot water beat down on my skin—unfortunately it doesn't help to calm me.

What am I going to do?

I didn't realize I was crying until Alice was helping me out of the shower. She helped me get situated then put me back in bed. I noticed she had changed the sheets and pillowcases.

"Talk to me Bella. What's going on in your head?"

"This is all so fucked up." I cried wiping at my eyes.

"It's not."

"Yes it is…Don't try to tell me it's not."

"Help me understand then. I'm trying to be here for you."

"Why?" I look at her.

"Because you need me, Bella. You're my sister no matter what. You can tell me anything, I would never judge you." Her eyes are sincere. Her tiny hand gripped my arm as I tried to steady my erratic emotions enough to tell her what I know she wants to hear, and what I have to get off my chest. I was going to reveal things to Alice that I couldn't to anyone else. It scares me shitless, but I have to do it. At least for my own sanity.

"I'm damaged goods and now I have to live with this regret for the rest of my life?" I replied calmly.

"What regret?"

"Everything. My life, my baby…Being here. All of it."

"Tell me." She pushed.

"I was eight when it started. After Gran died, I had to go live with Renee, Phil, and his son. Three monsters who took sick pleasure in hurting me. I was beaten and raped repeatedly for years until I got out." I chance a glance in her direction and I'm relieved to see she doesn't look disgusted by me. Her eyes are glistening with unshed tears…I've only ever seen her look this sad when I told her that I wanted to leave.

It breaks my heart but I continue.

"I was too young to even understand what was going on. They hated me so much and I never knew why…It hurt so much and no one would help me. Renee didn't give a fuck! All I wanted was my mom and all she wanted was Phil. When they died, I ran away from the orphanage because I was afraid they would send me to people who would hurt me more..."

We sat in silence for a while, her processing my words and me trying to breathe through the pain both physically and mentally.

"Do you have any other family? What about your real father? Where is he?"

I shrug my shoulders. "Renee was an only child. As far as my real father is concerned I don't know who he is. All I have is his last name, that's it. Renee was a whore and got pregnant from a one night stand on her sixteenth birthday. I guess I've just continued the cycle except Renee actually knew the name of the man she slept with."

"Don't compare yourself to her Bella, it's not the same."

"Yes it is. My baby deserves so much more than this life I've brought her into. I don't want her to suffer because I was stupid…That's why I didn't go through with an adoption sooner because I'm terrified that she'll end up in a home with a guy like Phil..."

"She doesn't have to," Alice jumped in effectively cutting me off, "you're her mother and you're not alone."

But I am…More than she'll ever know.

"Oh really? So having a strangers baby that I conceived during drunk sex is normal? Fucking men for money is normal? I'm the biggest screw up of the century!"

"You're just overwhelmed right now. Try to calm down."

I feel like I'm hyperventilating…And then I see Rose standing in the door way holding the small bundle to her chest.

"She's hungry." Rose sniffled…She must have witnessed my breakdown.

This time I wasn't hesitant to take the baby from her arms as she handed her to me. How could something so beautiful come from me and this stranger? She looks different from the last time I saw her, then again I didn't want to look at her before.

Rose sat next to Alice on my bed and they both stared at me. I pull my breast out and the baby latched on immediately.

"Wow."

"What's up with everyone and their fascination with my boobs today?"

Alice snickered. "It's not your boobs, it's how easy it is for you to nurture her this way. Breastfeeding is the best way to bond with your baby."

Yeah, but I don't want to become too attached.

After feeding and burping the baby, I pass her back to Rose who left Alice and me alone again. The little pixie cuddled up beside me and stroked my hair as I tried to relax.

"Do you think Rose and Emmett would want her?" I ask her.

"I don't know."

"Well, if they want her they can have her." I know Rose and Emmett have been trying for a baby and haven't been successful. If they take my baby, she can fill that void I know Rose is feeling.

"I'm not sure that's what Edward wants."

"Edward?" I sit up to look at her. She shied away from me.

"I shouldn't be saying anything but we all know I can't hold a secret. Bella, Edward is in love with you and even more in love with your baby. I think he wants to keep her."

He's in love with me...That complicates things.

"Edward wants her?"

"He hasn't let her out of his sight. The spark in his eyes when she's in his arms is just incredible."

Wow…That's shocking.

"Why hasn't he said anything to me about it?"

"I think he doesn't know how. You've made it clear that you don't want your baby, well Edward does. But he also wants you. Can you understand how hard of a choice that is for him?"

This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. I didn't want him to fall in love with me. The baby is different, but I didn't want him to expect anything from me…And now I know he does.

"I think it would be better if I left." I say.

"That's a stupid idea."

"Stupid, but necessary."

Alice grabbed my hand. "Bella, you leaving will only make things worse."

"Stop trying to talk me out of this because I have already made up my mind. I have to leave; it's for the best."

"It's the best for you but what about us? Me, Edward, our family? Your baby?"

"You all will go on with your perfect lives and forget about me. I won't bring anything but unhappiness and pain into your family, into my baby's life...I would be much more of a horrible person if I did that to you guys. I'll never be what you and Edward want me to be."

I'm so tired…I'm so fucking tired.

"You should rest. I'll come back and check on you later."

When she left I started to panic again. It feels like the walls are closing on me…

Damn it, I need to get out of here.

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><p>I'm awakened periodically through the night to feed the baby. Each time they bring her in I realize just how unprepared I am for motherhood. I can't imagine doing this everyday—waking up when the baby cries throughout the night, feeding her, trying to soothe her when that doesn't work…I can't do this,<p>

I wake up later the next morning feeling as if I hadn't slept much at all. A small hand gripped mine, and I looked over to see Alice staring at me.

"Alice?"

"Yes?"

"Please don't hate me." I whisper.

"I could never hate you, but why do I feel like you are going to do something you shouldn't?"

I don't say anything. I can't really. She knows how I feel even if she doesn't want to admit it to herself.

"Bella don't do anything stupid."

_If only it were that simple._

"It's a little late for that one pixie."

She sat up on the bed and faced me, a look of determination etched into her features. "I don't know what's going on with you but I swear if you hurt Edward, I don't care that you just shot a baby out of your vagina, I will kick your ass...Got it?"

You know what? I wouldn't put it past her.

"Got it."

I guess I better prepare for that ass kicking.

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><p><strong>AN: I know this took forever for me to write and it's rushed and not really that good. I didn't want to not add anything since it's been what, two months? I know some of you are reading my other story Rebound, but if you still want to read this too I'll continue to add when I can. Writers block really sucks.**

**Let me know what you guys think though.**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Alright, so I was able to get this done pretty quickly. Thanks you to all of you that are still interested in this story. I also want to thank you guys for your encouraging reviews. Just know that I'll never stop writing this story until it's finished. It might take forever, but it will be completed.**

**This chapter is from Edward's view of Bella giving birth, and the events after.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**

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><p>Chapter 27<p>

EPOV

I've had several moments in my life that have left a huge, lasting impact; moving to Seattle, going to college, meeting Jane for the first time, losing Jane so soon, meeting Bella…kidnapping Bella.

You catch my drift.

But this moment, the one I was able to see right in front of my eyes has changed me forever.

I'm so overcome with joy I could burst at the seams. I witnessed the most amazing thing and I don't care what anyone thinks; it was beautiful. To see a child being born, you have to count yourself as lucky to have been a part of something as momentous as that. It scared the hell out of me to see Bella in so much pain. I expected her to react much worse than she had…In fact she was oddly calm, even in the throes of painful contractions she kept her cool. I think I fell more in love with her when she grabbed my hand and allowed me to be her anchor. And then…Watching as she brought her daughter out of the water and onto her chest…The tears were falling before I could even register that they had streamed down my face and soaked my shirt. Bella, my strong, powerful, beautiful Bella had put her differences aside and held her child to her chest, and I could do nothing but watch in awe as she explored the baby's skin with her fingers. She wept real tears, overwhelmed I'm sure by the gravity of the situation…She was someone's mother whether she wanted to be or not.

I can only pray that she wants to be.

We were very ill prepared for all of this. The snowstorm really threw us for a loop. I think in some ways we were all afraid that something would go wrong, either with Bella or the storm knocking out the power; anything could have happened. For twelve hours I was uncertain if we could do this. If it weren't for mom and dad I'm sure I would be bald right about now from pulling out all of my hair. My scalp is pretty sore from all the tugging I did while Bella was in labor. I don't think I've ever been so stressed.

And now, as I stare down at the tiny person in my arms, nothing else matters. Fuck the storm, it could snow thirty feet and I wouldn't care…I have everything I'll ever need right here.

"She's so beautiful." Mom gazed into my arms. The baby was sleeping nestled against my chest.

"She is."

"She'll need to eat soon."

"How? We have no bottles or formula."

"Do you think perhaps Bella would breastfeed her?"

"Oh, I don't know." Bella has been resting for the past hour or so. I laid with her, even falling asleep for a few minutes before waking up to see her sleeping peacefully. Alice and Rose have been checking in with her often, but there hasn't been much of a change.

"It wouldn't hurt to try. I know she really doesn't want anything to do with her, but she's not so heartless to let her starve."

"I'll come with you to help." Mom said.

I would imagine she wouldn't be that cold, even if she doesn't want her, I'm sure she doesn't want anything to happen to her. As if the baby knew what we were talking about she began to fuss. I carried her up the stairs to the bedroom with mom in tow. Surprisingly, Bella was awake when I pushed open the door. She was propped up against the headboard staring out of the window.

"Bella?" I called for her, but she didn't answer. "Bella?" This time she turned her head. Her eyes automatically move to my arms. I sat on the bed beside her.

"The baby has to eat. She's hungry and we have nothing here to feed her." I move to hand her the fussy bundle, but Bella shrank away.

"I can't." She whimpered.

Mom walked into the room first and sat on the edge of the bed next to Bella. "Please. We wouldn't ask if there was an alternative." The baby became fretful, her cries becoming louder.

I start to get nervous, what if she refuses to do it? Bella looks at mom, then to my eyes and for the first time I can see the battle waging inside of her. She's scared to death.

"Please Bella." Once more I plead. The baby gave a piercing wail and I watched as her resolve crumbled. She reached for the baby and I place her in her arms. "I don't really know what I'm doing." She says more to herself.

Mom took over from here. I watch as she helped Bella pull her arm from the robe she wore and exposed her left breast. The baby squirmed around as if on instinct and as Bella positioned her, mom helped guide the baby's little head toward Bella's nipple where she latched right on. Bella winced at the initial contact but soon relaxed enough to lean back and close her eyes. She looked serene, content in her current position.

"See, not too difficult. She's nursing very well." Mom cooed, rubbing first the baby's hair, and then switching to Bella's. It was a beautiful moment.

"I'm going to go now, but I'll be back to bring you up something to eat Bella. You'll need your strength." Mom said, pecking Bella on the cheek before stopping in front of me. "When it's time, tell Bella to move the baby to her other breast, that way the baby will get enough milk."

"Ok." She soon left the room.

"Wow." I sigh, it's all I can say. Bella is a natural and she just doesn't see it.

"I feel like a cow." She mutters, the corners of her lips turning up in a smirk. But that short amount of happiness turns quickly into sadness, then to pain as she begins to cry. I crawl further into bed hoping to bring some comfort. She melted into my side.

"She's really beautiful Bella."

She wouldn't look at her. I'd give anything to know what's going on inside of that head of hers.

"Do you think you could try to be her mom?"

"No." she whispered.

"I wish you would reconsider."

"Edward..." the baby started to get fussy again." What am I supposed to do?"

"Mom said to switch her to the other breast so that she gets enough milk."

She moved the baby to her other breast and she continued to suckle. A few times when it seemed she had fallen asleep, Bella would try to disconnect them but the baby wouldn't let go.

I didn't want to disturb her, but that giddy part of me needed to know what she thought of all this.

"How are you feeling?" I ask.

"Like a peach." She groaned.

Groaning is never a good sign.

"So what do you think?"

"About what?"

"About everything."

She simply shrugged.

"I know you must have an opinion."

"I really don't." She said indifferent.

Alright…Her attitude is kind of starting to piss me off. "Don't be like this Bella."

"Like what?" She's trying so hard to hold back the tears. I want her to cry, scream even—just do something instead of pretending that she doesn't feel anything. She just suffered through twelve grueling hours of labor for goodness sake!

"I don't want to fight with you. I just wish you wouldn't be so cold."

"I'm not trying to be, it's just," she sighed, "I'm so overwhelmed with all of this." She looked down at the baby to get her point across. "This is all just, too much."

"I understand."

"No, I don't think you do."

Looking down I see the baby resting, content in her mother's arms. When she was finally done Bella shifted her small body to her shoulder, as if she had been doing this all her life she began patting the baby's back.

"I guess I picked a sucky day to go into labor."

"You did so amazing."

"...I will never, ever do this again. I'm going to get my tubes tied." A small burp came from the baby. She seemed content enough with just holding her there.

"Have you thought of a name?" I asked.

"Why would I?"

"You can name her. Until she's in the custody of someone else she's still your baby."

"Someone else can name her—I don't want to do that."

"Bella-" Why does she have to be so difficult?

"How about you name her, or Alice can. I don't care really." She handed the baby back to me and turned away.

I guess that's her subtle way of telling me to leave her alone. Sighing, I slowly make my way to the door.

"I'll bring her back so you can feed her again in a few hours." She didn't respond.

I didn't expect her to.

When I make it back downstairs everyone is sitting quietly in my living room.

"How is she?" Mom asked. I pass the baby off to her.

"She fed her at least but there's still no change."

"Did she say anything about her?" Alice asked.

"No. I don't know what to do. Maybe she'll warm up more with the feedings." At least that's what I'd like to think.

"In the mean time I would like to examine the baby. I've been talking to Sheryl and she told me what I should look for." Dad said rummaging through his bag.

"She looks fine." I looked to where the baby was resting in my mom's arms. She was sleeping very content.

"Has Bella thought of a name yet?" Emmett asked.

"She doesn't want to name her. She really doesn't want anything to do with her." I look around at all their morose faces and know I'm not alone in my feelings about Bella's actions toward her child.

"Well she needs a name." Jasper said. Sometimes you don't know he's even there, but he's always the first to state the obvious.

"Bella said we could name her if we wanted." I tell them.

That got everyone's attention.

"Well I vote Alice!" My sister shot up to her feet.

"No Rosalie!" Rosalie whined.

"NO Emmett!" He whooped.

"Emmett?" Everyone rolled their eyes. Leave it up to my knuckle head brother to say something stupid.

"Yes. Don't you know it's cool to give girl's boy names?" He said.

"What about Claire?" Rosalie threw out.

I mull the name over in my mind. "I like Claire. Where did that come from?" I ask.

"It was the name of one of my best friends from college. This precious angel reminds me of her."

"Claire it is," Alice spoke to which we all agreed. "Now what about middle names… I vote Alice!"

Oh, here we go again.

"Hell no! We are not putting Alice anywhere in her name so lay off!" I snap at her.

"Alright asshole!" She snapped back.

"How about Isabella?" Esme chimed in. The stupid bickering ended and we all became quiet.

"I don't know how Bella will like that." I say.

"She didn't want to name her right? Well she doesn't get a say. I know Bella doesn't want her baby but at least her daughter will have something of her mothers..."Mom said…She's right.

"I like it. Claire Isabella Swan. We should probably keep this between us." I tell them. I don't want Bella to find out and ruin what could be such a beautiful name for the new addition to our family.

Dad took Claire up to my room where he could examine her. The fact that he's just as concerned for her health as I am makes me trust that he'll thoroughly examine her to the best of his abilities.

"Hey dad." I quietly enter the room. There, he's holding Claire unwrapped from her blanket, somehow she's still asleep.

"Hey son."

"So, what can you tell me?"

"Well, without the proper equipment not very much. Her vitals are fine but I think it would be in her best interest to go to the hospital where she can be checked intensively."

I agree 100%. There could be something more going on inside her little body and I'd feel more comfortable if she were looked over by Dr. Cope; not saying that dad doesn't know what he's doing. I trust his judgment—the sooner we can get to the hospital, the better.

"What about Bella? Should we be concerned for her?" I ask.

"Right now she needs her rest, but I still would be more comfortable if we could get her to the hospital just to make sure everything is okay." I haven't ventured back in to her room because I've wanted to give her some privacy. Alice and Rose have been bringing the baby up to be fed, and all though I would like to talk to her some more, something inside is telling me that I need to just give her some space to process all of this. I don't want to put any unnecessary stress on her when she's still in a rather delicate state.

She needs time…I understand and support her.

Sitting down next to my father, I sigh and drop my head into my hands. "What am I going to do?"

I want so much to be strong for not only Bella, but for Claire. They need me, especially Bella since outside of my family she has no one to turn to. I know I can give her the world if she'd allow it, and I'd take care of her and Claire until my dying day...I'm happy, but then I'm sad…Something's not right—surely whatever is going to happen after today is going to change my life forever.

"You'll make the right decision son."

I hope so dad.

_I truly hope so._

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><p><strong>AN: I know nothing about breastfeeding so I apologize if I got any of that wrong. I've taken to just letting myself write wherever my mind decides to take me. It's a start…I think what I'll try to do from now on is post smaller chapters that way I can get them out faster. Maybe this will help me with my writers block a little.**

**Let me know what you think. I enjoy your comments…**

**Until next time.**


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**

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><p>Chapter 28<p>

EPOV

The hours fly by and before I know it the storm has ceased and the sun is shining brightly in the sky. The roads are just about cleared and we're waiting to take Bella and Claire to the hospital.

Yesterday, between doting on Claire and worrying about Bella, we somehow remembered that it was Christmas day and exchanged gifts. We're a pretty simple family that enjoys the holiday more than the giving of gifts, but each of us took turns ripping through wrapping paper like children. This year mom and dad, _or I should say mom_, bought me new porcelain plates, sturdy pots and pans, gold silverware, and wine glasses…I know this stuff cost a fortune but mom played it down saying she got them for a good price. I know my mother—she's as over the top as her spawn, Alice. Speaking of her, she broke out a huge box filled with brand new clothes, shoes, and "manly" accessories as she calls them. I don't think a fanny pack is very manly but she promises that it's all the rage amongst men in my age group. Rosalie bought me a nice sweater and Emmett forked over a book of coupons to Bella Italia.

_That's my brother._

Jasper gave me books. He always gives me books.

Mom, Rose, and Alice cooked up a hearty breakfast after all the gifts were open. I couldn't be more thankful for it, you know with everything that has happened food was the last thing on all of our minds. As day turned into night, we all spent time reminiscing on past Christmases and what we looked forward to in the coming months. Our annual trip back to Forks was coming up in the summer…I'd love to take Bella and Claire along to see my old neighborhood.

A small whimper interrupted my thoughts and I look down at the wiggling little bundle of joy currently lying across my chest. The bundle that I'm absolutely in love with… Her black, curly hair is lovely set against her russet color skin. Her eyes are pools of chocolate like Bella's. She has the most awesome birthday, and her mother is the one to thank for bringing her into this world.

It's the next morning and they both seem to be doing well despite the odds. I feel like Dr. Cope was trying to scare us when she said the baby may have deformities. She was wrong…Claire is perfect. Rose, Alice, and mom have been fawning all over her like she's the most precious thing they've ever seen. Really she is, truly a blessing in disguise. Even Jasper and Emmett go all goo goo eyes around her…I have a feeling that this little treasure will be a soft spot in all our hearts.

"Edward, we've been given the go ahead to transport the girls to the hospital. We need to make sure they're both bundled up tight. Emmett is going to go bring the car around."

"Alright dad." I pass the baby off to my sister and go upstairs to wake Bella.

I stand in the doorway and watch her sleep. It's truly amazing to see her so docile while this very room seems to protect her from outside burdens and troubles. Looking at her now, no one would think that she had just gone through something as life changing as giving birth. Sometimes I wonder if her life would have turned out different—would I ever have gotten the chance to meet her? If she'd never been hurt by those despicable people, would we ever have crossed paths?

I shake my head to clear the angry cloud that was sure to form just thinking about how much pain she's endured. I'd kill them all if I could…

Rubbing a hand over my tired eyes, I move quietly into the room, stopping when I reach the side of her bed. I stand there for a few minutes longer reaching out to smooth her hair from her beautiful face. I hate to wake her while she's sleeping so peacefully.

"Bella baby," I softly shake her "wake up love."

She moans and stiffly turns over. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong. The roads are clear now and we're going to take you and the baby to the hospital."

"Why? I feel fine."

I know she doesn't feel fine. Her skin is pale and she can barely move without wincing.

"You still need to be checked to make sure you're doing alright."

"Fine." She sighs.

"We need to get you into some warm clothes." I help her sit up first, then go to the closet to see if I can find something warm and comfortable for her to wear. I pull out a loose pair of sweat pants and a sweater and then search for her favorite slippers.

"Shit Edward, I'm bleeding all over your good towels." She cries.

"I can buy new towels. My main concern is you right now."

After helping Bella get dressed we argue about how we're going to get her downstairs and into the car. She wanted to walk, while I wanted to carry her. The good thing about Bella right now is she's so tired and her usual feisty attitude has taken a backseat, I win the argument.

With hugs and kisses for Bella from the family, I carry her to the car where dad is waiting. When I get her situated I jog back to the house to retrieve Claire from my mother. I carefully walk back to the car and climb into the backseat with Bella; dad begins the slow trek to the hospital. From time to time I see Bella steal a peak at the tightly wrapped bundle in my arms. I wonder what she's thinking…If within these last twenty four hours her outlook has changed. I know that mine has, about everything. I want Bella and Claire like this, forever.

We get to the hospital and Dr. Cope is waiting with a wheelchair. She and Bella may have had their differences in the past, but as soon as I place Bella into the wheelchair Dr. Cope stroked her hair as she looks over the damaged girl who has more guts than anyone I've ever known.

The maternity ward and nursery are located on the fourth floor of the hospital. Dr. Cope assures me that as soon as she has carefully examined both Bella and Claire I can see them. So, I pace and worry for three hours straight. Dad has tried to get me to sit down and relax but he gave in when he realized I was just too nervous to sit still. I'm waiting to hear about the two most important people in my life and I want them to be just fine, but I know there's a possibility that they aren't.

I've done everything that I can; I just have to trust that Dr. Cope will take care of them now.

"Edward, you have no reason to worry son. Both of them are receiving the best care." Dad lifts his tired head from his hands.

"How can you tell me not to worry? Any moment now Sheryl could come out here and tell us something is seriously wrong with either one or both of them. I don't know if I can handle that. I can't lose them."

"You won't lose them son." I remember him saying something like that when Jane slipped into her depression. That didn't end so well.

"Nothing is promised."

Logically I know that my girls are in the best hands…But it's the unknown that scares the shit out of me.

"Son." Dad nods behind me. I turn to see Dr. Cope walking toward us.

I rush toward her. "How are they?"

"Well, everything looks great with Bella. She has minimal tearing. Of course there's some discomfort and she has developed a slight fever, so I would like to keep her overnight. Other than that, she's doing well." My body sags in relief.

"And Claire?"

A small smile lit her face. "Miraculously she seems fine. Her vital signs are good, she's alert, her weight is still on the small side. She's just beautiful." She beams.

"Can I see them?"

"Sure. Oh, I meant to ask, how have you been feeding the baby?"

"Bella has been breastfeeding her."

Dr. Cope looks surprised. "Oh…Well, please follow me."

Dad and I follow her to the nursery where Claire is being changed by one of the nurses. She passes Claire to me, and I feel whole again. I hold her in my arms as I've done so many times before. She's only two days old but she's strong…A fighter.

And I love her.

I want her.

I want Claire.

I want to be her dad.

"Can I take her to see Bella?" I ask. Dr. Cope gives me the go ahead.

It's a short walk to room 4298. I knock with my free hand and let myself in. Bella is sitting up watching television.

"Hey." She greets me with a smile.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine Ed."

To my utter surprise Bella opens her arms for the baby, and I happily hand her over. She holds her against her chest, slowly rocking back and forth lovingly. It warms my heart to see this, Bella outwardly showing affection instead of pretending as if her baby doesn't exist.

When the baby becomes fussy Bella automatically pulls her arm from her shirt and exposes her breast. Claire latches on and feeds peacefully.

"This is so weird." Bella murmurs, looking down upon the blissful face of her child.

"It's beautiful."

"You Cullen's sure are strange." She rolls her eyes but smiles.

"Yeah, but you love us." I say. She seems to have a hard time with that, lowering her head so that she's hidden behind a curtain of hair.

I sit forward and move her hair from her face. I want to see her. "There's actually something I wanted to talk to you about."

"What is it?"

"It's about the baby."

Her eyes dart over to me then back down. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine. Actually she's amazing. That's why I wanted to talk to you." _Here goes nothing._ "These past four months with you have taught me so much. You mean the world to me, and watching you give birth to her solidified how strong you are. I love both of you very much and that's why I want you both to stay with me."

_There_…It's out. I can finally breathe; the weight of those words has sat heavily on my chest since I admitted them to myself. I didn't expect her to be so quiet though. It seems everything around us went completely silent as I wait for her to say something.

She said nothing for a long time.

So I did. "I want to adopt the baby Bella, but only if you want me to."

"Edward-" She sighs and without even having to say it, I know it's not something I want to hear.

"Just please hear me out. You and the baby can stay with me just like you have been. Nothing will change. I'll always be there to help you...Bella I know this can work."

"No Edward."

"Bella-"

"It won't work. My heart isn't in this."

"What do you mean your heart isn't in this?"

She takes a big gulp of air. "_Let me go Edward_." Her voice shaky, she doesn't look confident as she speaks. "The… baby… deserves to have someone as good and decent as you and your family. If you want her then I will sign my rights over to you...But you have to let _**me**_ go."

It suddenly dawns on me what she's saying, and where this was heading. No…This is not happening. "I won't let you go back out there like that."

"It's not your decision to make. I've overstayed my welcome… I let you take care of me, but I'm not pregnant anymore. I have to learn how to make my own way without you now." Her eyes bore into mine.

"So what? You're going back to being a prostitute now? Even after all of this you think you can just go back to that life?"

She looks away from me. "I don't know what I am going to do."

"No! Stop and think about your daughter for two fucking seconds."

Bella looks down at the baby who has fallen asleep in her arms. Tears begin streaming down her face. "I am thinking of her Edward. I may not always show it but I am. Until she was born I kept thinking I have to find her a good home, I have to find people who will take care of her because I can't. If I stay in her life it will be more detrimental to her than her being with you, without me. Please, understand Edward…I can't give her anything." She cries, her eyes pleading with me to understand.

I don't think I can.

"You are her mother!"

"Yeah, well I don't deserve to be. I'm a fucking whore Edward! Even if I change and try to go on the straight and narrow I have to live with what I've done. How can you even look at me and call me a mother when I was fucking drinking, and doing drugs while I was pregnant before you found me. I'm so fucked up in the head Edward...I have nightmares all the time. I'm scared all the time…"

She's hysterical now. Claire, I'm sure sensing how upset her mother is whimpers. Bella lovingly rubs her hand over her baby's hair...In that moment I see what she's been fighting, what she would let none of us see...Love in her eyes. She loves her baby, but she's afraid because she never had the kind of love she deserved. I thought I was helping…_I thought…_

"I can't do this…" She moves the sleeping baby away from her breast and with shaky arms she hands her back to me. I can tell she wants to be alone now…And because I don't want to upset her or myself any further I'll go, for now.

I support Claire's head in my hand and drop a kiss on his soft little cheek. "Can I just say one more thing before I leave?"

She lifts her head, blinking through the moisture that has settled in her eyes. "Bella..." I lean down and kiss her. If I'm going to lay it all out there on the line, I might as well do it in style.

"I love you."

As I walk out of the door, I swear I hear her whisper that she loves me back.

* * *

><p>BPOV<p>

The past two days have been a whirlwind of ups and downs. I've done something that I never imagined I'd do in a million years, and I've had time to reflect on it in the moments that I'm alone. It was a tremendous hurdle to come out on the other side feeling that I accomplished what I had been destined to do, and that was to bring my daughter safely into this world. And now as I am alone once more I can cry the tears of happiness, sadness, and heartache.

What I have to do is killing me inside…

The moments that I've been able to spend with my daughter in my arms are something that I'll always cherish. It has changed me, altered my life forever.

…But it has to be done. For her, I have to do this.

I know Edward will take care of her; the Cullen's will be the family that she deserves. I see it now…This happened for a reason. Edward Cullen found me for a reason. He took me in and turned my world upside down for a reason…He came into my life to show me what love truly is, and he has accepted the responsibility of loving my daughter even though she doesn't share his DNA.

I'll never find someone like him, and honestly I never want to…I can only hope he'll forgive me one day for this.

After Edward left I asked one of the nurses to bring the baby back to my room. I needed some time alone with her. I couldn't relax until she was in my arms.

Will it always feel like this?

I thought when she was no longer inside of me I would lose that connection. I find myself with each time I hold her that I don't want to let her go. I've undoubtedly become attached even though I tried so hard to fight those feelings. She's mine and I love her…But my mind is made up.

No more doubting my decision…It's time to face life this time.

I prop my sleepy baby up against my knees and stare at her, noting her subtle changes and smiling at our similarities. God, I wish I knew who the guy is. If I could just remember what he looks like maybe I could piece together the features that I don't recognize.

"Hey peanut. You're so tiny." She didn't feel so tiny when she came out of my hoo-ha.

Her eyes open and she tries to focus on me, but she doesn't seem too happy having me in her face.

"Yeah, I don't like being woken up either. Sorry." I kiss her cheeks. She smells so good, like powder and milk.

"Listen, no matter what happens…I love you. I always have, even when I didn't want to. Edward wants you and I can't tell you how happy that makes me. You'll have a good family who will give you the world baby girl. Never take it for granted."

Please God, don't let my daughter turn out to be just like me.

I spend hours holding, watching, changing and feeding her—spending as much time as I can before I leave tonight. At around ten I call a nurse to come and get her. I know most mothers keep their baby's through the night but I was given the option to send her back to the nursery, and I need it under the pretense of wanting to sleep.

I kiss her one last time and try to hold back the tears as the nurse takes her back to the nursery.

I climb out of the hospital bed and find my bag that Carlisle brought for me. Inside held all of my belongings from before I lived with Edward, which isn't very much. I asked Rosalie to pack it for me last night; she asked no questions as I told her what to put in my duffle bag. The first thing I do is take a shower, because there's no telling when I'll have the opportunity to have one again. I brush my teeth…I comb my hair…I slip into my old clothes—baggy jeans and a loose sweater. In the back pocket is about three hundred dollars I'd been saving before I met Edward.

It's late, about midnight when I peek outside of the door. There's a nurse with her back turned to my room—I quietly tip toe out, searching for anyone else who might see me. Passing the nurses' station I speed walk down the hallway toward the elevators. The windows of the nursery stop me though; I peek in and see a nurse holding a baby in her arms.

It's my baby.

Tears stream down my face… It will be as if I never existed. Edward or his family won't have to worry about seeing me again. She'll be safe…He'll protect her with his life.

"_I love you little peanut."_

I leave the hospital with a promise to myself to become a better person from this experience.

One thing is for certain…I have to get the hell out of Seattle.

* * *

><p>EPOV<p>

Sleep came easy, surprisingly so because I haven't slept by myself in a few months. I've grown accustomed to having Bella and her belly by my side, tossing and turning all night to find comfort and always finding her way into my arms. I didn't want to leave the hospital yesterday fearing that I would miss something, or not being around just in case Bella or Claire needed me. Dad, being the ever present voice of reason pushed me to realize how tired I was and assured me that if anything happened the hospital would call right away.

My alarm blared promptly at eight-thirty the next morning—the sun cut through the gap in the curtains in a faint beam. I knew that if I didn't set my alarm I would sleep the day away, and I want to be bright eyed when I bring my girls home.

As I shower and get dressed I can already hear the chatter of women from the floor below me. Leave it to the women in my family to barge into my house while I'm asleep and take over. Privacy isn't exactly their specialty.

"Good morning." Mom greets me when I walk into the kitchen. She and the girls have crap everywhere. It looks like a baby store threw up on every surface of my house.

"Morning…What the hell is all this?" I bend down to place a kiss on her forehead.

"Language." She slaps my arm, earning a chuckle from Alice and Rose.

"This, dear brother, is everything Claire will need when she comes home." Alice is shaking with excitement.

Just the thought of bringing her home to this puts a smile on my face. I can't help it.

"Wow, this is great. You guys didn't have to do all of this."

"Of course we did."

I chuckle to myself, shaking my head at my sister's exuberance. "Well, as much as I appreciate it, I think we should hold off on everything until I talk to Bella."

"Do you think she's still having second thoughts?" Mom asks.

"I don't know. I just think it would be better to talk to her first about what she's feeling before we spring this on her." I don't want to scare her away if she's not totally comfortable just yet.

"Sure honey." Mom smiles up at me. "We'll make sure to have it all put away before you get home." She reassures me.

"Thank you."

I notice Rose is quiet on her side of the kitchen. Her eyes are unfocused as she stares straight ahead, something obviously playing out in her mind. I don't think I've ever seen her blatantly check out before.

"When are they going to be discharged?" Mom lightly brushed my arm.

"Um, whenever I get the call. I want to go up there now but I think it would be better if I didn't. If Bella's fever hasn't lifted I'm sure they'll want to keep her until it breaks. She needs her rest."

"What about the baby? I mean, if she's fine, can you bring her home?" Rose asks distractedly.

_What is her deal?_

"I want to bring them home together."

"Right." She states embarrassedly. She excuses herself to the living room to call Emmett.

"Anyway, aren't you just excited to get them back home?" Alice asks with a quick laugh. "It hasn't even been a full twenty-four hours yet and I miss them."

"Yes." I have faith that everything is going to work out, just fine.

But I felt suddenly, inexplicably drawn to wanting to know what was going on with Rose. My sister-in-law has never been this quiet, unless something is seriously wrong with her. I love my family so much and Rose has been a steady part of it for many years. I know when something is wrong with any of them because of how close we are…And I don't like to see any of them acting other than themselves. Mom and Alice start chatting about diapers so I take that time to sneak out. I find Rose exactly where she said she'd be, standing in my living room.

"You seem off." I come up behind her.

She doesn't answer. She's biting her nails staring listlessly out of the window. "Hey." I move in front of her.

"What?" She looks up, baffled by my presence.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm fine." Her cheeks redden and she looks away instinctively.

"Look at me." I say. Her face looks all the more overwhelmed as she complies, looking up into my eyes. "You can talk to me."

"I know-"there's a slight pause before she sighs, "have you ever done something you knew was wrong, but you don't regret it, even though it would cause a lot of heartache to those around you?"

As cryptic as it is, a feeling of dread washes over me because I know this has something to do with me.

"Rose, what did you do?"

A throat clearing interrupts us. It's mom, and she's standing with her cell phone outstretched to me. "Edward honey, it's your father."

I look between Rose and the phone. She's on the verge of tears and my heart is beating so hard in my chest, I feel sick. Putting the phone up to my ear I croak out, "Hey dad. Are the girls ready?"

_"Hey son. I tried calling your phone."_ He sounds a lot like me.

"Yeah, um I forgot it upstairs. What's going on?"

_"I need you to come to the hospital."_

"What happened?"

_"…It's Bella."_

I feel woozy and I have to sit down. "What's wrong?"

_"We'll talk when you get here."_

My hands tremble as I disconnect from my father. My breathing becomes frantic and panic rises up in me, threatening to tear me apart. This can't happen again…I can't lose anyone else. I drop my face into my hands and try to calm myself.

"Edward, honey…What happened?" Mom embraces me, her worry doubled after seeing my reaction.

"Something…happened to Bella. Dad wants me to come up to the hospital now." I shudder just thinking about it. They told me she was fine before I left… I should never have left.

"We're going with you." Alice says.

"Good, because I don't think I can drive there by myself."

Somewhere in my brain, the rational side, screams at me not to panic. I wish for a moment that I wasn't riding in the car; that I wasn't on my way to the hospital for what could be the news that will break me in half. So many things ran through my mind, and none of them were happy thoughts. My future depends on what I find when I get there.

I couldn't shut my mind off fast enough as mom pulls into an empty parking space—I'm out of the car and hurrying into the hospital like a mad man. I curse the elevator because it's running too slow. When I finally get to the fourth floor my fear triples when I see both my father and Dr. Cope in what seems like a heated discussion.

My stomach clenches. "Dad?"

"Son," Dad took me into his arms. I knew it was something horrible then. "Try to calm down."

"Just give it to me straight, _please_." I take several deep breaths to prepare myself for the worst.

"…This morning a nurse went in to check on Bella. She wasn't there."

"What do you mean?"

"It's like she vanished into thin air. No one saw her leave." Dr. Cope says.

"You think she just ran? What if someone took her?" As I say it I know it's not true. Bella would never let someone take her against her will without making a scene. Believe me, I know.

"There's no sign of struggle in her room. Her bag is gone."

Everything hits me like a ton of bricks. She did this on purpose…No she wouldn't leave me like this?

"Son, Children and Family Services have been called. Because Bella left she has automatically relinquished her rights. They'll be taking the baby into their custody."

"What? No! I want her dad!"

"I don't know if that's an option son. These kinds of things are tricky."

"She's mine. She belongs with me." I say with conviction. I want this whole fucking hospital to know how much I love that little girl, and how hard I will fight for her.

"Can you do this, son? This won't be easy."

"I don't expect it to. All I know is that I'm Claire's father no matter what, and I won't let them take her away from me."

Dad regards the finality in my tone and can only nod. "If that's what you want we'll get everything figured out."

Every cloud has a silver lining. I thought my love for Bella was enough to make her stay with me…Now look what she's done. She's just caused more anguish.

Did I not mean anything to her?

Did we, my family, her baby, not mean anything?

I collapse into a chair in the waiting room. My mother, sister, and sister-in-law are right there in an instant. "Where's Bella?" Mom asks.

"She's gone."

"Gone where?"

"Gone as in she's not coming back."

I listen to their tears and worry….Breaking my heart piece by piece.

"We have to find her Edward. She belongs here with us. She can't take care of herself-"

"...She made her decision."

_It's over._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: If I still have any readers I want to say thank you for sticking with this. I do still have a little writers block with this story but I'm pushing through it. Let me know what you think. **

**I'll see you guys next time…**


	29. Chapter 29

**I know it's been forever. Writers block sucks but I'm pushing through it. I got a great response to the last chapter, and I know a lot of you are wondering why Bella didn't just relinquish her rights to Edward. It was a mistake on her part, she wasn't thinking about anything but running. Don't worry, everything will work itself out.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 29<p>

BPOV

My eyelids are heavy, but sleep is the last thing I want to do. Powdery snow swirls past the window I've been staring out of since boarding the ragged but efficient Greyhound bus. For seventy-five dollars I secured a one way ticket to Portland, Oregon. I don't know what I'll do when I get there…When I boarded the bus I didn't think my measly savings would get me by for long and I started to panic—that was until I found an envelope stuffed in one of the pockets in my bag as the bus started rolling. Through tear laden eyes I counted five thousand dollars.

_Rosalie, that crazy bitch._

She's been too kind to me. Maybe one day we'll cross paths, and I'll pay her back every cent.

There are ten people on the bus including myself. We're all quiet, lost in our own thoughts I suppose—scattered around the bus with no one person sitting too close to the other. The heater on the bus is either broken or faulty because the tip of my nose is freezing, and even through my heavy clothes and winter coat, I'm chilled to the bone.

My body aches…I'm tired…I'm scared…I miss Edward…I miss my baby.

Self-sacrifice is a bitter pill to swallow. I've only had to worry about myself when running away, never having to look back because there was nothing holding me there…But I've literally left my heart in Seattle. As cruel as that city may have been to me, it also gave me Edward and a family that was too good to be true. They'll always be a part of my life, a time I was truly happy.

Of course I feel horrible for what I've done…I never thought I'd admit it, but I do feel heavy remorse. My leaving had to happen in order for Edward and I to move forward. Hours of thinking brought me here, to this place where I realize we were holding each other back.

Edward was in love with the idea of me.

I was blinded by the comfort he gave…But past demons are what motivated our relationship. I truly believe that.

Rosalie told me the story because Edward couldn't.

A few weeks before I went into labor we were out at lunch—Rosalie spilled everything. How his wife had slipped into depression after the car accident killed their child and left her barren. She became an alcoholic and spiraled out of control, which ultimately led to her death.

I had already pieced some things together on my own, but hearing it from her mouth was hard.

My poor, loving Edward wasn't over Jane's suicide. What a traumatic experience to come home and find the love of your life dead in a bathtub, her heart no longer beating because she made the decision to stop it permanently. There's no way he can be over that—it makes so much sense. Him taking me and keeping me in his home, taking care of me, loving me and my unborn child…He was using me to fill the empty gap in his heart that his wife's death left behind.

I was a needed distraction for a man who was tormented by his own self- imposed loneliness, and I'm okay with that. In turn, he was the same for me. I'm a scared nine year old girl trapped in a woman's body that's fucked up by her past. In his arms I found what I needed; comfort, protection, strength…and love.

But our relationship was toxic. We couldn't truly open up to each other and with both of us having suffered through such frightening experiences it was only a matter of time before everything blew up in our faces. I could feel it happening—feeling stifled by his constant need to be right there at all times, dependent on it even. He didn't want to be away from me ever. Sometimes it was like that for me too, especially coming up on the end of my pregnancy.

It wasn't healthy to continue down that path, and yes I made the decision to take myself out of the equation entirely. I took away his choices when I left and as selfish as it may be it had to be done, because I'm sure sooner or later we would have fallen apart anyway.

My leaving was necessary if only to heal my mind and find my way, not through prostitution, but through actually living as normal of a life as I can. There are things that I want, like getting my GED, going to college and majoring in something that I love…The only thing I truly love is cooking. I'm good at that—maybe I'll go to culinary school. No, I have to be more realistic. Whatever I decide to do I know it will alter the rest of my life…I'm looking forward to it.

"Excuse me Miss?" A throat clears beside me. My head whipped around at the sound and I peer up at a man with wary eyes. I immediately go into defense mode. _What does he want? Why is he talking to me? _

He's older, maybe in his late fifties. His skin is wrinkled and his salt and pepper beard covers most of his face. My nervous eyes meet his. "Is this yours?" He holds out a shaky hand, a small golden locket dangles from it.

There's no doubt that the necklace is mine—the stupid necklace that the police gave to me after Renee died. I don't know why I've carried the damn thing around with me for so long… The mystery of what I may find inside has to be why I haven't tossed it by now.

I reach out and gently take the necklace from the kind old man. "Thanks."

"Your welcome ma'am. You make sure to keep up with it now, I'd hate for you to lose it."

I want to tell him that I could give zero fucks if I lost it since it belonged to the devil herself, but I swiftly nod and tangle it up in my hand. He smiles and shuffles back to his seat.

I roll the smooth texture of the gold locket and chain around in my hand. For the first time in years I actually look at it. On the outside it's a simple gold heart, but when I look closer there are small swirls etched into it. I turn it over and again note the same. It's quite pretty, which is odd because anything Renee owned tended to be gaudy and flashy, you know, tacky. To know that she wore something like this around her neck each day in all its simplicity is a little strange.

With a deep breath I decide to open the forbidden locket. In the years since her death I've been tempted but never had the courage to actually look inside. _So why now?_ Is it because I've finally realized that Renee is gone and she's not coming back? The bitch can't threaten to cut off my fingers now…

I flick the sides of the heart apart and slowly open it…

_CS_

_RH_

_Forever_

Whoa, didn't expect that.

I don't know—I was thinking more along the lines of a tiny bomb exploding in my face, or a picture of her devilish mug staring back at me…But this? I feel stupid for being so afraid to open it all these years.

_RH,_ well that must stand for Renee Higginbotham…I can't think of anything it could possibly be.

But who the hell is _CS_?

Did that bastard Phil know his woman wore a necklace with another man's initials etched into it? Assuming it's a man's initials—I don't think Renee swung _that_ way. I mean, obviously whoever this person is was important to her at some point in her life or else she wouldn't have guarded the locket so fiercely. She didn't have any close friends…

I'm at a complete loss…

As all these thoughts rush to my head I feel the bus jerk and slow down. The driver Stew, as he wants to be called, announced we would be taking a thirty minute pit stop in a small town called Port Angeles. The short dumpy man stood and stretched before sliding the door open and stepping off. A few people got up to exit the bus and I decided I better use the bathroom and get a snack. I stood with my bag, my stomach still heavy and protruding outward, and moved down the small isle toward the exit. It was snowing pretty heavily when I stepped outside and from the looks of the clouds overhead it wasn't stopping anytime soon.

* * *

><p>EPOV<p>

My head is spinning.

Our family lawyer is going over my options on what I'll likely have to do in order to get Claire back. He droned on and on for hours…hours I could have spent fighting for my daughter. It doesn't matter that I signed her birth certificate as her father, I'm not blood and it wasn't enough for DCFS to allow me to keep her. In their eyes she was abandoned and therefore a ward of the state.

Little do those bastards know, I'm going to fight for that little girl. I'll fight so hard they won't know what hit them.

_Damn you Bella—why did you do this?_

I can't sleep…I can't eat…Not only am I fighting for Claire but I'm also fighting for my sanity. I'm back to square one. Before Bella I was lost in my own loneliness, missing a wife who selfishly chose to leave me behind. And then I meet a woman who made me feel alive again. She tested me, made me question myself on many occasions, but she taught me so much. She taught me how to love again, truly and deeply. Bella administered the ultimate betrayal, and for what? Because she's scared?

We all get scared, but it doesn't help to keep running when the going gets tough. She left me and her daughter behind because, like Jane, she's selfish. Bella has never depended on anyone to help her, and I had hoped that the time we were together she learned to trust that I would take care of her. It wasn't enough obviously because she still left.

I'm sad…I'm angry…I'm pissed the fuck off.

"Are you listening Edward?" It takes me a moment to realize Jenks is talking to me. When I acknowledge him my lack of a reply is enough to let him know I wasn't listening, and in fact he's taking too fucking long.

"I was saying that in applying to be a foster parent you will have to complete a pre-service and training application. You'll need letters of reference, criminal record checks, verification of income-"

"For what? Why do I need to do all of this? I had a relationship with her mother—I signed her birth certificate for crying out loud!"

"Edward, please calm down." My father rests a hand on my shoulder and I immediately reel in my anger. I'm glad he's here with me because I slowly feel like I'm losing my grip.

"I know this is a lot to take in and I'm sorry for what you're feeling, but these are the rules. We want to make sure that you have everything you need when it's time to get her back." Jenks said, looking sadly at me. I don't want his pity.

"How long do you think all of this will take?" My dad asked.

"The process is different for everyone. Sometimes it can take a few months, sometimes a few years."

My last bit of restraint was crushed. "A few years? Are you kidding me? That's my daughter you're talking about. I need her back, NOW!"

"Edward-"

"No dad I can't sit around wasting time. The longer I wait means there's a chance that somebody out there will get my daughter. I want her here with me!"

"We have to follow the rules son. It's the only way."

"No, it can't be the only way."

"Mr. Cullen? Would you happen to know anyone in your family who is a foster parent?" Jenks asked my father.

"Well, Esme and I were foster parents, but-"

His words hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Since when?"

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, much like I do when under pressure. "Do you remember little Maria?"

"Our cousin?" She was a cute little thing; black curly hair, olive skin, and the brightest blue eyes I had ever seen. She lived with us for a while one summer…I think I was ten.

"Well, that's what we told you kids. We were Maria's foster parents. Her mother was our friend and she was going through a difficult time. She asked your mother and I if we would take Maria and raise her. Of course we couldn't say no, she was so young and I couldn't think about her being out there with people she didn't know. So we went through the process and were granted custody but it only lasted through the summer…That was such a long time ago."

"Would you be willing to take guardianship of the baby until Edward can complete all that he needs?" Jenks asks my father.

"Of course. We'll help in any way that we can."

"Why didn't you say anything, dad?" This could have maybe been avoided had he spoken sooner. Having Claire ripped from my arms about killed me and he was by my side the entire time. He picked me up off the floor when I fell to my knees in grief…He's been doing so much for me—if he would have said something, maybe they wouldn't have taken her. Maybe they would've given me more time.

"I really didn't think it was an option. That was some eighteen years ago son. The question is, are we even still considered as foster parents?"

"I'll check around." Jenks rifles through his brief case.

"You'd really do this, dad?"

He smiles so proudly it's infectious. "Do you even have to ask? We want her here with us. If you're sure this is what you want then I'm all in."

I can't help myself; I throw my arms around him.

"Great," Jenks says, "I'll make the call."

* * *

><p>BPOV<p>

"Alright folks, it looks like this storm isn't letting up. We're approaching the city of Forks as we speak and unfortunately I will have to stop here for the night. I have called ahead to the Forks Lodge Hotel where they are graciously willing to accommodate you. I'm sorry for the inconvenience."

Stupid, dumb snow messing up my plans. I guess my desire to get out of Washington isn't happening as fast as I want it to.

Forks is a small, deserted town. It looked to have one major street and a few buildings here and there…Depressing is what I call it. The folks at the Forks Lodge Hotel were so glad that they had visitors they offered the rooms up for free. Myself and the other nine strangers disbursed.

My room is number 4.

It was small and smelled musky, like it had been closed up for a long time. I sit my things on the bed and look around. A small couch in front of an even smaller window is to my right; the bathroom is to my left. Hey, it's a step up from the crappy hotels I lived out of for years.

The bruises underneath my eyes are awful. My boobs are the size of melons and hurt like a bitch. It doesn't hit me until I've showered and turned out all the lights that I'm so tired, and sleep comes easy.

.

.

.

The next day comes and it doesn't look like we're going anywhere. The snow hasn't stopped; in fact I think it's doubled. I brave the cold and walk to a small store where I grab a bag of chips and a Pepsi; I figure it would hold me over for a while. I huddle up in my hotel room for the rest of the day.

.

.

.

After the second day of being stranded in this little town I start to get antsy. The bus can't move because the snow is too high and the roads are too slick. Unfortunately I can't get out of the hotel so a complimentary breakfast, lunch, and dinner are served in the dining room of the hotel, which is rarely used I overhear. I kind of feel bad for them.

I eat alone, never getting too close to anyone.

That night as I lay in bed, listening to the wind howl outside the small window, it feels as though this snow is trying to keep me here. I try…I try so hard not to think about Edward. Tears spring to my eyes and the knot in my throat swells—I miss him, so fucking much.

.

.

.

I look up and down the street, and there's nobody to be seen.

Of course not, it's the third freaking day of being stuck in this god forsaken town and the snow is just letting up. About nine at night my stomach is grumbling. I can't take any more of the horrible crap the hotel is passing off as food, so I decide to brave the weather once again and go search for something to eat.

Right next door was Forks Diner, not sure why I hadn't noticed it before. One of the strangers from the bus is sitting in a booth drinking coffee—I offer him a small smile and find my own seat in the back.

"Good evening sweetheart. The name's Mary. What can I get cha'?" A short woman with brown hair carrying a pot of coffee and smacking on a piece of gum is breathing down my neck before I can even remove my coat.

Talk about prompt service.

I scan the menu. "What's good here?"

"Everything darling. You look like a burger and fry girl and we make some of the best in these parts." She smiles smugly. That gets my mouth watering.

"Sounds great. I'll take a cheeseburger then."

"Sure. What can I get you to drink?"

"Water is fine."

"Sure. I'll be right back."

Prompt service indeed.

Two seconds later she's back. "Here you are sweetie." She places a large cup of water on the table.

"Thanks."

"You here visiting?" She asks, obnoxiously popping her gum.

"Uh, no. My bus had to stop here because of the storm."

"Oh, where ya headin'?"

I don't want to be rude…I could easily tell her to fuck off but I'm trying to be more positive.

"I'm sorry; I don't mean to be in your business. We don't get to see many new faces around here often. You look so familiar." She eyes me, focusing on my face like she's seen me before.

"I'm not from around here."

"I know but you bare a striking resemblance to someone I know…Oh well, you enjoy now."

"Thanks." I watch her disappear into the back of the diner.

What does she mean I look familiar?

A huge burger with all the fixings and a separate plate of fries is placed in front of me. This may possibly change my life…I roll up my sleeves, take a deep breath, and bite right down into my burger.

Talk about blow your fucking mind!

It could be that I haven't properly eaten in days but I scarf down my food like an animal. I don't even care that I see Mary smiling from behind the counter at the sight of me devouring everything in my sight. Again with her prompt service she brings me a piece of berry cobbler and ice cream, on the house.

"Any girl who can eat an entire diner burger is a champ in my book." She says with a wink.

I'm finishing off the last of my cobbler when the bell above the door jingles. A tall man steps in, but my eyes don't linger enough to catch sight of his face.

"Well, if it isn't the chief. The usual?"

"You know it."

Once I'm finished I flag down Mary with a satisfied smile. "All finished sweet?"

"Yeah, everything was great."

"I'm glad to hear that." I take notice for the first time how cute and petite she is. She stands by the table wearing a plain white tee and jeans and she looks so comfortable I'm jealous. Her brown hair is up in a hairnet and she wore a perky smile as she talks to me. Her eyes are a deep chocolate brown, kind of like mine oddly enough.

She's checking me out too, not in a weird way though. She's not hitting on me or anything, it's more like she's trying to figure me out—and I find that I'm doing the same.

Breaking our little stare down I ask, "Can I have the check?"

"Yep," she responds with a shake of her head. "I'll go get that for you." She doesn't move right away, but when she does it's with slow, unsure steps.

Something heavy has settled into the air—it's making me nervous.

"Renee?"

My head snaps up with a surge of panic. That name…that damn name inflicts fear in me even now. I look around for the voice and come eye to eye with the tall man I heard Mary call Chief. He's standing at the counter but his entire body is facing me.

"Excuse me?"

Can he see the panic in my eyes?

Can he tell how terrified just hearing that name makes me?

"I'm sorry," he sighs," I thought you were someone I know."

Just as Mary came back to give me the check I watch with bated breath as he does a double take between the two of us.

"Here you are sweet." She follows my gaze and almost stumbles back into the seat across from me.

What the hell is going on?

Renee? He called me Renee!

Why did he call me that name?

Mary's eyes switch back and forth, along with my eyes, and the eyes of this chief guy.

I have to know…I have to know why he called me that. "Excuse me?" I move to stand between the two of them because I want his undivided attention. As I move closer, my heart about to burst out of my chest, he looks at me and it's like looking at myself.

_Oh…My…_

"Why did you call me Renee?"

He gives me a funny look, almost like he doesn't want to tell me. "You…you…remind me of someone I used to know-"

"Renee Higgenbothem." I blurt out. Shock registers in his face. The same I'm sure is reflected in mine.

"Who are you?" I'm swelling with tears, with rage, with absolute astonishment. This can't be happening. Not here—in this Podunk town that I've never heard of.

"My name is Charlie…Swan."

Swan…

"Are you Isabella?" He asks, but he didn't need to because I already know he knows who I am. The question is how?

"I go by Bella. How…" I trail off as the gravity of the situation settles on me.

There's a sudden intake of breath beside me. I don't even have to look, I know its Mary.

He clears his throat. "We've never met, but I do know you."

I take a step back, bumping into the table I was sitting at. "Dude you're freaking me out. How do you know me?"

"Charlie?" Mary gives him this _are you sure_ kind of look. He gently nods, never once looking away from me.

We have the same eyes…All three of us. His has a sort of haziness to them that can best be described as a mist that you see hanging in cool air in early morning fog. His skin is smooth aside from the crow's feet forming around his eyes. Brown hair cut kind of short on his head and a severe mustache on his upper lip… I can see some of my features.

I know what's coming before he even says it. "Well, I don't know how to say this but…Bella, I'm your father."

_Father?_

Such a foreign word and yet it floors me to my very core. It swirls around me; where nothing makes sense but I'm floating between reality and all the lies I've been told. It's real—it's really happening.

The snow kept me here for a reason.

"You're…you're…CS?"

It hits me like a ray of light…And then, everything goes black.

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><p><strong>AN: Took me long enough right. Well I hope you guys liked it. Sorry if it's rushed and predictable, I'm trying to move it along. Let me know what you think, and I would also love to hear some of your thoughts about where you think the story is headed. Until next time lovelies…MUAH**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: (Peeks around the corner) Anyone here? Yep, it's me! So…it's been awhile. No long author's note only that I'm picking up where I left off and hopefully you guys enjoy. See you at the bottom.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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><p>Chapter 30<p>

EPOV

_"Once upon a time there was a beautiful little girl named Claire. She was the most special girl in the world, and her daddy loved her so much..."_

I lay my lips against soft skin and sniff curly jet black hair. Sweet, like a baby is supposed to smell. To explain the level of joy I feel coursing through my veins with each moment spent watching this perfect being grow before my eyes, it just can't be explained.

Claire Isabella Cullen.

Sounds good doesn't it?

Well, I think so.

The process of getting Claire back into our custody was no easy feat. For two weeks the state gave us the run around claiming that if the baby were to be in my parent's custody, there were stipulations we had to adhere to. One being she would have to be in their care; so that meant I couldn't take her home with me. Until my daughter was back in her rightful place I worked hard in the process to make sure I had done everything I could possibly do.

I'd been before the judge to plead my case. I think he saw how much I loved Claire so he took pity on me, and it didn't hurt that I told him that Bella had been living with me and we were romantically involved. I explained how she wanted my family to take the baby.

So finally, after much crying and praying my parents were granted temporary custody until the adoption proceedings started. My mother and father are excited to have her in their home since they love her just about as much as I do, but ultimately they're allowing me to make decisions because she's my daughter, therefore my responsibility. I went home, packed a suitcase, and returned to my parents where I've been staying and plan to stay for the time being.

I've completed the pre-service and training application, gotten letters of reference, criminal background record checks, so on and so forth. As of this moment I'm still in limbo. But I refuse to be down about it, my daughter is in my arms and that's all I care about right now.

This little girl inspires me to be a better.

A better person.

A better friend.

A better brother, son, **father**.

Alice, mom, and Rosalie have been a godsend, let me tell you. It's not easy taking care of a baby when you have no prior knowledge. There have been many sleepless nights. During those times is when I think about the absence of Bella the most.

I won't say that her leaving didn't devastate me...In fact it crippled me. Claire took most of the ache away but at night when I'm alone in bed, I can't stop thinking and worrying about her. My fear that she's back out there selling herself is always at the forefront of my thoughts, and then I begin to panic that she's hurt or cold, or sick.

I refuse to believe that because she has survived before, she'll continue down that path in the same way. I'm transported back to the first time I saw her...And how I had to save her life within those few hours. I know there's still so much I don't know about her life because even after how close we became she was still so ashamed of what had happened to her, but was that reason enough to leave me? To leave all of this?

And maybe I'm being selfish because I love her so much and I'm afraid... NO, that can't make me selfish. Maybe I drove her away...Yeah, that has to be it. I drove her to this, because I wanted it all with her without considering her feelings. She told me so many times that this wasn't what she wanted, but I pushed.

I pushed so hard I'm surprised she hadn't left sooner.

She's gone, but on the bright side I have a part of her with me in Claire.

"Hey Ed! Dinner is ready." Alice bounced into the room.

I'll never understand how she can be so hyper all of the time. I mean really, no one has that much energy unless something is seriously wrong...And the more I watch my sister speed around the room tidying things up I'm starting to believe my theory.

"Ok, let me change her and we'll be down." I lay Claire on her changing table. Alice appeared right at my side with a diaper in one hand and wipes in the other. If she had another hand it would be holding the powder.

Claire whimpered as I tried to change her without jostling her too much. I've become quite good at it if I do say so myself. Those first few times without my mom's help were pretty terrible, but I've learned some tricks and now what took me minutes to accomplish has been slashed down to about five seconds, ten if she's poopy.

What can I say, I'm good with multitasking.

"She's such a good baby." Alice cooed leaning down to kiss Claire on the nose.

Since bringing her home it's been baby fever around here. I notice the way my sister and sister-in-law stare at Claire with longing. Their ovaries are singing, Emmett and Jasper better watch out.

As soon as I've finished cleaning Claire, Alice picks her up and cradles her to her chest.

"What are you doing?" I ask watching Alice shuffle through clothes in Claire's closet.

"I'm changing her outfit."

"Why?" She had on perfectly fine footie pj's.

"Because she should be wearing something cute, not pajamas with cows on them." She turned her nose up in disgust. I thought they were kind of cute.

She settled on a poufy pink dress she must have bought and snuck in to the closet when I wasn't looking. She dressed Claire and clipped a big pink flower to her small head. "There! Doesn't she look just adorable?"

_Uhhhhhh..._

"Jeez Alice, lighten up on all the pink. She looks like a bottle of Pepto Bismal."

"No she doesn't. She's beautiful."

"Take that stupid flower off of her head, it's too big." I try to pull it off but Alice bit at my fingers.

"You're a fucking dog now?"

"Leave it!"

"Fine!"

I'm not going to fight the poodle princess, but as soon as I can I'm going to throw that stupid flower away; and any other stupid accessory Alice brings in here.

We make it down to dinner just as Mom is setting down the pot roast. My stomach reacts immediately growling. I can't wait to dig in.

"Oh, look at the pretty princess." Mom took Claire from Alice and kissed her sweetly on the cheeks. Rosalie walked in and her face instantly brightened at the sight of the baby. The three women started speaking in that high pitched baby voice-fucking annoying if you ask me. I think the men agree.

Sure my Dad, Jas, and Em love Claire just as much as their wives, but we've yet to understand the baby talk.

We all settle down at the dinner table to eat.

Rose has made Claire a bottle and is content with feeding her instead of eating her own dinner.

"Hey Ed, Dad scored some basketball tickets for next Friday." Em said in between bites.

"Yeah son. It's a Wizards game and I know they suck but they were cheap and I thought all the guys could go." Dad smiled.

"Oh," I sit down my fork on the edge of my plate, "Um, that sounds great but you know I can't go."

"And why is that?"

"I'm not leaving Claire."

"Edward. You have to leave the house sometime." Alice frowned looking at me. She knows how I don't like to be too far from my baby.

"Where am I going to go Alice? I'm a father now. I want to spend as much time with Claire as possible."

"But you need a break Edward." My father piped in. "Now listen, I think it's time you re-evaluate your priorities son." He was calm but his intent was evident. He opened the floodgates and all the frustration we all have been feeling these past weeks is liable to come out.

"Carlisle this isn't the time." Mom said stroking his arm.

"No, this is the perfect time. What's on your mind, Dad?" I sit back in my chair and give him my undivided attention. It's what he wants right?

"Well son, I think it's time you get a job." Before I could object he silenced me with his hand. "Listen to me, please. I know you don't necessarily have to work another day in your life, but son I think isolating yourself away from the world isn't good. You don't go anywhere, you don't do anything. I know it's been hard on you since your wife died-"

"Don't bring her into this." I warn him. "You guys always do that to me...Whenever I'm not doing something to your liking you have to bring up Jane's death. I know she's dead damn it! I've dealt with it the best way I know how."

"But I don't think you're dealing with it." He continued. My mother grabbed his hand and shook her head, begging him to stop.

"That's easy for you to say, Dad, you've never lost someone. You don't know how it feels and obviously you're going to work hard to make sure I never forget." I don't want to talk about this anymore.

"I'm not trying to do that son, and it saddens me that you would think such a thing."

"You always bring it up! All of you do! Not all the time, but anytime we get on the subject of my personal life someone always says _I know it's been hard since your wife died..._ I have moved on, or at least I was trying damn hard to. Now, yeah I'm kind of depressed, but it's not just because of Jane and you know it." I stand from my chair having lost my appetite.

"And another thing, what I choose to do with my life is my business. I appreciate everything you guys have done for me. I don't need you telling me about how bad isolating myself away from the world is, or how I've become a shell of a man. Try losing the two most important people in your life and see how well you handle it. I'm not the same Edward I was before Jane died, and I'm not the same Edward I was becoming when Bella was here...If you can't accept that then you can't accept me."

I stormed off upstairs not caring to hear anything else from any of them. As I walk into my bedroom and close the door I let out a tired breath. I can do no more than slump into a chair and bury my head in my hands, searching for anything that would turn this around. I didn't mean to get so upset with Dad, and I really owe so much to them for always being there for me...But they have to understand that I've tried...

I'm trying.

It's fucking hard...

I wake up and go to sleep and my heart is happy because I have Claire...But then the constant reminders of what I've lost are heavy. It won't go away. The pain, does it ever really go away?

"Edward." I caught a glimpse of Mom peeking into the room. I wave her in. She comes to sit on the edge of my bed and I know she's waiting for me to open up.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go off like that." I said quietly and contritely.

"I'm sorry you're suffering so much sweetheart." We were quiet for a beat. "I'm scared for her Edward."

"I am too, Mom."

"Do you think she's…." My head came up and I watched her fumble with her wedding ring.

"I hope not."

"I always keep a look out for her when I'm driving around." She smiled softly, and I can almost see my mother scanning every street corner on her way to work and on the way back.

I relaxed somewhat back into the chair with a smirk. "What will you do if you find her?"

"Grab her by the head, push her into the car and bring her back. She should be here with you and her baby Edward."

I agree, but it's a little too much to hope for.

"Mom, you know as well as I do that Bella never wanted this."

"That may be true, but that didn't give her a reason for not at least saying goodbye. We were good to her…We love her."

I know mom...I know.

"Would you have let her go without a fight?"

She glanced at me with the saddest look on her face. It almost brought me to tears. "No."

I nod, because I knew that's what she would say. "At least something good has come out of this right?"

"Claire is lucky to have you." She smiled, and somehow I felt light again. Like maybe if I focus all my energy into being a great dad to Claire, I won't dwell so much of what I've lost.

"No, I'm lucky to have her."

Mom stood and held out her hand to me. "Come on. We're going to discuss our summer trip home."

I stand and pull her into a hug. My mom may be the only girl who can clear my mind and make me see that even the hardest things aren't invincible, they just take time. And it will take time.

"It's that time already huh?"

"Yep. Good ol' Forks, here we come."

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><p><strong>AN: So, not a very long chapter. Probably not very entertaining but I've had this sitting around for a little while now and I thought I should post it. Let me know what you guys think. Do you love it…Does it suck? I appreciate the feedback.**


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: OMG…Did I just post another chapter? Yep, I'm back quicker than I thought I would be. To clear up any confusion, the last chapter takes place a few weeks after Bella left. Now, were going to time jump and pick up with Bella. Hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot!**

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><p>Chapter 31<p>

BPOV

_Three months later..._

"ORDER UP!"

"Bella, table three needs more coffee."

"I got it. Let me drop this off." I grab the plates of hot eggs, bacon, and toast and scurry around the crowded diner to table number two. Two teenage guys smile as I serve them and I roll my eyes at their obvious failing flirtation.

I move on to table three, an older couple who for the past two hours have been demanding more coffee. Fuck, how many cups do they need, seriously? The old woman keeps complaining that the coffee is too strong and yet it hasn't stopped her from guzzling down five cups. Her husband, he's just as worse, except he's not as vocal.

I pour them another cup and slap on a smile. "Are you ready for the check?"

"You ready Eileen?"

"Let me drink this last cup, George." The lady rolled her eyes at her husband. I stifle a laugh and walk off, but not before hearing her complain about how strong the coffee is.

Yep...Just another day at Forks Diner.

This is my life now-totally unexpected in a _I never saw this coming _kind of way, but a vast improvement from the road I once traveled on. It hasn't been easy; I won't even entertain the idea that it's been all sunshine and roses since I've been here. No, I was only supposed to be passing through on my way to Portland; not getting stranded in this little town and finding two of the most important people in my life right now.

The night I met Charlie and Mary it was...Well I fainted...But when I came to, the shock was almost enough to make me pass out again. I couldn't believe it-I awoke with a wide range of emotions that hit me all at once.

_I think I was entitled to that. _

I'd just met a man who claimed to be my father, and an aunt who really wasn't that much older than me. I didn't know how I was supposed to react to that shit without feeling like I was going out of my fucking mind.

My father...

My fucking father...Charlie Swan.

They brought me home, to Charlie's. Mary lived down the street but she wanted to stay with me. All I can remember from that night is this huge weight pressing down on my chest, just recalling all that I've been through and always wanting to know why my father wasn't there. I can remember cursing the unknown man for leaving me behind with those horrible people. I can remember praying to God as a little girl after I lost Gran, asking why no one loved me...Why my own mother and father hated me so much. All Renee ever told me was that he was a no good coward who didn't deserve her love. She created this image in my mind of someone who was just as terrible as she was, and I hated him.

_Not everyone has good memories of their father. _

But, I have none...

And what I expected was for him to tell me he didn't want me-to push me away. I'm the bastard child he never knew so why would he want me? Instead he held me tighter. We cried for hours or at least I did. I was a fucking puddle of tears and snot but I didn't care, this was fucking life changing. My father, the man I'd always wanted to know kicked down the crumbling cement around my heart and showed me what a father can truly be.

I cried until there were no tears left-so to replace that emotion I got angry. I was so fucking angry and I don't think Mary or Charlie could blame me. They didn't know my story and it'd be a long time before I told them that shit, but I know they aren't dumb. They know something bad happened to me and for that they let me have that time to myself.

_**I hate Renee. **_

_**I hate how she treated me. I hate how she lied to me over and over. **_

_**I'm glad she's dead because if she wasn't, I'd kill her.**_

Mary didn't allow me to stew for long. She brought me back from the darkness I hadn't realized that five days had passed since they brought me to Charlie's, and I stunk. Mary had been by the hotel to get my things. She forced me into the shower, not once asking about my bulging stomach or my leaking boobs.

Afterward I felt a lot better. The pressure on my chest not as heavy as it had been.

Each day I got to know more about the two people who literally changed my life in an instant.

My Aunt Mary is twenty nine years old, but you'd never be able to tell by just looking at her. She's a lot like me, before I got pregnant. Short, slender, and full of attitude. She and Charlie are thirteen years apart. Their father, my grandfather Daniel Swan, had an affair on Charlie's mother, my grandmother Peggy-Lee, with a young woman who didn't live in the area. When Mary, whose real name is Katherine Mary-Ann Swan was born her mother died a few hours later from complications-she had listed Daniel Swan as the father. Before they knew it a little baby girl was at their door.

I can't imagine what that would be like having been married for all of those years to a man that you assumed had always been faithful to you, and then one day that drastically changes. But, Peggy-Lee accepted the baby as her own and they raised her until their death.

Charlie being the older brother was very protective of his little sister. They look and act so much alike you'd never know they didn't have the same mother. When she was two he started calling her Mary. He'd said, Katherine was too girly and Mary-Ann was too much of a mouthful like his mother's name, but Mary fit her best. She hates being called Katherine just as much as I hate being called Isabella...That doesn't mean I don't slip up here and there on purpose to ruffle her feathers.

"Stop daydreaming girl and go deliver this to table five."

Speaking of Mary, the little troll is a ball buster. She got me a job here at the Diner as a waitress just like her. A girl had quit and they really needed the help, so the manager Lucky Gunther _(yes that's his real name)_ went out on a leaf and offered me the job. I have zero experience waiting tables, but after a few days of trial and error I picked it up. I actually enjoy it...I can't say that I've ever enjoyed much in my life.

I take the plates out to table five like she'd asked and sat them down in front of the patrons. I hear a crash to my left; a child had knocked over his oatmeal on the floor.

Blowing the hair from my face that had fallen from my ponytail...It's going to be a long fucking day.

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><p>When I get home at about five in the evening the house is silent. Charlie is still at work so I have a few hours to kill before I need to make him dinner. He tells me each day that I don't have to do that for him-that he can just pick something up from one of the fast food places around here; and each day I remind him that it's the least I can do seeing as he's letting me live here for free and over the three months he's been more than generous with providing me clothes and any necessities I may need. No questions asked.<p>

_Like I said, it's the least I can do._

I feel like I'm taking advantage of his kindness though. This time last year I might have taken him for all he's worth, but the new me has her reservations. Who saw that coming? The day I, Bella Swan, don't like taking money and gifts from a man. But this isn't some john I'm fucking in a back alley for twenty bucks... He means so much to me and this deep seeded need to make him proud makes it impossible to feel good that he wants to help me. I should be helping myself. That's why I ran away from Seattle and now I feel that I'm back to square one.

I sit on the living room sofa in a deep melancholy, thinking back over my day...Thinking back over well, these months that have passed me by.

I left everything behind in December so that I could find myself, and I end up finding my family. January brought a new year, and more what if's about the decision I made that eventually brought me here. February and now March have brought some serious changes, like getting a job and meeting new people who all flock around Chief Swan's long lost daughter. They don't know my past and though many ask questions I only tell them that I was lost for a long time, and now I've found my way home.

This has to be my home because...I miss him...I fucking miss him...I don't know if home is still there, in Seattle, and I'm worried that pinning all my hopes on feeling could be setting myself up for an even bigger fall.

My home is small town Forks; where it rains constantly and I don't know if I'll ever see the sun, but I'm ok with that.

_I have to be._

A short time later after a shower and a nap, I begin dinner. Tonight, meatloaf is on the menu and I have a new recipe I want to try. As much as Charlie complains, he loves my cooking. Praises it all the time to his friends and I've actually had the chance to cook for his best buddy Billy Black. He's Quileute Indian and a picky eater, but when I made my chicken and rice for him he vowed to try anything I wanted to make him.

I'm just finishing up my homemade sour cream mashed potatoes and turning off the corn when I hear Charlie and Mary walking into the house. I didn't expect her to be here tonight.

"Hey Bells." Charlie kisses my cheek. He looks tired and hungry, and in need of a beer.

"How about you go put on some comfy clothes and I'll bring your food out to you. The game is still on."

"You're too good to me baby doll." He ruffles my hair.

I'm pulling the meatloaf out of the oven when my sassy Aunt saunters in. She's all done up in her short skirt and sky high heels.

"I thought you had a hot date tonight." I asked looking her over. It's like looking in a mirror sometimes.

"I do, but I couldn't miss out on meatloaf." She bumped my hip with hers and grabbed a plate.

"I don't see how you have the energy to go out after working all day. I'm fucking tired."

"That's because it's still new to you. I've been waitressing since I was fifteen. My feet don't hurt anymore."

Yeah, I can see that.

"So who's the lucky guy? That dude Paul, right?"

"I dropped that asshole. Tonight I'm going out with _Amun_." She swooned.

I chuckle at her. "Sounds exotic."

"He sure is. I can't wait to see how wild he is between the sheets."

Mary is definitely not shy when it comes to sex and her experience with men. She's a floosy, she'll admit it but there's no shame. Sometimes I want to tell her about the run ins I've had with men and while many of them were not good interactions, I've had some interesting ones. I don't want her to know about that part of my life though so I listen when she talks and play dumb when she asks certain questions pertaining to sex.

"What are you girls talking about?" Charlie surprises us standing just in the entrance of the kitchen. He looks more comfortable in sweats and his hair is still wet from his shower. Sometimes I'm shocked by how young my dad looks, but I guess he is rather young. At forty two he barely has any gray hair but his mustache makes him look older, more severe. I find that he can be intimidating if the situation calls for it. Like the first time some wanker made a comment about my tits and he heard it-all Charlie did was give him this scary ass look and the kid almost pissed himself.

"Your sister was just filling me in on how she can't wait to-"Her hand is over my mouth before I can finish.

"Don't listen to her Charlie. She's just tired from being on her feet all day." I bite skin of her palm and she yanks her hand back.

"You little bitch." She elbows me.

"...O...K?" He looks between us like we're the stupidest people on Earth.

I shoo him out of the kitchen and make his plate to take out to him. "You know you're spoiling the man." Mary huffed as I grabbed a beer from the fridge.

"I wouldn't expect you to understand." I mumble back at her. If she heard me she doesn't respond.

I hand Charlie his plate and beer and take a seat next to him on the couch to watch the game. "Aren't you eating?" He asked.

"No, I'm not hungry. Tell me what you think about the meatloaf. I made it different this time."

I watch him take a heaping bite and once I note the look of pure bliss on his face, I've got my answer. "Damn it Bells you keep cooking like this I'm never letting you leave."

Little does he know I don't want to ever leave him. I just got him...

We settle into small talk about his day-nothing new as he relays busting up a group of trouble makers at the park and handing out speeding tickets. I hang on to his every word, he fascinates me. It makes me wonder what he ever saw in Renee. Charlie is pure, real; I don't think there's a malicious bone in his body. We've never spoken about her to which I'm thankful. I know it will happen eventually, but right now I want to enjoy getting to know my dad.

And I'm such a daddy's girl because as soon as he's done devouring his food he opens his arms and I snuggle up against him. I never feel as content as when I'm in his arms, my ear against his chest listening to the steady thump of his heartbeat. My whole life I was convinced this man didn't exist, but now that I know he does just listening to his heartbeat is enough for me.

Occasionally I hear the rumble of a chuckle as he watches the game. My eyes start to droop and I'm falling into a state of blissful sleep...

_"Hello?...WHAT!...OK, I'll...I'll be right there."_

"Bella."

Someone is calling my name.

_Leave me alone, I'm sleeping._

"Bella, wake up. We have to go to the hospital."

My eyes shoot open and I sit up. Hospital? What the fuck?

"What's going on?"

"It's Billy. He's been in a car accident." Charlie is hopping into his boots. I run upstairs to find my own boots. He's waiting for me at the door when I come back down.

I'm pretty sure Charlie was speeding all the way to the hospital. I mean, I don't blame him-his best friend is seriously hurt...But it's kind of funny. The police chief is speeding. Could he be pulled over?

We arrive in record time. I'm still pretty disoriented so when we get to the waiting room I tell him to go ahead and I'll wait for him out there. I just hope Billy will be ok. He's such a sweet guy and I know if something happened to him my dad wouldn't know what to do. Billy is an important figure on the reservation. His people look up to him, he can't leave them behind.

It's been hours and still no word. I've tried, and failed, to stay awake but periodically I succumb to my fate and catch a few zz's. Someone shakes me awake and when I open my eyes the sun is shining right in my face.

_I fucking hate that._

"I thought you might need some coffee." A deep voice at my side pulls me from my sleep.

That's definitely not Charlie.

My eyes focus on a dark skinned muscular man with black short hair, hazel eyes, and the whitest teeth I think I've ever seen.

_Damn..._

"Uh, who are you." I don't mean to be rude but I was sleeping here and this random stranger wakes me up offering coffee, I think I need to know why.

"I'm Jacob Black, Billy's son."

Oh, Billy's son. I've heard about him. Goes to college at UW for Mechanical Engineering. Smart guy, he makes his daddy proud.

"I'm Bella, nice to meet you." We awkwardly shake hands and I stretch out my limbs from being cooped up in a tiny chair for hours. Looking at the clock I realize I have only a short time before I need to be at work.

"You're Charlie's daughter right?" He asked sipping his coffee.

"Yes."

"Wow, it must be cool to be reunited huh? I mean, I don't really know much about you since we never knew you existed but-"

"I get it...and yeah, it's been cool."

His rambling was cute. "How is Billy?"

"Uh," his sad face pulls at my heartstrings, "He's hurt pretty bad. The doctors think he may be paralyzed."

"Oh my God. Oh, I'm so sorry." I can't even imagine what he's going through. I lean over and grab his hand in a moment of sadness and when he squeezes mine he breaks down. I don't know him, but if he needs to cry on my shoulder I'll let him.

And I do let him. I wrap my arm around his shoulders and he collapsed into my chest. His tears bring on mine and we're a sniffling mess, but it doesn't matter.

"I'm sorry." He exhaled but made no attempt to move.

"Let it out. I'm here." I reassure him.

We sit that way for a long time, a couple hours at least. I call in to work and tell them about my emergency, luckily the diner just hired on a new girl and she switched days with me. Tomorrow was supposed to be my off day but it looks like I'll be working.

Jacob untangles himself from me, not meeting my eyes at first. His manly pride rearing its ugly head and now he's embarrassed. "I'm sorry about breaking down like that, it's just..."

"Don't apologize."

He finally looked at me and smiled. Damn those pearly whites. "So you know this makes us best friends now right. I lean on you, you lean on me."

"I'd like that." I smiled back.

My dad comes out an hour later to give us an update. Billy is still in critical condition and not much has changed. He says he'll take me home so that I can get some sleep but Jacob volunteers to take me instead. I know it must be hard for him to see his father like that and I think he's looking for any excuse to just go out and get some air for a little bit.

The ride back to the house is silent, heavy. I don't really know what to say to him because we just met...I don't know him but I feel like I do.

"Are you hungry?" I ask him as he pulled up to the curb.

"I could eat."

"Well I have some leftovers from last night. If you're not opposed to eating meatloaf for breakfast you're welcome to have some."

"That sounds awesome."

We head inside and I heat up the food. We eat quietly at the kitchen table and when we're done we crash on the couch to watch some T.V.

"You know, since we're friends now you know you can talk to me if you need to." I tell him.

This side of myself is new to me, this helpful side. It's a little scary that I've opened up so fast to a person that I've just met but feel this crazy connection to. Not in an intimate way, but like in a sisterly way. Jacob is an only child; he has no one else to really be there for him. His mother died when he was small so he really is very much alone. It's time to put away my own selfish ways and let someone depend on me for a change.

"I'm going to have to take a leave of absence from school. I can't go back." He sighed.

"Is this your first year?"

"No I'm a sophomore...I don't know when I'll be able to return." I really felt so bad for him.

"Do you like living in Seattle?" I ask trying to lighten the mood.

"It's ok. I'm used to living on a reservation and when I decided to apply for college I knew it would mean leaving my small town beliefs behind. It's been an, adjustment." He ran his hand through his short black hair.

My eyes are starting to droop. "What do you mean by that?" I ask.

"Well, it's just...Parties all the time and..." He yawns and his own eyes are falling.

As we're both on the precipice of sleep I hear him ask, "Have we met before?"

To which I hoarsely reply, "I don't think so."

"Ok," he mumbled. "I like you Bella."

"...I like you too Jake."

This may be the beginning of a beautiful friendship...

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, YAY for a new chapter! I'm proud of myself. You don't know how many times I've wanted to delete this story, but I'm not going to do that. I'm going to finish it, one day LOL. So, let me know what you guys think. Was it good? Terrible? I'd love to hear it. Until next time my lovelies...**


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: This chapter also starts three months later but in Edwards point of view. I'm trying to move the story along so there may be several time jumps, but it has to be that way if we want our favorite characters to be reunited. **

**I know nothing about how the adoption process works but for the sake of the story, just go along with it. All that matters is Edward is Claire's dad.**

**Oh, lemon alert!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot!**

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><p>Chapter 32<p>

EPOV

_Three Months Later_

She slides her hand to the back of my head, slightly down on my neck. My lips part, my tongue welcoming hers as it enters my mouth-so tender and sweet, but not as sweet as the one I crave. The one I want never had to try so hard to seduce me, I never stopped wanting that closeness.

I shouldn't be thinking about _**her **_at a time like this...

I gently take both of her breasts in my hands and run my thumbs across the twin peaks. She's got amazing breasts, full and perky. They may or may not be medically enhanced but I know I like to stick my face between them, and other parts of my anatomy. I kiss first one nipple then the other, then I suck them into my mouth. She's moaning like crazy and it only spurs me on.

I'm really not up for much foreplay this morning.

Flipping her beneath me I spread her legs and take a glimpse at her glistening pussy. It's bare and pretty, but it's not the one I want.

_No, stop thinking about her._

I push two fingers inside her waiting slick heat and she covers her mouth so that her scream doesn't wake Claire. I don't know how many times that has happened, and frankly it kind of sucks trying to comfort my daughter with a boner. It's just wrong on so many levels.

"Oh, Edward baby I need more." She moaned and bit down on her lip. I wanted to at least get her to cum with my fingers before I fuck her, because as selfish as this may sound I'm only doing this for myself. I don't really care if she gets off. However I know I'll never hear the end of it and she'll work double time to try to fuck my brains out in order to get what she wants.

I'm able to pull one orgasm from her, she covers her mouth again to muffle her screams. I reach over to the nightstand and grab a condom; I open the wrapper, slide the rubber down my dick, and completely sheath myself inside her quivering walls.

"Yes! Damn it Ed...Edward. Fuck me baby!" She screams.

"Be,"_** thurst**_, "Quiet!"

I'm pounding her pussy so hard I don't know why I expect her to be able to be quiet. Hell, even I can't stop myself from moaning loudly. It soon gets to the point where we just say fuck it and get as loud as we need to.

"You feel so good baby...Faster!" She cried.

My thrusts increase speed and I feel her walls tighten, she's coming and coming hard. I'm nowhere near finished. Her pussy grips down on my cock like a vice and I find myself slowing down so I don't hurt her. I slide out, flip her onto her hands and knees and force myself back into her tight warmth. She loves it hard and I give it to her as hard as I can. My balls are slapping her clit with each pounding, I feel that familiar tightening inside.

Her muscles contract again and she lets out the sexiest sound, it's enough for me. My pumping increased drastically before I come deep inside. I kept going and going as it seemed my orgasm would never end-when I had finally finished I fell to my back with an exhausted grunt.

_Fuck I needed that. _

Her naked body slithered next to mine. Her fingers ran through my hair as she kissed me. I returned the kiss too tired to move but enjoying her warm body ontop of mine.

She was a wild cat. There's nothing slow about what we do in the bedroom. I could never make love to her, because I don't love her. Sometimes I think she wants that from me but when we entered into this thing, whatever it is, we agreed no feelings involved. We just fuck.

Pure, unadulterated **fucking**.

"You want breakfast?" She purred in my ear. She asks every morning, and every morning it's the same thing. I made the mistake of letting her cook for me one time...It will never happen again. She can't cook worth a damn.

"I'm going to check on Claire and fix a bowl of cereal." I move to sit up but she stopped.

"I'll do it. You rest." She jumped out of bed and slipped into one of my discarded t-shirts. I watch her long legs as she saunters out of the bedroom. Sighing, I sag against the soft sheets a few seconds before getting up and putting my sleep pants back on. All the tension I felt early this morning is gone thanks to our little quickie.

She returns with Claire, nuzzling her soft hair. "Hey pretty girl." I take the baby into my arms, nuzzling her in the same fashion.

I love my little girl so much. A week or so after the fight I had with my father I got a call that the state would be allowing the adoption to go through. I laughed through my tears of joy, I just couldn't believe that it was finally going to be over. I know in normal cases they would rather place a child in a two parent home, but they considered my relationship with her mother and my references testified on my behalf. As soon as I was granted custody I brought my baby girl home.

And it was a good thing it happened when it did. The tension between myself and my family was getting worse. Living with my parents was hard enough, but having my father constantly breathing down my neck was downright unbearable. He's voiced his opinion about me time and time again, from the whole job thing to me not wanting to leave Claire, to my pining away for Bella and my ever present sadness about Jane. It doesn't matter that I've asked him to respect me and let me make my own decisions, he refuses. His reasoning is, Claire deserves a normal upbringing-meaning I should get a job and stop living off my inheritance, and settle down. I can consider the job thing because it has been two years since I've done anything as far as working a nine-to-five. The settling down thing though, I can't do that. Not right now.

The rest of my family agrees. Mom and Alice want me to move on, but I think secretly they're holding out hope that somehow Bella and I will be reunited. Rose is indifferent, she doesn't say too much of anything rather staying in the background and observing. Emmett and Jasper only want what's best for me. I wish they all could get on one accord and stop worrying.

My actions as of late though seem to be making things worse. No one agrees with what I'm doing.

I don't blame them.

She sits beside me, moving as close as possible and lightly stroking the back of my hair. I know she wants attention but my sole focus is on Claire. "I changed her and I'm going to go make her a bottle. I'll bring up some cereal for you." She kissed the shell of my ear.

"Thanks, Tanya."

"No problem."

She leaves once more.

The funny thing about life is, you never know in which direction it's headed. Things are constantly changing and keeping up is the hard part. I could have never predicted any of this...

It started very innocent. About a month ago, Tanya showed up at my door. Her house and most of her belongings had burned in a fire. Some faulty wiring in the kitchen barely let her escape with her life and she came to me needing a place to stay-I didn't understand why she chose here of all places. I mean, sure I know Tanya, have for years, but it just seemed odd that I was the first one she came to instead of Rose. I hardly thought we were friends since she was closer to Bella when she was here-that changed and she seemed to come around the house more. Dropping by to see how I was doing, helping me with Claire...You know, that sort of stuff. I thought, since it's only me and Claire in the house I would let her stay, just until she got back on her feet.

Four days after she got here, I had just put Claire down for the night and we were up talking. I'd popped open a bottle of wine and we got cozy on the couch in front of the fireplace. It was nice to finally have someone to talk to about what was going on with me. Tanya tended to be unbiased, and she made a lot of sense when we got on the subject of Bella's absence. She admitted to me that Rose had told her some of the things that Bella had revealed about her past. Some things even I didn't know. While Tanya didn't agree that running away was the best, she understood how Bella may have felt overwhelmed by everything.

I knew Bella felt that way and it gave me some piece of mind to know that someone else could see it too, even if I didn't want to. We talked, and drank, and talked...and drank. The next thing I know she's in my lap kissing on my neck. We went upstairs to my room and...The rest they say is history.

Tanya is a good distraction. With her here with me and actually wanting to be involved in every part of my life, it helps to take some of the loneliness away. It was only supposed to be a one time thing. Yeah, that flew out of the window the moment she got down on her knees and took my cock into her mouth. And let me tell you, sex with a baby in the house is amusing to say the least. The joys of having a child means there's no privacy, but I like that. My baby girl, as lovely and cute as she is has a great skill of figuring out the exact time to start crying.

It doesn't bother me, but it sure bothers Tanya.

I know I shouldn't be sleeping with her. Above all she's a good person and a good friend to me. We've fucked it up with sex, and now Tanya is fighting to keep her feelings in check. She wants more from me, I can see it in her eyes. The way she watches me with Claire, how she helps me take care of her. The way she invites herself into my bed every night and holds me close, wrapping my arms around her body and keeping them there. I don't push her out because I sort of crave that same comfort.

I'm afraid Tanya expects the kind of future with a happy ending...Her and I together, probably married with kids...

I don't know how to tell her that it's not going to happen.

* * *

><p>"So have you been looking at any new places?" I ask Tanya. We're on our way to the grocery store and she's flipping through today's newspaper. Claire is happily gurgling to herself in the backseat.<p>

"You trying to get rid of me already?" She smiled but it was forced. Like she knew deep down what I was implying.

It's not that I'm trying to push her out, not by any means. She's actually a great help to me-especially in the bedroom-but I digress. I feel that she's gotten comfortable with the idea of staying with me for the foreseeable future. She's not too worried about her losses as she can afford to buy a new house and replace all of her material things. What I thought would take a week or two has turned into a month. Tanya is more concerned about what I'm doing rather than trying to get her priorities in order.

I've got too much on my mind to be worried about her shenanigans.

When we get to the grocery store Tanya attaches herself to my side. I notice she does this anytime we go out as a way to scare off any woman who might bat her eyelashes at me. It's hilarious really to hear her growling like a rabid dog.

She has nothing to worry about as far as me seeking attention from other women. I barely want her attention, but I tolerate it.

I only want one person's attention and I don't know where she is.

"Your mom called." Tanya left my side to place a box of cereal in our cart.

"Oh..." I sigh. Anytime my mother comes up Tanya gets an attitude. "What did she want?"

"She just wanted to know if we were coming to dinner tonight. I told her it was up to you."

"And why did you tell her that? I already told you, if she asks us to come to dinner then we just go-that way I can avoid an argument later on."

She nodded and lowered her head. "I'm sorry Edward. I always mess things up for you."

Damn it...Here we go with this shit.

"You're not messing things up. I just wish you wouldn't add fuel to the fire. You know my family and I aren't on the best of terms right now and they don't agree with this...thing we're doing. I'd rather you just not answer the phone at all but since you feel some strong obligation to do so, don't provoke my mother." I'm done with the conversation.

She saddles back up to my side and I don't hear a peep out of her anymore until we get home.

I change and feed Claire while Tanya puts the groceries away.

"You want some lunch babe?" She asks from the kitchen.

"I'll make a sandwich."

"No, I'll do it."

Of course she will. She never wants me to lift a hand and at first I didn't have a problem with her wanting to do everything for me, but now it's starting to get annoying. I can make my own food, iron my own clothes, and run my own bath water. She wants to be the woman of my house. In her mind the man is the provider of his home while the woman takes care of the rest. It would be fine if she could actually do these things that her beliefs are based on. Like doing laundry. Since she's been here I can't tell you how many of my t-shirts have _accidentally_ been bleached. And cleaning...If I didn't clean up after her my house would be filthy. She kind of half cleans everything, like for instance when she washes the dishes she never makes sure that they're one hundred percent spot free. My OCD has been through the roof since she's been here and I'm trying so hard not to just tell her to get out.

She can't cook anything to save her life and I often have to save us from hunger when she makes an attempt. I'm really not trying to be a dick-I do appreciate that she tries...I'm just..._Frustrated. _

The doorbell rang with insistence and I leave Claire dozing on the couch to answer it. I was surprised to see my sister and sister-in-law standing there, both with scowls on their faces. They haven't visited me in awhile.

"Hello ladies." I move aside to let them in.

"Where's my_ boo boo_?" Rose asked, she couldn't wait to get her hands on the baby. I frown at the obnoxious nickname she's given her and point to the living room. She left Alice and I in the foyer.

Alice is giving me the look...You know, the one that says she's ready to bite my head off and trying real hard not to. I'm not really in the mood for her shit.

"You coming tonight?" She asked, referring to dinner.

"Uh, yeah we'll be there."

"You can leave the trash here." She huffed and moved into the living room.

"I HEARD THAT!" Tanya yelled from the kitchen.

_The drama never ends with the women in my life._

Things have become tense between Tanya and the girls. They were so close before she moved in with me-how hypocritical. They want me to move on and get over Bella, albeit this isn't the way to do it, but at least I'm no longer wallowing in misery alone. Alice, never one to hold her tongue, isn't afraid to express her distaste for my friends-with-benefits relationship with Tanya. Those two go at it so bad that it usually ends with one of them in tears...that would be Tanya.

She hates that my family doesn't agree with our _so-called _relationship. I think she realizes that even though they want me to move on, they don't want me to move on with her. The only friend that she has is Rose and even that's strained for reasons I'm not sure. Something happened between them-something was said that kind of turned Rose away from her. I believe it has to do with Bella.

I join Alice and Rose on the couch; Alice is flicking through channels and Rose is snuggling the baby as she always does. A few minutes later Tanya has finished in the kitchen and brings me a sandwich. Peanut butter and jelly...I wanted turkey. She knows I hate peanut butter and jelly!

"So," I sigh leaning back, "is there a reason you two decided to drop by?"

"What? We can't stop by and see you?" Alice asked, defensive.

"There's usually a reason."

"I came solely for the baby so leave me out of this." Rose quipped from her corner of the couch.

"Well I came to see you dear brother, and check up on my neice. We don't see you around much anymore." Alice said, conveniently leaving out a certain someone in the room.

For the next hour I try to keep the conversation light and flowing. Alice made it almost impossible with her negative attitude and sharp tongue-I hate being caught in the middle so much I go out of my way to talk about anything that will keep the women in my life from obliterating each other. Only when it's time to leave for my parents' house does the tension ease up, but only a little.

"How about you and I ride together Edward. I want to talk to you about something." Alice took Claire's carrier out to my car without a second glance. Rose huffs and tells Tanya to come with her-she does but not without looking at me with pleading eyes.

She has the baby strapped into the backseat and is strapping herself in when I get into the car.

"What's up Al?"

"Why the fuck is she still living with you?" She didn't waste any time.

"I don't know."

"Stop fucking her then!"

"Listen, what I do in my own damn house is my business. Why do you care so much anyway?"

"Because my dumbass brother likes to get himself mixed up with loose women who just use him then throw him away when they're done." She practically screams.

"I fucking know what this looks like but believe me I'm not letting Tanya use me."

"Oh, so letting her fuck you isn't using you?"

"I'm not letting her do anything. I'm taking just as much as she is!"

"Do you love her?"

"What? Fuck no I don't love her!" Why would she even ask me a question like that? She knows where my heart is...

Alice took a few calm deep breaths. "I know I'm bossy and I know we've been fighting a lot lately because I don't like what's going on between you and her, but I'm just so worried about you."

"You wanted me to move on...You said that! Not me! And yeah I'm quite aware that what I'm doing with Tanya isn't right, but I'm doing the best I can. I'm dealing the best way I know how."

"Are you?" Her voice is soft and sad, and I feel like crap because I know I'm lying. I'm not dealing with anything emotionally and it's tearing me up inside, so physically I'm using sex as a way to cope with...everything.

She knows and she's sad about it. It seems I can't make anyone happy anymore.

What more am I suppose to do? I'm just so damn tired of trying and trying, but failing each time. It's not worth letting anyone get close to me if this is what they're going to do...Stomp all over my fucking heart.

Love...I'm starting to believe it doesn't exist-at least for me. I've lost hope and I won't force myself to feel something that's so toxic.

I'm done with it.

Mom greets us at the door with a tight hugs and a kisses. She takes Claire and disappears into the kitchen where the greatest smell is wafting out of. I can't wait to eat whatever she's cooking.

Rose and Tanya arrive soon after, looking just as strained as they had at the house. Rose glares at me but says nothing, she follows Alice to go find their husbands. Tanya is at my side, clutching my hand and kissing my neck.

"What did she want?" She asked.

I remove her death grip and roll my eyes. "Nothing that you need to worry about."

We move to the dining room and take our seats. Mom brings out a big platter of Spaghetti and meatballs..._Heaven_.

There's nothing like your mom's home cooking to make you miss being a kid. Things were so much easier when I didn't have to deal with grown up issues. I long for the summer days when I'd play outside for hours, and mom would call us in for dinner, but my favorite nights were when she'd make spaghetti and meatballs. Emmett and I would have an eating contest to see who could eat the most, of course he always won. Alice would complain because we never let her join in with us, but her little stomach could never handle that much food. Mom would try to play along but she'd give up after a few bites, and dad would laugh at us saying, _"If any of you get sick, don't come crying to me."_

Afterward, we'd all clean the kitchen singing along to the radio. Dad was in charge of bath time and after all of us were in our pj's we'd climb into my parent's bed and watch The Cosby Show until we all fell asleep.

And now, all these years later even over my favorite spaghetti and meatballs, there are no eating contests, no laughter, no talking. We're all eating silently at the dinner table, well me and Emmett are the only two really eating. Everyone else is kind of picking over their food.

"So," mom clapped her hands together in fake excitement, "let's make sure we have things finalized for the trip back home."

With the Forks trip just four months away my mother wants us to meet at least two times a month before we're expected to go. We normally go from June until late August but this year we're not able to go until July. It's alright with me, I'm not doing anything of importance, just being a dad.

"Well I would just like to say thank you Carlisle and Esme for including me on your trip." Tanya beamed at my parents.

_Oh crap! _This is news to me.

"Excuse me?" Alice shot a stink eye towards her.

"Um, your parents invited me to go on the trip and I've accepted-"

"Now wait a damn minute," Alice looked to our parents," this is a family trip, since when is she family?"

"Alice!" Jasper hissed at his wife.

"I invited her because I thought since she's a family friend she might enjoy coming as well." Mom smiled but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"It kind of defeats the purpose of a "family" trip if we're letting people who aren't family come." Emmett piped up for the first time.

Everyone looked at him and he shrugged, "Just sayin'," and went back to eating.

"What's your problem Alice? Nobody is making a big deal out of it but you." Tanya retorted. Wrong move.

"You know what my problem is?" Alice stood from her seat staring daggers at Tanya. "I don't respect people who fuck for room and board."

Dad slammed his hand against the table. "That's enough damn it!"

"I've got her." Jasper took an irate Alice out of the room.

"I just don't understand why she hates me so much. I haven't done anything wrong." Tanya cried, swiping a few tears from her face. I almost feel bad for her because really, Alice's anger has nothing to do with Tanya. It has everything to do with my bad choices and the girl who stole our hearts when she ran away.

I guess none of us have been dealing very well...

Claire started to whimper, ready for some cuddling and a bottle.

"I'll get her Edward." Tanya went to take her from me.

"Stay here and eat. I'll be back."

"I just thought-"

"Stay."

I knew she didn't want to remain at the table without me...But she wants to be apart of this family so bad, she better get used to it.

I go into the den where its warm and peaceful. By then Claire is more than ready for her bottle. I shush her and watch as she guzzles her milk, as if she hadn't just eaten three hours ago. She's starting to get a little chunk on her which is good, at least she's healthy.

Resting my head back I close my eyes and enjoy the quiet...Well almost. I think I've stumbled in on an Alice and Jasper epic argument.

_"He's your brother and you need to learn to respect his decisions whether you like it or not."_

They're in the den bathroom with the door shut, whisper yelling like teenagers.

_"But he's being stupid."_ I guess she's referring to me.

_"It's his life...Don't you think he's suffered enough?"_

_"What would you know? I highly doubt you'd know very much seeing as you guys barely hang out."_

_"I know enough, and I know if you keep acting the way you are, Edward isn't going to want anything to do with you. He'll become more of a recluse and shut all of us out entirely." _

I hear sniffling and it doesn't take much to guess my sister is crying. _"I just hate when people hurt my brother. He's always fought for me, and always protected me. I can't let people run all over him...He doesn't deserve that. He's the best person I know with so much love in his heart...I just want him to be happy." _

Me too Al...I want that too.

_"He will be baby." _Jasper assured her.

...I really hope so.

* * *

><p>Tanya is feeling particularly frisky when we get home. After putting Claire down for bed, she pulls me into my room and practically jumps me. I'm not in the mood, that is until she has me naked from the waist down and licking on my cock.<p>

I guess I could go a round or two.

She took me deep into her mouth, sucking and licking my shaft, gagging occasionally when she's gone too far. She pulls away leaving me panting and removes each article of her clothing. I grab her and pull her down to the bed with her beneath me. I lean over to grab a condom from the bedside table.

"You know, you don't have to use those." She pointed to the foil packet in my hand.

When I don't respond she smiles. "Would it be so bad to feel each other?"

"I'm not having sex with you without a condom."

"Why baby? It's ok." She tries to take it out of my hands but I snatch it away.

"What the fuck? I said I'm not fucking you without a condom."

"You don't have anything to worry about."

"How the fuck do I know that?"

Hurt laced her face and her voice. "So that's why you won't do it? You think I have something?"

I move from between her legs and sag against the headboard.

"Contrary to what you may think of me I'm not a whore. I can't believe you think I would put you in danger that way if I didn't think I was safe, but I am."

"Like I said, I don't know that." I growl at her.

She rises to her knees, her body flushed pink with rage. "Well that sure didn't stop you from fucking Bella, and she is a whore."

Here she goes, always trying to throw Bella's shortcomings back in my face when she can't get her way.

"This isn't about her, this is about the fact that I know you aren't on birthcontrol and your trying to be sneaky about it."

She schooled her face trying to hide the look of shock at being found out. I know what she's been trying to do, even from the first time we had sex. I saw her throwing out the condoms, but I'd replace them each time, hiding them in different places so she won't find them.

I'm not stupid.

Tanya wiped at her eyes. "I won't lie and say I wouldn't love to have a baby with you because I do. I see how you are with Claire, and as much as I love her I feel that you deserve a wife and a family of your own and she's-"

"Don't you fucking say it."

She's crossing the fucking line now and I'm not having it.

"But it's the truth. I see it, your family sees it."

"Don't you dare bring my family into this. That little girl in there is my world, whether you want to accept it or not she means more to me than you ever will."

"Edward-"

"I think you should leave."

She started to sob. "Baby I'm sorry."

"Don't! I can't even look at you right now."

"Please I'm sorry. I didn't mean it I swear it's just..."She burst into tears once more.

"You meant it, Tanya. I knew I never should have done this with you, but it hurts more that you think so little of Claire."

"I don't...I'm sorry."

"She's my daughter."

"I know. I'm being selfish and I'm sorry."

Cautiously she approached me and for reasons unknown I allow her to straddle me and hug my body to hers. Her naked core is pressed against my equally naked shaft...I want no parts of this anymore.

Peeved at her deception I push her off of me and get up to put my sleeping pants on. "What do you want from me Tanya?"

She looked up at me with red glassy eyes."I just want you. I'll take you anyway I can...I don't want to lose you."

_**You never had me...**_

"I need you to understand something. I'm not in love with you, I never will be. I like you and I think you're a good person, but this thing we have, that's all it will ever be. I don't want to be with you in any way other than a roommate."

Tonight has put everything in perspective for me. I was pretending not to see the signs but I always knew-I always knew it would come to something like this. I've got to stop before it gets worse. No more sex...No more, not with her.

"We could be so good together. If you gave me a chance."

"I want you to leave me alone. This has to end."

"It doesn't have to. I won't...I'll stop...Just, please." Her pleading has fallen on deaf ears, and all I want is for her to disappear from my sight.

"Leave!"

She slowly gathers her clothes, all the while trying to keep it together but failing miserably. When she's at the door on her way out, she looks back at me with heartbroken eyes.

"I'm sorry about what I said...It won't happen again." She finally leaves, pulling my door closed.

I collapse back on to my bed with a heavy sigh.

Maybe Bella was on to something...Running away sounds really good right now.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Soooo….Did any of you see that coming. I sure didn't, but I threw it in there anyway. Leave me your comments and let me know what you think. Do you like it? Do you hate it? Is there something you want to see? Let me know lovelies….Until next time.**


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: Hello lovelies...It's been a long time. I know some of you were kind of disappointed in the last chapter. You guys really are anxious for Bella and Edward to meet up. They will be meeting shortly, don't worry. I have to set up the story.**

**I just want you all to remember there will be an HEA, it's just going to take a little while to get there. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 33<p>

BPOV

"No."

"Come on."

"NO!"

"But-"

"What part don't you understand, the N or the O?" I glare at the dumb grin on Jake's face.

"You're such a pooper." He chortled flicking at my ear.

"I'm not going fucking cliff diving you jerk! Leave me alone before I kick you in the nuts!"

"I love it when you talk dirty." He shivered playfully.

"Come on you filthy puppy." I pull on the front of his shirt and he follows me, wagging his tongue. I swat at his face and he dodges it running around me in circles, he then falls in step beside me.

Jake looked profoundly comfortable in his skin...He didn't slow down or survey his surroundings like I find myself doing; his eyes are set straight with his head held high and a bright smile. This guy is pretty fucking cool and his youth is refreshing. Ok, so he's only a year younger than me, but it's exhilarating to be around someone who has yet to be tainted by the bad in his world-he's still very much a kid at heart. His life growing up on the reservation afforded him with the kind of upbringing that was practically shut off from the rest of the world. He didn't own a television and didn't know much about life outside of his home, so it was a bit of a shock once he went off to college and it's still a bit hard for him. How lucky he is that all that presents a challenge in his life is not fitting in with a society he's never known. Meanwhile the rest of us are struggling to bury our pasts that society shuns...

I've had to be a grown up for a huge chunk of my life but with Jake it's the opposite-I can be a big kid and not give a damn what anyone thinks. When I'm with him I don't have to care, I can just live in the now. It also doesn't help that he's tooth achingly sweet. I mean, who parks their car at my house, walks about a block or so just to wait for me to get off work, and then walks me all the way back home?

Yep, that's him. Who says chivalry is dead?

And it just happens to be on a beautiful, rainless day. I don't have a car, or a license for that matter, so each day I walk to and from work. No big deal, I have my trusty umbrella to keep me from looking like a drowned rat, and if it's too bad outside my dad will drop me off and pick me up. Recently Jake has been waiting for me after work and he gives me a lift in exchange for dinner. Today is an exception since it's the first really nice, warm day Forks has had so far. It automatically puts me in a good mood and I forget that my feet are killing me. When there's an occasional day the sun makes an appearance and the sky clears up, you soak it in as much as possible.

But, It's also a reminder that I have limited time with Jake since he'll be going back to school in a few short weeks. I was surprised he told me he was leaving, you know with his father being in a wheel chair and having a hard time adjusting to being paralyzed from the waist down. People on the reservation have pitched in to do some major remodling to the house to make it more accessible for Billy-although he's having issues he's anything if not proud. He wants Jake to go back to school and finish his education and he won't take no for an answer. It puts Jake's mind at ease that the men and women he's grown up with have decided to pitch in and make sure old Billy is well taken care of while he's away at school.

In turn, Jake will travel down each weekend to spend time with his dad...It seems he has everything figured out. I know it will be hard for him, but he's a tough guy-he'll get through it.

_I wish I had my life together like that._

"So, Saturday we're having a bon fire at La Push for the Fourth-you in?" He asked, throwing his heavy arm over my shoulders.

"I'll have to see what Charlie's doing."

"He'll be there. Sue invited him." Of course she did.

"Oh, well I guess I'll be there too." I'm a little apprehensive-large crowds aren't really my thing anymore. We all know what happened the last time I went to a party...

"Don't sound so enthused. You don't have to come if you don't want to."

"No, I'll be there. I've never been to a bon fire."

He pulled me closer. "You're in luck. We throw the best around these parts."

This will be the first Fourth of July I celebrate not being a prostitute. Don't get me wrong, I've seen the fireworks, it's just most of the time I was either too drunk to give a fuck or I was on my back in some sleezy motel with a john between my legs. This will be the first time I actually get to see and enjoy them with people I care about.

...I kind of wish I could see them with Edward. He was always so into holidays and I know his family are going to make a big deal out of the Fourth.

"Why so gloomy? It's a beautiful day, you're hanging out with your best buddy...What's up?" Jake gently squeezed my arm.

_If only I could tell you._

"Nothing I'm just tired. Been on my feet since six this morning."

"I probably should have brought the car." He grimaced.

"No it's fine. I'm glad to have the next two days off." Having a legit job takes so much out of me sometimes I wonder where the hell I find the strength to make it through my shift. Normal twenty year olds are suppose to have the energy for this shit, but obviously I'm far from that and I can't wait to get home and take a nap.

We round the corner of my street and Jake hoists me up over his shoulder, and the entire time I'm trying to punch him in the balls. He's threatening to fart in my face if I don't stop, and since my face is right by his ass I stop fighting and lay limp. We walk the rest of the way to my house like that. I hand him my house key and he unlocks the door, putting me down once we get inside, but we're not alone. My dear, sweet, delusional Aunt is stuffing her face with ice cream and looking like death warmed over in front of the television.

"What's up Mare? Enjoying your day off?" Jake asked her to which she replied _"Fuck off" _and left the room.

"What did I do?" He looked at me confused.

I sigh and lift my tired body from the couch. "I'll go check on her."

She's in the kitchen banging her head against the refrigerator door. "Ok normally I wouldn't give a shit since I'm really fucking tired and I kind of want some of that ice cream, so what the hell is wrong with you?"

"My life...It's over." She wailed.

"Ok?" Not sure what she wants me to do about it. I want to stay out of it if I can...So, I take a seat at the kitchen table and wait for her to spill.

"You're not going to even ask me why my life is over?"

"What I really want to know is why you're here and not at your place, and eating my fucking ice cream."

She pouted her way over to the table and sat down. "Uh...I need your help with something."

"If this is about going on a double date with you then the answer is _hell no_."

"It's not about that. It's more serious."

"Ok, I'm listening," I sit back in my seat and pull off my shoes.

"I...I think...I think I'm...I'm..."

"What? You think you're a nut case?"

"I think I'm pregnant." She blurted out.

"With what?"

"Fuck you!" She glared. "I need you to go get me a test."

"Why me?" This is her problem, not mine.

"Because everyone knows me." She tried to reason.

"Everyone knows me too." She forgets I'm still the shiny new toy, I've met everyone in this small ass town.

"Oh yeah...Well go with me to Port Angeles."

"Fuck no I'm going to bed." I stand to leave but she grabs my arm, pulling me practically on her lap.

"If you don't go with me I'll tell Lucky you want to blow him."

Ok, first of all _**EEEEWWWWW! **_I wouldn't touch Lucky with Mary's dick. He's like four hundred pounds, bald, and he's always sweaty. He reminds me of most of the guys who would pick me up...I get grossed out just thinking about it.

Second, I have so much ammo on her she wouldn't dare do something like that.

"Oh really? I bet Lucky would really like to know that you let Paul fuck you on his desk in his office when you were suppose to be on break."

She had no choice but to admit defeat. "You little bitch..."

"Takes one to know one."

"Please Bella! Please I need you to do this with me." She begged, even got down on her knees wrapping her arms around my legs. No amount of wiggling would get her off.

"Why me? I just wanted a nice quiet evening at home in my bed."

"I'm scared. I've never done this before." She looked at me with those eyes and I can see how my dad can never tell her no. I need to perfect that look.

_Just do it Bella. The sooner you help, the sooner you can go to bed._

"...Damn it! Fine let's go."

I tell Jake I have to help Mary with something and he leaves with a promise to come see me the following day. It takes about thirty minutes to get to Port Angeles, and another ten to find a drug store. She forced me to get the tests for her. I ran out of there with a distinct feeling that I was being watched by everyone in the store.

I wanted to yell _"These aren't for me! Been there, done that."_

And as God is my witness, I'll never do it again.

Between Mary's epic freak out and my praying we don't hit something, we make it safely back to Forks before sundown. For moral support I stay by her side, literally I'm right there when she pees on the sticks.

"Fuck I don't know what I'm going to do." She paced back and forth, stepping on my toes with each pass. I'm sitting against the bathtub trying not to fall asleep on her.

"Don't freak out just yet, you don't know if there's anything to worry about."

"Just my luck I'll be knocked up...Oh God I don't want to be a single parent."

"I think you'll be an awesome mom." She has an incredible nurturing side that I don't think she's aware of-when she's not being a royal bitch.

"Please I can barely tie my own shoes much less look after another human. And anyway if we're nominating candidates for motherhood I'd say you would make a great mom."

"Me?" I gape at her. "I wouldn't know the first thing about being a good mom." Swallowing thickly my mind swam with images of my little peanut, and how much I actually miss her though I tell myself she doesn't exist. It's easier to think about it as something that never happened. Yeah, that shit never works. "My...Renee, she wasn't a very good mother, or person...definitely not a good representation of a parent."

Mary shrugged. "Just because she sucked as a parent doesn't mean you will."

_I've heard those words so many times before._

"I know there's alot you haven't told me," she continued,"and I know it's hard for you to open up, but you have to learn to trust people. I love you, your dad loves you, what more do you need?" She sat beside me and threw her arm around my shoulders. I sank into her side, letting out a gust of air.

"I don't know, it's hard. I hate thinking about it. I've been so happy here in a place no one knows me and I don't want to taint that." I'm scared that the demons I tried so hard to run away from will catch up to me sooner or later. I don't know if I could deal with my dad or Mary looking at me with disgust at the things I've done.

"I want to tell you something about myself." She took a deep breath."I ran away from home at fifteen with a guy I only knew for two days to Seattle. For three straight weeks I partied and got piss drunk. My dad found me and dragged me back home, but I ran away again. This time I hitch hiked to California. I got hooked on coke soon after that and my life was fucking spiraling out of control so fast it almost killed me. I overdosed and when I woke up my step-mom, dad, and Charlie were right by my side...It took me hitting fucking rock bottom just to see that my parents loved me so much and they really only wanted what was best for me, I was just too stubborn to see it that way. I got clean and have been ever since..." She quirked an eyebrow at me. "Now, do you think any less of me?"

"Of course not."

I'm shocked most definitely, but to see her now as this person, this strong confident woman who has had struggles of her own and can freely speak about them, well that gives me hope that one day I can do the same.

She took my hand into hers. "Then I want you to trust me with the same."

"Can we...Maybe...Not today?"

"Whenever you're ready." She declared and kissed my cheek.

We sat in relative silence with only the sounds of our breathing mixed into the air, until, **"The test!" **I could see how terrified she was to look, so I grabbed them and did it for her.

"What does it say?"

"You're not pregnant." I smiled.

"Oh thank god," She hopped up from the floor and walked to the door, throwing it open, "See ya later."

* * *

><p>Have you ever had one of those nights when every ounce of your energy is gone, but you just can't sleep? My stupid clock and it's constant tic, toc, tic, toc...It's all around me. I tried to drown out the sound by placing a pillow over my head, but the noise never stopped...I can't stop thinking about what Mary said-that she thought I would be a good mother. God, I wanted to tell her so bad about the child I left behind. I don't know what happened to my daughter and that's weighing me down. I hadn't thought about it until I slipped into bed and tried to sleep; I left my baby behind for someone else to have...I don't know if Edward or someone in his family took her in. I didn't leave a note or anything to tell someone that I wanted her to be with the Cullens. What if she's not?<p>

How could I have been so stupid? And why is it now just hitting me?

It's been seven months and while I have thought about her, I failed to realize that in my hurry to leave I left no indication as to where I wanted her to be...I was running so fast I never looked back.

And Edward...How stupid am I? Why did I do this?

When morning comes I'm still very much awake. I lay in bed most of the day-time kept marching on. I couldn't eat nor did I have the urge to move from deep within my covers. I couldn't feel anything except the internal clock inside of my head...

"What's wrong?" Came a soft voice from my door. Mary was standing there with her arms crossed at her chest. I didn't even hear her come in.

"Nothing's wrong." I say trying, and failing to sound sleepy.

She sat on the edge of my bed. "Somethings wrong. When I left last night you were fine, and now I come back and you look terrible. What happened?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Maybe later." I do want to tell her, but right now with my lack of sleep my mind isn't clear enough to lay something like that on her.

"Alright well, get up. It's the Fourth for fucks sakes. Charlie's got the grill going and Jake and Billy are on their way." She ruffles my hair and leaves me to it.

_Here goes nothing._

After I'm showered and dressed I feel a little better. Now all I need is a huge cup of coffee and it will be like I was never up for twenty four hours.

I walk downstairs and into the kitchen where I bump into my twin. "Hey Aunt Mary." I kiss her cheek.

I could see a broad smile on her face as she pushed past me.. "Don't call me that in public kid. I'm nine years older than you, not twenty. Technically I'm more like your sister than your aunt so-"

"_Blah, blah, blah_. Where's Dad?" I smell coffee and pour myself a cup.

"He ran out with Sue to get a couple of things."

"Ohh, so they're finally going out in public now? How cute. She's a really nice lady."

Charlie and Sue have been batting eyelashes at each other way before I got here according to Mary and some of the townsfolk. Sue's husband died suddenly about three years ago and since he and Charlie were close, Sue leaned on him for support. They've grown closer and just recently have started seeing each other more often. I'm happy for both of them.

"Pretty soon they'll be knockin' boots." Mary winked.

"That's disgusting."

"We can't all be a stick in the mud about sex like you Belly Boo."

I sat my coffee down. "I'm not a stick in the mud, I just don't want to hear about my dad doing the nasty."

"Speaking of doing the nasty, you let Jake in your pants yet?"

That's even worse!

"No! I don't like Jake like that for the one millionth time." She wants us to be together so bad. Jake is my little brother and I'm his pale faced sister, that's it.

He has his eyes on Leah, Sue's daughter.

"Don't you know men and women can't be friends."

"That's not true," I disagree, "men and women can have a great relationship that doesn't involve humping each others brains out."

"But that's the best part." She huffed struggling to open a can of beans.

"Whatever." I snatch both the can and can opener from her. Mary is a fantastic waitress, but cook? Yeah, she should stick to what she knows.

Loud footsteps and the front door being slammed brought my attention to my father. "Hey Bells," he kissed my cheek, "hey slugger." he ruffled Mary's hair.

"Butthead." She frowned.

"That's very mature."

"Hey dad." I'm genuinly happy to see him.

"I'm going to throw some ribs on the grill. You think you can whip up a sauce for them?" He asked me.

"Sure. I know the perfect recepie." I get straight to work on Grandma Swan's ten minute bar-b-que sauce. Everyone will love it.

"Hello girls." Sue walks into the kitchen with the brightest smile, which has a lot to do with the tall, dark, and handsome man standing beside me. His eyes say it all as she moves around giving out hugs and setting grocery bags down.

"Hey Sue. How are you?" We do our customary double kiss on each cheek.

"Amazing dear! It's such a beautiful day, great for a bar-b-que." Her long black hair fell around her perfectly round face. Sue had cheekbones to die for and eyes such a rich deep brown I could see why Charlie was so smitten. She was beautiful, and it showed not just through her physical looks, but in her personality. She radiated goodness.

Getting to know Sue in this short amount of time, but really coming to see her as a mother figure oftentimes makes me wish we could have met a long time ago. I think about the shitty hand life dealt me and how incredibly sad I've been for the last twelve years. Why wouldn't Renee let me know about my father? I missed out on so much life...So much love. Seven months of this peaceful existence is hardly enough to scratch away the filth that has encased my soul, the very being of who I am.

Looking around at these amazing people only shows that I'm still dirty...And the people I've hurt...Well, that makes me worthless. No amount of time spent running away will change that.

"What's wrong?" My dad asks as he stands beside me. I must have been really in my head because Sue and Mary are no longer in the kitchen with us.

"Nothing," I look up at him, "Why do you ask?"

"That face...It reminds me so much of your mother's." He shifted his eyes toward the wall.

_Not that again_. I don't want any part of me to resemble any part of that monster.

We've talked about everything...Well, mostly everything. I told him what I thought he should know about Renee, but I didn't delve too deep into the abuse or what came after.

He told me things too.

Like he knew I existed but he didn't know where I was or anything about me. As the story goes he met Renee when she was just sixteen and he was twenty-one. He was attending Arizona State and Renee liked to frequent the college parties. They fell in love...He bought her the necklace that I wear, that Renee wore until she died-but of course they couldn't be together in public because of the age difference. My dad said he knew it was wrong to be in love with her because she was so young, but he couldn't help the way he felt. She was perfect for him in every sense of the word. He was going to wait until she turned eighteen and then they were going to get married; he would give her the life she always wanted...

Of course it didn't turn out that way. She got pregnant with me. They both freaked out. When Gran found out she called Charlie's folks and they had a meet up to discuss what should be done. They all agreed that Renee was too young and Charlie was in no position to take care of her, so they broke them apart.

According to Charlie it was only suppose to be until they could figure everything out but Renee was so hurt by then she refused to see him, or really have anything to do with the situation. He lost contact after that.

When I told him she was dead he seemed really sad about it. I decided not to tell him about the Renee I knew and let him go forward with believing she was everything he thought she was. I could be mad that he didn't try harder to find me...But honestly what sense would that make. Maybe I was meant to find him now and in the grand scheme of things I think it matters more.

Around three in the afternoon Jake and Billy arrive. The ribs were just comig off the grill and I was slathering them in sauce when two big arms wrapped around my waist.

"There's my girl."

"Jake, I just saw you yesterday."

"But I missed you." He pouted.

"Awww, look at you two. How cute." Mary gushed. I roll my eyes and proceed to put the finishing touches on our meal.

Ribs, baked beans, pasta salad, and a cherry cheesecake for desert. I know, I'm that damn good.

"So Bella. Charlie tells me you're from Seattle. Did you grow up there?" Billy asked when we were all seated at the table.

I hate being the center of attention, and I could have sworn we had this conversation when I first got here. Maybe he doesn't remember. "No. I lived in Phoenix, then San Francisco for awhile. We moved around a lot."

"Renee never took me as a traveler." Charlie scoffed.

"She wasn't." No, she didn't like to pay her bills so we got evicted a lot, that is until she met Phil. "I lived in Phonix from the time I was born until I was about eight..." Just thinking about it is making me lose my appetit.

"San Francisco sounds like a great place." Sue smiled.

I wanted to say It's not. I didn't get to explore much of the city because I was locked in the house on permanant punishment, but I remained quiet.

I figure they got the hint because Charlie changed the subject. "So Jacob, you excited about going back to U-Dub?"

Jake stopped stuffing him mouth."Yeah. I'll miss you guys though."

"We'll still be here. It's only four hours away." I try to lighten the somber mood that settled around the table.

"Yeah, plus you get to go to some kick ass parties." Mary fist pumped. She's such an idiot.

"I hope you're not partying too hard son." Billy gave him the eye.

"No sir. Parties aren't really my thing. The last one I went to I got wasted." He laughed and everyone around the table joined in. I think we all know what those college parties can do to you.

Everyone except Jake and I move to the living room to talk. We're still stuffing our faces.

"So, do you meet girls at these parties?" I ask, bumping his arm with mine.

"No. I haven't been to any parties since my first one."

"Did you have a bad experience?" What guy doesn't enjoy a good time?

"Well, sort of...I woke up in a motel next to some girl...After that, it kind of lost it's appeal."

"Wow." I laughed at the irony.

"What?"

Shaking my head. "Nothing."

It's just that when I woke up in a situation like that I got pregnant.

* * *

><p>At sunset I hop into Jake's little blue Toyota and we head to the reservation. We're meeting everyone at La Push Beach later, but first he wanted to show me something. It's <em>special<em> he says...We'll see.

"Close your eyes."

I do as he says and he leads me toward what I'm guessing is the shed. His **man-cave **as he calls it but it's more like a dust bucket with permanent grease stains. Once we're inside he leaves me by the door "Keep your eyes closed woman!" as he moves around clanging things around. It's tempting to peek with him making so much noise but I keep my eyes tightly shut and wait patiently.

"Ok, open those beautiful eyes."

What I see when my eyes adjust to my surroundings is a dust of course, but dust covering the burnt orange hood of a pick up truck. Jake looks so proud as he stands next to it.

"Is this yours?" I run my palm over the chipped paint

"No, it's yours."

"Mine? What do you mean?" Am I missing something?

"I fixed it up for you. Well, Charlie bought it from the junk yard and he asked me to work my magic so that's what I've been doing. It runs good considering it's pretty old, I fixed up the engine and everything so..."

I'm still stuck on the fact that he said it's mine.

"Wow." I'm speechless. "This...How...When..."

"Just say thanks babe."

He opens his arms and I run into them. This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me, and it takes so much for me to not break down like a little baby. He did this for me, and I have no way to repay him.

"You didn't have to."

"But I wanted to. You deserve it."

"No I don't." I'm quick to disagree.

Jake pulled away and grabbed my shoulders holding me at arms length; his eyes roam over my face and whatever he was looking for he found. "You are an incredible woman...Don't you ever forget that."

He doesn't give me time to let his words really sink in before we're moving toward his house.

"I'm just going to change really quick. Make yourself at home. Don't mind the mess."

"It's fine. I expect it from two guys." He snorted and walked to his room.

The house was actually very clean; some things were thrown here and there but I could tell that Jake and Billy took great care of their home. The walls were painted a light brown and the furniture was all dark leather upholstered...Very manly indeed. I walk around admiring the pictures hanging from the walls and chuckle at the goofy pictures of Jake when he was younger. There are a few pictures of his mother, he resembles her very much. They have the same mega watt smile and russet brown coloring.

She was a very beautiful woman and I know she is greatly missed.

By the fireplace there are more pictures, this time of Billy when he was younger. He was quite the looker in his day with much of the same build as Jake has now.

There was one picture though that caught my eye, no more like stopped me dead in my tracks. It was of Jake, a more recent photo...

His hair...It was long and coal black. He was wearing a white tee shirt and jeans...

His _hair_.

_Oh my GOD!_

"Hey what are you looking at?" I nearly jumped out of my skin when Jake touched my arm.

"Whoa jumpy. What's gotten into you?"

"Just...I was um, just looking at your picture. When did you cut your hair?" I rush out. This can't be happening, can it?

"I cut it about two months ago on a dare."

**FUCK!**

It's him.

I knew he looked familiar but I didn't know where I saw him.

It was at that party.

...It's all rushing back now.

He came over and asked if I wanted a drink. I was already pretty wasted and my eyes saw potential in the tall muscular man...I wanted to have some fun.

_He said he woke up next to some girl in a sleazy motel._

"What's wrong?" He asked now looking concerned.

All the air rushed out of my lungs..._He doesn't have to know._

"What time is the bonfire?" I steady myself when really I want to run out of the house screaming.

"We can head down to La Push now if you want."

"Sure." I need some air before I vomit.

_What are the odds...What are the fucking odds..._

The quietness within the car is only exceeded by the soft dark quietness of the July evening. I looked up to the sky where the stars shown brightly. It was a beautiful evening and yet you would think a tremendous storm was descending upon us by looking at me. I was scared to death, a plethora of what ifs ran through my mind. Self doubt was in control and my heart was racing so much I could feel it pounding against my shirt.

We arrived at La Push and my nerves tripled. I opened the car door, stepped out and very quietly closed it again. I walked around the front of the car following Jake down toward the beach. I was gripped with fear, fear of the unknown to be sure. The only thing I knew was that I was afraid and that was all I needed to know.

Forks is just full of surprises isn't it? Somehow I think this bit of information will be the end of my quiet little bubble.

Jake throws his arm around me, I know sensing the tension coursing through my body. I can't even look at him. I only look up when we approach a group of people.

"Hey Jake my man! It's about time you showed that ugly face."One of the guys snatched him roughly away from my side and they began wrestling.

The other guys cheered them on-for a moment I forget about the shitstorm brewing and giggle at their playful banter.

I'm going to ruin this for him, and I'll never forgive myself for it.

"Hey Bella, these are my friends Quil and Embry. Guys, this is Bella Swan." He introduced me. There were more people around us but these two mattered the most to Jake.

"Hey I remember you." The tall, gangly guy named Embry looked me over.

"Excuse me?" To me he was quite imposing and intimidating.

"You were at that party we went to. Jake, don't you remember?"

I think if my stomach could do flips it would have been doing somersaults. All I could do was stand there, helpless.

"What are you talking about dude?"

"She's that girl from the party. The two of you went to the motel down the street." Quil pumped his hips like he was having sex.

I've never felt so low...and I've had plenty of low fucking moments. This takes the cake.

I raise my glassy eyes toward my bestfriend and see that the color has drained from his face. I felt sick...I opened my mouth to explain but he held up his hand, he didn't allow me to say anything. My discomfort came from two sources, finding out he's the father of my baby, and him actually finding out the same.

He gestured that I follow him and I do with a feeling of dread. We walked further down the beach, away from everyone. He turned suddenly and I collided with his chest.

"Is this true?"

"Yeah I think so." I choked out the words.

"...You were wearing a red dress," he replied emphatically,"your hair was pulled back into a ponytail and,"he looked at the locket," You were wearing that necklace. Shit, I remember."

I looked down at the sand fully ashamed of his revelation. If only that was the end of it, but it's much worse. I felt Jakes arms around me, giving me a hug. He felt so warm and soft against me...But I was trying to keep myself from crying, there's no way he could miss that.

"Stop now, no tears."

"I'm just...I'm sorry that happened."

"This is so crazy." he sighed, "I always felt that I knew you from somewhere and to find out that we have actually crossed paths...It's so-"

"Our dads don't need to know that we hooked up. Let's just keep that between me and you." I don't want him to dwell on it any longer, and I definitely don't want Charlie finding out.

"Yeah." He was still in a state of shock and there was nothing I could do or say to take it away.

Jake took my arm and held it close to his. "You want to go grab something to eat. We can talk a little more."

_No..._

"Sure."

_**No...**_

"That sounds great."

_**Don't do this Bella. You're going to ruin his life!**_

"Is the diner okay?"

I nod and he leads the way.

We left the bonfire and the beach behind us...

He held my hand the entire way back to Forks Diner. We were silent but it wasn't uncomfortable, it was the silence I think we needed to really process what just happened. I'm holding on to this moment because once I tell him the truth he'll hate me.

It's not until we're sitting in a booth at the diner do we speak.

"Bella? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, I'm sorry. I was just thinking about something." About losing you, losing this...

"What were you thinking about?" He queried. His question entirely innocent had a meaning I didn't understand.

I should just tell him.

"_Ummmm_," I hesitated, "I was just thinking about how much this changes things."

"It doesn't have to. We're still Jake and Bella."

_**Tell him...**_

"Listen-"

But he cut me off,"you're still my bestfriend Bells. I love you...Yeah, it's a little weird that we've actually had sex and its taken me this long to remember you, but it changes nothing. Don't beat yourself up about it."

"But there's something I need to tell you." I replied with a sudden surge of confidence.

"Bella?"

The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end...I knew that voice. I slowly turn my head and there he is. Tall, domineering, and scary as hell.

"Edward..."

And I thought things couldn't get worse.

"What's wrong?" Jacob followed my eyes to the man standing not even ten feet from our table.

"I...I..."

But it was too late.

Edward Cullen was stalking toward me with a look that could kill.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ok so probably not what you guys were expecting, but the next chapter will be the official meet up of our two main characters. It's going to be messy and I'm going to warn all of you now...Just because they have reunited, doesn't mean everything will go back to normal. I'm thinking outside the box here and I hope you guys join me for the ride. Leave me some love...**


	34. Chapter 34

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot!**

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><p>Chapter 34<p>

EPOV

The morning of our scheduled trip to Forks I'm in a bad mood and running off of a few hours of sleep. With Claire teething she was up and down all night crying and holding her seemed like the only thing that could calm her down enough to sleep. Then there's the issue of Tanya fucking Denali...

Things have been unbearably tense since our fight; since I found out her true motives. What hurt me the most was what she said about Claire. My little girl has done nothing wrong and for Tanya to assume that I would love any child that shared my DNA more than Claire just shows the type of person she is. I've given her a month to get out of my house; I wanted to give her a week but I'm trying hard to be realistic... I don't have time to entertain her stupidity, I just want her out of my life forever, and even though I hate her she insists on tagging along on the trip. She'll be sorely ignored-no one wants her to come and the only reason why I can't leave her behind is because of mom and dad, that's it. I want nothing more to do with the woman.

I'm putting the last of my things into the car when I see Tanya coming out of the house carrying Claire in her car seat. Irrational anger bubbles up inside of me and I'm stomping up to her, as hard as I try not to snatch the handle away from her, it still takes her by surprise. I look down at Claire to make sure she's in happy baby spirits, which she is, and strap her into the car myself. If she had even one tear in her big brown eyes all hell would break loose on Tanya's head.

"You have to stop this Edward, I'm not going to hurt her." Tanya pouted from the passenger seat.

"I don't trust you. I really wish you wouldn't touch her at all." I start up the car.

"You act like I'm going to strangle her. I love Claire like she was my own, I would never do anything to her!"

I turn to her to make myself abundantly clear, "Stop while you're ahead Tanya. I know how you really feel about my daughter and as far as I'm concerned I don't want you to even look at her. Stay away from us on this trip and when we get back I expect you out of my house."

She tried but failed to keep her emotions in check, once the sniffling started I knew it wouldn't stop. I realize I'm being a total asshole to Tanya out of spite because of what she was trying to do, but I feel that my hate for her runs deeper than that...It's developed into not caring that I'm being a jerk anymore. It says alot about Tanya's character in that she takes my anger and truly believes that she can change me, take all of my pain away. Doesn't she get it? I'll never be whole again.

All of these months and I still can't get over Bella's absence. I dream about her more often than I care to admit, though the dreams are more like memories; small things that didn't seem important when they happened have become all I can think about now.

What kind of existence is this?

I pull up to my parents home to see my father and Rosalie loading up Emmett's obnoxious Hummer. Mom follows Alice out of the house carrying grocery bags full of food for the road, and believe me with Emmett the human garbage disposal, all of the food will be gone by the time we make it to Forks.

"ROADTRIP!"

"Emmett you thirty-one year old child, calm down!" Rosalie slapped her husband in the arm.

I tell Tanya to stay in the car but I grab Claire out of her car seat and bring her with me. She's happy to be out and as soon as she sees her Nana Esme she starts clapping and talking away.

"There's my little darling." My mother swoops her out of my arms. Forget I'm standing here, Claire steals the attention every time.

"I see your slag still decided to come." Alice walked up beside me.

"Yeah well talk to your father about that one."

"It's your fault you know. You have a hero complex. Save the whores, save the world."

"Alice, shut up."

"Are you riding with us dear?" Mom asked.

"No, I just wanted to stop by so we could all leave together." It's unfortunate but I have decided to opt out of riding with my family this time. I think things will be better if we're separated. I've got Tanya (unfortunately) and Claire to keep me company.

Jasper announces that everything is packed and ready to go. Rose, Mom, Dad, and Emmett pile into the hummer. Jasper and Alice get into their car since they always drive separately and are the first to leave the driveway. Once Emmett pulls out I follow close behind...

Forks here we come.

* * *

><p><em>Four Hours Later<em>

Traveling with a six month old is easy...

...says no parent EVER!

Things started out fine. Claire was happy playing with her toys in the backseat, Tanya had her ear buds in listening to one of those audible books, and I was enjoying the soft sounds of some of my favorite classical pieces.

What? I like to be relaxed when I'm on the road. Don't judge me!

That first hour or so was great...

Until the crying began.

I tried giving Claire her pacifier, which she threw out of her car seat immediately. She didn't want her toys either. Tanya volunteered to help and against my better judgment I allowed her. That was a mistake, if anything she made things worse. She didn't know what to do to stop Claire from crying and obviously my daughter didn't want anything to do with her, so the screaming continued. It got to a point where I couldn't take it anymore and let Tanya take over the driving while I climbed into the backseat. I tried feeding her, she didn't want that.

Then I remembered, she's teething..._Duh Cullen! _

I grabbed her diaper bag and fished out the baby Orajel mom told me to buy. I rubbed some on her sore gums and thought that should calm her down, which it did for a little but she started to cry again. I had to take her out of her car seat and rock her to sleep. I then realized after strapping Claire back into her seat that Tanya somehow got us lost. She took the wrong exit and we ended up heading toward another town. I couldn't get too mad, she'd never been to Forks before, but really how hard is it to read the signs.

Finally, we reached the winding road secluded by tall evergreen trees. If you didn't know there was a road there it would be easy to miss. I think that's why mom and dad loved it so much. The seclusion from the rest of the town made it so we could be ourselves without having nosy neighbors sniffing around, because Forks is gossip city. This house holds some of the best memories of my life, and on more than one occasion I miss being here.

Even the weather is on its best behavior.

The contemporary boxy home is the first thing that strikes you once you clear the trees. It's unique, unlike any home I've ever seen. My dad was able to find this gem when it was being remodeled back when he and mom first got married. Over the years they've made changes, and of course with mom being into all things home and design, she added her flair and made the house even more kick ass. The use of timber is really what does it for me though which creates a nice contrast against the green forest setting...

Yeah, it's great to be back.

_You're a nerd Cullen._

I sent Tanya ahead while I grabbed a sleeping Claire from the backseat. Jasper and Emmett helped carry the rest of our things into the house and up to the third floor. Mom was uncovering the furniture and trying to contain the dust, it would be gone before long.

I lay Claire down in the middle of my bed and began unpacking our things. She had way more stuff than I did; you know diapers, bottles, clothes, back up clothes, back up back up clothes, toys, shoes...So after assembling her pack-n-play I sorted through her things and put them away for now. I was finishing up when Tanya walked in and dropped her bags in the middle of the room.

"Nice." She looked around.

"What are you doing?"

"This is our room right?" Her gaze took in my entire figure and blushed deeply.

"My room," I pointed out of the door,"You can sleep downstairs."

"But-"

"Please! Have I given you any indication that I want you anywhere near me?" She's driving me fucking crazy!

"I just thought, you know, we could try to work things out while we're here."

"There is nothing to work out. I think I've made myself crystal clear."

Tanya stomped her foot and walked up to my face."Why are you so fucking mean to me? How many times do I have to say I'm sorry huh? I've tried to be what you need but you keep pushing and pushing. I just want to be with you Edward! Why can't you see that?"

"Keep your fucking voice down!"

"I'm tired of you treating me like shit!"

"THEN LEAVE! I don't want you here, nobody does!"

"FUCK YOU EDWARD! FUCK YOU!" She pushed against my chest.

"I think you already have Tanya, but you'll never touch me again." I swear you could see the steam coming out of her ears.

"What's going on here!" My mom and Alice came charging in the room.

"What's going on is your son has no fucking respect!"

"Excuse me young lady but I'll have to ask you not to use that kind of language in front of me and in front of my granddaughter. Now I don't know what's going on between you and my son but I won't tolerate this fighting, not on my vacation."

It takes a lot for my mom to lose her cool, we haven't been here and hour and already the shit is hitting the fan.

"You're right. I'm sorry Mrs. Cullen...It won't happen again." Tanya looked ashamed.

"Yeah, sorry mom." I'm just as ashamed; not about Tanya though.

"Alice, please help Tanya find a room downstairs."

"But why-"

"Just do it!" Mom snapped, and that was final. Alice huffed out of the room with a dejected Tanya following behind.

"Edward-" Mom started.

"It was your idea to let her come, that doesn't mean I have to be bothered with her." I cut her off.

"The way you're treating her is cruel."

Oh, so I'm the bad guy now._ Ok..._ "There's a lot you don't know mom."

"We can talk."

"Right now I just want to get some shut eye. Can you keep an eye on Claire for me?"

She paused and seemed to collect her thoughts. "Sure honey."

I just need some time to myself.

* * *

><p>After my nap I decide to face the music. My mini tantrum coupled with Tanya's outburst surely has my family wanting answers. At this time I have none to give, at least none that I'm sure they want to hear. I won't let this put a damper on my time in Forks though...I refuse to be in a pissy mood while I'm here. It's July fourth ; I've got great food to eat and fireworks to see.<p>

Jumping in the shower I mentally and physically try to relax. I think of some of my fondest memories in Forks. Like the time Emmett and I tried and failed to build a tree house. We thought we had a solid foundation until Emmett stepped through one of the wood planks and got his leg caught. I laughed for days, even after mom grounded us for being so stupid.

Or the time we were playing hide and seek in the woods with Alice. She couldn't have been more than five but she was at that annoying stage where she wanted to be around me all the time. It was her turn to hide while Emmett and I counted to fifty. We couldn't find her anywhere. Mom was going to kill us if we didn't find her so we stayed out until it got dark. With no luck we came home in tears, crying to our parents that we lost our baby sister. Dad rolled his eyes and laughed, _**"Your sister is asleep in bed."**_Sure enough, the little nugget was cuddled up with Tango, her sock monkey, with the most content smile on her face.

She got us good that day, and we never let her play with us again.

Downstairs I smell the beginnings of a great meal. Mom had something simmering on the stove while Rose and Alice, with Claire on her hip, assembled cut up veggies on a serving platter. My dad and the guys were out back fiddling with the gas grill.

"Well, look who decided to join the land of the living." Alice smiled at me then down at Claire, who upon seeing me gave the biggest, gummy grin. I scooped her into my arms and blew a raspberry on her cheek. She's so freaking cute I could eat her up.

"What have you been up to babygirl?" I move some of her curly hair from her forehead and lay a kiss there.

"She's been trying to eat everything in sight." Rose replied, handing her a small piece of banana. Claire definitely seemed in better spirits. I do take notice that Tanya is visibly absent.

"Don't worry, your slag is upstairs getting dressed. And you say it takes me forever to get ready." Alice mumbled moving around me to the refrigerator.

"The guys must be having trouble getting the grill going." Mom watched them from the window. Dad and Emmett were tinkering with the dials of the old grill. Jasper stood back sipping on the beer. This isn't exactly his scene, I'm surprised he's not off in a corner reading something. "I told Carlisle we needed a new one ten years ago."

"Well you know dad, always trying to fix things until they blow up in his face."

Right on cue the grill goes up in flames. Talk about shitty timing.

I hand Claire over to Alice and run outside with the fire extinguisher. No one was hurt thank God, but I think it scared Dad and Emmett more than anything. The all-knowing Jasper shot me a wink once I put out the fire. His ability to just know when something is going to happen is starting to freak me the hell out.

The gravity of the situation dawned on us as we hopelessly stare at the chard piece of crap. "No ribs, no hot dogs, no steak." Emmett cried out and fell dramatically to his knees.

I just listened to the complaints of my family, not really knowing what to say to make our situation better. Sure we could cook everything inside, but this is tradition. Dad man's the grill while the women make the side dishes. We eat on the patio, enjoying the sun and warm summer air until it starts getting dark. It came to mind to say something flippant about the likelihood of us getting another grill before night fall as it was already well into the late afternoon.

After paying our last respects to the old grill, we all trudge inside a little depressed.

We sat around for a while talking about what we were going to do. Without the grill, the meat would take a while to cook in the stove. The sun was starting to set and the hunger pains were kicking in.

Tanya came down dressed like she was going to some swanky soiree in the Hollywood Hills...She received a major eye roll.

"Let's go to the diner. I'm in the mood for something greasy." Alice clapped like it was the best idea in the world.

It actually sounds pretty fantastic right now. "I'm in."

"Yeah, me too." Emmett said. "We can grab something quick then head over to the cliffs to watch the fireworks."

"Great idea. Let's go." Dad announced.

I went upstairs to grab Claire's jacket and diaper bag and met them outside.

"A diner? I got all dressed up to go to some greasy hole in the wall diner?" Tanya bitched. Luckily no one else heard her but me.

"You can stay here," I hiss, "you won't be missed, I can promise you that."

She zipped her lips and stomped to the car.

Needless to say the ride was quiet.

There's no place like Forks Diner. It hadn't changed a bit. Everything even down to the duct tape holding the faux leather down on the bench seats was still the same. This place is a staple for my family. Friday nights after my and Emmett's games, Mom and Dad would bring us to the diner to pig out. They have everything under the sun and the best waitresses in all of Washington State.

Lucky, the owner, greeted us at the door. The diner was pretty crowded but he promised us he had room.

"I'll send Rachael right over to take your orders." He said once we were comfortably seated in the only big booth, reserved only for parties of more than five.

Lucky may be sweaty and grease can always be found on his clothes, but he's a good guy. I see a lot of familiar faces in the crowd and wave to some of my old classmates. We were something like royalty around Forks. Emmett and Alice reveled in it, I sort of always shied away from the attention. Most of the people only liked us because of what we represented to them...Money.

I look down at the content little girl sitting in my moms lap and smile. I hope Claire could grow to love Forks and all it's dreariness. We'll definitely make more trips back in the future. Our waitress comes by and takes our orders; I go with the burger. You can never go wrong with a diner burger and fries. We eat and talk and its like old times all over again. I can't remember seeing my family so happy, we've all got a smile on our face. A few people stop by our table for small talk and remember good times that have passed...

"Hey guys, we better finish up if we want to get a good spot on the cliff." Dad says polishing off the last of his steak. He's right. The cliff was always our favorite place because the fireworks were so much closer there. Not many knew about the cliff so for years it was just us there, but like all good things they must come to an end. People started to go up on the cliffs now.

I stand to stretch a little and gather Claire from her highchair...

I don't know why but my eyes shoot the the back of the diner...and there is the very last person I ever thought I would see.

"Bella?"

Every muscle in her body tensed at the sound of my voice. Her head slowly turned and our eyes connect. I see her, right there in the fucking flesh. As real as I am standing here glued to this spot, not my imagination playing tricks on me. She's right there...My first instinct is to grab her, pull her into my arms, smell her hair, feel her body pressed to mine... But then I notice the hulking dark figure sitting across from her in the booth and that heavenly feeling I had is shot to shit. It surprises me how fast I shift from wanting her in my arms, to wanting to strangle her. My feet are moving in her direction...All I can think about is getting to her, ethics be damned. Her already wide eyes seem to grow wider with shock.

Yes, it's me.

No, you won't be running this time.

I see her grab the guys hand tightly in her own and stutter something to him...I see fucking red.

"So this is where you've been?"

She stared at me completely speechless.

"Answer me Bella! You could have had the decency to wait and tell me you were leaving."

She shrank away from me, but recovered enough to meet my eyes again. "Edward, not here...Please don't do this." She begs. I'm so far beyond the point where I give a fuck.

"Fuck this, I think you owe me an explanation. Give me something to explain why you ran away from me."

She looked at the guy with pleading eyes which only served to piss me off further.

"Who the fuck is this?"

"Edward-"

"Are you selling yourself again?" I know I shouldn't have said that and by the way her eyes fill with tears I likely made everything worse.

"Whoa, Bella who the fuck is this douche bag?" The little punk, who when he stood to his full height wasn't little by any means glared down at me. He had at least a good three inches on me, maybe more but I refuse to feel punked in this situation.

"He's no one Jake. Let's just go." Bella stood and grabbed his hand to pull him out of my face.

"So now I'm no one? After all I've done for you-"

"Edward stop please! Jake doesn't know about any of that."

"I don't give a fuck about this asshole and what he doesn't know. I want an explanation from you!"

"I don't owe you shit!" She's turning redder by the minute; I can tell she's panicking. If its one thing I remember about her is she hates feeling threatened.

I'm the bad guy again, just like when I kept her locked up in my home.

"Let's go Bells. I don't want to have to hurt this asshole." The Incredible Hulk wrapped his arm around her and started to lead her away.

_No, don't go!_

_I'm sorry! _

_Just talk to me, please!_

I want to say all of these things, but I don't want to look like more of a pussy then I already do. I watch them leave the diner, and Alice follow them out.

_**Oh fuck!**_

My sister is like a raging bull. Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie run out behind her, but its too late. I make it outside just as Alice rears back and slaps the shit out of Bella. It throws her off kilter for a moment but Bella charges at Alice and pushes her backwards with so much force my sister flies back before falling to the ground. Mom comes outside carrying Claire and when she sees them fighting she bursts into tears. This is just a clusterfuck of chaos that I started...and really at this moment I just want to go.

Alice and Bella continue to fight while the Hulk and Jasper try pulling them apart. Claire let's out a high pitched scream that seemed to pull Bella out of her rage just as Alice pushed her down to the ground, it didn't seem to bother her because her eyes were focused on the squealing baby in my mother's arms.

"Oh my god." She cries and covers her face with her hands.

Captain Steroids picks her up and Bella continues to cry repeating _"oh my god" _over and over again. My mom walks toward her...my heart clenches when Bella opens them and looks at her daughter. I find myself moving closer to the scene playing out infront of everyone, tears coming to my eyes as well.

"Bells...how old is she?" The guy asks, I notice he's frozen like a deer in headlights.

Bella's face crumbles once again. "She'll be seven months on the twenty-fifth...I had her on Christmas." She all but whispered, but her words were very loud and clear. He started to back away.

"Bella-"

"I'm so sorry Jake..."

What the hell is going on?

"She...She looks a lot like me when I was a baby." He exhaled as if he couldn't believe what he was looking at, and once he said those words my heart dropped. No, it can't be.

"Yes, she does." Bella says, her eyes never leaving Claire.

"I...I have...to go." He turned and speed walked to his car.

Bella didn't care too much.

"You should follow your boyfriend bitch! We don't want you around here." Alice had to be the one to break the somber mood.

"Alice!" Rose hissed.

"No, fuck her. She has destroyed our family and you think I'm just going to let that go?"

"No one is asking you to, you fucking midget from hell!" Bella bit back, I tried and failed to hold in my chuckle.

Alice slapped my arm, "Don't curse in front of my niece." It's funny because I'm pretty sure Alice was the one to initiate the cursing...

"Your niece? She's not yours?"

"No, Edward adopted her."

Bella met my eyes, once again filled with tears. I didn't want to make things harder by starting another fight with her, as much as I wanted clarity this is not the time nor place for it...I just can't believe she's been here this whole time. My heart, my mind...I'm conflicted. And then she says the last thing I ever thought I would hear.

"Thank you."

She sounded small, beaten. I pitied her in that moment, but she never looked more beautiful. I looked at her, studied her big brown eyes still locked on to mine...She had changed so much. Gone was the hard edge to her eyes I remember so well; the puffiness in her face is gone, of course her body is small now. There's no big bulge beneath her clothes anymore...I'm not used to seeing her like this. She glanced around at everyone, a crowd had formed around us, I hadn't even noticed. Her chin wobbled only for a moment before visibly checking herself. Straightening up she started to back away from me.

"I'm sorry...um...I have to go."

"Bella-" I can't let her walk away from me again. She turns and runs, running so fast I'm scared she might fall but she's moving up the street and out of my sight.

I'm walking, faster, faster still until a hand pulls me back. It's Jasper and he's telling me to stop. "Let her go Ed. She needs time."

"Yeah, well what about me!" I feel them falling, my tears of sadness and anger rest on my cheeks.

How dare she! How fucking dare she!

"I have to find her." He's still pulling me back, and my father is helping him.

"No Edward. Leave her alone."

"I can't do that!" Can't they see, this is breaking me apart.

"You have to son or you risk the chance of her disappearing again."

...I can't fucking leave her alone.

_I have to talk to her._

_I have to go talk to her._

I don't know how long I stand in the diner parking lot watching, waiting for any sign that she might come running back. Deep down I know she won't, but I'm holding out hope. Now that I know she's here it's like I can feel her all over me. I won't be able to rest...I'm restless now, even more so than before.

A woman, who looked so much like the girl my heart longs for stepped in front of me.

"She's staying with Chief Swan." And she's gone.

I hear the familiar _**boom**_ of fireworks going off when my brother pushes me into his car. I guess Alice is driving my car back home with the girls...I don't know.

"It's going to be alright son. Everything will work out."

I hear my father but I don't respond, because nothing feels like it's going alright to me.

_Happy fucking Independence day._

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><p><strong>AN: It's been a long time...I shouldn't have left you...without a dope chapter to read to. LOL Hello everyone, yes after 4 months I am finally posting. I've been lazy, I won't lie, and I had some writers block. This chapter isn't the best and maybe more of a filler than anything but I've been working on this baby at least for the last 3 months. As always, I won't abandon the story, i'm as interested to see where its heading as some of you are. I would love to hear what you guys think. **

**How much of an asshole is Edward? **

**And aren't we tired of Bella running away? **

**What about that Alice? I just love her.**

**Let me know what you think. Did you like it, did you hate it?**

**I'll see you all next time...**


	35. Chapter 35

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot!**

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><p>BPOV<p>

Chapter 35

_Shit! Fucking Shit!_

My legs propel me forward though I'm in no way conditioned for it. My lungs are on fire, I can't breathe, and I keep tripping as I blindly navigate through the dark streets toward my safe haven. I just have to get there before anyone finds me...I keep turning my head to look behind, to see if he's chasing me.

I want him to...

_...No, I don't._

_FUCK!_

I can't believe they're here; he's here. In what universe does shit like this happen? Running got me absolutely nowhere it seems because they were still able to find me, without trying. I turn the corner onto my street and spot my home; it's still dark so I won't have to face anyone like this. I slow down once I reach the porch and drag my sore limbs up the steps.

_One...Two...Three..._

_**Stumble...Fall...Crash...**_

I'm all out sobbing when my body hits the creaking wood; gut wrenching wails come forth attacking me with each breath. I would wake the neighbors if they were home, but everyone is out enjoying the fireworks. I can hear them booming in the distance...I would have loved to see them this time around.

Edward...He's here. His family is here with him, and he has my daughter.

The hatred in his eyes as he stalked toward me in that diner, I haven't been so afraid of someone in a very long time.

_**"So this is where you've been?"**_

I was absolutely speechless...Just seeing him was shocking enough, but also my little fortress of solitude had shattered into a million pieces the moment he confronted me. There he was; tall, broad, and possessed by anger. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end...

_**"Answer me Bella. You could have had the decency to wait and tell me you were leaving."**_

Yes, I could have, I wanted to say. I should have...That's the thing about fear, it makes you do things you know will hurt the ones you care about most.

_**"Fuck this, I think you owe me an explanation. Give me something to explain why you ran away from me."**_

That's the thing, I already told him. I've given him an explanation so many times and he never wanted to listen.

_**"Are you selling yourself again?"**_

God, those words were like a bucket of ice being dumped over my head-and Jake was right there...

_**"He's no one Jake. Let's just go."**_

We both said things we didn't mean. The remorse in his eyes matched mine. I wanted to protect Jake, my best friend, from the man I love because I knew Edward would jump to conclusions about us. I said it to make Edward back off so I could take hold of the spiraling situation-I never got the chance. It's not fair to Jake the way he found out about my secret. I was going to tell him, literally ten seconds before everything went to hell. He has a child he didn't know about-it was my job to tell him something life changing like that. I never wanted him to find out that way, with the evidence of our wreck less one night stand staring him right in the face.

And what a beautiful face she has; the perfect mixture of two people who made one life altering mistake.

...And I'm so fucking glad Edward has her.

Everything was happening so fast and the next thing I know I'm fighting the woman I once considered my sister. Alice had warned me before I left that she would beat my ass if I hurt her family...That's why it was no surprise when she slapped me. One thing I've always loved about Alice is her gusto. Don't ever judge her by her height and perky attitude, she's lethal. I'm sure this won't be the last time I have to defend myself against her; she's the least of my worries at this point.

I get clumsily to my feet and lean against the door searching my pockets for my key, inside, I crumble. It's funny how things we try to bury under simple silence have a way of clawing their way to the surface...Is there really such a thing as secrets? Or is it all the things we don't say are just waiting for the right time to spring up and catch us off guard. Try as I may my sins, my past, will never be concealed- It's inevitable that they will find the perfect time to suck the wind from me and ruin what I have going now.

I truly thought I was safe here. In Seattle of course I'm sure I would have run into them, but in Forks?

This world is entirely too small.

The house phone rings bringing me slowly out of my haze...My guess is it's my dad looking for me. I'm sure he's heard by now what happened at the diner. He'll be home soon wanting an explanation that I don't have the strength right now to give him, or anyone. So that means taking my sorry ass upstairs to my bedroom and locking myself inside. I want to call Jake-I have the phone in my hand and I'm ready to punch in the numbers. I know he's pissed, maybe beyond pissed which is understandable. I have a lot of explaining to do if he'll allow me to. Maybe it's best that our secrets are exposed...The universe works against the lies to correct itself and overcome the failures of our past and future. I don't want him to feel one ounce of guilt because while he played a part in this, he didn't know, and I didn't know nor care to ever find him.

I wish I'd never met him if it meant hurting him so badly. He would have been just fine never knowing me or what transpired between us.

_I hate myself so much._

Looking around for a moment I take in my modest room. This is the first bedroom in my life that truly belonged to me...After everything comes out which is bound to happen, potentially I may lose all of this. Charlie will hate me; Mary will shun me. He'll kick me out and I'll be back out on the streets. In their eyes I'll be the worthless slut I was in Seattle...I can't handle them turning their back on me. I may not survive this time.

But I deserve this shit. Look what I've done...I deserve their hatred, I deserve the abuse.

I deserve it...

I wept surprised I still had any tears left—they just flowed without stopping. It continued, so consumed with what had happened and really trying to grasp how it came to this. Feeling dizzy I lay down across my bed with my head buried in my pillows, trying to shield out the world at least for a little while longer curving into myself.

I wonder how long I can stay hidden.

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><p>A loud bang rouses me from sleep. I look at the clock to see it's only two in the morning. The banging continued and I much as I didn't want to show my face something was happening in the kitchen and Charlie Swan was to blame. I climb out of bed and I'm immediately assaulted by black swirls that obscure my vision and make my knees buckle. It's strong enough to force me to lean against the door frame of my bedroom long enough to recover before continuing on down the steps.<p>

He was standing over the stove making a grilled cheese sandwich, grumbling that the bread wasn't getting crispy enough.

"Turn up the heat dad." My voice is hoarse from sleep and crying.

Startled, he turns around. "Hey kid. Sorry if I woke you."

"I think you woke everyone on the block with all that noise." I was joking of course; he caught on and chuckled.

"You want one? It's about the only thing I know how to make."

"Sure." I take a seat at the kitchen table and watch him put my sandwich together.

He finished it shortly and before long we were sitting in silence. Occasionally I would look up and catch him staring at me. It was starting to get annoying. I know why he's staring...

"Alright," I sit back in my chair crossing my arms to my chest, "let me have it."

"I...Well...I gotta admit Bells, I'm confused." He mimicked my position in his chair.

"About what?"

"Well, I got a call from Lucky saying you were involved in a fight in the diner parking lot. On my way there I got another call from Billy, he said Jake was distraught and it had something to do with you. And then Mary calls saying I should probably get home as soon as possible because you were upset and she couldn't leave work to check on you...Do you see where I'm going with this?"

Just thinking about it is getting me worked up again. My chin quivers and once I lower my head in shame I can't fight it off anymore.

"Oh Bella honey, what's wrong?" I feel my dad wrap his strong arms around me which only makes me wail louder. He won't want to hug me once he finds out what I've done.

"I don't know if I can tell you."

"You can tell me anything."

_**"Nooooo..." **_I sob into his shoulder. It's all I can do.

"Bella-"

"You'll hate me-You'll look at me differently."

I feel him shaking his head. "You're my daughter. I just got you, whatever it is will never make me forget that."

A part of me wants to believe that he won't turn on me. He should know what I've been through...I've never truly shared what has happened to me in great detail. I may have revealed some things here and there to Alice and Rose, some things to Edward too. This is different though because this is my blood relative, who I don't want to hurt.

"Please," I beg holding him tighter.

"When you're ready...How about we go sit on the couch huh?"

I don't answer but I allow him to lead me into the sitting room. It's dark and quiet and I end up sitting close to him, because I need to feel him beside me to get through this. I'm going to lay my soul bare and I'm fucking terrified.

"I don't even know where to start."

He tenderly moved my hair from my face. "How about at the part that's making you so upset."

...I can't do it...I'm so ashamed.

_Yes you can Bella. Tell him. Open up! You need this._

I look at him for reassurance and he gives me a nod-with a deep breath I start talking...It just comes out of me, wave after wave of painful memories rush forward. I tell him everything. My childhood with Gran, the abuse, the rape. Renee's death, running away, prostitution...Not once did I look up to see his reaction as I recounted the worst moments of my life.

My tears long since dried leaving my face feeling dry and puffy. My scalp hurt from my pulling on my hair but I kept pushing forward...

"I've lived off and on in shelters and motels to get by. I...I thought I was doing pretty good for myself until I found out I was pregnant."

This time I do look up to gauge his reaction. He seemed utterly shocked, but not disgusted. I can breathe a little easier now.

"You..."he seemed at a loss for words for a moment. "Where is the baby? I'm assuming you had it."

"Yes, she's with the Cullen's."

His eyes bug out. "You mean Carlise and Esme Cullen?"

"You know them?"

"Sure, they lived here in Forks for years with their kids. Good people, very nice. Why did you leave your baby with them?"

"I know it sounds crazy...Their son Edward saved me from getting attacked one night. He offered me a ride home and I fell asleep in his car, but when I woke up I was at his house. He sort of forced me to stay there through my pregnancy so that he could protect me and the baby. He took care of me."

"He forced himself on you?" Charlie spat.

"No, he's not like that. He took me off the street and kept me safe."

"Then what happened? Why did you leave?"

_Now that part isn't as easy to explain._

"I'm just not ready. I always knew I was going to give the baby away as soon as she was born because I couldn't raise her. Well, Edward along with his family thought they could change my mind. He wanted to be a family; me, him, and the baby."

"And you don't want that?"

I don't know what I want anymore.

"I know I'm not good enough for him and I'm not ready to be a mother. Edward fell in love with her and I didn't want to mess that up...So I left. It was a package deal. He wanted both of us and...To be with him would mean I had to be her mother and I can't do that."

It's selfish. I'm selfish.

There was a time I didn't care about anything but getting money and trying to survive. I have a lot to lose now, a lot that I have lost...I don't want that to be a part of my life anymore.

Charlie cleared his throat. "Do you at least know who the father is?"

I nod.

"Does he know about the baby?"

"He knows now." Small fucking world. This kind of shit only happens on soap operas and Lifetime movies. I can't believe this is my life.

"What does that mean?"

"Ummm...Ja...Jacob is her father."

His eyes really bugged out of his head then. "What? Bells none of this is making sense."

I know dad. Nothing makes sense, but this is my reality.

"We've been trying to figure out how we know each other but it wasn't until tonight that I remembered him. I met him at a college party, we got really drunk and had sex. It was the one and only time I've had sex without a condom and..."

"I get the picture." He grimaced. "Wow, this is a lot to take in."

"I'm sorry Charlie. If you want me to go I will."

_Please don't make me leave._

"Of course I don't want you to go. I'll admit I'm shocked but I meant it when I said I will always be here for you. I love you Bells, you're my daughter. It may be twenty years too late but I want to make up for the time lost."

My heart swelled with so much love I could have burst at the seams. The proverbial weight is lifted and I'm able to relax into the strong arms of my father, but only a little. I'm still afraid though...Just thinking about tomorrow and what it might bring scares me, I just don't want to deal with it.

"I know Edward will come looking for me. I don't want to see him or any of them for that matter." I burrow further into my dad, it's like I can't get close enough.

"It's a small town honey." He says leaving it there.

I know the rest. I'll run into them whether I want to or not because this is my new test. In this new life I'm trying to create for myself I'll have to face the hard stuff head on no matter how terrified I am of the outcome. I don't like it, and as much as I would like to hide in my father's arms where I'm safe it's not enough to protect me.

"Everything is going to be fine sweetheart." He kissed my forehead and held me close.

That's where I fall asleep, right on his chest where the scary monsters of my dreams can't get me. Where Renee and Phil don't exist; they can't hurt me here. And as I fade deeper and deeper into the darkness I hear someone sobbing...I think its Charlie.

...But I'm too exhausted to open my eyes.

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><p>My big reveal the previous night brought a sort of peace when I woke up the next morning. I felt almost refreshed...Almost.<p>

I could stay at home locked up in my room and pretend like nothing has changed, or I can go out and face the day, and whatever it has to bring... I'm going to work. It's inevitable. Either way I'm sure I'll bump into any of the Cullen's whether I'm trying to evade them or not. They're here in Forks, and it doesn't look like they're leaving anytime soon.

I just hope I don't run into Alice, I've got enough bruises to last me for a while.

After a quick shower I'm dressed and heading downstairs. Charlie and Mary are sitting on the couch whispering to each other. They stop once they see me; I'm sure I was the subject of their conversation. What I didn't expect was to see both of their eyes red rimmed and swollen. They're crying, and it's because of me.

"Bells, where are you going?" Dad asks wiping quickly at his eyes.

"To work."

"I thought you had the day off." Mary frowned.

"I do, but I decided to pick up some extra hours. I'm sure Lucky won't care."

"Is that smart?" Mary started looking unsure. "I mean, after what happened last night are you sure you want to risk going out?"

I sighed and shook off any feeling of self-doubt. I have to do this. "It's either sit in the house and wallow, or go out and face what I know is going to happen anyway." I grabbed my jacket and purse from the hall. "Honestly, I'd just rather get it over with...I'll see you guys later."

I walked out of the door before they could try to talk me out of it. I'll end up regretting it, but what's one more thing to add to my list right? Pretty sure my name is on the lips of all the gossiping biddies around town anyway.

Walking into work I can feel the eyes of the patrons following me. We have regular customers here, most of them having been here the previous night and witnessed my fight. I put my things in the back and grab an apron and a notepad.

"What are you doing here Bella?" Lucky walked up behind me. He looked almost nervous that I was here.

"I'm working."

"You have the day off though." Right, Captain Obvious.

"I wanted to pick up an extra shift. I need the money."

Lucky chuckled. "I can overlook the fact that you're outright lying to me, but the question is why?" He raised a greasy eyebrow at me.

"I just...Please just let me do this. It's going to be busy today and I know you could use the extra help."

"That's why I have Jessica, Lauren, and Ashley. I don't need a fourth."

He's really going to make this hard for me. "I'll tell you what, let me work half of the day. If it doesn't pick up I'll go home, but if it does you have to let me stay."

He stared at me for a moment before shaking his head and walking off, mumbling that the last time he checked, he was the owner of the restaurant. By noon the rush comes only proving my point that he needed an extra pair of hands on deck. Customer after customer floated through the door and it was a never ending cycle of cheeseburgers and cherry cobbler. I got lost in my duties, picking up the slack where the other girls have become overwhelmed. I take out the garbage, bust tables, sweep the floors, and I don't complain because I'm just glad to be doing something. We start to slow down about four, just as I was heading out to take a much needed break. My feet were killing me.

"Hey Bella, someone is asking for you." Jessica points over her shoulder.

Tanya is standing at the diner entrance staring at me. And so it begins…Although she's the last person I thought would show up first. She's still as beautiful as I remember but something seems off, there's a sadness in her eyes that wasn't there before I left. Her hair is pulled back in a tight bun and she's wearing no makeup…strange. Tanya Denali would never be caught dead looking like a regular woman, no she's always put together perfectly. So what's happened to that confident woman I once knew?

"Do you have a moment?" She asked as I approached her.

"Sure." I lead her to the back of the diner where a booth had just opened up. We sit, appraising each other for a moment.

"I never thought I would see you again." She smiled but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

I nod. "Likewise."

"How have you been?"

"I've been great."

"You look good..."

Another awkward pause settled between us.

"I'm happy you're ok." She said placing her hand on top of mine. The warmth of it made me smile.

"So you don't hate me too?"

She paused for a moment taking her hand back and placing it in her lap. When she met my gaze that same sadness had returned.

"I don't hate you because I understand how it feels sometimes when you just want to run away from it all. I have to give you credit, you got balls Swan."

"Yeah, well," I shrugged my shoulders, I wouldn't necessarily go that far. "So why are you here?"

She cleared her throat. "Well, I guess I'm here because I'm a glutton for punishment." She smirked but it was more for herself than it was for me. "I never thought I'd see you again, and while it initially made me sad, I was content with your decision…You were finally gone and I could go after what I really wanted."

"Edward." I said, she nodded.

"I've been in love with him for so long. We've known each other for years because of my friendship with Rose. As corny as it sounds it was love at first sight for me. I sat back and pined for him, even when I watched him marry Jane I couldn't help thinking that we were better suited for each other. When she died I felt terrible for him…He wasn't the same after that. He finally agreed to go on a date with me and I thought, finally he would see what he's been missing you know…The date was a disaster. I went home licking my wounds but I vowed to try again."

I think I know where this is headed and I can't say I really want to hear it.

"And then you came along. I hated you at first; even though I acted indifferent I just couldn't understand what he saw in you. I was beyond jealous because not only did he love you, but the Cullen's loved you too. So I decided to get to know you…and I'm glad I did. You are a wonderful person Bella whether you believe it or not, and when you left it was a blow to all of us. I saw my opportunity and went for it. I moved in with him and we began a sexual relationship, it was great up until a few weeks ago. I thought to myself, I finally have him. I saw us getting married and starting a family…I wanted it so bad I became obsessed about it. I started poking holes in the condoms; tried to deceive him into having unprotected sex so that I could get pregnant but he's too smart for that." She shook her head at her own stupidity.

"It was fucking stupid and when he caught me he completely cut me off. I won't allude to the idea that I had his heart in any way, shape, or form, but I had something. Now he can't even look at me… He won't touch me, he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. And now that he's found you I might as well not exist. He hates me, his family hates me, hell even the baby hates me." The emotion of everything she must be feeling inside is slowly coming to the surface. She's about to crack.

"...Tanya."

"You hurt him so bad when you left." She sniffed.

"I know."

And that was it. She burst into tears. "He doesn't love me. He won't even try."

"Uhhh...Tanya, pull it together." I'm not trying to be a bitch, really I'm not. But she's wailing and people are starting to stare.

"I'm trying." She whimpered. "Why can't you just let him go?"

"I'm not doing anything."

"Release this hold you have over him."

"I'm not doing it on purpose. He's holding on because he chooses to do so, I have no say in that."

"Fuck, I know that it's just, when you left you broke him. It was worse than when his wife died...It isn't fair you know. I've been fucked over so much in my life, and the moment I think I have something good it blows up in my face. I'm a good person, I just want the same things in life that everyone else does." She sobbed.

"I know Tanya."

"I'm leaving." She wiped her tears with the back of her hand.

"Why?"

"They don't want me here, they never did." Well, that sucks.

"How are you getting back to Seattle?"

"Edward is letting me take his precious Volvo…It's the least he could do right?" She smiled as she started to leave the booth.

"Wait! Why come here and tell me all of this?"

She hesitated for a moment. "Maybe at first my intentions were to do it out of spite, but now I realize I needed to talk to someone and if memory serves me right, you were a great listener." She winked.

There's the Tanya I know and love. No apologies, she's laid herself out there and now she will hopefully move on from this. She pulls me into a bone crushing hug. "Don't worry, they'll forgive you." With that she strode out of the diner with her head held high.

That went better than I expected. I mean, I could have lived without ever knowing about her and Edward having sex, but at least she didn't come here to tell me about how much of an awful person I am. I appreciate that.

That's one down.

"Hey Swan, since you wanted to work today how about going back and washing some dishes." Lucky yelled from the back. Sighing, I drag my feet to the kitchen.

Maybe I should have stayed home after all.

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><p>I decided to leave the diner around 7, wanting to make the walk home before the sun completely set for the evening. Minus the unexpected visit from Tanya, the rest of the day went off without a hitch. I gathered my things, waved goodbye to everyone and high tailed it out of there. I was thoroughly tired as I began my trek home.<p>

"BELLA!" Someone yelled my name.

Crap! Just when I thought I was in the clear.

Turning I spot Jake running toward me. I exhaled a sigh of relief, thankful to see him and not one of the Cullen's. As he approached me I could tell something was a little off. First, his shirt was inside out and the collar looked to have been pulled to the max, making it hang down over his left shoulder. His hair, while short, looked disheveled. His eyes were shifting frantically.

"Are you alright Jake?"

"Oh, I'm fine, just dandy."

"You don't seem fine. I know we have a lot to discuss."

"We don't have shit to discuss." He slurred. The closer he got the more I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"You've been drinking."

"Just had a few beers."

A few my ass.

"Did you take a bath in beer?"

"Who are you my fucking mom? Stop talking to me like that." He swayed on his feet.

"Jake, this isn't like you-"

"How could you lie to me like this?"

_I want to have this conversation with him but not while he's wasted._

"I didn't lie to you! I didn't even know it was you until last night."

"You're a whore!"

I try to contain the shock that I feel. "I'm not like that anymore."

"I can't believe I slept with a whore. You know that was my first time." He stumbled backward and almost fell but caught himself.

"I'm sorry," because that's all I can say. Nothing will change what's already done.

"Where is she?"

"Who?"

"The baby. Where is she? Where is my daughter?"

"Jake-"

"Where the hell is she!?" He roughly grabbed my shoulders and shook me, not hard but enough to scare the shit out of me.

"Jake stop! Please calm down."

"I have a right to know!"

"If you don't back the hell up and take your hands off of her the only right you'll have is this ass whooping coming your way."

Emmett Cullen stood behind us, all 6'3 and built like a brick house line backer. Jake dropped his hands and backed away, tripping over his feet as he did.

"You ok Bella?" Emmett looked between us.

"Y…Yes, I'm fine."

"Did he hurt you?"

"No. He's drunk and upset."

"Get in, I'm taking you home."

"Em you don't have to-"

He threw his hand up to stop me from speaking. "Both of you, get in."

I quickly get into the front seat, and Jake too drunk to even see what's in front of him fell into the backseat.

In my experience, men as tall and built as Emmett are the ones you should be weary of. They can literally crush you when pushed to their limit; I've seen it many times. While I've never been afraid of Emmett because he's always been a gentle giant, I am however intimidated as hell right now. He hasn't said anything which is not in his character, and his face has remained impassive, again not in his character. I can't read him at all.

From time to time I take a peek just to gauge his mood. Nothing…

I notice we're almost on the reservation; Emmett never asked where Jake lived so he must be familiar with the area. A light snore broke the silence and I glance at the backseat to see Jake slumped over. Poor baby, I feel so bad for driving him to this. I hope we can have that very important talk when he's in his right mind.

We pull into the dirt driveway and Em sets the car in park. It's obvious Jake is too far gone to walk, so while I run up to the house and knock on the door, Emmett hauls Jake over his shoulder like he weighs nothing. It's oddly hilarious because while not quite as buff, Jake can match Emmett in weight and height.

Billy opens the door, takes one look at his son and shakes his head. He backed his wheelchair away and motioned us inside.

"Hey Mr. Black, long time no see." Emmett smiled as he walked into the house. He dropped Jake on the couch and rubbed his shoulder.

"Emmett Cullen in the flesh. It's been a long time indeed." Billy shook his hand, he then looked at me and smiled.

"Bella, it's always a pleasure."

"How are you Billy? Lookin' good." I lean down to hug him, which he returns warmly.

"Strong as ever…So, what did my knucklehead son do this time?"

"He had a little too much to drink." I tried to play it off as if this was normal behavior, but Billy knows just as much as I do that nothing about Jake's behavior is normal, not even in the slightest.

Billy eyes me curiously because he's not blind, I'm sure Jake told him something, maybe not the entire story but he knows. Him knowing about the baby also affects him. I don't want him to hate me either.

"Thank you guys for bringing him home. I think I can handle it from here." Billy said, almost as if he wanted to get us out in a hurry.

"It was nice seeing you Billy. Maybe before I leave we could catch up on some fishing."

"Of course, just let me know and I'll be there." Billy wheeled himself to the door and opened it for us.

"See ya Billy."

"Bye Bella."

Emmett and I descend back into uncomfortable silence as we get in the car and he pulls off.

"Umm…" I clear my throat, "how do you know Billy?" I asked, not being able to take the quiet much longer.

"Me and Billy go way back. How do you know him?"

"He's my dad's bestfriend." He nods, continuing to stare forward.

"I almost forgot he had a son. He's pretty young isn't he?"

"Um, yes…He's in college."

I don't want to talk about Jake anymore, pretty sure he doesn't either. I don't want to talk at all if he's going to yell at me. We're quiet until we arrive back on the main road heading to Forks.

"Listen, I'm not going to sit here and pretend that what you did hasn't affected us all. I may not understand why you did it, but I've never walked in your shoes. There was a reason for all of this; I have to believe that because it hurts less." Emmett never took his eyes off the road but it still felt like he was staring right through me. He could see all of my bullshit, my flaws, my insecurities…

"I'm sorry." Why does it feel like I've said this one hundred times today? Each time it gets heavier.

"No, don't apologize. I just want to know if it was worth it. Have you found what you're looking for…are you happy?" A loaded question.

"I am…happier." Because I am.

He shook his head. "So that leads me to believe you running away has defeated its purpose."

"No, I had to go."

"But you aren't happy."

"I'm working on it. Can you live with that?" I ask softly.

He seemed to contemplate it for a moment, rolling it back and forth in his head. "I can live with that. Can't say the same for the rest of the family but, it's cool."

He pulled up in front of my house and put the car in park. I didn't even tell him where I lived…I just needed to know one last thing before I got out.

"How much longer do I have before he comes to find me?"

He sighed, running his hand over his face. "He's trying to give you some space, but honestly, he's going to crack at any moment."

I know he's coming, and when he finds me I won't be able to run anymore.

"Ok…Thanks Em."

"Anytime B…I miss having you around."

"Yeah, me too."

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><p><strong>AN: Yes, it's been forever. It takes me a while because I'm working but I promise if you stick with me I will finish the story. Tell me what you think. Did you like it? Did it suck? Up next, Edward and Bella meet and have a serious conversation…and maybe some heated kissing. We'll see. Until next time…. **


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: Hello lovelies. Long time no see. Alternate POV's here so I hope you enjoy. See ya at the bottom.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot!**

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><p>Chapter 36<p>

EPOV

I lay awake in bed, head pounding and muscles tense. Three days...That's how long its been since I've left the house, since I've slept more than a few hours.

Of all the places she could have gone, what led her to Forks, to my hometown?

I imagined in my head our seeing each other going differently. Our eyes would meet; she'd give me one of those gorgeous smiles and run into my arms. I'd hold her close, vowing to never let her slip through my fingers again. What transpired was a bucket of ice water being dumped on and flooding my dream, thrusting me back into reality and the gravity of the situation. How can I forgive her when I can't even deal with my own shit? Do I even want to forgive her? My head says no, but my traitor heart says yes...I want to follow my heart…

It wants me to get out of my bed and go find her.

My eyes drift over to Claire who has just woken up. She rolls her chunky body over and crawls up on her hands and knees. Shaking the fogginess from my mind I move from my bed and approach her pack-n-play. She looks up at me and smiles.

"Hey beautiful." I scoop her up into my arms. She rests her head in the crook of my neck and I hold her tight. I love this little girl so much. She's my world, my everything. My happiness lies in her big smiles and hugs.

"Da da da da." She sings slapping me in the face, not hard but I guess she wants me to pay attention to her.

"Let's get you a bath."

I enjoy bath time with Claire the most. Now that she's able to sit up on her own she has so much fun exploring the water and bubbles. She screams in delight when I grab her pink rubber ducky and dunk it under water. She's oblivious to the craziness going on around her...I just wish her mother were here to enjoy these moments too. I don't know, I can't understand how she can look at her child and not fall completely in love.

"Knock, knock." Alice walked into the bedroom already dressed for the day. Everything in order from her perfectly styled hair all the way down to her leather pumps. She's another person I don't understand, and probably never will.

"How's my princess?" She closed the lid on the toilet and sat down. Claire answered by splashing water, some of it sprinkling over the tub and almost landing on Alice's shoes.

"Watch it sweetheart. Auntie loves you to pieces but these are Louboutins."

I shake my head and go back to playing with Claire.

"How are you feeling?" Alice asked.

"Fine."

"You don't have to keep everything inside you know."

"Alice please, if I have a problem you are the last person I would come to." I realize how harsh that sounds too late when her eyes fill with tears. "Shit Al, I'm sorry."

She shook her head and composed herself. "No, don't apologize because I know you meant it."

"It's just followed by something nasty from you and I don't need that right now."

"Well forgive me for wanting to protect my brother."

"Being protective is one thing but being downright rude is another. I can't talk to you when I know how you are."

"What if I promise not to say a word. I'll keep my mouth closed."

"Not possible." I pull Claire from the tub when she starts to prune. Alice follows me back to my bedroom.

"It **is** possible."

"How long have I known you Al?...Like, your entire life. You haven't stopped running your mouth since mom and dad brought you home from the hospital."

"You know you make me feel bad when you say things like that." She pouted, crossing her arms and sitting down on the edge of my bed. I really can't bring myself to care about her feelings right now. I dress Claire while Alice continues to mope around the room.

Now, when it comes to taming my daughter's hair I'm a lost cause. I hand her over to Alice who proceeds to style her hair into two pigtails, and when she's finished she holds Claire up in the air. "Look how beautiful you are my princess. You're my cushy wushy stinky butt dumpling aren't you?" Alice and her baby language are strange but Claire loves it so I don't say anything.

"Tell your daddy you need more pink clothes."

"Tell your aunt she should have her own baby so she can dress her like a pepto bismal bottle."

"Tell your daddy that Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper are working on it." She winked.

"Ewww!" I kiss Claire on her cheeks and grab some clothes for myself; just more lounge clothes since I'm not going anywhere.

"No, you are going to dress like a human being today; we're making a trip up to P.A. for lunch and shopping!" Alice yelled after me.

Yeah, whatever.

An hour later Emmett, Jasper, Alice, and I pile into the Hummer to make the trip to Port Angeles. Mom and dad opted out, wanting to spend some quality time together. Rose wasn't feeling well but volunteered to watch Claire for me. It didn't feel right leaving her with the baby when she's not feeling her best, but she insisted. I honestly don't want to go.

"So Ed, what did you do to get Tanya to leave?" Em asked with a snicker.

"Nothing."

"I don't believe that." He smirked.

I roll my eyes. "She wanted to go so I gave her my keys."

When we arrived home from the diner after the clusterfuck of chaos Tanya was unusually quiet. I didn't care, as I didn't want to talk to anyone. I saw that she was packing her suitcase and when she spotted me she told me she wanted to leave. I dug in my pocket and gave her my keys. That was the end of that.

"Good riddance." Alice scoffed. So much for her keeping her comments to herself.

"Maybe it's for the best." Jasper replied, sounding unenthusiastic.

"For who?" I grunted, irritated to even be talking about this shit.

Emmett sighed. "All of us."

The rest of the ride was quiet.

That's not to say that once we got to Port Angeles the mood didn't change. It was almost like we were kids again. Running after Alice who has ADHD when it comes to anything would tire out the average Joe; but Emmett, Jasper, and I have had plenty of practice. Of course the mall was the first stop of the day. There's nothing more embarrassing than having your little sister force her two older brothers and her husband in to outfits, and then model them for her approval.

When dealing with the pixie, you grin and bear it if you want peace.

It got us a few cat calls from a group of elderly ladies out on a shopping trip. Emmett almost sent one into shock when he ripped his shirt off to show her his muscles. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt, and then laughed some more when the little lady touched his chest and hyperventilated.

"Still got it!" Emmett flexed, sending the rest of the ladies into a giggling fit.

Jasper finally rounded us up so we could go grab a bite to eat. His wife wasn't happy to cut our mall trip short, especially since she hadn't bought anything but somehow he was able to reel her in enough to leave.

We decided to eat lunch at Bella Italia. It's been so long since we've been here, even with Emmett being the general manager of the chain our lives have been full of other shit we've neglected our family legacy.

Things were going great...We were enjoying a lovely lunch and talking. I was biting into my second breadstick when an uninvited guest decided to crash our table.

Riley **fucking** Biers.

"What's up Cullens! Long time no see."

The punk hadn't changed a bit, besides the premature balding and beer belly. The fucker followed Emmett and I around like a lost puppy for years under the pretense of "hanging out" but really it was more for exposure. In school, Emmett and I were popular without trying to be. Emmett played football and I was his smart but sexy younger brother _*wink*_; clearly everyone wanted to be around us for their own reasons. No one got on my nerves more than Riley, because it was like he was obsessed.

And then he really crossed the line when he decided to go after Alice. Called himself trying to get closer to her to get in good with the family. She was too young for that and it took my fist connecting with his ugly mug to make him realize it would never happen.

"What the fuck do you want Biers?" Emmett puffed out his chest, making Riley visibly uncomfortable.

"Uh...I...I just thought I would stop by and say hi to my favorite family. Its been a few years since we've all been in the same room together."

"For a reason." I huff.

"Can I sit?" Riley pulled up a chair to the table before we could object.

"Alice, good to see you sweetheart. You're just as beautiful as I remembered." He called himself flirting. Jasper quirked an eyebrow and Alice wasn't impressed.

"I wish I could say the same..."She trailed off whispering something to Jasper who in turn chuckled at whatever she said.

"How are you guys. I hear you all moved to Seattle?"

We remained quiet. "That's so cool. I was thinking about moving there but the wife isn't interested in big city living."

"Who the hell married you?" I just had to ask.

"Lauren Mallory."

At the mention of her name Emmett spit out his drink and Alice dropped her fork, failing to control her laughter. I just rolled my eyes. Don't even get me started on that.

"Wow, how's that working out?" Emmett asked, a laugh almost tumbling out but he had better control than my sister.

"She's great. We're very much in love...got four kids." He pulls out his wallet and shows us pictures.

Sadly enough, poor Riley is either blind as a bat or just bat shit crazy. It could be a little bit of both.

See, Lauren Mallory has to be the biggest slut this side of Washington state. She was fucking in middle school and every guy in town has at least had her once or twice. I was one of those unfortunate ones, but I only got a mediocre blow job and never let her touch me again. These four kids are obviously no relation to Riley...Looks like Lauren has been visiting the reservation frequently. How can two blonde haired, blue eyed people produce four brown haired, brown eyed, brown skinned children?

"Wow." Jasper whistled handing the wallet back to Riley. The dumb idiot beamed with joy.

"Yeah, she's wonderful. Anywho, how long are you guys in town? Maybe we could get together and do something."

"Not gonna happen." Alice said sweetly biting into her food.

Riley frowned but put on a smile as he stood. "Well, maybe you guys will change your minds. It was nice bumpin' in to you but I've gotta get home. The wife has bible study out on the reservation and I'm watching the kids."

Poor Riley. I'm sure his wife will be worshipping something, and it won't be the good Lord.

He stopped suddenly. "Oh, I saw you guys at the Diner on the fourth. I had just pulled into the lot when I saw Alice and that new waitress fighting. She's a bitch, probably deserved getting her ass handed to her." The moment he clapped me on the shoulder I was on my feet and in his face.

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about so I suggest you take your stupid ass on home to your kids before you deserve getting your ass handed to you."

Riley about pissed in his pants; he tucked his tail and ran out so fast he was kicking up dust.

"I like this new you Ed." Emmett chuckled.

"Yeah, he's feisty. Now if only he would be this way toward other people in his life-" Alice mumbled the last part to herself.

I ground my teeth and tried not to immediately engage her in an argument. We're in public, and I've already made a scene with Riley. I held out my hand for Emmett's keys which he gladly handed over. He knew I needed some time to myself. "I'll be waiting in the car."

I just need some air...

Some time alone to gather my thoughts… I'm fucking angry, and I'm hurt, I'm sad...Lashing out feels real damn good right now. That damn girl has my head so fucked up; I want to see her. I need to speak to her, about what? I don't fucking know. This need I have is starting to stifle me. Emmett is the first one back at the car; he doesn't ask. The others return and he immediately starts talking so that Alice doesn't have time to start in on what I'm sure will be a tangent about Bella.

I'm silent on the way back... Thinking too much about every fucking thing going on. Trying to make sense of the way my heart is constantly pounding in my chest and my gut tightens; if people could really see the inner battle I'm dealing with under my carefully placed facade of anger they might actually understand how fucking hard it is, and how tired I am of trying to be strong. She's turned my world inside out...My Bella, who doesn't want me. So when we pass by Forks Diner, and I see her clear as day getting into a car with some guy who's fucking making her laugh, my insides turn at the sight. What the fuck is that? What does it mean? She's moved on, already?

Why should she be happy when I'm fucking miserable huh?

Not feeling so full of bravado I bite my lip nervously. "Pull over." I know they've seen her because things become tense immediately.

"Ed-"

"Pull the fucking car over!"

"Don't do this now." But Emmett pulls over on the side of the road.

"Edward let's just go home." Alice tries stopping me but I'm already out of the car, slamming the door in her face. I'll pay for that later, but right now I need air.

Fuck, why am I reacting this way, like I can't breathe? I've finally reached my breaking point. I'm going to fucking find her...And she's going to listen to what I have to say.

* * *

><p>BPOV<p>

"Thanks for the ride Paul." I open the door to get out of his beat up Honda Civic.

"Anytime Bells," he grabs on to my wrist, "We should hang out more. Come by my place sometime, I'll cook dinner." He looked so hopeful, and maybe if the circumstances were different I would think about it. Minus the fact that his dad is my boss and he fucked my aunt, Paul isn't such a bad guy.

I'm just not interested.

"See ya later."

It's been a long day. Between dealing with lazy co-workers and demanding patrons I'm worn out to the max. Dad was pulling a double tonight so I had the place to myself, and nothing was going to get in the way of my sleep.

I hop in the shower, scrubbing the grease and grime away from my skin and hair. When finished I slip into a pair of sleep shorts and a tank top; I braid my hair so that it won't be all crazy when I wake up. I slip into bed and wrap myself in a soft blanket that doesn't quite cover my feet, but I don't really care.

I wait for sleep to take me...

...Any minute now I'll fall into a peaceful slumber. No worries and hopefully I won't dream. I've started having nightmares again. The most recent terrified me…

_Renee was standing in the door, smirking at me. I was tied to the bed, screaming for Edward to help me. He walked into the room carrying my daughter, an evil gleam in his eye._

_Renee held out her arms, "come to granny princess." She takes the baby from him and walks to the corner of the room where Phil is standing, looking at my daughter like she was a piece of meat._

_"NO, LEAVE HER ALONE!" I scream. They all laugh at me, but this time the room is filled with the Cullen's, who are staring at me with evil grins._

_I hear crying and I search the room, because I know it's my baby. I look to my left and she's lying right beside me. She's screaming...And Phil is standing over her. He's taking off his belt._

_"NO...NNNOOOOO!"_

_A hand slams over my mouth and I look up to see Alice standing over me with a knife. On each side of her stood Mary and Charlie, watching and laughing. "Now you be quiet, this won't hurt a bit."_

_She slices into my skin. I scream for someone, anyone to save me. My daughter is screaming "Mommy" over and over again as Phil...as Phil..._

The doorbell had me shooting upright. My dream was so real and even remembering it makes my skin crawl. I'm pissed that I would remember something so traumatizing, even if it never happened. The doorbell rang again. I looked around for a moment before unwrapping myself and moving gingerly from my bed.

The doorbell sounded again and I felt like yelling at whoever it was to just shut up and wait a bit but my throat wasn't ready to form words yet. Instead I just trudged onward, feeling the return of my mind as it slowly filled my robotically moving body. By the time I was at the door I was myself again, ready to tell whoever it was to scram.

When I open the front door however, all the air rushed out of my body; I was stunned. I wasn't expecting him today. "Edward."

He stands before me smoldering, with bags under his eyes and ill kept hair…He's beautiful in a tortured sort of way and I'm left feeling breathless as we stare at each other.

Oh...

_Fuck!_

What the hell am I supposed to do? I'm not ready...I'm really not ready.

"Can I come in?" He asks stepping closer. Like he's the black plague I shift uncomfortably backwards. The door is wide open and I'm standing here like an idiot with my mouth open.

Should I let him in? No, I don't think that would be a good idea. Charlie is at work and the last thing I want him to hear from the neighbors is that I am letting men into his house. But on the other hand I'm in my pj's and I don't want anyone to see me like this. Moving out of the way I silently beckon him inside.

I walk behind him shutting the door closed. The silence is deafening as I watch him step into the living room and look around, mostly at the pictures on the walls and mantle over the fireplace. Once he's satisfied he sits on the edge of the couch again observing for a moment before settling his eyes back on me. I don't know whether to sit down or stand up. I feel like I have to be ready for anything, because Edward doesn't look too happy right now, and I'm a little scared.

_Put your big girl panties on girl!_

I sit down on the other end of the couch.

_Ok, I'm ready..._

"How did you find me?"

He doesn't seem surprised by my question. "Someone tipped me off." He shifts in his seat and I catch a whiff of his scent...It still sends the blood racing through my veins.

Nervously, I clear my throat. "Why are you here?"

"Seriously? That's all you're going to say to me?" What am I supposed to say, I want to ask. "Maybe I just wanted to stop by to see how you've been?" His velvet voice is as beautiful as the day I first heard it, even when he's lying.

"I know you didn't come here to ask how I've been Edward."

The expression on his face speaks that of contempt. If he's trying to intimidate me it's working. "What are you doing in Forks?"

"I should be asking you the same question."

He sighed pinching the bridge of his nose. I once found that gesture endearing; now it just makes me sad. "This is my hometown. My family and I are here on vacation. There, I answered your question, so now answer mine."

"Well, it's a long story."

"I'm not leaving until I get some answers, so start talking. Why are you staying with Chief Swan? Is he your pimp?"

"Fuck you Cullen." I jump to my feet.

"What am I supposed to think? You're in a town living with strangers!"

"He's my father asshole! I'm not prostituting anymore for your fucking information."

My revelation seemed to startle him, and the pompous asshole was knocked down a few pegs. He sits forward resting his elbows on his legs and bowing his head into his hands. "Wow, I'm happy you found him." He seemed to exhale a sigh of relief.

I'm still too pissed to calm down after his accusation. I guess in a way I can understand why he would immediately think that I'm back to selling myself, with this situation being so fucking unbelievable. It's still sometimes hard for me to process that I have a family now and the way we met was by sheer pure luck. Edward doesn't know that, no one really does… And I can't be mad at him because he doesn't know this new person I've become. I have to bite my tongue to stop from cursing him and demanding he leave.

This, us meeting, was bound to happen.

He's here and he wants answers from me, and I at least owe him that right?

"Help me understand where things went wrong Bella." He's pleading, and I am starting to doubt that I can be strong enough to tell him the truth.

"Everything was wrong-"

"No, no it wasn't. We were good...great even."

"That's what you wanted to think Edward. I'm sure in your mind everything was perfect, but I think you failed to see the truth."

How can I explain things without making him upset?

"...Was it me? Did I run you away?" He's so frail in this moment, and my heart breaks just a little more.

"Yes-" I started and watched as sadness seized him, "but not in the way I'm sure you're thinking." I take a deep breath. "You scare me Edward." I whisper.

He looked up at me "What?"

"From the very beginning your compassion has terrified me. You took me in, a complete stranger, because you couldn't bear to see me pregnant and selling my body. You put up with my shit, my lies, my anger, my sadness. You were patient when you shouldn't have been...You showed me what it was like to feel loved every time you touched me, and when we made love you never once made me feel like I was unworthy of how amazing it can be," I paused wiping away my tears. "But above all of that you love my baby. You loved her before I did...I had a plan before you came along, and you blew it to pieces, and even after I gave birth you still wanted me and the baby...that was a lot for me."

Through my haze of despair I see him move closer to me. I want to curl up in a ball and hide away from him because this is hard…Facing him is hard and I'll say things that will hurt him. I never wanted to do any of this to him…He deserves so much better. And when he touches me, for the first time in seven months I feel that shock, that tingle coursing through my veins. I remember what it felt like to be in his arms, to hold him, to kiss him. That unmistakable zap of electricity that only happened when we were together; I've missed it.

"I was there with you. There was no reason to be afraid." His hand is on mine, pulling, searching for something.

"But I was."

"We could have worked this out..I..I would have helped you...I-"

"You've done enough Edward, don't you see that? How much more can you give? I didn't want to take advantage of you; I refuse to do it. I have to fix myself now-"

"THAT'S NOT FAIR! YOU DON'T JUST WALK OUT ON THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE LIKE THAT. YOU DON'T BELLA!" He's on his feet pacing and I realize just how much damage I've done to him. He can't see it, but I can. I see how tortured he is; the pain of losing so much in his life. I was too selfish before to understand that my leaving would devastate him.

"I didn't know what else to do. I was scared, I'm still scared. I never know what the hell is going to happen!"

"You want to know what these last seven months have been like for me, huh? I come to the hospital to find out that you ran away during the night, leaving your daughter behind without a note or anything. Just gone, vanished into thin air…But I didn't have time to cry about it because I had to fight to get my daughter. They were going to take her away from me," tears streamed down his face, he didn't bother to wipe them away, "I fought for her and all the while I never stopped looking for you. I can't tell you some of the things that ran through my head, about where you could have gone or what you were doing. I haven't slept right in months because I've been worried sick. Once I adopted Claire I thought things would get better, that I wouldn't miss you so fucking much…But no. That has never stopped. You know why?-" but he stops, stumbling back down to the couch looking so defeated I only cried harder.

"I'm sorry." Is all I can say, because I am. I'm sorry for fucking up his life.

"I think we're beyond that now don't you think?" He spat.

"Edward," I sighed feeling beyond tired and defeated, "What do you want from me?"

He shot back to his feet, and pulled me up with him. His face was so close to mine, he looked so tired and worn, worry lines present and clear as day. "I want you to hurt, like I'm hurting."

And then his lips are crashing down on mine.

* * *

><p>EPOV<p>

I don't know what possessed me to grab her the way I did…Or to kiss her the way I'm doing right now.

I put my arms around her waist feeling her relax into my touch, as she put her arms around my neck. Our bodies, like magnets crashed together so tightly nothing could get between us, at least not in this moment. Chests, stomachs, and thighs, so close…not close enough. I wanted to pull her into my body, absorb her into my skin. It was as if lightening had struck and electricity flowed around us, I held my breath when my mind came crashing back. Is this really happening?

"Breathe baby." She mumbled against my lips, giving the confirmation that I needed to know this was fucking real. Our lips parted simultaneously, the tips of our tongues greeting one another again after so long, testing and revealing the carnal passion we once shared. Her hands dropped from my neck and grabbed on to the back of my shirt, pulling me impossibly closer.

Nothing about this was right. I knew that after I let her go we would be just as confused and angry as we were before…but for now, while she's allowing me to do what I've only dreamed about for the last seven months, I'll kiss her with everything I have, because I want to.

I can feel her trembling in my arms as she holds on to me. I give her a gentle squeeze that I hope she takes comfort in. This is scary for me to.

All too soon our kiss comes to an end. We break our embrace and stumble back from each other, stunned into silence. I miss her already. I just want to grab her again and never let go, but nothing has been resolved. The kiss was just a testament to how weak we both are, but don't really know how to fix it. Fix us, and the mistakes we've both made. It changes nothing…Fuck, now it just seems harder. Her eyes are as wide as saucers and flowing with tears; I never wanted to make her cry. But I feel my eyes brimming too and I understand the way she's feeling. We've done something stupid that only complicates things more. What should I expect, I can't think straight around her. As much as I want to reach for her and tell her I forgive her and everything is ok, it's not. It may never be.

I can't hold back. I won't. "I'm pissed at you, I might even hate you for what you've done...But I'm relieved you're safe. You are safe right?" I just need to know that she's not in any danger.

"Yes, more than safe." She whispered.

I think it's time I go because if I don't, I'm going to do something I'll regret, I think.

Moving toward the door I stop, and the words are out of my mouth before I realize what I'm doing. "We're having brunch tomorrow at my house. I want you to come."

"Why."

"Just come. We're in the same town; you might as well see everyone in one place before they corner you somewhere alone."

"They've already done that." She shook her head. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"You afraid?" I knew she was, but I wanted to hear her say it.

"Yes." She didn't try to deny it. Good.

"I want you to remember that my family loved you. They took you in and treated you with kindness and respect. You hurt them just as much as you hurt me and I'm tired of having to come to your defense on my own."

"So you want me to come to your house so they can slaughter me?" She crossed her arms, looking pissed.

"No, I want you to come and put it all out there so they can hear it. So we all can hear your reasons for doing what you've done."

"So you want to punish me?"

That's not it at all. "You've already been punished…I want you to face it. I want you to stop running and face your problems head on. Stop being afraid."

"Listen, I know I messed up…but I can't come there and face them. I'm not going to be thrown to the wolves just because all of you are mad at me. How is that fair?"

Nothing about any of this is fair.

"It's not, but I do know the only way any of us can move on is if we face the facts. Here you are, standing on your own two feet, moving on with your life like you didn't leave a disaster behind you. I just want closure…We, just want closure."

"Does your family know about this? You inviting me over out of the blue?"

Mom and dad won't have a problem because they just want peace. The only person that I have to worry about is Alice…But even I know Bella can handle herself when it comes to my sister.

"I'll tell them. Don't worry about that. Just come. If it gets to be too much you can leave and we'll be done…But just come ok?"

She battled with the idea, but I wasn't leaving until she gave me the answer I wanted. Maybe I'm wrong for putting her in this position, but to be honest I don't know any other way. I'm doing this selfishly for my own benefit. I want her to see what she's missing out on. She knows how important my family is to me…Me hurting is one thing, but my parents, my sister? I won't allow her to get away with it any longer.

And I think she knows that too. "Fine I'll come."

"Good."

"But not alone."

I wasn't expecting that. "That's fine. Bring whoever you want."

She nodded and followed me to the door. Just as I opened it she stopped me. "You named her Claire?"

She caught that, did she?

"Yes. Claire Isabella Cullen."

Her breath caught and she placed a hand to her heart. "Why would you do that?"

I'm assuming she means Claire's middle name. "I did it because I wanted her to have a part of you, even if you didn't want her."

I walk out feeling a little better, but not much. I just invited her into the lion's den to face my family. I want her to come; I want her to face us. I want her to see how happy her daughter is. I want to twist the knife so she can really feel how hard these months have been. Maybe I'm a sick bastard for getting some kind of joy from _throwing her to the wolves_ so to speak. I won't tell them to back off because she deserves to know how much she hurt them.

She's watching me as I stand at the curb in front of her home. I can feel her eyes; always have been able to know when she's looking at me. That current, that electric I keep talking about was always there when we were in close proximity. That hasn't changed. When you love someone the way that I love her you have a tendency to just know…to feel…to see…

Nothing was resolved tonight with my visit. I didn't expect to hear the things that I heard, or even kiss her. I still have hundreds of question that I need answers to, things I need to understand. To hear something that will calm this ache in my heart and stop the angry doubts in my head. Only she has that power to open those tightly sealed doors around her heart… To let me in like I've always begged of her. To see the real Isabella, and not just Bella the lonely misguided girl I met on a dark street so long ago. She was running then, and she's still running now. But I won't let her get away. I won't let her pretend none of this is real. I won't let her sweep my family or her daughter under the rug, or push my love out of her heart. Sure she's fine now, but who's to say she'll continue down this path. Things might get tough; will she desert her father too? Will she leave him stranded without answers?

I turn around when I hear the door shutting. She's retreated now back into her safe cocoon, shutting out the world. Will she go to her room…wrap herself up in a blanket and cry? I remember what that was like, hearing her cry in her sleep at night; wanting to hold her but being too afraid that she would lash out. And then when she would let me hold her, I was always afraid to ask because I didn't want to imagine what types of horrors she had to live through.

She's different now though…Maybe not whole, but different in a way that I can see. It's in the way she carries herself. Her shoulders are more squared and she seems to hold her head up with more confidence…That wasn't the case with me. She's changed…For the better? I'm not so sure.

Looking around as I step off the curb I know there's a lot of unfinished business for both of us. We're worlds apart, but yet so close. There's not much I can do now, or say that will make things better. It's getting late, and I know my family is worried about where I am. As soon as I step through the door I'll be bombarded with questions that I may or may not want to answer. I touch my lips for only a second, still tasting her there…and I know for at least right now I'm ok. What more is there?

I do the only thing I can right now…

I start walking…

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><p><strong>AN: Soooo, anyone still there. No excuse, just haven't had time to write. So this is the prediction here, five more chapters and I'm ending this puppy. I have other stories I want to post but I haven't because I wanted to finish this up. So let me know what you think.**

**Is Edward wrong for feeling the way that he does?**

**Is Bella really moving on with her life?**

**Should they have kissed?**

**Leave me your reactions. I will try to get back as soon as I can. Love you all and thanks for the continued support.**


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: OMG! Did I finally post a chapter!? **

**It's only been six months right lol. All jokes aside, the story is coming to an end very soon. If I can get my thoughts together I hope to get it finished within the next few weeks, but don't hold me to that. I wanted to get this chapter out because I have literally been working on it for the last six months :( It's ok but it could be better. Lots of up and down moments in this chapter.**

**I hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot!**

Chapter 37

BPOV

My eyes snapped open from another nightmare, shifting nervously around my bedroom before I sucked in a deep breath. Sitting up I cover my face with my palms, trying to relax and slow my heartbeat. I want this over…

I glance at the clock and almost want to throw it against the wall. I've been tossing and turning since I forced myself into bed at midnight and now I've only managed four hours of sleep. Between the nightmares and thoughts of Edward I don't want to close my eyes anymore for fear of what may come next.

So, I call Mary.

Telling me she would be here in fifteen minutes I get out of bed and head downstairs to unlock the door and grab some blankets and pillows from the hall closet for the couch. I hear her come in as I was in the kitchen making tea. I bring Mary a cup too and find her buried beneath the blankets I had brought out.

"Come on," she opened the comforter, "Lay down. What's going on?" I snuggle up beside her and she lets me rest my head on her chest.

I tell her everything about Jake, the baby, and Edward. She runs her fingers through my hair when I start crying, but I don't stop. I tell her things about my past that I've never told anyone, and my fears of failing now that I've found that I can be so much more than a prostitute. I finish with telling her about visiting the Cullen's and how nervous I am.

"I agreed! Why did I agree?!"

"You knew you would have to face them sometime." She yawned.

"Not like this!"

"Well, you can still cancel. But I think you should go clear the air." She shifted beside me pulling me to look at her. It's kind of creepy, like looking at myself in the mirror.

"There's no clearing the air. What I've done I can't take back, and I know they're going to crucify me for it." I look her straight in the eyes to convey to her why this was not a good idea. "His family is tight knit…Fuck over one; you've fucked over them all." I throw my hands in the air, defeated at the prospect of being eaten alive.

"Calm down. Just relax. Nothing bad will happen unless you allow it." Her fingers slipped through my hair again, cutting off my tantrum. I close my eyes and do as she says.

"Come with me? I told Edward I wouldn't come alone."

"I would but I have to work. Remember, I'm picking up your shift."

"Damn it." I had forgotten.

Why did I say yes?

I'm not ready to face them. I wasn't ready to face Edward and look where that got me. One of the most amazing kisses and he had my mind scrambled up; agreeing to shit I don't want to do. It's necessary, I get it, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. Mary being here, holding me and chasing away my fears is enough to put me to sleep.

I don't want to be afraid anymore.

…I just want to be fucking normal.

* * *

><p>I'm up again around noon. I cooked Mary and Charlie breakfast which they greatly appreciated. My breakfast casserole was a hit and dad made sure to wrap some up for Billy. After cleaning up I head upstairs to get ready. I take my time in the shower, thinking and re-thinking about the things I wanted to say to them if given the opportunity. I figure the only one I will have a real problem with is Alice, but I can handle her. It's Carlisle and Esme that I am more afraid of. If there's one thing I do know, its that parents never want to see their child in pain. I deserve whatever they feel toward me.<p>

I dress in a light purple cardigan and a pair of skinny blue jeans. My hair is curly from my shower so I style it with a simple head band and apply some light makeup. "Ok," I stare at myself in the mirror and clearly even I can see the fear in my eyes. "You can do this Bella. Stop being a sissy, you've survived worse things than this."

Pep talk over I head downstairs to leave.

"Hey Bells." Dad is sipping on a beer, enjoying his first day off in about a week.

"Hey, um, I'm heading over to the Cullen's."

He frowned. "Are you sure that's a good idea."

"I definitely know that it's not a good idea but Edward wants me to come." I could see him contemplating what I said, then sighed and sat his beer down.

"Is the baby going to be there?"

Shit, I hadn't thought about that. "I'm sure she will."

"Isn't that going to be difficult, you seeing her and all?"

"….I don't know."

The brief moment I had with her was hard, but I don't know how I'll react when she's right there in front of me.

"Well, be careful kid. You need me to come with you?"

"I'll be fine dad. I have to face them on my own."

He smiled. "That's my girl."

_That's why I love him so much._

Gathering what nerve I have left I open the door dead set on leaving. What I hadn't counted on was Jake standing on the porch. He looked just as nervous as I felt, even more so by the way he began to fidget with his shirt collar.

"….Hey B."

"Hey, Jake." I hate that things are so awkward between us now; neither of us knowing what to do. He looks terrified standing there and I doubt anything I say can quell the fear he has inside.

Shit, I'm scared too.

"Can we talk?" He made a move to come inside but I blocked him.

"Actually I'm headed out." He stepped back eyeing me for a moment. I say nothing further, no need to elaborate because I know that he knows where I'm going.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I can't even look him in the eye to tell him that I don't. He opens his arms as the invitation that I've been waiting for and I walk into them, nuzzling his chest. There's so much that needs to be said between us, but I hold onto this moment as long as I can, because I need it. I need my best friend.

"I want to come with you." He whispers into my hair. I stare up into his eyes, he's serious.

"Umm, Jake I don't think-"

"I would like to see her…And I want to be there for you too." He holds firm to the idea.

"I don't think that's such a good idea Jake. Edward is very protective of her and I don't know how he'll react with you being there."

"I have the right to see my own kid." His nostrils flare.

I step back. "She's his kid Jake. He adopted her. We have no rights to her at all."

He sighed and dropped his head. "I still want to go with you."

He held tightly to my hand letting me know there's no more room for discussion…He's coming with me. My gut tightens, this is a bad idea. I feel it in my bones our showing up together will do nothing but cause more tension between Edward and I. Jake can hold his own, I'm sure of that…I just don't want any of them passing judgment on him when he's innocent in this.

He seems to know the way and our silence stretches on. He's still holding my hand and I can't bring myself to let him go. He's afraid and rightly so. We don't know what the hell we're walking into. The fact that he's about to meet his daughter, well he can't run away this time. Even if this ends badly I am so proud of him. He's jumping head on into unknown territory, that's more than I can say for myself.

We turn on to a hidden driveway and the anticipation has tripled. Will they even want me here? What makes me think Esme won't open the door, see me, and slam it back in my face? She should. I probably would if I were in her shoes. Their house is beautiful just as I knew it would be. Immaculate is the word that best describes it.

A castle hidden deep in the forest.

Jake parks in the driveway and kills the engine. We don't have time to second guess because the front door flies open and a red faced Rosalie comes running out. I'm out of the car and in her arms in two seconds flat. She still feels the same, soft and curvy although a little rounder around the middle. I can feel the hardness of her stomach pressing in to mine and I pull away with a shocked gasp. She smiles, although watery and more tears fall from her eyes. She gives me a look letting me know we'll talk more about it later. I bury my head back into her chest and exhale a sigh of relief. At least she still loves me.

"I'm so glad you're here." She smoothed back my hair and looked me over. I discreetly touch her belly and step back. That's when I see the rest of the family standing by the door.

I'm met with looks of contempt, mostly from Alice; Carlisle and Jasper are stoic albeit with a little more tension in their shoulders. Esme is beaming with an equally as happy baby on her hip.

The driver side door slams shut and everyone freezes. I forgot Jake was here for a moment. He hesitates but walks to my side grabbing my hand, his eyes are focused on one thing, the little girl in Esme's arms.

She looks so much like him it's ridiculous. My heart stutters when she smiles even wider and claps her little chubby hands together. This is so important to him, judging by the tear slipping down his cheek and the genuine smile on his face that mirrors his daughter's, I'd say any worry or fears he may have had are gone. The display has eased up some of the tense air, Carlisle steps forward and welcomes Jake and I inside. Alice stands just to the side as I pass by her, giving the bitch brow of death. I give her one right back.

_**Bring it on shorty.**_

"I'm so glad you could make it Bella." Esme smiles and its warm, just as it has always been.

"Of course. I mean, its ok that we're here right?" I gesture between Jake and I, who has yet to let go of the death grip on my hand.

"You are always welcome here Bella." Carlisle says. He surprises me by pulling me into a hug, but I appreciate his kindness and let go of some of the worry I've been harboring. I can tell Esme wants to hug me, but because she has the baby in her arms she's unsure of how to approach me. And speaking of the baby, she's staring in wonder at Jake and I.

Jake smiles at her and she cracks a smile right back. Her few little teeth on display…Wow, my little peanut has teeth already!

"What the fuck is he doing here?" A snarl from the top of the stairs bursts any happy bubble there may have been. Edward slowly walked down the stairs, his eyes murderous as he looks at Jake, then down to our joined hands.

"Edward, please not now." Esme practically begs him, but he's hearing none of it.

He takes the baby from his mother and cradles her in his arms where she yawns and rests her head there. "I'm going to put her down for her nap." He doesn't spare me another glance as he moves back up the stairs and out of sight. I look up at Jake who looks like he wants to kill Edward. Yep…Knew this was a bad idea.

Esme clears her throat gaining our attention. "Everything is ready. We're going to eat in the sunroom." Jake and I follow slowly behind.

Why does it feel like I'm walking to my death?

The sunroom is beautiful. I don't know if I've ever been in a sun room before but I guess it's different than a dining room, although it looks the same. _Whatever._ The table is decorated with pretty pink flowers and crystal. It looks so extravagant. What the hell is the occasion? This couldn't be just for me? Rose motions for me and Jake to take the empty seats next to her. Glad to not have to sit next to the evil pixie. I throw her a smile and a wink.

"Hey Bella B! Oh shit! What's up Jake!" Emmett as his usual boisterous self practically picked me up from my chair to hug me. Once he put me down he slapped Jake on the back pretty hard, it didn't seem to phase him much.

"Emmett, really act your age." Rose grouched beside me. Emmett took the seat on the other side of her at the head of the table.

He ignored her and continued in on Jake. "How's the hangover?"

"Uh…Fine," Jake blanched, "Listen, I'm sorry about that. I'm not much of a drinker and I was upset-"

"It's alright." Em cut him off. "I understand. Just don't let me ever catch you like that again." And that was the end of that.

The table became quiet as we settled in to eat. Esme made quite a spread. Assorted meats, frattatas, and fruits. It was all delicious but I couldn't enjoy it. Edward's eyes were burning a hole in the side of my face.

I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"So, Jacob, how is your father?" Carlisle asked sitting his knife and fork down.

Jake wiped his mouth before he spoke. "He's doing great. It's still an adjustment getting used to the wheelchair but he's taking it in stride."

"That's great to hear." Esme smiled sweetly at him. Jake returned her gesture with a nod.

And then silence…But not for long.

"So we're going to just sit here and pretend that everything is fine?" Alice spat pushing her half eaten plate away.

"Alice please!" Carlisle begged.

"No, I'm sick of this! Let's not act like Edward didn't invite her here to talk, and since all of you want to sit here and beat around the bush, I'll go first." Her piercing eyes cut to me, and she let it fly. "We took you in…gave you a chance at a better life, and you just walk out on us, no run! You ran away like all those months meant nothing. They meant something to me, meant something to all of us, especially my brother! He's been shitted on enough!"

She's right, he has. I could feel Jake's eyes on me as Alice continued to yell at me about how terrible of a person I was and I didn't deserve her brother.

She's right…

…She's absolutely right.

But I don't think it's fair that when she speaks she includes everyone as if they all agree. By some of the shaking heads I can see that isn't the case. She starts rambling about all the things we could have done together had I not ditched her when I couldn't take it anymore.

…_And I had enough of that!_

I went zero to one hundred real quick. "Alice, don't you ever get tired of talking so fucking much!? I get it, I'm the scum of the earth in your eyes but this isn't just about you. I'm sorry I hurt you and everyone at this table with my actions and I will have to live with the regret for the rest of my life, but stop fucking making this solely about you!"

She sat slack jawed for a moment. "When its about my family it has everything to do with me."

"I'm sure you think that, but have you truly listened to how any of them really feel? I mean come on, who died and made you spokesperson of the Cullen family?" My old snarky self was starting to seep through. I earned a few snickers around the table.

"My family feels the same way that I do." She crossed her arms looking around the table.

"Well I hope you don't think you speak for me, but I don't feel the same way you do squirt." Emmett piped up between bites. He obnoxiously burped, earning him a slap on the arm from Rosalie.

"What do you mean Em? We talked about this!"

"No, you talked but I never said I agreed." He looked between Alice and I. "Me and B already discussed this. I let her know how I felt and she let me know how she felt. I accept that and I'm done with it."

"But Em-"Alice couldn't believe he turned on her.

"Don't put me in this anymore Alice! I'm done holding on to my anger just because you can't forgive her. She did what she had to do, and none of us at this table would ever understand the shit she's been through. But she made it! She's alive, and she's trying to get her life on track. I'm proud of her, and if you can't see that she's a better person then you don't deserve her friendship."

The entire table was stunned quiet. No one said anything, and no one touched their food.

"How," she started, "how can you forgive her?"

Rosalie growled next to me and threw her napkin on the table. "For fucks sake Al, shut up! I'm so tired of you going on and on about this. You act like you've never made a mistake before. You act like your record is so squeaky clean and you have a right to look down your nose at others. Let's not forget why you really ran off and married Jasper in Las Vegas!"

"You promised to never bring that up!" Alice almost screamed. Her eyes had never been so large.

"What is she talking about?" Jasper looked at his wife.

"I'll tell you later."

"No, tell him now. Tell the whole table, including your parents that you got knocked up and found out a few weeks before your eighteenth birthday and you didn't want to look like a whore so you talked Jasper in to marrying you. C'mon Al, tell the truth!"

Wow, Rose was really going in for the kill.

Esme gasped. "Is that true Alice!"

"Yeah mom, it's true! I was pregnant but I lost it alright. But I was going to marry Jasper anyway whether you wanted me to or not."

"So all that time the two of you had been having unprotected sex and you lied to me saying you were a virgin?" Carlisle scoffed.

"Like I was going to tell my parents I had been having sex since I was thirteen."

"THIRTEEN!" Everyone gasped, except me. Alice was a good liar spinning a web like she had waited until her wedding night and Jasper was the only guy she had been with. Look how the cookie crumbles.

"How the fuck did the conversation switch to me? And anyway, since we're telling secrets did you tell Emmett that you cheated on him with your friend Megan in college?"

That evil little **TOAD!**

Rose wasn't put off in the slightest. "Emmett knew about that."

"Oh really? And how did he know?"

"Because I fucked her too." Emmett chuckled.

"Oh my ears!" Esme pushed her plate away.

"Everyone knew that Alice." Edward shook his head speaking for the first time.

"ENOUGH OF THIS!" Carlisle stood from his seat. "I'M SO TIRED OF THIS FAMILY FIGHTING! NOW IF WE CAN'T SIT DOWN AND DISCUSS THIS LIKE ADULTS THEN I THINK WE SHOULD CUT THIS VACATION SHORT AND JUST GO BACK HOME!" He looked around the table at our stunned faces then walked away.

Esme also stood up. "He's right. You all need to work this out. I'm tired of trying to keep things calm around here with you stubborn little assholes! Fix this or go back to Seattle!" She walked out too.

"Thanks a lot Alice." Edward rolled his eyes.

"Shut up! Well, at least I didn't give the trader money and help her run away!" Alice was back at Rosalie's throat.

"Unlike you I was helping her. That's what true friends do."

"So now I'm not a true friend!"

"Fuck Al-" Em looked just about ready to blow.

"I wasn't a good friend to you Bella?" Alice looked at me and for the first time I could really see the hurt in her eyes.

I remained silent.

She bristled at that. "Bella I looked at you like a sister. I admired your strength to have gone through what you have and still be alive. But you're a coward! You walked out on your daughter and my brother and this family like we meant nothing to you and that hurts the most. You truly are a heartless bitch!"

"I'm sorry you feel that way Alice."

She slammed her fists down on the table. "Stop acting like you don't feel anything. I know you do."

"I feel a lot thank you very much. I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving, and if that makes me heartless then so be it." I was trying hard not to burst into tears looking at their faces. "I didn't come here to cause a fight between you guys. I thought I would never see you again, and I was content with knowing that because I couldn't look at any of you and see the pity you have for me in your eyes. You may never understand why I am the way that I am...But I won't depend on anyone to fix me, ever again."

"But we love you Bella." Rose rubbed my arm.

"I never wanted any of this to happen." A single tear fell from my eye. "You want me to sit here and grovel at your feet to beg for your forgiveness…Well, that's not happening."

I wasn't hungry anymore. I'm officially done with this.

My feet carried me somewhere within the house and I found myself sitting in what looked like a den, a fancy one, but a den none the less. I needed to breathe…What the hell was all of that? How did it turn from a nice brunch to a war or words and accusations? Maybe my leaving had more of an impact on them than I once thought. These people are just as fragile as I am.

I should go…

"I'm glad you came." He was standing just beside where I was sitting and the hairs on the back of my neck prickled. Damn _him_ for making me react this way.

"Yeah." I don't want to look at him, because if I do I'm afraid he'll see more than I want him to.

"So..." He replied sitting down on the couch beside me. Now we were both shifting in our seats and looking for something to distract ourselves.

"What, ah...?" I couldn't seem to find a way to ask it that didn't sound accusatory in my head. "Why are you...I mean what are you doing here?"

He sat for a moment contemplating his answer. "Why did you bring him?"

Of course, more fighting.

"Jake is here with me for support."

"Are you sure about that?"

"…What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means the two of you look more like you're together than him just being here for support."

His jealousy never ceases to amaze me. "Whatever you're thinking, because I know it's something blown way out of proportion, you can stop. There's nothing going on between us."

"But he's here which means something."

I frown and purse my lips. "He wanted to see the baby, that's all."

"Well that's not going to happen."

I don't want to fight. I don't even want to be here right now.

"I'm sorry about Alice. You know how passionate she gets about us."

"Don't apologize for her. She has every right to feel the way she does. I just hate that you guys let her speak up for you. I'd rather hear what you have to say from your mouth, not hers." He nodded in agreement.

"I just wish-"he began but stopped when Jake walked in. Edward immediately tensed his shoulders.

"Where is she?" Jake asked looking down on the two of us.

"Who?"

"The baby. Where is she?"

Fuck! Here we go again! I can't catch a fucking break can I?

"You're not seeing her." Edward growled.

Jake eyed him, and I swear his muscles got bigger. "I deserve the right to get to know my daughter." He was trying to hold on to his anger.

Edward stood up and got in his face. "She's not your daughter, she's mine!"

"If I would have known she wouldn't be yours!"

"You're a child yourself! You would have never known she existed had you not met Bella!"

"Well I did, and despite how she came into this world, I'm still her father!" Jake grabbed Edward's shirt and I was up out of my seat, pushing the two of them apart.

"No Jake! Please don't do this." I cried.

"Stay out of this Bella." Jake made to push me away but I held on to his bicep.

Not here, not fucking now!

"I just need to know if you're going to be a problem." Edward jerked his shirt out of Jake's grasp and began pacing back and forth, pulling at his hair.

"A problem for what?"

"Are you going to try to take Claire from me?" He looked ready to break down.

"That's her name?" Jake asked, at Edward's hesitant nod he smiled. "It's beautiful." And just that quick, they seemed to have come to a silent agreement.

"I just need to know if you're going to try to take my daughter from me."

"I….." Jake hesitated looking at me. "I should, just because I don't really like you man," then he shook his head, "But no, I'm not going to take her from you. I'm still a kid myself, just like you said and I'm going to be going back to school soon…But I would like to be in her life as much as you will allow." This was the most grown up I'd ever seen of Jake.

Edward exhaled a sigh of relief and nodded. "We can work something out."

So if these two can work it out so quickly, maybe there's hope that things will be ok.

Just then Rosalie walked in carrying Claire in her arms. She looked like she had been crying but still drowsy from her nap. She yawned as she was passed to Edward.

"Would you like to hold her?"

Jake nodded hesitantly and took a seat on the couch. Edward passed her over and Claire laid peacefully against Jake's chest closing her eyes. It was a surreal moment to say the least. Claire had two daddies who loved her.

I need air.

Rose could see the panicked look on my face and led me outside. I sat down on the wooden steps on the back deck and sighed, wiping my eyes and runny nose on my sleeve.

"That went better than I thought it would." Rosalie had apparently walked right out behind me and I hadn't noticed.

"Yeah maybe."

"You ok?" I shrug. I don't know how to make sense of everything that has happened. It's all still fresh and new, hard to place it in the already chaotic parts of my life.

"Well you look good," she said as she settled on the steps to my right. I shifted uncomfortably in my spot for a second, trying to figure out how I was supposed to respond to that.

"You do too," seemed like the best option. I place my hands in my lap and eyed her a bit. It was no lie, she looked good. But then, she always was too damn pretty.

"I'm sorry I ruined brunch."

"Ah, Fuck it. Esme wanted to celebrate the baby news but I knew Alice wasn't going to let us enjoy anything, the little bitch." Rose rolled her eyes. I laughed at her exceptionally sharp tongue. I may not curse as much as I used to, but Rose is a girl after my own heart.

"How far along are you?" I ask.

"Almost four months." She rubbed her belly.

"You're pretty out there for four months."

"Twins." She was glowing, and it was beautiful.

"Wow! Rose, that's great."

"Runs in the Cullen family. Carlisle was a twin but his brother died at birth. His father was also a twin. It's amazing Carlisle never produced any, but his son sure has."

"I'm happy for you. You'll make an amazing mother."

"Thank you Bella, I appreciate that." She was always better at taking a compliment than me too. "I've had some practice, thanks to you." She bumped my leg. I cringed slightly and looked away. I don't need to be reminded of how I abandoned my daughter.

"Look, I'm not out here for any explanation. I think you know by now that I'm on your side. I really just want to know how you're doing." How am I doing? Before coming here today I thought I was doing pretty well for myself. I have everything I could have wanted and then some. It hit me that no, I've been in hiding, pretending.

"I'm scared."

"Of what sweetheart?" She rubbed my shoulder.

"I mean," I sniffed trying to wipe my eyes but the tears wouldn't stop. "I mean, not in a sense that I'm alone or anything because I have a bunch of amazing people by my side; I'm just afraid that all of this fighting is for nothing. I mess up everything."

"Don't think like that."

"I don't want you guys fighting because of me. I'm not worth causing a rift between all of you."

Rose rolled her eyes. "Oh please, I don't know why you care so much what we think. Sure we're a close family and we love each other, but we aren't angels. We're not this perfect picture you have in your head. All of us have secrets and demons that follow us every day, just like you. Do you think I wake up every morning and I'm just walking on sunshine? No, I have nightmares about a man who I looked to as an uncle rape me over and over again. I struggle with that, but I refuse to let it defeat me….Don't let the past defeat you Bella. Stop hiding in the shadows, get out there and start living."

_Start living… _

She kissed my forehead and went back into the house.

_Start living…_

…_Start living._

Can I really do that? I thought I had been these past seven months, but maybe I've just been existing…Yeah, I've just existed in this fake paradise I've made for myself. I forced myself into this false sense of security when really it's just that I moved from one fucked up reality to another not so fucked up reality. What did I do before? Lived on the street and sold my body…_existed_, never moving forward. And then I met Edward and everything was good…And then, I left that.

So, what now?

Strong arms and the familiar smell of Jake wrapped around me, pulling me up. "Let me drive you home." No protest there. I wanted to ask what happened with him and Edward after I left, but I figured if he wanted to talk about it he would.

"You hate me too?" I asked feeling restless after being quiet for so long.

Without taking his eyes off the road, Jake grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "Of course not. Why would I hate you?"

"For doing this to you…"

"It's not like it was on purpose. We didn't know each other back then…I'm not mad at you Bella. She's beautiful and she's happy, that's all I care about. You did the best that you could."

"They really love her, even before she was born they loved her." I remember fondly how the doted on me while I was pregnant. What was annoying then seems endearing now. I never realized how good I'd had it.

"They love you too."

I shrugged. "I don't deserve it."

"You deserve to be happy." He said, with finality in that statement.

"You're a good guy Jake. I'm sorry I took her away from you. I can tell how much you love her." If it was any indication by the smile on his face, it was that he was head over heels for her, and that made me feel for the first time like I had done something right.

"I never thought I could love someone so much by meeting them for the first time. She's perfect...But I'm too young to be her father. I have absolutely nothing to give her, you made the right choice."

"You're not mad?"

"Of course not. She's still our daughter, nothing will ever change that."

Jake turned on to my street and parked at the curb. "You're not coming in?" I asked unbuckling my seatbelt.

"Nah, I have to get home. I have some things to do with my dad."

I had hoped that he would want to come in so we could talk a little more. I really just wanted to see where his head was with everything, but his father is more important, and we'll definitely talk another time.

I watch Jake look up in the rearview mirror and chuckle. "You have company." He says. I look behind us and see a grey Volvo pulling up behind the rabbit.

Edward had followed me home.

"I'll call you tomorrow?" He asked.

"Uh, yeah, of course. Thank you for coming with me."

"I should be the one thanking you."

"Why?"

He pulled me into a hug. "You gave me a daughter. It's time for me to grow up and be a man and I have her as my inspiration now."

"Oh, Jake." I melted in his arms.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He placed a sweet kiss to my cheek.

Once I closed the door he pulled off leaving me in his dust. Edward was leaning against the car when I turned around. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Did you really have to follow me all the way home…It's kind of creepy Cullen."

He smirked. "Can we talk?"

He motioned to his car… I get in just as he is closing the door on his side. "So," I turn to him, he's already watching me, "What did you want to talk about?"

"Nothing, not really."

"Then why did you say you wanted to talk? Most of the time when people say _can we talk_, they have something to say. What the hell-" He placed his finger on my lips

"Just shut up. Don't ruin this."

"Ruin what?" I'm not the one who drove out of my way to follow him home, so what the hell?

He sighed. "We could sit here all night and talk about what happened back at the house, or what's happened between us, but really I just want to hold you."

…_Oh!…_

"Really?" My voice uncharacteristically rose an octave, I think I may have dripped all over the seat. He wants to hold me? Do you know how amazing that sounds…And how much I want that too. But we were in his car and I wasn't sure how we were going to manage this. He laughed at my perplexed expression and did a move I was so used to doing back in my prostitution days, he climbed to the back seat.

_Good things never happen in backseats when you're alone with a hot guy and it's been a long time since you've had sex._

Throwing caution to the wind I join him, feeling extremely nervous as I settle in. He doesn't give me long to work myself up because he's wrapping me in his arms, and I'm inhaling his scent, and it's making my head fuzzy. This feeling unlike the way Jake hugs me, or even my dad, it's Edward...The man I love. I thought I would never feel this again. Unspoken heartache lingers between us, the tension never quite leaves his body and I know there is a chance he will never truly forgive me, but it's a start.

"I've longed for this moment," his hand came up to smooth my hair, "I've dreamed of this moment."

Overcome with emotion, all I can say is "I'm sorry." I hope he knows that I mean for everything.

"I'm sorry too, for being selfish." He says.

We both are. No matter how far I try to run, I can't stop the way that I feel for Edward. And no matter how hard he tries, he can't let me go. How fucked up are we? His arms tighten around me. "I wish it could have been different, but I want to say that I get it. I want to say that I understand you better and, I think I can relate to you more now than I could before…"

"…But?"

"I don't want to have to face reality and that, I'm afraid too."

What could he possibly be afraid of? He has everything any sane person in this world could want; a loving family, a beautiful daughter, money, friends, _lo-…_ It hits me then as if it hadn't been so abundantly clear…Edward is afraid of being alone. Even surrounded by people who love and care for him, it's not enough, and it may never be. If I'd opened my eyes to see it, maybe I would have handled things differently; or maybe not. I can't say that I would have done much of anything in the state of mind I was in back then. I couldn't get out of my own ass long enough for that. Forget everyone else my leaving may have affected…I hurt _**him**_, but just how much damage had been done?

We're both a lost cause.

"I feel guilty sometimes," he started, "I look at Claire and I see so much of you, it's like you're right there with me…"

"Edward-"

"_Shhh,_" He looked down at me. I give a reluctant nod and let him finish. "I just…need to know that all of this was worth it. That you didn't come into my life and turn it upside down for no other reason but that we're meant to be. I believe in fate Bella, and we crossed paths for a reason. I'm tired of being angry one minute and fucking sad the next. I need to heal, and it has to start with coming to terms with what I know in my heart is real. I fucking love you. I love you so much it hurts…I love you so much it's hard to breathe without you. I've cried, I've yelled and screamed, none of it will bring you back to me unless that's what **you** want."

"I do, I just don't know how."

"I know baby." Does he actually get it now? Does he get how hard my inner battle is?

"What do you want?" He asks against my temple. I love feeling his breath against my skin.

"_So many things._" The list was endless. So many hopes and dreams that once seemed unobtainable were now clear, and it was up to me to take that leap of faith. To dive in without being afraid and I knew that my weakness of the unknown would try to sabotage me.

"What's stopping you now?"

I thought for a moment. "Nothing." I could be more than this, if I would only try. I've made the first steps.

"I want you to succeed. I want you to have everything you ever wanted."

I burst into tears and he's holding me tighter. "…I want the same for you too." Because I do. I want Edward to have everything he's ever wanted because someone as good and decent as him should never have to be heartbroken.

After a few long, tense minutes, his grip on me lessens. "I'm going to start going to therapy," he says, "There are some unresolved issues I need to take care of."

Pride swells up in my chest. He's doing it, he's starting to live. Like he can sense what I'm thinking he moves back so that we're face to face, dropping his forehead to mine and looking deep into my eyes. The green is not as vibrant as I remembered, the sadness in them changing the color. They're dark and sad, like him I suppose.

I want to say I'm sorry again but words are just words. I'll have to show him, I'll have to show everyone.

"Kiss me."

At his request I hesitate only to make sure I heard him clearly. When he doesn't pull away I close the space between us; my lips claiming his, no battle for domination, just powerful, and raw and beautiful. The more tension that leaves my body, the bolder my hands become as they search his arms, moving steadily up his neck and into his hair. I can remember a time when I had taken this for granted and now looking back I realize I never will again.

I want to get carried away with him like we used to in his bed. My stomach isn't in the way now, it would take nothing for me to straddle him and take what I want…It's been so very long.

I want no other man inside of me but him…But we can't.

Not even close.

He knows it by the way he pulls back, and I know it with a sad moan of protest. We can't do this now. _Maybe one day…_

That's a big _**maybe.**_

"I'll wait for you Bella." He kisses the side of my neck.

"No," I shake my head knowing this conversation has to happen before we part ways, but loathing it just the same. "Don't say that. I don't want you to do that."

"I can't deny how I feel. I won't."

"I'm not asking you to deny it."

"Then what are you asking?"

_Why do things have to be so complicated?_

"You shouldn't have to wait for me. I may never get to that point where I'm one hundred percent ok."

He shook his head. "I'm not asking for you to be one hundred percent! I'm not even asking for you to be fifty percent…All I'm saying is, I know what I fucking want and I don't care how long it takes. If we're meant to be, we will. But I want you to know that you will always be number one in my life…I don't want anyone else."

He makes no sense. Who would wait around for someone who doesn't know what the hell they want?! I just don't get it!

"I'm not deliberately trying to push you out of my life Edward, I hope you understand that. I'm trying to gain some semblance of a life worth living, and I want that for you too. I don't want you to wait for me only to have you resenting me if I never make it back to you."

We have to think about the what if's, the maybe's, the shoulda coulda woulda's and everything in between. It's not just black and white, cut and dry. It's not as simple as he's making it out to be.

_Or am I making it harder… _

"Look at me," he takes my face in his hands, "we both have a lot of work to do. It's going to be scary and we may both feel like giving up, but I won't because I want you to be at that finish line with me. Who's to say that we won't fuck up, that's a part of life and we have to face it. You have to face your demons just like I do, but we can do it together. You don't have to do this alone you know. I'm a phone call away. Just call me, so I can hear your voice. We can help each other through this until we can find our way back. As much as I want to take you with me, I know you have to find yourself on your own, and I will respect that. But, don't shut me completely out again. "

"Ok."

He bends down to press another kiss to my lips and I respond with everything in me.

I'm not alone.

I never truly was…

…And I don't have to be afraid, because I have him.

And he has me.

We part ways with the exchanging of phone numbers. He promises to call, and I promise to answer. He tells me that he's cutting his visit to Forks short and going back to Seattle with Claire. It's going to be hard, but I think we both found the resolve we needed to start putting one foot in front of the other.

I have a lot to think about, and so much more to do.

"I love you Bella."

One last time…

"I love you too Edward."

Charlie is waiting on the couch for me when I come inside. He doesn't ask right away but he knows just by looking at my face. I sit next to him and he lays a reassuring hand on my back. I tell him everything; he sits quietly and processes it all. I tell him what I want to do, and he smiles before agreeing to help me.

"I can't ask you to do that." But like me, he's stubborn.

"I owe it to you."

I could protest and try to fight it, but damn it I've had enough of that for one day. He wants to be the father that I deserve though he's already done so much for me. He'll never understand what he means in my life, and how my heart swells with love as I hug him. He promises to be by my side every step of the way.

This day has been one eye opening revelation after another with plenty of moments that will forever stick with me as I move forward into my future. It took the words of the people who love me to give me that kick in the ass I've needed…I don't want to let any of them down, and I definitely don't want to continue to let myself down. I can be a good person…I can have what everyone else does. But I'll have to work for it.

It's time…

…..

**A/N: So I know this chapter was all over the place but I wanted to get it out so you guys had something. I've been slacking but it's only because I can't seem to get my ideas together. I have so many stories that I've started to write and I want to publish them here, but I want to wait until I finish Realize before starting something else. **

**For those of you that are still riding with me, thank you so much for the support. I've been working on this story for four years and some of you have been around since the beginning. Thank you for your patience. The good news is, I've started a new job where I have unlimited access to a computer, so I'm going to push myself into finishing this story very soon. Four more chapters to go. Wish me luck.**

**Tell me what you think. Is Bella slowly starting to redeem herself? What about Edward? And how about that Alice? Let me know what you guys thought of the chapter.**


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N: Thanks for the amazing reviews for last chapter. There were a lot that agree that both Edward and Bella are selfish. Yes, they are. That's how they have always been in my head. I wrote it that way for a reason. **

**We're coming down to the last few chapters. There's some time jumps, but trust me, everything will turn out in the end. I have to throw in just one last curve ball first…HA!**

**Also to be clear, I know nothing about going to therapy, physical therapy, or the culinary arts schooling. This is all make believe so don't shoot me.**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot!**

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><p>Chapter 38<p>

EPOV

_Two Years Later…_

_January_

"I have to say Edward, I'm impressed." Dr. Harvey removed her glasses and smiled fondly at me. I found myself blushing at her praise, a little embarrassed that she broke her stern character to give me a compliment.

"Thanks, but I never would have gotten through it without your help."

"It was really all your doing. I just pushed a little."

I smirk at her. "Yeah, you pushed alright."

When I first started to attend therapy with Dr. Harvey, to be quite frank, I didn't like her. She was no taller than five foot two, in her early sixties with graying hair and wore a sharp pair of horn rimmed glasses that sat at the end of her nose. She was always in black, and spoke with authority. She was aggressive, assertive, not exactly what I was looking for in a therapist. I was looking for someone to coddle me I guess, and her direct manner put me off at first…But I needed that. She came highly recommended by a colleague of my fathers who said he and his wife had been seeing her for years. I thought, _wow they've been seeing her for years and she hasn't helped solve their issues yet?_ Really, it was a request of Dr. Harvey's that she maintain long relationships with her clients. She had been a huge help in saving his marriage, but she liked to give them the option of when they felt they wanted to sever their ties.

That's why I'm still here.

She made me talk about things I had selfishly been holding in. She made me revisit past experiences all for the sake of showing me that with each test there is a brighter side. I may have stumbled, or even fallen down, but I got back up and she thought it imperative that I understood what it meant. Time waits for no one, and the longer I sat in my home hiding away from the tough things, the more I was wasting important moments of reaching the happiness I want so very much. I'm doing much better now.

"You've shown incredible growth."

"I have you to thank for that." She really had been a God send. After my last meeting with Bella I had slipped into depression. It was like, I said all that I wanted to say to her and I declared that I was going to get my life back on track, but when I got home I didn't even want to get out of bed. My mom came over and took Claire for a while. That almost killed me. I couldn't even do it for my daughter. I felt like a failure, and I hated myself even more. But funny enough the person who got me through it was…_Bella._ I called her, and she answered just as she'd promised. She listened to me, she cried with me, then she cursed me out. Told me to get my shit together or she would kick my ass. _"Only one of us is allowed to be fucked up Cullen, and it sure isn't going to be you."_

I laughed, genuinely laughed for the first time in weeks. Leave it to the girl who turned my world upside down to be giving me a pep talk. Crazy, right?…

I reached out to my father, who then gave me Dr. Harvey's number, and I've been seeing her ever since. It's been two long years full of ups and downs. The ups being my overall mental health had improved. My relationships with my family were better, especially now that my brother and sister have children of their own.

Rose and Emmett welcomed a set of identical twins girls, Emily and Emma. Tiny terrors are what I call them. They get into everything leaving a disaster in their wake. Emmett eggs them on, loving that his baby girls are a force to be reckoned with. He secretly wanted sons, although he would never tell Rose that. He wanted sons that would take after him and since he didn't get that, he's grooming his daughters into tough little monsters. I love my nieces, but I have to put up anything expensive when they visit. Alice and Jasper also welcomed their first son last year, Collin. He's the spitting image of his mother and just as high maintenance. Jasper is in love, and they will be welcoming a little girl into the world later this year. Motherhood has mellowed Alice out a lot. She will always be a pain in the ass, but she tends to keep her nose in her own business and I couldn't be happier about it.

My Claire Bear is two years old now. It's crazy to witness how big she's gotten. Walking and talking like a grown up with a mouth full of teeth. She's looking more and more like a mix between her mother and Jake every day, and she's got a spunky attitude to match. From the moment she started to call her granny and her aunt's _"mama"_ I knew I had to be up front with my girl about who her mother really is. I show Claire pictures of Bella all the time. There's not many and they're all from when she was pregnant, but I want her to understand who gave birth to her. She'll point to a picture and she recognizes Bella easily now. I took those pictures when Bella was otherwise occupied with something else like cooking or cleaning, sometimes even sleeping. Back then she would have bit my head off if she knew I was secretly snapping photos of her. But I did, all the time in secret. She's changed a lot from that sad girl I used to know. She's blossomed really.

"Tell me how you plan to celebrate your success?"

"Honestly, I just want to relax until my program starts. I have more time now to spend with my daughter. I also have a few things I want to do around the house." The biggest thing missing in my life was stability. I needed something to ground me, something I could do to provide better for myself and Claire.

I needed a job.

I wanted it to be something I would love because if I didn't I would be back at square one. Living off of an inheritance only gets you so far, and that money tends to run out in the end if you aren't careful. I had already taken out such a huge chunk just sitting around wallowing in my own misery since Jane died, but I wanted to take a stand and force myself to stop hiding behind my fears and face them head on. I didn't think I could handle going back to medical school, being a surgeon wasn't exactly my passion anymore, but I did want to get into a field where I could be of service. Physical therapy had always interested me. Unfortunately when I came to that conclusion, I realized that I had to go back to school. I had already received my Bachelor of Science in Biology degree, but I needed to obtain my master's degree before I could be accepted into a Physical Therapy program.

Through hard work and determination I did just that. I spent many late nights studying and questioning if I could really pull this off. Would I finally find that fulfillment I had been searching for? It was a struggle but I did it. Thank God for online classes because I don't know how I would have juggled going to classes and taking care of Claire. Although I could have done it, people do it all the time and they have full time jobs.

More power to you.

Dr. Harvey is proud that I've just obtained my master's degree and I've been accepted into a physical therapy program of my choice. I was able to finish with a 4.0 GPA which in itself is a huge accomplishment. I'm proud that I have made it this far, and come fall I'll be right back to it.

"Tell me, what are some things you're looking forward to in the upcoming months?"

"Well, I'll be turning thirty-five in June and I've been thinking of taking a few weeks to travel." I've asked myself, what do_** I**_ want to do and not what my family wants me to do. They have backed off considerably but they will always remain a constant in my day to day life, and therefore by default plans are made and expectations are set. I will be enjoying my birthday this year with my Claire Bear, maybe somewhere tropical.

"Obviously your daughter will be joining you, but whom would you like to spend this time with?"

She asks but she already knows the answer. "Bella of course."

"Of course." She smiled.

Bella and I talk on occasion although I wish we spoke more. She'll call to let me know she's doing well but doesn't give me more than that. She sounds happier, she's thriving and that's all I've ever wanted for her. I invited her both years to Claire's birthday parties and each time she said she would come, only to pull out at the last minute.

I have spoken a lot about Bella and her issues to Dr. Harvey, though I know it is not my place. She tells me to give Bella time but I don't know, it still hurts me that she doesn't want anything to do with Claire physically. When we do speak she asks about her, and when I tell her about the latest cute thing she's doing Bella sounds happy to hear it.

_Maybe one day…_

Jake is around all the time. Claire loves him, her eyes light up when he walks in. I was jealous in the beginning because of my issue with Bella and his relationship. It took me awhile to understand that there was nothing between them then, and there is nothing between them now but a loving friendship. He will be a part of my life because of Claire. Dr. Harvey helped me through those feelings as well. His new girlfriend Leah also visits from time to time, being a supportive girlfriend because she knows how hard it is for him to leave Claire behind. He loves her so much, and there was a time I was threatened by that. We've worked it out so that he can come see Claire and spend as much time with her as he wants. It's cool, and we've established a bond.

Everything just seems to be falling into place for once, and I couldn't be happier.

"So we have reached an impasse here. You are doing exceptionally well and I am very proud of the steps you have taken on your journey of self-discovery. I must ask, do you want to continue seeing me at our bi-weekly sessions, or do you think you can take the tools you have learned here and move forward in the path you are now following."

I enjoy our sessions and I don't think I'm quite ready to give them up just yet.

"I would like to continue seeing you."

She nodded and wrote something in her notes. "Great! Then I will see you in two weeks. Go relax, take some time for yourself."

"I will." I shook her hand as was customary and left her office, but not before scheduling my next appointment for two weeks from now.

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><p>BPOV<p>

_2 Years Later_

_March_

I watch the fillet of salmon sizzle in the pan. It has to be perfect, not too overdone, not too raw, but perfect. My cream sauce is being applied to the plates and my vegetables are just about right. It's not the sort of dish I would prefer to cook, but ever since I took one of the open positions at Seattle Portfolio Restaurant I have learned how to fine tune my ideas into smaller, more cohesive dishes.

You're wondering how I got here right? Well, it's actually not a long story. I didn't want to come back to Seattle at all after having only experienced the bad parts of the city, but in just two and a half months I had finished my GED back in Forks and made the choice to follow my passion. Nothing excited me more than food; it was my form of therapy for a long time. I sat down and thought hard about what I wanted and it just slapped me in the face. _Duh! Cooking you idiot!_ It's one of the only things that really make me happy. So, I started looking at the best culinary schools in Washington state, it was inevitable.

There were many choices.

I narrowed it down to two, Le Cordon Bleu or the Art Institute of Seattle. Both great schools with rave reviews, but after visiting both I decided on the Art Institute. Nothing against Bleu but I liked that I would be integrated with students not just in the cooking program, but in all of the art programs that are offered there. I've met some amazing people

I enrolled in the Associate of Applied Arts Program where in a year I had received a diploma in the Art of Cooking, and six months later received my Associate's Degree in Culinary Arts. I finished in eighteen months with high marks much to everyone's surprise. I struggled at first. I was used to a certain way of cooking and that's not what I was being taught. I didn't know what the hell _bouillon _or _bourgeoise_ meant, or how to fucking julienne vegetables. A lot of what we were learning was in French for pete's sake! I just knew how to throw together a fucking good meal. I spoke up a little too much in my classes and tended to do my own thing which got me into a little trouble with my instructors. It took one of my professors, Mr. Ross, to rip me a new one in front of the entire kitchen before I pushed my ego aside and really opened up to learning. I got so much more out of it then. While I am more of a family style cook who likes to serve big portions with big flavor, Mr. Ross taught me to refine my skills and venture into more complicated dishes with the same vigor as I did with fairly easy ones. My final assignment was to prepare a three course meal for a group of my peers and instructors to be graded. This was my chance to show that I could incorporate the way I like to cook with their more delicate palettes.

It was a hit.

You should have seen the way they _ooo'd_ and _ahhh'd_ over my dishes, from appetizer to desert I put out the best food that I could. Who knew cooking was such a science; that is if you want to do it right. I was pumped with adrenalin as I watched from the background, two of my classmates that helped me with plating stood on each side. It really was the moment of truth.

I got a discreet thumbs up from Mr. Ross, and that was all I needed. I was so proud of myself that I pulled it off.

Fast forward to today and I am currently working on my Bachelor of Science Degree in Culinary Arts Management. It's crazy. I never thought I would have any of this. My dream is to one day open up my own restaurant where I can share my Gran's recipes and my love for cooking to everyone. My job at the Seattle Portfolio Restaurant gives me all the practice I need for the future. It's an educational laboratory for culinary students to present multi-course meals to the general public. I was actually recommended by Mr. Ross when there was an opening. I didn't think I was particularly qualified for a position such as this since they are geared towards seasoned students with more background, but he had faith in me. I've developed a small following of people who appreciate what I have to offer.

I work here Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday evenings while attending classes during the day. My designated day to showcase my dishes is on Fridays which are the busiest. It has really been a whirlwind experience.

My dad has been amazing. He paid my tuition, found an apartment for me where he in the beginning paid for everything. Once I got my job and a roommate to help shoulder some of the cost I told him to let me handle everything. He wasn't happy about it and in the end I let him buy me a car to satisfy him. My roommate Angela is the best. She's studying to become an Interior Designer so you can imagine she has taken the liberty of decorating our apartment with her innovative ideas. She's going to be a hot shot once she graduates having already gotten some great offers from just the drawings in her portfolio. We clicked immediately, and the thing I like most about her is she's in her own world and she stays out of mine. She knows only what I tell her and vice versa. We just work that way.

My counselor Dr. Hendrix, or Linda as she wants me to call her, says that I don't have to feel guilty for not sharing parts of my life with the people around me. They don't have to know what I'm doing, when I'm doing it, or how I'm doing it each day. I let them know what I want and that's it. She's really helped me so much in this last year. Edward talked me into it, seeking help for my issues. At first I didn't think talking to someone about my problems would help, it never had before, but again I had never talked to a professional. I came to Seattle unsure of myself though I had a clear direction as to where I was heading. It was a struggle to open up about my past. I would have nightmares for days afterward when she would force me to revisit certain moments. She has helped me though in combating my dreams with meditation. It's my new thing. Angela set up an area in the corner of my bedroom that's just pillows and silk that hangs from the ceiling and that's where I go to meditate. I feel relieved afterwards I often forget why I was stressed or worried.

I think I'm doing better, and I'm not just saying that. My communication with Edward and his family has improved leaps and bounds. I talk to them often, even Alice. We all lead busy lives now with careers and babies.

Rose and Emmett's twins are just too adorable. I remember the first time I saw them; it was a few days after they were born. Even then I knew they would be heartbreakers.

I got a call one day from Alice much to my surprise. She had gotten my number from Edward and she wanted to apologize for how nasty she had been toward me. It was more her issue with herself than with me, and she had come to accept that. She was pregnant and she was calling to ask questions. We talked for hours and caught up with each other. I visited her in the hospital after she gave birth to her son. It felt great to be included in those moments with them. But I have to be honest, I'm not that comfortable around children. They make me nervous.

It's one of the reasons I have a hard time interacting with Claire. Before therapy I felt that she didn't need me because she had a family who were active in her life, but Linda helped me see that even though she may have her grandmother and her aunts, she still needs a mother. She asked me how I would feel if Edward married another woman. It made me upset though I have no right to be. When have I ever been good enough for them? It would just have to be something I would have to accept.

It's not that I don't love her. I do, very much. She's very important to me, but I never allowed myself to have a bond with her. She's two now, I've spent so much time away, I don't know what to do with her. Jake is a huge part of her life. He tells me things all the time, about how big she's gotten and how much she's talking. They've been practicing the alphabet and numbers with her. She can count all the way to twenty by herself! Just, wow. She's growing up and I'm missing all of it. I don't know when these feelings started to happen. When I started really looking at Claire as my daughter and not the mistake I made.

"SWAN! These plates aren't going to fill themselves." Seth, a fellow student chef and head of the kitchen this evening counted my plates.

"Sorry." I placed the last piece of salmon on the last plate of the line and the servers whisked it away.

He patted me on the back. "Good job kid!"

"Thanks!"

Good job indeed.

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><p>EPOV<p>

April

"You're doing great Mrs. Jones, just one more step." Katrina coached the elderly woman who held on to the parallel bars. Mrs. Jones had improved within the last few weeks as she recovered from knee surgery.

When she made it to the end Katrina helped her back into her wheelchair. "How do you feel? Any pain?"

"I feel pretty good."

"That's great! So I want you to take it easy tomorrow. Rest up because I want to see you back here on Friday alright?"

"She'll be here." Mr. Jones came around and wheeled Mrs. Jones out.

Katrina giggled then turned to me. "He stays on her ass. I love it."

I was afforded the opportunity to do some job shadowing at Greenwood Physical Therapy Center. I was lucky to have been paired up with Katrina Woods, a young woman who was entering into her fifth year with the clinic. She was amazing at showing me the ropes. The first day I was nervous, rightly so as I was entering into uncharted territory. She reminded me that I was just there to observe and I watched her like a hawk as she attended to her patients. Katrina was among one of the youngest at thirty. There were four other therapists there who had been in this profession for twenty plus years. All of them gave me great insight into what I could anticipate, and as I learned and watched them move about I knew that I picked the right career.

Katrina in some ways reminded me of Alice, a much calmer version. She always seemed to glow whenever she spoke and especially when she was helping her patients. I hoped to have that same attitude once I reached her status. She genuinely loves her job.

I enjoyed my days at Greenwood. Meeting different people each with their own issue and watching as they work to regain back the use of their legs, or arms, or whatever may be the case. They were a great source of inspiration and I always leave having learned a new lesson.

"Well you're free to leave Edward."

"Already? I thought you had Mr. Baxter coming in at two?"

"His wife called and cancelled. Seems he's got the flu so he'll be out for the next week or so. I don't have any other patients today so I'm going home to my hubby." Katrina winked and started in the direction of her office. I followed behind looking down at my watch. I had a lot of time on my hands today.

There is something I need to do.

"So I'll see you back here on Friday?"

"Yep, bright and early unless you have something else to do. Just give me a call."

"I'll be here." I grabbed my things and said a quick goodbye to everyone.

On the drive to my parents' house I stopped by the store to pick up a bouquet of flowers. They had pink roses today and I thought they would be lovely for where I was going. I arrived at my destination just as my dad was getting into his car.

"Hey dad! Where are you headed?"

"Hey son. I'm headed back to the hospital, I'm on call today. I hate to leave your mom alone with all the kids." He said sadly.

I pat him on the shoulder. "Mom will be fine. Don't stress old man, you're almost entirely gray."

He laughed good naturedly and got into his car. Honestly, I think my dad loves when he can get away from the house and all his crazy grandchildren.

I walk in and I'm immediately tackled by a cute little two year old. "How's my honey?" I attack Claire with kisses and tickling fingers.

"No daddy!" She screamed but I didn't stop. She laughed louder and tried to fight her way out of my arms but I wasn't letting go of my Claire Bear.

"Daddy missed you," I swing her around, awarded with another round of laughter. "Did you miss me?"

"Yes!"

I love that she's talking now. Some things are more legible than others but now that I can understand her better she can tell me when something is wrong.

"What did you do with Granny today?"

"She blew da bubbles all over, and all over they hit Emmy in da face." She motioned with her hands.

"Is she ok?"

"She like daddy, no me!"

"You don't like bubbles in your face?"

"No, yucky!"

Mom had taken over watching all of her grandchildren while we worked. I don't see how she can keep them in line, especially those twins. Now that little Collin is walking she's got her hands full. She loves it though. Speaking of my mother, she's in the middle of the floor with babies crawling all over her.

"Hello sweetheart. How was your day?" Her smile almost split her face. She loved every minute of it.

"Good. I learned a lot today." Claire climbed into my lap, not really impressed with jumping on her granny.

"That's good. You heading out?"

"Actually, I wanted to ask if you could watch Claire for just a little while longer so I can go visit the cemetery."

She nodded while picking Collin up and thrusting him into the air. "Of course darling, take your time. We're going to go back outside and play in the sandbox."

Claire perked up then slid off my lap and ran over to my mom. "Sandbox! SANBOX! I play granny?"

"Of course my love. You can play with your cousins."

Claire started to cheer, and then the twins joined in, and finally little Collin gave a loud yelp of excitement.

More power to my mother.

I leave without being noticed. Lately Claire has been throwing tantrums when I leave, the separation not something she is used to yet. One thing that I do regret is the time I will miss out on with my daughter. It's one of those things that all parents have to go through when they have a career, because ultimately in the end working to provide for your family is the goal. As she gets older I'm sure it won't affect her as much.

I drive to the place I once found solace in. It was the anniversary of Jane's death and I hadn't visited in a very long time, probably since before I met Bella. It's a beautiful spring day and the cemetery is quiet and peaceful as it had always been. I can remember back not too long ago when I made it my mission to visit often, the final resting place of the woman I loved dearly. My wife, who selfishly took herself from me.

I'm the last person to talk about someone being selfish when my track record is less than stellar. It's easy to lose sight of what's important when you've had so much taken from you. It's like you're grasping at straws trying to understand why they keep slipping from your hands. I can remember crying out to God asking him why Jane would do this to herself when I was right there by her side. It wasn't fair that I had to lose our child and her…It just wasn't fair.

Her grave has a bouquet of flowers lying against the headstone, her family I'm assuming already having paid their respects. We lost touch after Jane died and it never seemed right to reach out to them when we all were grieving so hard. That should have been the time we banded together but I couldn't get over my guilt. I felt that her parents thought I had something to do with Jane's decision to take her life…I guess we'll never know.

"Hey Jane…" I kneel, laying my flowers on the other side of her headstone, "I know it's been awhile since I've come to visit you. I hope you aren't angry."

I can hear her sweet voice now, her pouty lips pulled together in a frown and her blue eyes full of fire. She would tell me she was pissed. "You don't visit me much in my dreams anymore. I think the last time you were mad at me. It's terrible I can't remember what you told me."

There was a time when I felt like I needed those dreams just to get me through my day. I dreamt about her and sometimes it felt so real, like she was right there even though I knew she would never come back to me. I wanted her back and I was willing to hold on to figments of her for the rest of my life if it meant she would stay with me.

"I'm sorry for failing you. I know you would tell me otherwise, but I am sorry that I wasn't there more. I wish you would have told someone how you were feeling, maybe we could have done something."

I can't change the past, but at this very moment in my life I don't think I would. I believe that in some strange, cosmic, universal way Jane brought Bella into my life. I wasn't ready for the chaos but she was in my life for a reason. Where I had failed with Jane, I would not fail with Bella.

"I'll always love you Jane." And I will…But I can't allow her death to hang over my head any longer. I'm growing and healing, and changing every day—to keep myself from reaching my full potential because of guilt. It won't bring her back…

I promise to visit again soon and leave with a feeling of solace in my heart. Jane was a beautiful part of my life that has passed now, and I am excited to see where this new part will lead me.

* * *

><p>BPOV<p>

April

"Two chicken please!"

It's been a very long day. I remember when I thought being a waitress was tough and would complain about how bad my feet hurt all the time. Now not only do my feet hurt, but my back hurts, my neck hurts, and my hands are tired…Silly right? But it's true, I have to be ready for anything even if my body protests.

Tonight is my menu and I decided to keep it pretty simple. First course is a Mesculan Salad served within tiny stuffed rigatoni pasta standing on end. I thought it looked pretty cool. Second course is chicken breasts stuffed with blanched fresh spinach leaves and boursin cheese. It's also served with a mushroom and hazelnut salad and a potato cup. For dessert the third course is a coffee tortoni. It's pretty damn good and took me about a week to perfect it.

"You are killing it tonight B." Rich, one of the line cooks bumped his hip into mine.

"Thanks man."

He was a cool guy. I could tell he was interested in me by his constant flirting but I always kept it professional. There was only one guy I wanted and it definitely was no one I worked with. My standards were high in that department.

"Everything is delicious." He winked and left the kitchen. I don't have time to worry about Rich and his antics when I've got about one hundred plates I need to get out.

"Ok, another three orders need to be out please! Let's push it guys. The quicker we get things rolling the quicker we can go home tonight!" I yelled out. I love when it's my turn to run the kitchen, that way I can boss everyone around and they can't say anything unless they want to get kicked out. I get bossed around every day, but Friday is mine.

"Hey Bella, someone is asking for you." Rich moved around me bringing a bunch of spinach in from the refrigerator.

"I'm kind of busy. Who is it?"

"Said his name was Peter."

I rolled my eyes as I put hazelnuts into the salad I was making. "I don't know anyone named Peter."

"He said his name is Peter, um Da..Dwy-"

My blood ran cold.

"…Peter Dwyer?"

"Yeah, that's it. He's been asking for you."

He found me…

"Whoa, you alright?" Rich caught me just before I stumbled backward.

"Uh, yeah I'm fine. Watch this for me."

"Yeah take your time. I'll cover for you."

"Thanks Rich."

I tried to remember what Linda had taught me about facing my fears.

"_You put one foot in front of the other, keep your head up high and face whatever it is head on. You are stronger than your fear. You are only feeding that weakness…Don't let it defeat you."_

_**But how in the hell did he find me?**_

I was struck with anxiety as I spotted him sitting at a table in the back of the restaurant. I wanted to turn around and run in the opposite direction, but when his eyes met mine I knew I couldn't do that. I knew that whatever he was here for it would change my life...

I took a seat across from him, trying and failing to stop myself from shaking. He looked at me with eyes so much like his fathers; ice blue and terrifying, although Phil's possessed a more deranged look that made my skin crawl. I can remember countless times he would force me to look into them while he raped me. Those eyes still haunt me even now, and while I know he's not coming back I don't know if I will ever forget them. And now looking directly into his son's that same unease I would get whenever he was around is slowly creeping up my spine.

He looks terrible. I remember him to be tall and broad with All-American teen boy looks. He was bald now, which is a contrast to the wild blonde hair he sported when we were younger. He had deep wrinkles on his forehead and bags under his eyes. He was frail and tired looking…This was not the boy I remembered, who terrorized my childhood. If he didn't resemble his father I wouldn't know who he was.

"How did you find me?" My voice came out shaky. I'm aware that we are in a public setting and it would not look so good to lose my cool.

"It wasn't easy." He hadn't taken his eyes off of me. His voice was deep but frail, just like him.

I crossed my arms and glared at him. "What do you want?" He didn't seem the least put off by my defensive demeanor, surely expecting that I would not be happy to see him.

"I was hoping I could speak to you in private. Maybe we could go for coffee somewhere quiet."

"I'm good here thank you, and as far as I'm concerned we have nothing to talk about. I have nothing to say." I refuse to go anywhere with him alone. He can't think that because we haven't seen each other in years that things are suddenly all sunshine and roses between us.

"Ok, we can talk here if it makes you more comfortable." He cleared his voice and looked around us. "I've spent years trying to find you so that we could talk, to right my wrongs so to speak... I know you don't want anything to do with me but, I assure you there are things you don't understand."

I slowly sat forward. "How dare you come here and try to tell me what I don't understand. Haven't you done enough to me?"

"Please Bella, just listen."

"Why should I?" My voice had attracted some weary glances from the patrons sitting around us. He looked around sort of panicked and flustered, his gaze pleading with mine to hear him out. I don't want to…I don't want to hear anything he has to say.

"Please, you won't ever see me again, just please let me have this moment."

Against better judgment I plopped back down in the seat and crossed my arms again. Hot tears were threatening to flood my eyes, and I tried to hold them back as best I could. "First…I want to apologize for what happened. You didn't deserve what we did to you… I've never forgiven myself. I love you." I scoffed at that. "No It's true. I always wanted a little sister and I remember the first time I saw you. Pretty as can be." He smiled wistfully at what I'm guessing was a memory of a better time. I don't have good memories like that.

"Get to the point!" I didn't want to talk to him about the past, especially him! He was one of the main contributors to that horrible time in my life.

"I wanted to protect you. I tried sometimes, but as you know my father wanted you all the time. He was obsessed with wanting you. Renee, she tried at first to make him stop you know. She didn't like it. You weren't the only one he was abusing in that house. We all were prisoners."

"I find that hard to believe." He expects me to buy that? When I was the one screaming for help and they never did anything…They were prisoners? Fuck that!

"You didn't see all the things I've seen. He used to hurt me too before you came along. But when he set his sights on you, I won't lie it was a relief to me that I wouldn't have to suffer at his hand any longer. But he started to make me hurt you, saying if I didn't he was going to start hurting me again."

If I thought I was pissed before, the anger swelling up in me was about to blow. "So you liked that he hurt me so you wouldn't have to deal with it? How very noble of you!"

"It wasn't like that." He shook his head. Maybe I am missing the point but my head is clouded with anger and I just can't see reason right now.

"Since we're doing this I want to know why? How could you do that to me? I was a child!"

"So was I!" He sat forward, keeping his voice low, but the emotion was there."…I never wanted to hurt you. I knew what that pain was like but I was just a kid."

"That's the thing you weren't just a **kid**, not like me! You were older and you had a mind of your own Peter. Don't think I don't remember you sneaking into my room when Phil wasn't there and doing those things to me. You're just as sick as he was. And if you were as innocent as you say you were why not stand up to that bastard and do the right thing!"

"So he could kill me? You really think you were the only one he traumatized in that house? You think you were the only one who had it bad?"

"Yeah I do, and you know why? Because it was me he always came after. You and Renee would stand around watching while he raped me, and then when he was done you would take over. I remember clearly you impatiently waiting for your turn to make me scream. You liked it!"

"No I didn't like it."

"You did! I bet you thought you could come back here and try to get me again!"

"**NO!"** He slammed his fists down on the table, his outburst scaring me and those around us. "I was forced to do those things to you! You didn't know my father like I did. He would have killed us all had I disobeyed him. He was psychotic, and nothing or no one could stop him from getting what he wanted. He killed my mother, right in front of me. Strangled her on the living room couch, and when he was done, he turned to me and said if I ever told I would end up just like her… So I'm sorry if I was too much of a coward to die." I had never seen someone look as pitiful as he did in that moment. I wanted to revel in his tears, in his sorrow as I stared at him. I wanted to have no remorse for him when he'd had none for me…

"Why are you here now? I'm sure it's not to relive our past horror stories."

He wiped at his eyes. "No, nothing like that. I came to give you this." He slid an envelope across the table.

"What the fuck is it?" I don't even what to touch it.

"It's not poison if that's what you're thinking." He chuckled but unfortunately it didn't lighten the mood. Clearing his throat he nervously pulled at his necktie. "This was in the bottom of my suitcase when we were leaving the house with children services, after Renee and Phil died. I meant to give it to you but it was too much going on. It slipped my mind. It was addressed to you. I don't know what it is but I hope it brings you some clarity."

Clarity? Doubt it. More stress is a big possibility. I take the envelope and read what's scribbled across the front. My name, but not Bella_, Isabella_. I stuff it into my back pocket and turn back to Peter.

"There's something else." He sighed.

"There's more?" He's dropping bomb after bomb on me today.

"I'm dying…. Doctors say I don't have very long. Stage four colon cancer, nothing much I can do about it now. I've been working night and day to try to find you so I could give you that." Peter wasn't much older than me, twenty six to be exact.

I could say I'm sorry, but I won't.

To be sitting face to face with one of my rapists after so many years all that I ever wanted to say to him has died on my tongue before it could even come out. I wanted to blame him for the way my life turned out; that I became a prostitute because I didn't think I deserved better. That I depended on drugs and alcohol heavily to try to numb the pain inside. I know my choices were my own, but he was a part of all of that and now he has dropped this bomb and it's over. He's dying, nothing more I could say could make him feel any lower than I'm sure he does. His life is over…yelling and screaming at him will no longer make a difference.

"Why?"

Why spend the last of his days searching for someone he should have left behind?

"It was one of the last things I owe you. You were innocent and I should have protected you. I'm proud to see you now with a good head on your shoulders and I know that you will be great because it's in you. Whether you want to believe it or not you will always be my little sister." He stood then and grabbed his things, "I just wish things would have been different…Goodbye Isabella." Peter tipped his hat, and walked out of the restaurant.

I knew this was the last time I would ever see him.

And I felt sick at that thought…The tears started to fall before I could make it to the bathroom, and there I slid down the wall to the floor and sobbed. For everything that its worth, it took a lot of courage for Peter to come here and I had to respect that he thought to try to make things right because he didn't have much time left.

So what does that say about me?

When I pulled myself together and got off the floor a lot of things had been put into perspective. In that short amount of time I learned a valuable lesson from Peter, my former tormentor who was now a shell of the boy he used to be. The last thing he wanted to do was apologize before he met his fate. It doesn't have to be like that for me…

I splashed my face with cold water and stared at my reflection in the mirror…Only one person was on my mind, and I really wanted to see him.

I went back to the kitchen with a renewed fire under my ass and finished out the rest of the evening. Pushing Peter and our conversation out of my mind I finished what needed to be done with my meal showcase. By ten the restaurant was closed and all the cleaning had been finished. I said goodnight to everyone and wished them a happy weekend since I had the next two days off I was going to take advantage of my time. I got in my car and started to drive-past the exit to my street, I just kept driving. That familiar stretch of road brought goose bumps to my skin. I was anxious for many reasons but mostly I was nervous for making such a rash decision. I would understand if he turned me away… I turned onto the gravel driveway and parked right in front of his house. Most of the lights were off.

I hope he's not asleep.

Slowly, I knock a few times. When I don't hear anything I knock a little louder…still nothing. I should have known I couldn't just drop by. As I turn to leave the door opens.

"Bella?" He's standing there in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, barefoot with his hair a chaotic mess and a pair of glasses resting at the end of his nose. _Man, he's so fucking beautiful._

"I…I'm sorry if this is a bad time." I feel ugly standing here in my chef outfit. It's not the most flattering and tends to make me look dumpy. Not to mention the food stains.

"Um, no come in." He moved aside and let me walk in.

It was like coming home. It still smelled the same, like his cologne but sweeter now. The furniture was different and had been moved around to open the space a little more…Little things here and there I noticed had changed, but for the better.

"I'm sorry. I know I have no right to show up at your door like this. I just didn't know where to go." It was more like I wanted to see him, because I miss him and I realize how stupid I've been to push him out of my life.

"What's wrong?" We moved into the living room and sat down.

I pull out the letter and hand it to him. "This."

"What's in it?" He turned it over in his hands.

"Peter Dwyer paid me a visit today."

"Who?"

"Phil's son."

Edward's eyes widened. "Phil, as in your step dad Phil?"

"The one and only."

"Didn't he-"

"Yep."

"This…What?...How?"

"Apparently Peter found this letter when we were taken from the house we lived in after Renee and Phil died. I ran away before he could give it to me."

"Why now?"

"He's dying." I shrug and leave it there. Edward eyed me a moment and I knew he had a million questions to ask.

"What are you waiting for?" He went to hand the envelope back to me but I shook my head.

"Can you read it for me?"

He's stronger than me right now. My mind is frazzled and I don't think I'm ready for what's inside.

"Sure." Edward nods furiously surely sensing how afraid I am. He slowly breaks the seal of the envelope and pulls out the thin sheet of folded paper.

"Ok," He clears his throat and looks at me one last time, "are you sure about this?"

"Yes."

He opens the letter and begins…

_Isabella,_

_This is probably the last thing you would expect from me, but here goes. When I found out I was pregnant with you I was over the moon. I had always wanted a baby, and when they told me you were a girl I couldn't wait to dress you up and show you off. I knew you would be beautiful, and you sure didn't disappoint. I took it hard when your dad left. I knew I was too young, but I loved him and I wanted him to be in your life. Mama and his parents made decisions for us that I didn't agree with, and in the end I was the one that got the short end of the stick. Things just got bad after that and my happiness turned to anger and hatred. I started to resent you, it wasn't your fault. I got mixed up in some bad stuff, but you already know that. It made my anger worse and I took it out on you. Meeting Phil was the worst day of my life. He had my mind so warped, had me thinking I needed him. He beats me so bad, and rapes me. I cover it up and hide it from you because I don't want you to see how weak I truly am. But when he started going after you, well that's where I really failed. I had tried protecting you up until then, but he wanted you bad. You think I don't hear you screaming out for me? I wanted to kill him, but I was terrified of that man. He held a gun to my head and told me that you belonged to him, and anyone who tried to get in the way was dead. I was too selfish to die. Those nights I stood at the door watching him hurt you, it was because he forced me too. You couldn't see it, but I cried every time. And then you stopped crying, and you would just lie there, like you were dead. I knew I had to do something._

_I didn't want this kind of life for you. I didn't want you to hate me as much as I'm sure you do, and I deserve every ounce of that hatred and it will go with me to my grave. Peter is a good kid, he was forced to hurt you too. If anyone deserves your forgiveness it's him. He's been through a lot and he tries to protect you, even when his dad hurts him. _

_I'm sure by the time you read this I'll be frying in hell. Good riddance right. I haven't done anything good to get me into heaven. I should have done right by you, but now I am. Stick by Peter, you two are going to be coming into some money really soon. He'll take care of you, don't be afraid of him. The money will help you have a better life, the one you should have always had. Be more than this life, be better than I ever could._

_I do love you…I just wish I would have showed you. Don't ever forget, I was proud to have you as my daughter._

_Renee_

Edward finished and put the letter down. I sat there unmoving, numb, shocked. I can't believe this day, surprise after fucking surprise.

"Bella?" I feel Edward's hand wrap around mine. "How do you feel about this." He asks.

I shrug not sure that I've fully processed all of it. First Peter shows up and now this, a letter from my dead mother telling me how sorry she was that she failed me. I just…I don't know what to feel…

"Talk to me sweetheart. Let me know what's going on up there." He pointed to my head.

"I…I'm…_Fuck_." I cover my face with my hands and cry.

I'm tired of fucking crying all the time. Is this normal? Linda says with healing comes emotions you in the past worked hard to keep inside. I feel like I've been crying non-stop since the restaurant. I don't fight it when Edward wraps me in his arms. They're home to me, the comfort I need and have longed for since I left him.

Why did I ever do that?

"_Shhh,_ it's ok."

"It's not though."

"Yes it is. Baby, you needed to hear this stuff." He rocked me to try to calm me down.

"Why now though?…I mean, I know I'm supposed to face these things but it doesn't feel like I accomplished anything. I just feel sad."

"And that's fine too. Nobody said any of this would be easy. It takes time." I nod against his chest listening to his voice of reason. Therapy has done wonders for Edward and I'm glad that he didn't turn me away at the door. He had every right to keep me away but he never has. It's me who has wasted the time we could have had together.

"Sorry to drag you into my drama."

"I'm always here…I've never left."

Somewhere between my crying fits and Edward's reassuring words I fell asleep against him. I can't remember the last time I felt so safe, maybe when I was back in Forks but even then it didn't feel whole. I've been empty for too long, trying to run from my past and mistakes that have kept me from loving and being loved.

Being truly loved. I don't want to be afraid of him anymore. Edward makes me feel free…And I want to be wherever he is.

But is it too late?

Morning sunlight is shining on my face when I feel something warm against my cheek. Popping one eye open a blurry image is standing right in front of where my head is resting against the couch cushion. I fully open my eyes and see a pair of chocolate brown ones staring back.

A mop of curly black hair and tiny white teeth showing through a huge smile is the first thing I make out before her face comes into view. A carbon copy of Jacob Black is watching me and my heart rate spikes when I realize it's Claire.

"Hi mommy."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Not the most explosive thing you've ever read right? The next chapter will** **finally** **be Bella and her daughter, with some Edward thrown in there too. Expect nothing but fluff. Thanks for reading and if you liked this chapter leave a comment. I greatly appreciate everyone's feedback.**

**Much love,**

**Rae**


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